Yes, This is Called Procrastinating

Apr 12, 2004 22:22

I'll start physics eventually. Sorry, but I just watched another sorry episode of a sorry new anime, and felt compelled to write reviews of all the extremely crummy new anime coming out. Just so you guys can feel my frustration...


Hi no Tori (translation -- The Phoenix)
I will never understand why you would want to make an anime with *ugly* characters. Maybe it's the Japanese making fun of Europeans, because everyone in this thing has bulged noses and potbellies except for the one Asian mysteriously stranded on an island of savages. The Asian's life is spared because he can heal the daughter of the chief... and then they fall in love. And then, during their wedding ceremony (where everyone gets totally drunk), the Asian slips away and signals for his comrades to attack the island, so they can capture the Phoenix! But things go terribly wrong, as his companions have orders to kill everyone. So, everyone is slaughtered but the Asian and his new wife... oh the angst. And yes, that all happened in 24 minutes. Gahhh.
High Point: No Fanservice.
Low Point: Everything else.
Verdict: I deleted it the second I finished it.

Melody of Oblivion
Cool name, right? Yeah, awesome name. Makes you think the anime would be good. That's just proof you shouldn't think. This takes place in a world where humans lost a war with monsters (yes, they're just called monsters --- aren't even given a cool name). Somehow, the humans have forgotten this war, and are now secretly ruled by the monsters. Enter some boy with purple hair that looks like a girl, who randomly has a fanservicey friend who offers to screw him. Uh huh, you're thinking the same thing I am -- where did that come from? Okay, minus the fanservice (and there's more random shit like that), the boy's been talking to some old guy who told him about the war, so now he wants to be a warrior to fight the monsters. Riiight. So, it just so happens that one of these warriors is in town, complete with his ultra-spiffy motorcyle (which is his "partner"), and a monster attacks...! So, the warrior goes "Echo, my Meros!" (<-- I kid you not) and draws an arrow from the sigil on his arm, which he then fires from a crossbow he pulled out of his ass (well, not really, but what an image). Monster runs away, boy limps away holding his arm... and lo and behold, he has a warrior sigil! *gasp* Methinks he's going to be a warrior! *gag*
High Point: The bishie monster, the fact there there is a girl named the Melody of Oblivion that only warriors can see.
Low Point: Character designs, random fanservice, predictability.
Verdict: This one might be fun to get and laugh at. Echo, my Meros!

Tenjou Tenge
One word summary: boobs. Yes, lots and lots of boobs. I swear to god, they must have had 20 people just animating the boobs. *Anyway*, this is about two ultra-buff guys who've been travelling between high schools and beating everyone up. So now they come to this one school, which was founded on the principles of martial arts, and get the smackdown from a girl with really big boobs. But wait, that's not all! After being kicked out of the window by big-breasts #1, tough-guy falls into the shower room of her sister, big-breasts #2. She, according to some vague family tradition, immediately requests he marry her. And of course, he's terrified of girls. Oh, and there's another fight between tough-guy ones and the admirer of big-breasts #2... yeah.
High Point: An ultra-bishie called "Shin" and the plot surrounding him, which appears in around volume 4 of the manga. Black and white fanservice is one thing, but can I tolerate animated jiggly fanservice in order to drool over my bishie...?
Low Point: If it weren't obvious -- boobs.
Verdict: I can put up with boobies for my bishie, but if they start throwing crotches at me, I'm so gone. Hell, maybe I'll just dl the episode with him in it...

Monster
Want another sarcasticly amusing summary? Then skip this one. This is the one *good* anime. Too bad it's also supposed to run 78 episodes... I'll be able to watch it in 3 years -.- Anyway, it's a dark seinen anime (read, less action, more horror/mature themes) about a brain surgeon. Action in the first episode is slim, but it introduces a mystery, some rather disturbing concepts, a slaughtered family and the daughter survivor who can only say "Please... kill...". Hell, I might just read the manga to this one instead of waiting for 78 episodes... I mean, I have all 18 volumes of it.
High Point: Characters, horror/mystery theme, atmosphere
Low Point: As in most Seinen, characters aren't incredibly pretty... not as bad as Hi no Tori, but I won't be calling many people bishies.
Verdict: Whhhhyyy 78 episodes!? I *hate* waiting for long series to finish so I can watch them...

