version 2
At writerverse we're doing a challenge to shorten a fic. The original one I wrote, "Holding On to Love (To Save My Life)" was 544 words long and I had to shorten it down to 200-250 words. I got it to exactly 250 words. I hate having to cut stuff but I absolutely love this challenge. We did one in fictionland and I thought it would be so hard but it was a lot of (frustrating) fun. And it's good practice.
The original is here.
This is the shortened version.
Holdin' On to Love (To Save My Life) [version 2]
by jennickels (aka Jen Connelly)
Stargate SG-1
Jack/Sam
250 words
rating: PG-13
WARNINGS: lots of blood, near death of main character
Some missions don't go as well as you hope but SG-1 has a knack for getting out of trouble by the skin of their teeth. Written for challenge #13a @ writerverse. Title from a Shania Twain song.
don't own... wish I did, but I don't. No infringement intended.
So much blood-caking her skin, sliding under her knees, soaking her pants.
"Hang on, sir," she shouted over the noise of the battle. Sam pulled another bandage from her pack and opened it with a flick of her wrist. She did her best to keep the flow under control, using her body weight to put pressure on the wound. Tears streamed down her face.
"Incoming!" someone screamed.
The ground shook, dirt and debris raining down. Sam felt the blood building under her hands again, the slickness turning to a sticky mess between her fingers.
"Hang on," she murmured. A soft hiss caught her attention.
"How goes the war?" His voice was barely a whisper.
"You've been shot, sir."
"Ya think?"
He still had his sense of humor-that was a good sign. "Reynolds has almost retaken the gate. We'll be getting you out of here soon."
His lips twisted up in a half smile. "'Kay."
Sam grinned. "Just hang on, sir."
"Hanging on. Roger," he slurred, his hand coming up to wipe away the tears on her face. His palm pressed into her cheek, his thumb rubbing softly along the corner of her mouth. His touch was weak but she let herself lean into it.
She wasn't sure how long they stayed that way-the chaos around them fading in her mind. It wasn't until Daniel tapped her on the shoulder that reality came crashing in. Sam saw the medics cresting the hill. He was going to make it.
The original is here.
This is the shortened version.
Holdin' On to Love (To Save My Life) [version 2]
by jennickels (aka Jen Connelly)
Stargate SG-1
Jack/Sam
250 words
rating: PG-13
WARNINGS: lots of blood, near death of main character
Some missions don't go as well as you hope but SG-1 has a knack for getting out of trouble by the skin of their teeth. Written for challenge #13a @ writerverse. Title from a Shania Twain song.
don't own... wish I did, but I don't. No infringement intended.
So much blood-caking her skin, sliding under her knees, soaking her pants.
"Hang on, sir," she shouted over the noise of the battle. Sam pulled another bandage from her pack and opened it with a flick of her wrist. She did her best to keep the flow under control, using her body weight to put pressure on the wound. Tears streamed down her face.
"Incoming!" someone screamed.
The ground shook, dirt and debris raining down. Sam felt the blood building under her hands again, the slickness turning to a sticky mess between her fingers.
"Hang on," she murmured. A soft hiss caught her attention.
"How goes the war?" His voice was barely a whisper.
"You've been shot, sir."
"Ya think?"
He still had his sense of humor-that was a good sign. "Reynolds has almost retaken the gate. We'll be getting you out of here soon."
His lips twisted up in a half smile. "'Kay."
Sam grinned. "Just hang on, sir."
"Hanging on. Roger," he slurred, his hand coming up to wipe away the tears on her face. His palm pressed into her cheek, his thumb rubbing softly along the corner of her mouth. His touch was weak but she let herself lean into it.
She wasn't sure how long they stayed that way-the chaos around them fading in her mind. It wasn't until Daniel tapped her on the shoulder that reality came crashing in. Sam saw the medics cresting the hill. He was going to make it.