Dear Yuto
Title: Dear Yuto...
Author: hotfruits
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Yamada-centric. Yamajima, Takayama (Takanoo HSJ)
Disclaimer: Nope
Summary: Yamada writes Yuto a letter, explaining what it is that makes him love Takaki, and he hopes that one day, he and Yuto can be friends again.
Dear Yuto
You run away from me when I try to speak to you, you ignore my calls when I try to phone you, and I'm not certain but I'm guessing my unanswered emails were probably deleted, without you even reading them. I can't really be mad though, I have absolutely no right after what I did to you. Still, I'd like to explain myself, and you'll probably burn this letter after receiving it but oh well, it's worth a shot.
You were my safety blanket, Yuto. Loving you was easy and fun, kissing each other as we giggled in the movie theater, holding hands under the dining room table while we played footsie. Loving you was comfortable and simple, like coming home to a warm house after running in the cold rain. I wanted to love you forever Yuto, to live and breathe and die in your arms, happy and content for the entirety of my life. But that changed though, and a part of me regrets that and a part of me doesn't.
The first time Takaki and I kissed was completely by accident. You and I were supposed to meet in the closet on the 3rd floor, near KAT-TUN's dressing room. I messed up though and went to the one near NewS room, where apparently Inoo and Takaki were supposed to meet. I waited in that closet in the dark for what felt like an eternity, until it quickly opened and shut, and a pair of desperate lips were on my own. I should have noticed instantly it wasn't you, your cheeks aren't that sharp and your hair wasn't that long, nor did you kiss me like a drowning man begging for air. I couldn't think though, I was so caught in this exhilarating and powerful kiss and it wasn't until Takaki pulled away that I realized it wasn't you. Barely a second passed and I was out of that closet, running down the halls and into our dressing room, where I avoided you for the rest of the day out of shame and embarrassment.
I wanted to forget what happened between Takaki and I, but I couldn't get that kiss out of my mind. It was haunting me, plaguing my dreams and corrupting my thoughts. I decided that I just needed to face this, I had to talk to Takaki and hopefully, we'd be able to laugh over it afterward and never mention it again. It didn't quite work out that way though, after I explained it was me in that closet, Takaki pinned me down against his bed and kissed me again. Instead of pushing him away like I should have, I pulled him closer, so close that the next day, we woke up naked in his bedroom, tangled in his sheets.
From there is where it began spiraling. I couldn't get enough of him, his passionate and hungry kisses, his lustful eyes and tanned skin against my own pale body. Loving Takaki is like loving a drug, you try it once and you say you'll never do it again, but you do, again and again til you're hooked. I was hooked on him and he was hooked on me, and I knew the only way I could have possibly left him at that point in our explosive relationship was to either leave Japan, or just kill myself. I was too cowardly though, and far too selfish because I knew that if you ever found out, not only would you be hurt but so would Inoo, who has loved Takaki much longer than you and I loved each other. We were jerks though and we kept our relationship based on sex and lies a secret. Til Keito found out, of course.
And he told you both, and from there the rest of the group found out. Everyone hates Takaki and I now, for hurting both you and Inoo, and the two of us hate each other and ourselves as well. My relationship with Takaki is destructive and abusive, we yell at each other when we're not fucking and sometimes these verbal matches lead to physical violence. I can't bring myself to leave him though, loving him is like brushing against death, defying all laws and getting away with it, the big drop in a roller coaster that makes you scream and your stomach flop. It's exhilarating, Yuto, like jumping off of a cliff and you don't know if you're going to die when you reach the icy waters below, but you don't care, because the wind is rushing past you and you feel more alive then you ever have before.
I'm sorry, and I hope one day you can forgive me, Yuto. I'll never forgive myself though, for hurting you, for causing those tears in your eyes and that anger in your heart. Til the day I die, I will hate myself for causing you this heart break, for being too weak and too selfish to walk away from him. I will always love you Yuto, and I know you don't believe it and rightly so, but I do.
