remix for lastingdream8
Title: Facts of Life [The 'Why, yes, I AM perfect' Remix]
Rating: PG-13
Group/Pairing: Tegoshi/Masuda
Warnings: Gratuitous Tegofail
Notes: I want to apologize to lastingdreams8 for somehow managing to write TegoMass from her archive (I am so sorry). Also thanks to my wonderful beta-reader for being amazing as always.
Link to Original Story: " Snapshots" (Drabble #006. Sky")
Link to Original Writer: lastingdreams8
Tegoshi hated losing. It was a fact of life, the same way it was a fact that it got colder in winter, or that rain fell down and not up, or that Massu wouldn’t talk to you for a week if you got dirt on his bag. Everyone knew it was true, and everyone knew he got sulky and surly when he didn’t win; there had even been times when Koyama had let himself lose to Tegoshi on purpose, just so he wouldn’t have to see his mouth curl down or his brows knit together.
This trait of Tegoshi’s naturally manifested itself in a perfectionist streak about a mile wide, and, whatever he did, he made sure he did it well; singing? He’d taken classes on proper performance and breathing techniques. Acting? That was what he was majoring in psychology for. Soccer? He’d been practicing every free evening he’d had since he was four years old.
Love, however, was an entirely different matter. There were no night-time classes on how to love properly, no online courses to take, and it wasn’t really something you could practice until you had it right either; not without breaking a lot of hearts in the process.
This created quite a conundrum for Tegoshi; he wanted to be the best at everything he did (drawing was no exception to this rule, the world just had yet to learn to appreciate his unique artistic genius) while the finer intricacies of love managed to elude him.
He liked to be well prepared for everything, but really, how did one go about studying how to woo, how to be romantic, how to win over the object of their affections?
He was watching television one day when the solution came to him.
The show wasn’t anything special - Tegoshi wasn’t even sure what its name was, wasn’t even watching properly - and he only really had it on because he had nothing else to do. He’d been intending to go and play soccer on his day off, but the rain rattling the roof and streaking down the windows had ruined that plan.
Towards the end of the drama, his stomach gave a short, sharp rumble, and he was just contemplating getting up to find food when cheering from the screen caught his attention. The main character was in the middle of a basketball match and had just scored a goal right before half time. Tegoshi watched with mild interest as he jogged over to a girl on the side lines - his childhood friend, romantic interest, and best friend’s girlfriend, from what he’d gathered so far.
“Saya-chan!”
The girl stepped forward to meet the boy as he slowed to a stop in front of her, grinning from ear to ear.
“Nice shot, Ryu! If you keep playing like this, you’ll definitely win the game for your team.”
The protagonist was silent for a second, before smiling softly and cocking his head to the side.
“You’re really tired, aren’t you?” He said. “I guess you must’ve been up late studying for entrance exams again, right?”
Saya bit her lip, averting her eyes, which Tegoshi assumed meant that the guess had been right.
“You should go home and get some sleep.” Ryu continued, patting her on the shoulder. “I don’t mind. It’s enough that you came and watched the first half of my game when you’re busy with such important things.”
“No Ryu, I…” Saya started to protest, but Ryu held up a hand to hush her.
“It’s alright, Saya.” He said. “You can go. I’ll do my best and definitely win this game for you.”
“How cool…” Tegoshi murmured to himself, eyes glazing over. If it was him and the person he liked was watching him play an important game of soccer, he definitely wouldn’t have told them it was okay to go home; probably wouldn’t have even thought of doing it.
He tried to file the scene away in his mind for future reference, and that was when the thought hit him - wasn’t fiction the perfect way to study romance techniques? All possible grounds were covered in books, television and comics; falling in love, courting, confessions, first steps, dating, kissing… It was all there for Tegoshi to safely watch, read and commit to memory before putting it into practice.
With a plan already forming in his head, he switched the TV off and headed towards the kitchen with a bounce in his step and a devious smile on his face.
---
Pinpointing the exact time he’d fallen in love with Massu was impossible. It had crept up on him, and that, mixed with doubt and rigorous self-denial, left him without a day, week, month or even year to put to the moment when friendship had crossed over into love. He wasn’t sure what, when, why or how it had happened, just that it had, and sometimes Massu was all he was able to think about, dream about, even talk about.
Tegoshi acted like a real boy when it came to love; playing pranks, teasing and being a general annoyance in return for a few moments of attention from his object of affection.
But he really liked Massu, and, while five years ago any kind of attention from him would have been enough for Tegoshi, he found that now, what he desperately wanted was for Massu to like him back.
