Curse of Puberty
Title: Curse of Puberty
Author: hotfruits
Rating: PG-13 for boy-to-man awkwardness, making out in the halls, Tegoshi and Jin being friends
Character/Pairings: Ryutaro-centric. HSJ, Koyashige, Tanamass, Tegoshi+Jin and brief cameos by Shoon, Shintaro, and Ryo/Tackey
Genre: Awkward crack?
Disclaimer: Nope
Summary: Confused about the changes going through his body, Ryutaro decides to ask his sempais for advice, which could be beneficial, but will most likely end up scarring him for life.
x-posted jent_fanfics, heysay_fanfic and hsj_fics
Puberty is a curse, Ryutaro quickly decides as he looks in the mirror one day and sees a small pimple under his chin. He's never had zits before, he could even go days without washing his skin too carefully and it would remain blemish-free. Nowadays though, he uses a special acne wash his Mother bought it from the store and he has to wash his face every morning and every night, which is a rather big nuisance since he's often late in the mornings and returns home late at night.
Juggling school and his idol life have gotten harder too, especially school because of their new teacher, Mrs. whatever-the-hell-her-name-is-with-the-huge-rack-and-long-silky-legs. Her presence is a great distraction to Ryutaro and now he struggles to keep his grades up in her lesson. It's not just her either, it's every class because in every class, there's a pretty girl and where there's a pretty girl, Ryutaro's focus is on her and not on the lessons.
There's also the fact that Ryutaro is growing, getting taller and gaining more muscle. All of his clothes from only a year ago barely fit him now, his shirts ride up and expose his belly button, and some of them barely even make it past his broader shoulders and chest. His pants also ride up, giving him that geeky "high waters" look. His voice is changing too, it squeaks at inappropriate moments and deepens comically for the amusement of his family, especially his brother Shintaro. He's not sure how his voice will end up, how that will affect his singing and worrying over that, plus scary dreams of surpassing Yuto in height, give him even more pimples.
It's ridiculous, this process of becoming a man. It's frustrating and smelly and even more so, horrifyingly embarrassing. He wishes he could talk to someone, someone that isn't lame and totally unknowing like his father. Yabu would be his first choice but the guy has completely lost it, clinging to Ryutaro and crying his eyes out, exclaiming that his, "Youngest baby is growing up!" He's not even Yabu's kid, for God's sake.
He definitely can't talk to Hikaru or Inoo, they would just tease him and then hide nasty pornos in his bag when he wasn't looking, or something equally scarring. Dai-chan wouldn't be too bad to talk to, except for the fact that when you ask him questions about sex, he goes into explicit and detailed information. He even draws pictures according to Chinen, and the man in these pictures apparently resembles Takaki. Which automatically rules out Takaki, plus the fact that he's kind of a major idiot.
Which leaves 7, and these guys aren't much older than him. Plus, they're still going through their own changes, Yuto is still growing and has disgusting stretch marks all along his back, Chinen's voice has mellowed out for the most part, but it still has it's deep and extra squeaky moments. Yamada is just an emotional mess, kind of a like girl and Keito, he's channeling his inner Kansai or something, because the guy has gone crazy. Like, Kanjani8 crazy.
So, Ryutaro has no choice but to ask his sempai for advice. Which could be very beneficial, but will most likely scar him mentally for the rest of his life.
***
He runs into Koyama first, which is perfect in his mind because Koyama is the mother hen of pretty much everyone in Johnny's, and he doesn't know Ryutaro that well so he won't cry like Yabu, "Koyama-kun, can I ask you something?"
Koyama nods enthusiastically, "Of course Morimoto, I'm always here to help!"
Ryutaro can't help but blush, fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt as he asks, "Well, I'm confused about these changes I'm going through. You see-"
He's interrupted though, when Koyama immediately pulls him into a hug and begins to wail hysterically, "Oh, Morimoto has grown up so fast! I'M SO OLD!"
Ryutaro awkwardly pats Koyama on the back as he sobs, his tears dripping onto Ryutaro's head and down his neck.
"I'M GOING TO START GETTING WRINKLES AND THEN MY TEETH AND HAIR WILL FALL OUT AND EVENTUALLY I'LL HAVE TO WEAR A DIAPER AND I'LL BE SO OLD~!
***
After passing both Matsumoto and Ohno in the hall (no way in Hell would he ever, ever ask Arashi questions about puberty) he sees Masuda and Tanaka walking towards him, Tanaka chatting away while Massu sucks on a lollipop. His shirt is still damp from his encounter with Koyama, which is embarrassing but he takes a deep breath and stops Masuda and Tanaka, "Masuda-kun, Tanaka-kun, can I ask you something?"