Kyou Kara Maou
Summary: "Does your buttocks hurt?" Yes, we watched this, and we laughed. In case Nagle-san is reading this -- think lots of really gay men drooling over a teenage boy who has been flushed down the toilet into their world (litterally), and is now their ruler. Now imagine the boy calling another boy a total bishie... you get the picture.
High Point: Consists almost entire of bishies.
Low Point: Plot? What plot? What are you doing with my buttocks!?
Verdict: Lesse, might be fun to keep around for when I'm in the mood to see bishies exchange heated looks with each other ;)

Kono Minikukomo Utsukushii Sekai (aka Konomini, 'cause they don't remember the title either)
Oddly enough, this was the most highly anticipated anime in most circles. I don't see why O.o We've got this guy who gets ganged up on by some noisy girls, and then goes home and confesses to his friend his ideal girl. Said friend sketches out a girl based on phrases such as "nice" and "quiet". Guy looks at it and is entraced. Gahhhh. Anyway, guy and friend go out to deliver food, and on their way back, a yellow light streams past and through them. They follow after it (into the woods -- never a good thing). There they find a glowy naked girl who floats into guy's arms -- and lo and behold, she matches the sketch that friend had made earlier! Anywho, they're then attacked by a giant worm thingy, and guy, who promised to protect girl, goes all angsty after being tossed around. So, of course, guy transforms into *odd thing* (WORST CHARACTER DESIGN EVER) and whoops worm's ass. And enjoys it. Enjoys it so much that he stops and wonders WTF is wrong with him, and transforms back into his lame self. So, worm slithers away and comes upon where the girl is hiding. Girl, who had previously been a sweety, goes all evil and tears it apart. Guy comes back to girl, who is returned to her normal sweet self, and they all go on their merry way.
High Point: That guy loses his sense of self when transformed; girl randomly going evil.
Low Point: DEAR GOD THAT CHARACTER DESIGN. Random naked girl *sighs*.
Verdict: Now, *can* I put up with that character design? And no bishies? Shiiit, that just might be asking too much.

Kenran Butoh Sai
This is the obligatory mech anime. Actually, it's hella better than anything but Monster and Madlax. So, we're on Mars, and the economy is shit. Shady man approaches drifter, offering him a job to steal stuff from the military base. Drifter declines, but Drifter's stupid friend follows shady guy. So, Drifter eventually finds this out, and runs after Stupid Friend. Drifter arrives just as Shady Guy et all are being attacked by the military (I mean... duh. military base). But, just as Drifter is about to get his as wooped, mysterious pirate ship shows up and rams the base! Base retaliates by sending out a squad of New and Yet Totally Hopeless Recruits from Earth, who are supposed to be protagonists I guess. Anyway, Recruits are in underwater mechs fighting the pirate ship's mechs, when the pirate ship rams through the base and floods the area. Drifter gets caught in a way and goes under, but as he goes down, his Mysterious Necklace glows and a Whoop-Ass Mecha appears from Nowhere and retrieves him! He then regains consciousness, innately knows how to use Whoop-Ass Mecha, beats up all the Recruits, and is summarily picked up by the pirate ship. Yippie.
High Point: Likable characters + bishies, action.
Low Point: Can we say cliche?
Verdict: This is a keeper, if only because I'm deprived of better series right now.

Bakuretsu Tenshi
One word summary: fanservice. Now, where Tenjou Tenge pretty much stuck to boobs, Bakuretsu doesn't descriminate. We have boobs, nipple through clothing, girl whose uniform is basically a bikini, and -- for the lolita fans -- a girl in skintight clothing. Right, there's this group of girls who recieves jobs of a shady nature, which they then carry out with the use of a giant cell-shaded mecha, guns, and high-tech gadjets. Oh, and then there's the lucky guy who gets the harem (or who will) -- a cook who's hired by them to make their meals. Gee whiz, isn't it grand?
High Point: Character design/mystery surrounding one of the girls.
Low Point: Everything else.
Verdict: ...if I watched Weiss Kreuz Gluhen, I should be able to watch something as plotless and horrible as this. Except that the bishies in Gluhen are replaced by fanservicy girls. *sighs* What is this world coming to?

Madlax
My number two pick... Madlax follows a woman named (guess) Madlax, who seems to be a kickass spy/theif. Given a mission by an as-yet-unseen force (sensing a theme here?), she has a nifty helicopter drop her (litterally) in the middle of a rainforest, where she somehow manages to track her way to an enemy camp (hereafter known as group #1). She, however, is after a disk in the possession of group #2, which had recently suffered a defeat at the hands of group #1. After doing some lip-reading (can we say multi-talented?) she goes after the survivor of group #2, who has the disk. Said survivor doubles back to save his captured comrades, so Madlax must go back to save them. But wait, first she must put on a purple dress! (Fucking random). Anywho, she whips out a serious can of whoop-ass on like... 5 tanks full of people, gets disk and guy, who promptly dies from a wound after asking her out on a date. Oh the angst.
High Point: The music; the style it was carried out with; interesting main character.
Low Point: ...purple dress...?
Verdict: It's a keeper, at least until she starts dressing in playboy suits to take on 5 tanks -.-

That's right, folks, this season's offerings rather suck. Or, perhaps it's that there are so many groups now that even the sucky anime get subbed...? Anyway, there are still 4 more series I have to dl and watch, so hopefully something else good'll appear... *le sigh*
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