woke up at 745 for competition
we did miserably, Varsity was amazing
called my dad, my grandmas doing a little better
home now, doing nothing
procrasting, I don't wanna do my homework
feel like shit

how is it that every time I have the guts to open my mouth, and I think it could make me happy, I always end up wrong. whatever, it doesn't matter. I'll just return to my downward cycle. I guess I'll just resort back to that other thing, even though it's probably the worst thing for me.

ok, fuck that last entry. It's the truth but it's nothing other than an excuse. I'm not gonna be an idiot anymore. my balls are dropping... (don't ask)

I'm gonna go make something for dinner.

I don't trust myself. That's the problem. I can't trust myself and it's really getting in the way. I can't believe my only solution is to just make up excuses. whatever, it's the truth and I'm an idiot. I don't trust me with you.

I'm so confused. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. It seems to easy, like there's nothing to it. It's too safe and for some reason I can't be comfortable with that. that's so stupid, why am I being so stupid? why am I sacrificing something I know could be good for me?

so I got up at 11 30. my dad got here around 12 but then we had to wait for gabs friend to get home so we didnt end up leaving until like 1 30. i was so pissed. so I got to the mall and they all went to the movies and i finished up the rest of my christmas shopping. I only hafta get for my mom now. she wants some kinda jewelry so me and matt will ( Read more... )

that entry wasn't about you guys.
we're on a miserable team.

call me

some of you are just pathetic. plain and simply pathetic. you all look at just giving up as a good solution but you're wrong. I'm sick of hearing about people quitting or thinking about it or whatever it is. stick it out and stop being such a fucking baby. March isn't that far away.

Fele, Danielle, Jess - someone call me

this time, I'm not going to think about it. I'm not going to make myself all nervous and anxious and worried. I'm just gonna let it go. whatever happens between now and then, happens and that's it. plain and simple ( Read more... )

well first let's just clear up that of course, I was right as usual. Dad did not come up today, is not coming up Saturday but "promises" he'll be here on Sunday so cancel all my plans for Mr. Dad. whatever ( Read more... )