Tanaka nods and Masuda smiles, so Ryutaro continues, "I'm confused about these changes I'm going through, and how do handle them, and-"
Masuda interrupts him, "Make sure to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, and have snacks in between! Growing boys like you need plenty of food, and water and sleep, to grow healthfully," Tanaka adds, "Smoking will stunt your growth, so don't smoke, drink milk instead."
Ryutaro blinks, confused, "I um, never planned to smoke."
Tanaka scoffs, "I know how you kids are, I was one too and bad things happen really easily at this age. Remember, always say no to peer pressure! Everyone will think you're a loser but who cares, at least your lungs will be cancer free."
Tanaka walks away, shouting out, "Drugs are bad!" while Masuda winks at him and hands him a fiber bar, before walking away to catch up with Tanaka.
Ryutaro unwraps the fiber bar and nibbles at it, still confused and now very worried that he'll be a major loser in school.
***
Instead of approaching a sempai, it is one that comes up to him, handing him a small bag. Ryutaro grabs a random item and holds it up, "Uh, Yamashita-kun, what's all of this?"
Yamashita laughs and ruffles his hair affectionately, "In your hand is my secret to clear skin, and in the bag there's deodorant and a step by step guide to shaving your face, which includes shaving cream and a razor. I hope you'll remember this moment, because you'll be the sempai one day and it'll be your job to help your kohai out."
Yamashita leaves and Ryutaro uncaps the bottle in his hand, a strong scent of mint and battery acid assaulting his senses. He stumbles, almost throws up his fiber bar from earlier til he closes the bottle and throws it back into the bag.
***
It was getting late in the day, and Ryutaro still had one more question to ask. He passed by Shoon earlier, who he would have stopped to talk to, had he not been cuddling with his demonic little brother Shintaro. He had also passed by Kato, but Koyama was with him and Koyama burst into tears again upon the sight of Ryutaro, causing Kato to glare rather harshly at him. He also ran into Ueda, quite literally and the boxer's hard body might have bruised him.
"God," Ryutaro sighed to himself as he walked past Nishikido, who was pinned against the wall by Takizawa and getting thoroughly ravished by the others mouth, "No one can help me."
"Help you with what?"
Ryutaro jumped, his head snapping to the side as Tegoshi appeared, quite mysteriously, from the shadows, "Um, well...I don't know how to handle, um," Ryutaro looked away, his cheeks a deep red.
"Handle?" Tegoshi asked, now standing in front of him.
"Puberty," Ryutaro's voice cracked, "And being so, horny, all the time."
Ryutaro jumped again as another voice, Akanishi's, spoke behind him, "Don't worry Morimoto, we can help you."
***
A strong scent of battery acid with a minty hint followed Ryutaro as he stumpled into the dressing room the next morning, little bloody pieces of paper across his chin and a bit of dried milk along his not existent mustache area.
"Uh," Yuto scratched his head, "What happened?"
Ryutaro sighed, "Masuda-kun told me I should drink plenty of milk and eat well, so I'll grow big, but when I drank the milk I felt really sick. I think I might be mildly lactose-intolerant. Anyways, Yamashita-kun gave me this step by step shaving guide, plus a razor and some shaving cream, so I thought I try it. It hurt like hell though, I kept cutting my face and I'm sure these cuts will leave tiny little scars, which will make me even more of a loser in school, because despite what Tanaka-kun thinks, I don't plan on smoking. And if you're wondering why I smell like battery acid, it's this awesome face cream that Yamashita-kun gave me. It makes your zits disappear instantly."
"I want some!" Chinen yelled out, "I've got a few pimples on my shoulder, please Ryutaro!"
"Sure, sure," Ryutaro agreed, "Yamashita also gave me this really strong deodorant. I was running late this morning, and I had to run to the train station. Usually I break out in a sweat but this time, my pits remained dry."
"Impressive, but how exactly did all of these events fall into place," Inoo asked.
"Oh, I was asking the sempais for help because I was confused about these changes I'm going through. Koyama-kun wasn't very helpful though, he just cried and went on and on about how ugly he'd look bald and in diapers," Ryutaro stopped as Yabu burst into tears, once again exclaiming, "My baby!"