Yamada Ryosuke
Author: hotfruits
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Yamada-centric. Yamajima, Takayama (Takanoo HSJ)
Disclaimer: Nope
Summary: Yamada writes Yuto a letter, explaining what it is that makes him love Takaki, and he hopes that one day, he and Yuto can be friends again.
Dear Yuto
You run away from me when I try to speak to you, you ignore my calls when I try to phone you, and I'm not certain but I'm guessing my unanswered emails were probably deleted, without you even reading them. I can't really be mad though, I have absolutely no right after what I did to you. Still, I'd like to explain myself, and you'll probably burn this letter after receiving it but oh well, it's worth a shot.
You were my safety blanket, Yuto. Loving you was easy and fun, kissing each other as we giggled in the movie theater, holding hands under the dining room table while we played footsie. Loving you was comfortable and simple, like coming home to a warm house after running in the cold rain. I wanted to love you forever Yuto, to live and breathe and die in your arms, happy and content for the entirety of my life. But that changed though, and a part of me regrets that and a part of me doesn't.
The first time Takaki and I kissed was completely by accident. You and I were supposed to meet in the closet on the 3rd floor, near KAT-TUN's dressing room. I messed up though and went to the one near NewS room, where apparently Inoo and Takaki were supposed to meet. I waited in that closet in the dark for what felt like an eternity, until it quickly opened and shut, and a pair of desperate lips were on my own. I should have noticed instantly it wasn't you, your cheeks aren't that sharp and your hair wasn't that long, nor did you kiss me like a drowning man begging for air. I couldn't think though, I was so caught in this exhilarating and powerful kiss and it wasn't until Takaki pulled away that I realized it wasn't you. Barely a second passed and I was out of that closet, running down the halls and into our dressing room, where I avoided you for the rest of the day out of shame and embarrassment.
I wanted to forget what happened between Takaki and I, but I couldn't get that kiss out of my mind. It was haunting me, plaguing my dreams and corrupting my thoughts. I decided that I just needed to face this, I had to talk to Takaki and hopefully, we'd be able to laugh over it afterward and never mention it again. It didn't quite work out that way though, after I explained it was me in that closet, Takaki pinned me down against his bed and kissed me again. Instead of pushing him away like I should have, I pulled him closer, so close that the next day, we woke up naked in his bedroom, tangled in his sheets.
From there is where it began spiraling. I couldn't get enough of him, his passionate and hungry kisses, his lustful eyes and tanned skin against my own pale body. Loving Takaki is like loving a drug, you try it once and you say you'll never do it again, but you do, again and again til you're hooked. I was hooked on him and he was hooked on me, and I knew the only way I could have possibly left him at that point in our explosive relationship was to either leave Japan, or just kill myself. I was too cowardly though, and far too selfish because I knew that if you ever found out, not only would you be hurt but so would Inoo, who has loved Takaki much longer than you and I loved each other. We were jerks though and we kept our relationship based on sex and lies a secret. Til Keito found out, of course.
And he told you both, and from there the rest of the group found out. Everyone hates Takaki and I now, for hurting both you and Inoo, and the two of us hate each other and ourselves as well. My relationship with Takaki is destructive and abusive, we yell at each other when we're not fucking and sometimes these verbal matches lead to physical violence. I can't bring myself to leave him though, loving him is like brushing against death, defying all laws and getting away with it, the big drop in a roller coaster that makes you scream and your stomach flop. It's exhilarating, Yuto, like jumping off of a cliff and you don't know if you're going to die when you reach the icy waters below, but you don't care, because the wind is rushing past you and you feel more alive then you ever have before.
I'm sorry, and I hope one day you can forgive me, Yuto. I'll never forgive myself though, for hurting you, for causing those tears in your eyes and that anger in your heart. Til the day I die, I will hate myself for causing you this heart break, for being too weak and too selfish to walk away from him. I will always love you Yuto, and I know you don't believe it and rightly so, but I do.
Yamada Ryosuke