(no subject)
Title: Unreasonable Relations
Author: bathrumsnberlin
Pairing/Group: KAT-TUN/NEWS, implied Koki/Shige
Rating: PG13 for language
Notes: Originally written for catskilt during je_holiday. Thanks to the_suit_case for doing such a superb job as my lovely beta.
Summary: Jin has noticed something peculiar about nerd boy and baldy.
It was the first night in over a month that Yamashita Tomohisa and Akanishi Jin had off together. And while Yamapi would like nothing more than to curl up and die on the love seat that his mother insisted he needed, Jin decide they needed to see visual evidence of what their friendship was like in the “good old days.” Yamapi wasn’t sure what Jin meant by the “good old days,” but he reasoned that a happy Jin was better than a whiny Jin when he was contemplating the art of self-induced suffocation on his mother’s beloved love seat. He was still not sure how they got from talking about the many ways they tried catching Jimmy Mackey’s hair on fire to watching the backstage footage of Summary of Johnny’s World.
Just as he was really getting into counting how many times the members if KAT-TUN touched that Yuto kid from Hey! Say! Something!, Jin let out the biggest scream of terror Yamapi had ever heard. Yes, even bigger than that time Kanjani8 released that Morimoto kid’s pet hamster in Koyama’s Shounen Club dressing room. Which reminds him, he still has to thank Ryo for that very special video.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Did you hear that?”
“What? Hear what?"
“Oh, I think I’m going to puke!”
“Not on my rug! What’s going on?”
“They just can’t… it’s wrong… it’s sick… it’s… it’s… wrong!”
“They who? Jin, what’s wrong?”
“Our abnormal band mates!”
“Wait, Jin, we have five band mates each. Which ones?” Yamapi watched in confusion as Jin grabbed the remote and hit rewind. “Jin, I need answers before you even think about throwing up on my rug! Some junior gave me that as a house warming gift!”
“Pi! Watch! And listen! It’s not right!”
Yamapi sighed and turned back to the TV. Everything looked the same as it did every other time Jin made him watch Summary. But then…wait!
“Is that Koki and Shige talking together?”
“Yes! And they made plans for Thursday night!”
“But Shige has class on Thursday nights!”
“Not then, he didn’t! Oh my god!”
“What?”
“THEY ARE SECRETLY DATING!!!”
“WHAT!?!?”
“Yes! It all makes sense now. Koki’s need to dress in drag, the nerd’s bad hair… OMG! Koki’s bad hair! Also his uncontrollable rage issues and the nerd’s fascination with tambourines! All the signs are pointing right at it!”
“Wait! What do all of those things have to do with each other?”
“It’s all the signs of their little, sick, twisted romance!”
“What?”
Jin stared at Yamapi with an inconceivable look before throwing his hands up in the air and shouting, “And they call me Bakanishi!”
“Huh?”
“We have to do something… something to set these… these… unreasonable relations right! We have to break them up! But we will need help. Our band mates must be good for something. We’ll have to enlist them.”
“Jin, are you even sure they are dating? I thought Shige was dating the shorthaired girl from Perfume.”
“Yamapi, everyone knows Johnny’s boys can’t date girls.” At which Yamapi simply raised an eyebrow.
“Oh please! Like the little pain in the ass is smart enough to get around that little clause.”
“But Keii-chan said…”
“Yamapi! How many times do I have to tell you? Koyama Keiichiro does not know everything just because he is the host of the Shounen Club!”
“But Tego said…”
“DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO NEVER SPEAK THAT… PERSON'S... NAME IN MY PRESENCE!”
“Sorry! But even Nakamaru-kun said…”
“WHY WERE YOU TALKING TO MY BAND MATES AGAIN?!”
“I ran into him in the halls the other…”
“Nevermind! The point is that my band mate, Tanaka Koki, and your band mate, Shigeru Katsu…”
“Kato Shigeaki.”