Hikaru rolled his eyes and cuddled up next to Yabu, and Ryutaro continued his story, "Then I talked to Masuda-kun and Tanaka-kun, which was odd seeing them together but Masuda-kun reminded me how important it is to drink enough water, eat well and get a good nights sleep. Tanaka-kun told me to not give into peer pressure, and that I'll be labeled as a loser for not smoking when my classmates do, but it's better to be a loser then to have cancerous lungs."
"Do you think Masuda-kun and Tanaka-kun are sleeping together?" Keito asked out loud, which was replied to with a lot of shrugs and awkward glances.
"After that Yamashita-kun gave me the bag with the shaving stuff and what not, and told me to remember that moment forever, because one day I'll be the sempai and it'll be my duty to help my kohai out."
"You're only fourteen, don't get too ahead of yourself," Hikaru said while Yabu shouted out, "MY BABY IS ALMOST A MAN NOW!"
"Uh, yeah," Ryutaro then lifted his shirt up, exposing a collage of colorful bruises, "I ran into Ueda-kun, and look what happened! I also saw Shoon but he was cuddling Shintaro, which is a sin in my book and I saw Nishikido-kun getting sexed up by Takizawa-kun, which was really awkward and I can't figure out why they were doing it in the hallway in the first place. Anyways, Tegoshi and Akanishi popped out of the shadows like ghosts-"
"I hate ghosts!" Inoo and Yuto shrieked at the same time while Yamada asked, "Ghost or ghoul, remember there is a difference and-"
"Anyways!" Ryutaro glared at them, causing them to shut up, "Tegoshi and Akanishi helped me figure out how to not be a pervert, cause getting horny at school is seriously affecting my grades."
Keito raised his hand, "How did they do that?" but Ryutaro shook his head, his cheeks reddening as the others continued to question him, curious til Yabu tackled Ryutaro to the ground and held him tight, sobbing hysterically, shouting his usual cry of, "MY BABY!"
***
"So," Akanishi smirked, handing Ryutaro a stack of porno mags and a bag filled with porno videos, "What have we learned?"
"Cold showers are your best friends, your hand is your life savior and if you fake illness, you can get out of class for at least a half hour which is enough time to jack off and get rid of the horiness, and not fail school."
"And if that doesn't work?" Tegoshi asked.
"Picturing Johnny-san naked will," Ryutaro shuddered, and Akanishi and Tegoshi clapped, congratulating Ryutaro on surpassing the most important lesson into manhood.
Fin
Author: hotfruits
Rating: PG-13 for boy-to-man awkwardness, making out in the halls, Tegoshi and Jin being friends
Character/Pairings: Ryutaro-centric. HSJ, Koyashige, Tanamass, Tegoshi+Jin and brief cameos by Shoon, Shintaro, and Ryo/Tackey
Genre: Awkward crack?
Disclaimer: Nope
Summary: Confused about the changes going through his body, Ryutaro decides to ask his sempais for advice, which could be beneficial, but will most likely end up scarring him for life.
x-posted jent_fanfics, heysay_fanfic and hsj_fics
Puberty is a curse, Ryutaro quickly decides as he looks in the mirror one day and sees a small pimple under his chin. He's never had zits before, he could even go days without washing his skin too carefully and it would remain blemish-free. Nowadays though, he uses a special acne wash his Mother bought it from the store and he has to wash his face every morning and every night, which is a rather big nuisance since he's often late in the mornings and returns home late at night.
Juggling school and his idol life have gotten harder too, especially school because of their new teacher, Mrs. whatever-the-hell-her-name-is-with-the-huge-rack-and-long-silky-legs. Her presence is a great distraction to Ryutaro and now he struggles to keep his grades up in her lesson. It's not just her either, it's every class because in every class, there's a pretty girl and where there's a pretty girl, Ryutaro's focus is on her and not on the lessons.
There's also the fact that Ryutaro is growing, getting taller and gaining more muscle. All of his clothes from only a year ago barely fit him now, his shirts ride up and expose his belly button, and some of them barely even make it past his broader shoulders and chest. His pants also ride up, giving him that geeky "high waters" look. His voice is changing too, it squeaks at inappropriate moments and deepens comically for the amusement of his family, especially his brother Shintaro. He's not sure how his voice will end up, how that will affect his singing and worrying over that, plus scary dreams of surpassing Yuto in height, give him even more pimples.
It's ridiculous, this process of becoming a man. It's frustrating and smelly and even more so, horrifyingly embarrassing. He wishes he could talk to someone, someone that isn't lame and totally unknowing like his father. Yabu would be his first choice but the guy has completely lost it, clinging to Ryutaro and crying his eyes out, exclaiming that his, "Youngest baby is growing up!" He's not even Yabu's kid, for God's sake.