It was the first time for Tegoshi to feel this way. In the past, when he’d had a crush on someone, he’d always confessed right away and hadn’t let any subsequent rejections bother him for long. But with Massu, it was different. He wasn’t sure if it was because Massu was a boy, or because he was a colleague, or maybe even because Tegoshi had grown up and this was his first real adult love. Whatever it was, he knew that he didn’t want to screw it up by diving in head-first and brashly telling Massu how he felt about him. But he wanted to. God, did he want to. And it was getting harder and harder by the day to keep his feelings on the down low, especially when Massu was one hundred and ten percent oblivious and kept doing things that drove Tegoshi insane.
Simple things like his sunshine smile, that Tegoshi had once taken for granted, now sent his heart into a frenzy. Whenever Massu took off his shirt, lean muscles rippling under golden skin, Tegoshi would spend the following night having despicable dreams that would’ve made his mother cry, had she known about them. And the way that Massu touched him, though usually only fleeting and friendly, made Tegoshi want to pull him close, kiss him senseless, and whisper declarations of love against his lips.
It was difficult for someone who usually wore his heart on his sleeve with no apologies to hide it away, but the situation called for it, so what else could he do?
There was no solution, he decided, other than winning Massu over first so that he was already head over heels in love with him once Tegoshi finally did choose to confess.
The plan started with buying a pad of paper and pens with which to write down his ideas, along with a whole lot of comics. While Tegoshi thought that dramas and movies were the most ideal way to study, since he’d be able to analyze expressions and body language, comic books had the added bonus of fitting in his bag so that he could study on the train and between jobs at work. And so Tegoshi looked for all the books in all of the most romantic series that he could find, and then bought every single one of them.
---
For Massu to start thinking of Tegoshi as more than a friend, he’d obviously need to consider the very notion of it first, and it was doubtful that he had yet. It'd taken Tegoshi forever to do it on his own, and he certainly couldn’t afford to wait that long. What he’d have to do was put the idea into Massu’s head and give him a gentle push along before his plan could progress.
To do that, Tegoshi thought, he’d have to hint very subtly to Massu that he liked him. Not so much that he’d give himself away, but just enough for Massu to start wondering, which would ultimately set him on the path of unconsciously considering his own feelings.
He searched through entire series of comics and watched whole dramas to find what it was that eventually caused people to fall for each other.
One thing he found that frequently seemed to set things in motion was touch. There were plenty of stories where the newly besotted hero or heroine would remember a light, flirtatious brush of fingers against their face, or a hand placed gently on their shoulder, finding themselves caught up in a wave of feelings they didn’t understand. It seemed like a good idea, perhaps even the perfect way to imply that he was interested in Massu without him being able to tell if he was just being the usual touchy-feely Tegoshi, or if it was something more.
His first attempt, however, didn't go too well.
It wasn’t that it went badly, per se, more like it just… didn’t go at all. He wasn’t sure why. Everything was perfect; the two of them arrived at work early with nothing to do, no one else around to distract them, and a full half hour for Tegoshi to put his plan into action. He sidled up to Massu, placing his hand on the crook of his elbow and smiling at him with what he hoped was a soft, affectionate look. Massu smiled back and Tegoshi was just getting ready to feel triumphant when Massu asked, "Do you want something, Tegoshi?"
The times when a look of genuine surprise crossed Tegoshi's face were rare, but this was one of those times.
"No, nothing. Why?" He asked, hiding his disappointment when Massu let his arm fall, and he was forced to remove his hand.
"Oh. I thought you looked like you did." Massu said, chuckling at the misunderstanding. “It’s just that that’s the expression you usually have on your face when you’re going to ask Koyama for a favour.”
Tegoshi tried very hard not to look grumpy and wondered why he felt like they’d just taken a step backwards.
He decided to step his game up a bit. He could see how putting his hand on Massu’s arm like that could be misconstrued as Tegoshi just trying to get his attention. He'd need to do something a little less ambiguous if he wanted to be successful.
The next time he tried was several days later, so as not to arouse suspicion. They'd just gone on a break from recording, and Massu was sitting on a chair, alone in the studio. Tegoshi snuck up behind him and blew in his ear, causing Massu almost to leap out of his seat with a loud yelp.
“Tegoshi.” Massu turned to fix him with a frown, saying his name in an accusing almost-whine that let Tegoshi know he was on the verge of getting grumpy. Massu was the type to get quietly angry, but Tegoshi knew him well enough to recognize the signs, and immediately fixed an appropriately remorseful expression on his face.
“I’m sorry, Massu. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said, and Massu’s face immediately cleared back up into a smile.
“I wasn’t scared, just a little surprised.” He replied. Tegoshi smiled back at him and rested his chin on Massu’s shoulder, leaning slightly so their heads touched. He didn’t say anything, and in the silence he heard Massu swallow. Perhaps his plan had finally worked this time. Or at least he thought so, until Massu asked him, “What are you doing? Are you bored, Tegoshi?”