“YAMAPI, FOCUS!!! The point is that my band mate, Tanaka Koki, and your band mate Kitayama Shigegotsu are in a sick, twisted, immoral, scandalous, extracurricular…”
“Extracurricular?”
“Yes! Extracurricular, abominable, sleazy, sordid, profligate…”
“Jin, stop using words that you don’t even know the meaning of.”
“Profligate can be used as an adjective meaning utterly and shamelessly immoral or dissipated; thoroughly dissolute.”
Yamapi just stared at Jin with a pensive look in his face.
“That word-of-the-day calendar your sister gave me for Christmas two years ago is paying off.”
“The one you’ve been using as a coaster since Yuu found it in the bag of hand-me-downs you gave him for Christmas last year?”
“Yes, the very same one. The papers on top started getting nasty from all the water that leaks off of the side of my beer cans. I peeled them off and viola, I learned a new word.”
“Will the wonders never cease?”
“Back to my point! Koki and the geek boy with bad hair are having unreasonable relations and it is our jobs as the more talented and better looking of our groups to put an end to this!”
“But I’m pretty sure they aren’t dating. I mean, I’ve seen with Shige with that Perfume chick…”
“Yamapi! Stop talking about frivolous stuff! What? Don’t give me that look. That damn calendar had to start somewhere!”
“Ok, fine. So, you talk to Koki and I’ll talk to Shige…”
“NO!!! Yamapi, look at me! This is very serious business. If they have been hiding it all this time, what makes you think they are going to just come right out and tell use? They won’t and that is why we have to have a plan of action. We will need some help, but that is why they put us with the people in our bands. Why else would they have put us together?”
“Because we sing and dance well together?”
“Please, like anyone in KAT-TUN can sing besides me. And really? NewS dancing well? Don’t make me laugh! That finger pointing thing you guys do should never be counting as dancing. Now I just so happen to know of a fifteen second clip of me dancing that has ensnared many a fan girl world wide for weeks on end.”
“Jin, I’m hungry.”
“This is no time for food! Rendezvous with your members and report back to me next Saturday at 02:35 hours.”
“But Jin, I really don’t think I can convince Keii-chan, Massu-kun and…”
“Yamapi!”
“He-Whom-Must-Not-Be-Named to go along with this.”
“Are you not their leader?”
“Well, technically Ryo…”
“Yamapi, lead your troops into battle!”
“My troops? Battle?”
“Yes, Yamapi! This is a battle! This is a battle of dour importance!”
“Jin, have you been watching war movies again?”
“Yes, you’ve been working a lot and I’ve been bored. But this has nothing to do with that. We must defeat this evil adversary! WE MUST WIN AGAINST THESE UNREASONABLE RELATIONS!!!”
“JIN GET OFF MY COFFEE TABLE! One of those Kis-My-FT2 guys gave that to me!"
*
Thursday morning in NewS’s reserved rehearsal hall, Kato Shigeaki throws himself down next to an amused Nishikido Ryo.
“What the hell is wrong with everyone this week?”
“Why?”
“Well, to start with, Tego keeps smirking at me, Massu jumps everytime I walk near him, and I have caught Keii going through my text messages eight times. Eight times! And I swear, not even five minutes ago, Taguchi from KAT-TUN called me up and asked me out on a date. What the fuck?”
“Pi and Bakanishi has everyone convinced that you’re screwing that Tanaka guy.”
“But… but… I’ve been dating Nocchi for two years, seven months, and twelve days! Everyone knows that.”
“Well, I’m not sure everyone is sure who the girl in your relationship is, but it’s not really a secret that she’s had you whipped for awhile.”
“Oh my god! If she finds out about this rumor, she will kill me!”
“And that's all you're worried about? Shouldn’t you be denying this rapper screwing business?”
“There isn’t much to deny. He helped me with a rap I was struggling with back in like, 2004. I haven’t spoken to him since. Has everyone forgotten he looks like he works for the yakuza? Me and him together, that's like… like… unreasonable relations!”
