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[jenngwen]

I miss the chip trucks in Canada, I miss the coffee in Italy, I miss the little thai place that made the best thai coffee I've ever had, in D.C. I miss the baguettes and pastries in Paris

Comments

[dnonwoo]

awe babe, i had no idea this was going on inside of you! i don't think you're being self centred -- you don't stop being a human being with wishes and needs and preferences just because you add people to your life. what makes the difference is how you act about it, and it sounds like you've been selfless and made sacrifices and compromises. there's gotta be some middle ground. you can't empty yourself out just to keep everyone else full, it doesn't work that way and will make you crazy. what if you asked your husband for one night a week to do things that have nothing to do with him or your household, and are all about what you want? or you got him to pick you up a baguette and a pastry on his way home from work? i bet he'd be open to incorporating more old-jenn into your lives

[jenngwen]

You are so right, I can't empty myself to keep everyone full, I need to make major changes in that department. It has been making me totally crazy. I guess I just need to be more vocal when I need some space. As far as creating some time for myself, I put an add on craigslist for an impromtu choir. I guess not even a choir. I want to get some people together to sing or something of that nature. I NEED music. Laurie Berkner doesn't count.
I will try the "un-train" thing, but I don't know how well that will work. I feel like we live in such a small space and everything needs a home or else we are full of clutter. But, I have to come to accept that the clutter won't make my world collapses.
I love that you remind me of my options, no one ever does. The people I live with don't even call me by my first name anymore. I'm Mommy.

[legs]

good to see you back here jenn :) your post was actually refreshing to read.... I think people who take on "mom" as their new identity and never question or remember who they were for their entire lives before the big change, are way scary. It's good to remember who you were before and to try and get some of that back. Obviously your old life can't come back completely, but I feel like the parts of yourself that you love the most are worth fighting for, and it's not impossible to bring back pieces of them. Your husband and son, even if they don't know it yet, should want those pieces of you to be there too. XO

[jenngwen]

I feel like I am at fault for letting those parts of me slip away. I need to fight for the parts I want back. You reminded me that those parts are worth fighting for. So what did I do? I signed my self up for Ukulele lessons! I will get the music back!

[legs]

aw, I love that! That is awesome :)