“No.” Tegoshi answered honestly, casually twisting his neck so his nose pressed into Massu’s hair. “I’m never bored when Massu’s around.”
“You’re strange sometimes.” Massu laughed, pushing Tegoshi away. “That tickles.”
Tegoshi had to fight the urge to scowl.
He tried again a little later when the two of them were out for a late lunch in a restaurant with two of the recording staff. Slowly and subtly, he let his foot brush against Massu’s. He waited for a moment and then, when Massu didn’t move, let it come to rest ever so slightly on top of it, heart pounding, but feeling victorious.
Then Massu smiled at him serenely and said, “You’re standing on my foot Tegoshi.”
Tegoshi had no choice but to remove it.
---
So apparently the touching technique wasn’t going to work. He went back to pouring over his comics and dramas, staying up late and analyzing every detail of the relationships in them, trying to figure out what it was that made attraction spark.
Perhaps he needed to try using a more male-specific method, he thought one night, while discarding yet another idea that was just plain ridiculous; he doubted that there was a foolproof way of getting Massu to trip just so Tegoshi could catch him and hold him in his arms (and even if there was, if it would actually have the desired effect).
He paused and pondered the idea. What did he, as a guy, find cute about girls? What sort of things did they do that made his heart flutter? If he could recreate that kind of thing with Massu, perhaps that was the key to winning him over.
He looked back down at the comic in his hands, at the full page spread of the heroine tripping into the arms of her love interest and the way he held her securely and safely against him.
That was cute, Tegoshi thought. That was something most guys thought was cute; when girls needed to be protected. All Tegoshi needed to do was find a situation in which Massu needed to protect him, to make him feel masculine and important. Hopefully those protective feelings would naturally carry over into more romantic ones and then Massu would be like putty in Tegoshi’s hands.
The opportunity arose more quickly than he’d thought it would.
The two of them had just finished their last day of recording, and were reclining on a couch in the studio together, while the staff went over everything to make sure they were well and truly done. They were chatting idly together as they waited when Tegoshi noticed a rather large spider lurking on the wall that their couch was pushed up against. His mind worked quickly, and he threw himself into Massu’s lap, effectively straddling him as he buried his face in his neck and wrapped his arms around his waist.
“Massu.” He whimpered in a suitably scared and vulnerable voice. He wasn’t actually frightened in the least; the spider wasn’t going to move, much less hurt them. He was far more interested in the way that Massu’s hands automatically shot up to support him, pressing protectively against his shoulder blades and pulling Tegoshi into him just that tiny bit more; this was what he’d wanted. This was exactly what he’d been trying to achieve.
“Tegoshi?” Massu asked, and his mouth was directly by Tegoshi’s ear, breath warm and voice soothing. “What’s wrong?”
“There’s a spider.” Tegoshi said shakily, trying to make himself sound as pathetic and in need of protection as possible.
He felt Massu’s head move as he looked around for the offending arachnid, followed by a brief pause before he let out a decidedly unmanly scream right in Tegoshi’s ear and dropped him on the floor.
At any other time, Tegoshi would have been impressed with the limber way that Massu vaulted over the arm of the couch, making a perfect landing a safe distance away from the wall, but right now his tailbone hurt too much for him to be able to appreciate anything at all.
Tegoshi decided not to take that route of action any further. He’d had a major lapse in judgement when he’d forgotten just how scared of bugs Massu was, and, while the plan would’ve probably been far more successful had he used an angle that didn’t involve spiders, Tegoshi didn’t want to risk any further injury.
He tried varying degrees of ‘cute’ over the next couple of weeks. Pretending to fall asleep on Massu’s shoulder while they were in the backseat of their manager’s car had seemed like a good idea until Massu had thoughtfully pushed Tegoshi back into a sitting position so he wouldn't get a sore neck.
He even tried sitting a little closer to Massu than he usually did one day, giggling and blushing at appropriate times during their conversation. Occasionally, he’d duck his head and look up at Massu through his lashes with a shy smile.
“Tegoshi…” Massu asked him eventually, with a completely serious face. “Are you drunk?”
Tegoshi only managed to keep his smile on his face through sheer willpower.
“What?” He asked, trying to force a laugh, but Massu’s expression didn’t change.
“You’re acting strange. You’re not drunk, are you? I mean, if you have a problem… I’m here. If you need someone to talk to.”
Tegoshi forced another uncomfortable laugh.
“Of course I’m not drunk; we're at work. I’m totally fine.” He said. Massu looked at him a little suspiciously.
“Well, if you’re sure.” He said, but he let the subject go.
When Massu got up to use the bathroom a couple of minutes later, Tegoshi let the smile drop from his face. It didn’t reappear for the rest of the day.