Author: bathrumsnberlin
Pairing/Group: KAT-TUN/NEWS, implied Koki/Shige
Rating: PG13 for language
Notes: Originally written for catskilt during je_holiday. Thanks to the_suit_case for doing such a superb job as my lovely beta.
Summary: Jin has noticed something peculiar about nerd boy and baldy.
It was the first night in over a month that Yamashita Tomohisa and Akanishi Jin had off together. And while Yamapi would like nothing more than to curl up and die on the love seat that his mother insisted he needed, Jin decide they needed to see visual evidence of what their friendship was like in the “good old days.” Yamapi wasn’t sure what Jin meant by the “good old days,” but he reasoned that a happy Jin was better than a whiny Jin when he was contemplating the art of self-induced suffocation on his mother’s beloved love seat. He was still not sure how they got from talking about the many ways they tried catching Jimmy Mackey’s hair on fire to watching the backstage footage of Summary of Johnny’s World.
Just as he was really getting into counting how many times the members if KAT-TUN touched that Yuto kid from Hey! Say! Something!, Jin let out the biggest scream of terror Yamapi had ever heard. Yes, even bigger than that time Kanjani8 released that Morimoto kid’s pet hamster in Koyama’s Shounen Club dressing room. Which reminds him, he still has to thank Ryo for that very special video.
“What? What’s wrong?”
“Did you hear that?”
“What? Hear what?"
“Oh, I think I’m going to puke!”
“Not on my rug! What’s going on?”
“They just can’t… it’s wrong… it’s sick… it’s… it’s… wrong!”
“They who? Jin, what’s wrong?”
“Our abnormal band mates!”
“Wait, Jin, we have five band mates each. Which ones?” Yamapi watched in confusion as Jin grabbed the remote and hit rewind. “Jin, I need answers before you even think about throwing up on my rug! Some junior gave me that as a house warming gift!”
“Pi! Watch! And listen! It’s not right!”
Yamapi sighed and turned back to the TV. Everything looked the same as it did every other time Jin made him watch Summary. But then…wait!
“Is that Koki and Shige talking together?”
“Yes! And they made plans for Thursday night!”
“But Shige has class on Thursday nights!”
“Not then, he didn’t! Oh my god!”
“What?”
“THEY ARE SECRETLY DATING!!!”
“WHAT!?!?”
“Yes! It all makes sense now. Koki’s need to dress in drag, the nerd’s bad hair… OMG! Koki’s bad hair! Also his uncontrollable rage issues and the nerd’s fascination with tambourines! All the signs are pointing right at it!”
“Wait! What do all of those things have to do with each other?”
“It’s all the signs of their little, sick, twisted romance!”
“What?”
Jin stared at Yamapi with an inconceivable look before throwing his hands up in the air and shouting, “And they call me Bakanishi!”
“Huh?”
“We have to do something… something to set these… these… unreasonable relations right! We have to break them up! But we will need help. Our band mates must be good for something. We’ll have to enlist them.”
“Jin, are you even sure they are dating? I thought Shige was dating the shorthaired girl from Perfume.”
“Yamapi, everyone knows Johnny’s boys can’t date girls.” At which Yamapi simply raised an eyebrow.
“Oh please! Like the little pain in the ass is smart enough to get around that little clause.”
“But Keii-chan said…”
“Yamapi! How many times do I have to tell you? Koyama Keiichiro does not know everything just because he is the host of the Shounen Club!”
“But Tego said…”
“DIDN’T I TELL YOU TO NEVER SPEAK THAT… PERSON'S... NAME IN MY PRESENCE!”
“Sorry! But even Nakamaru-kun said…”
“WHY WERE YOU TALKING TO MY BAND MATES AGAIN?!”
“I ran into him in the halls the other…”
“Nevermind! The point is that my band mate, Tanaka Koki, and your band mate, Shigeru Katsu…”
“Kato Shigeaki.”