He definitely can't talk to Hikaru or Inoo, they would just tease him and then hide nasty pornos in his bag when he wasn't looking, or something equally scarring. Dai-chan wouldn't be too bad to talk to, except for the fact that when you ask him questions about sex, he goes into explicit and detailed information. He even draws pictures according to Chinen, and the man in these pictures apparently resembles Takaki. Which automatically rules out Takaki, plus the fact that he's kind of a major idiot.
Which leaves 7, and these guys aren't much older than him. Plus, they're still going through their own changes, Yuto is still growing and has disgusting stretch marks all along his back, Chinen's voice has mellowed out for the most part, but it still has it's deep and extra squeaky moments. Yamada is just an emotional mess, kind of a like girl and Keito, he's channeling his inner Kansai or something, because the guy has gone crazy. Like, Kanjani8 crazy.
So, Ryutaro has no choice but to ask his sempai for advice. Which could be very beneficial, but will most likely scar him mentally for the rest of his life.
***
He runs into Koyama first, which is perfect in his mind because Koyama is the mother hen of pretty much everyone in Johnny's, and he doesn't know Ryutaro that well so he won't cry like Yabu, "Koyama-kun, can I ask you something?"
Koyama nods enthusiastically, "Of course Morimoto, I'm always here to help!"
Ryutaro can't help but blush, fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt as he asks, "Well, I'm confused about these changes I'm going through. You see-"
He's interrupted though, when Koyama immediately pulls him into a hug and begins to wail hysterically, "Oh, Morimoto has grown up so fast! I'M SO OLD!"
Ryutaro awkwardly pats Koyama on the back as he sobs, his tears dripping onto Ryutaro's head and down his neck.
"I'M GOING TO START GETTING WRINKLES AND THEN MY TEETH AND HAIR WILL FALL OUT AND EVENTUALLY I'LL HAVE TO WEAR A DIAPER AND I'LL BE SO OLD~!
***
After passing both Matsumoto and Ohno in the hall (no way in Hell would he ever, ever ask Arashi questions about puberty) he sees Masuda and Tanaka walking towards him, Tanaka chatting away while Massu sucks on a lollipop. His shirt is still damp from his encounter with Koyama, which is embarrassing but he takes a deep breath and stops Masuda and Tanaka, "Masuda-kun, Tanaka-kun, can I ask you something?"
Tanaka nods and Masuda smiles, so Ryutaro continues, "I'm confused about these changes I'm going through, and how do handle them, and-"
Masuda interrupts him, "Make sure to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner, and have snacks in between! Growing boys like you need plenty of food, and water and sleep, to grow healthfully," Tanaka adds, "Smoking will stunt your growth, so don't smoke, drink milk instead."
Ryutaro blinks, confused, "I um, never planned to smoke."
Tanaka scoffs, "I know how you kids are, I was one too and bad things happen really easily at this age. Remember, always say no to peer pressure! Everyone will think you're a loser but who cares, at least your lungs will be cancer free."
Tanaka walks away, shouting out, "Drugs are bad!" while Masuda winks at him and hands him a fiber bar, before walking away to catch up with Tanaka.
Ryutaro unwraps the fiber bar and nibbles at it, still confused and now very worried that he'll be a major loser in school.
***
Instead of approaching a sempai, it is one that comes up to him, handing him a small bag. Ryutaro grabs a random item and holds it up, "Uh, Yamashita-kun, what's all of this?"
Yamashita laughs and ruffles his hair affectionately, "In your hand is my secret to clear skin, and in the bag there's deodorant and a step by step guide to shaving your face, which includes shaving cream and a razor. I hope you'll remember this moment, because you'll be the sempai one day and it'll be your job to help your kohai out."
Yamashita leaves and Ryutaro uncaps the bottle in his hand, a strong scent of mint and battery acid assaulting his senses. He stumbles, almost throws up his fiber bar from earlier til he closes the bottle and throws it back into the bag.
***
It was getting late in the day, and Ryutaro still had one more question to ask. He passed by Shoon earlier, who he would have stopped to talk to, had he not been cuddling with his demonic little brother Shintaro. He had also passed by Kato, but Koyama was with him and Koyama burst into tears again upon the sight of Ryutaro, causing Kato to glare rather harshly at him. He also ran into Ueda, quite literally and the boxer's hard body might have bruised him.
"God," Ryutaro sighed to himself as he walked past Nishikido, who was pinned against the wall by Takizawa and getting thoroughly ravished by the others mouth, "No one can help me."