“YAMAPI, FOCUS!!! The point is that my band mate, Tanaka Koki, and your band mate Kitayama Shigegotsu are in a sick, twisted, immoral, scandalous, extracurricular…”
“Extracurricular?”
“Yes! Extracurricular, abominable, sleazy, sordid, profligate…”
“Jin, stop using words that you don’t even know the meaning of.”
“Profligate can be used as an adjective meaning utterly and shamelessly immoral or dissipated; thoroughly dissolute.”
Yamapi just stared at Jin with a pensive look in his face.
“That word-of-the-day calendar your sister gave me for Christmas two years ago is paying off.”
“The one you’ve been using as a coaster since Yuu found it in the bag of hand-me-downs you gave him for Christmas last year?”
“Yes, the very same one. The papers on top started getting nasty from all the water that leaks off of the side of my beer cans. I peeled them off and viola, I learned a new word.”
“Will the wonders never cease?”
“Back to my point! Koki and the geek boy with bad hair are having unreasonable relations and it is our jobs as the more talented and better looking of our groups to put an end to this!”
“But I’m pretty sure they aren’t dating. I mean, I’ve seen with Shige with that Perfume chick…”
“Yamapi! Stop talking about frivolous stuff! What? Don’t give me that look. That damn calendar had to start somewhere!”
“Ok, fine. So, you talk to Koki and I’ll talk to Shige…”
“NO!!! Yamapi, look at me! This is very serious business. If they have been hiding it all this time, what makes you think they are going to just come right out and tell use? They won’t and that is why we have to have a plan of action. We will need some help, but that is why they put us with the people in our bands. Why else would they have put us together?”
“Because we sing and dance well together?”
“Please, like anyone in KAT-TUN can sing besides me. And really? NewS dancing well? Don’t make me laugh! That finger pointing thing you guys do should never be counting as dancing. Now I just so happen to know of a fifteen second clip of me dancing that has ensnared many a fan girl world wide for weeks on end.”
“Jin, I’m hungry.”
“This is no time for food! Rendezvous with your members and report back to me next Saturday at 02:35 hours.”
“But Jin, I really don’t think I can convince Keii-chan, Massu-kun and…”
“Yamapi!”
“He-Whom-Must-Not-Be-Named to go along with this.”
“Are you not their leader?”
“Well, technically Ryo…”
“Yamapi, lead your troops into battle!”
“My troops? Battle?”
“Yes, Yamapi! This is a battle! This is a battle of dour importance!”
“Jin, have you been watching war movies again?”
“Yes, you’ve been working a lot and I’ve been bored. But this has nothing to do with that. We must defeat this evil adversary! WE MUST WIN AGAINST THESE UNREASONABLE RELATIONS!!!”
“JIN GET OFF MY COFFEE TABLE! One of those Kis-My-FT2 guys gave that to me!"
*
Thursday morning in NewS’s reserved rehearsal hall, Kato Shigeaki throws himself down next to an amused Nishikido Ryo.
“What the hell is wrong with everyone this week?”
“Why?”
“Well, to start with, Tego keeps smirking at me, Massu jumps everytime I walk near him, and I have caught Keii going through my text messages eight times. Eight times! And I swear, not even five minutes ago, Taguchi from KAT-TUN called me up and asked me out on a date. What the fuck?”
“Pi and Bakanishi has everyone convinced that you’re screwing that Tanaka guy.”
“But… but… I’ve been dating Nocchi for two years, seven months, and twelve days! Everyone knows that.”
“Well, I’m not sure everyone is sure who the girl in your relationship is, but it’s not really a secret that she’s had you whipped for awhile.”
“Oh my god! If she finds out about this rumor, she will kill me!”
“And that's all you're worried about? Shouldn’t you be denying this rapper screwing business?”
“There isn’t much to deny. He helped me with a rap I was struggling with back in like, 2004. I haven’t spoken to him since. Has everyone forgotten he looks like he works for the yakuza? Me and him together, that's like… like… unreasonable relations!”