"Help you with what?"
Ryutaro jumped, his head snapping to the side as Tegoshi appeared, quite mysteriously, from the shadows, "Um, well...I don't know how to handle, um," Ryutaro looked away, his cheeks a deep red.
"Handle?" Tegoshi asked, now standing in front of him.
"Puberty," Ryutaro's voice cracked, "And being so, horny, all the time."
Ryutaro jumped again as another voice, Akanishi's, spoke behind him, "Don't worry Morimoto, we can help you."
***
A strong scent of battery acid with a minty hint followed Ryutaro as he stumpled into the dressing room the next morning, little bloody pieces of paper across his chin and a bit of dried milk along his not existent mustache area.
"Uh," Yuto scratched his head, "What happened?"
Ryutaro sighed, "Masuda-kun told me I should drink plenty of milk and eat well, so I'll grow big, but when I drank the milk I felt really sick. I think I might be mildly lactose-intolerant. Anyways, Yamashita-kun gave me this step by step shaving guide, plus a razor and some shaving cream, so I thought I try it. It hurt like hell though, I kept cutting my face and I'm sure these cuts will leave tiny little scars, which will make me even more of a loser in school, because despite what Tanaka-kun thinks, I don't plan on smoking. And if you're wondering why I smell like battery acid, it's this awesome face cream that Yamashita-kun gave me. It makes your zits disappear instantly."
"I want some!" Chinen yelled out, "I've got a few pimples on my shoulder, please Ryutaro!"
"Sure, sure," Ryutaro agreed, "Yamashita also gave me this really strong deodorant. I was running late this morning, and I had to run to the train station. Usually I break out in a sweat but this time, my pits remained dry."
"Impressive, but how exactly did all of these events fall into place," Inoo asked.
"Oh, I was asking the sempais for help because I was confused about these changes I'm going through. Koyama-kun wasn't very helpful though, he just cried and went on and on about how ugly he'd look bald and in diapers," Ryutaro stopped as Yabu burst into tears, once again exclaiming, "My baby!"
Hikaru rolled his eyes and cuddled up next to Yabu, and Ryutaro continued his story, "Then I talked to Masuda-kun and Tanaka-kun, which was odd seeing them together but Masuda-kun reminded me how important it is to drink enough water, eat well and get a good nights sleep. Tanaka-kun told me to not give into peer pressure, and that I'll be labeled as a loser for not smoking when my classmates do, but it's better to be a loser then to have cancerous lungs."
"Do you think Masuda-kun and Tanaka-kun are sleeping together?" Keito asked out loud, which was replied to with a lot of shrugs and awkward glances.
"After that Yamashita-kun gave me the bag with the shaving stuff and what not, and told me to remember that moment forever, because one day I'll be the sempai and it'll be my duty to help my kohai out."
"You're only fourteen, don't get too ahead of yourself," Hikaru said while Yabu shouted out, "MY BABY IS ALMOST A MAN NOW!"
"Uh, yeah," Ryutaro then lifted his shirt up, exposing a collage of colorful bruises, "I ran into Ueda-kun, and look what happened! I also saw Shoon but he was cuddling Shintaro, which is a sin in my book and I saw Nishikido-kun getting sexed up by Takizawa-kun, which was really awkward and I can't figure out why they were doing it in the hallway in the first place. Anyways, Tegoshi and Akanishi popped out of the shadows like ghosts-"
"I hate ghosts!" Inoo and Yuto shrieked at the same time while Yamada asked, "Ghost or ghoul, remember there is a difference and-"
"Anyways!" Ryutaro glared at them, causing them to shut up, "Tegoshi and Akanishi helped me figure out how to not be a pervert, cause getting horny at school is seriously affecting my grades."
Keito raised his hand, "How did they do that?" but Ryutaro shook his head, his cheeks reddening as the others continued to question him, curious til Yabu tackled Ryutaro to the ground and held him tight, sobbing hysterically, shouting his usual cry of, "MY BABY!"
***
"So," Akanishi smirked, handing Ryutaro a stack of porno mags and a bag filled with porno videos, "What have we learned?"
"Cold showers are your best friends, your hand is your life savior and if you fake illness, you can get out of class for at least a half hour which is enough time to jack off and get rid of the horiness, and not fail school."
"And if that doesn't work?" Tegoshi asked.
"Picturing Johnny-san naked will," Ryutaro shuddered, and Akanishi and Tegoshi clapped, congratulating Ryutaro on surpassing the most important lesson into manhood.
Fin