---
For a guy who liked using the word ‘cute’ so much, it seemed as though Massu either didn’t appreciate or wasn’t going to be won over by Tegoshi’s cuteness. At first, Tegoshi was almost offended when he realized it wasn’t working, but then figured that he could understand. After all, he was pretty cute at any given time. Maybe Massu had become immune to it.
But, he thought, as he scanned through a new series of comics, he may have discovered a new method that might just work for him; jealousy.
Massu may have been impervious to his cuteness, but who in the world was resistant to jealousy?
Massu didn't even need to know he liked Tegoshi to be possessive of him. In fact, if things went to plan and worked like they did in stories, Massu would get jealous, wonder why he was feeling that way, and then discover that he'd had a crush on Tegoshi all along. It may have been a longer route than the one he’d originally been planning to take, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and though he’d never admit it, Tegoshi was getting pretty desperate.
He spent the night before the day that NEWS had a photoshoot scheduled poring over a florist’s website, trying to decide on the perfect bouquet to have delivered to his house tomorrow. He liked roses, thought they were gorgeous, but they were also for special occasions and somehow ordering those would seem like overdoing it. Daisies were too plain and blossoms were too childish.
He needed flowers that suited him; something elegant and exotic and eye-catching…
Lilies, he thought, stopping on a picture on the site. A bunch of brightly coloured lilies would be absolutely perfect for his purposes.
Beaming at the screen in triumph, Tegoshi placed an order for one bouquet to be delivered to his doorstep in the morning.
The flowers arrived on time, and Tegoshi settled them snugly in the passenger seat of his car, taking special care not to crush the petals. He even buckled them in to assure that they wouldn’t fall off the seat and get damaged, and kept casting them quick looks to make sure they were still okay whenever he stopped at a light.
He and his lilies made it to the studio without mishap, and he strolled inside, swinging the bouquet in his hand in what he assumed looked like a cool, casual way, as though he hadn’t bought it for himself.
Koyama was naturally the first one who noticed. Tegoshi had only just put them down along with his bag when Koyama was at his side, trying to get a closer look.
“Ooh, who are those for?” He asked, half teasing, half genuinely curious.
Tegoshi flashed him a wide, cheery smile and reached out to caress the tissue paper around the flowers lovingly.
“They’re for me.” He said, and it wasn’t like he was lying; they really were for him.
Koyama seemed a little surprised.
“Eh, really? Lucky! They’re so pretty. Who’re they from?”
Tegoshi’s smile turned mysterious, and he shot a look at Massu out of the corner of his eye to make sure he was listening.
“I’m not telling.” He trilled in his most annoying voice, once he’d confirmed that, yes, Massu was hearing everything they were saying.
Koyama bothered him about the flowers and their mysterious sender for the rest of the day, soon joined by Shige and Ryo, but Tegoshi just brushed their questions off, far more interested in the way that Massu kept staring over at the bouquet of lilies next to his bag.
His plan had to be working; there was no other reason for Massu to be so interested in his flowers. The thought boosted his spirits immensely, and all the smiles he shot at the camera were wide and genuine, earning him praise from the photographers.
The shoot was over before he knew it, and as he was picking up his bag and lilies, getting ready to leave, he noticed Massu looking at them again.
“They’re pretty, aren’t they?” He said, thinking that maybe he’d put them in a vase in his room when he got home. Even if he’d bought them for himself, they’d definitely make him feel good whenever he saw them.
“Yeah…” Massu said, sounding hesitant. Tegoshi had to suppress a smug smile, forcing a curious one instead.
“Is something wrong, Massu?” He asked, pretending to be puzzled. “Don’t you like them?”
“Oh… it’s not that.” Massu said, laughing awkwardly. “It’s just…”
“Just?” Tegoshi pressed, heart starting to speed up a bit.
“Oh. Well.” Massu shrugged. “You know the language of flowers, right? Orange lilies are meant to imply extreme hatred. Whoever gave you those flowers probably didn’t know that, though. I’m sure they don’t hate you.”
Tegoshi laughed sweetly and nodded.
"How funny." He said. "I'm sure they didn't have a clue."
He threw the lilies in the nearest trashcan the moment he left the building, and as he drove home, he felt for a second that maybe the sender of the flowers did hate him, even if only just a tiny bit.
---
Massu obviously wasn’t the jealous type, Tegoshi decided that night, pushing away the horrible thought that maybe he just wasn’t interested in him. That couldn’t be the problem; he just hadn’t found the right angle yet.
Tegoshi flipped through his comics again, starting to hate the sight of them a little. What sorts of girls did the guys in these books like, he wondered? That could be the problem. Maybe he didn’t have the type of personality that boys looked for in a potential lover. He was cute, yes, but also self-centred, and now that he thought about it, what kind of guy wanted a self-centred girlfriend or boyfriend?
That could be what he needed to do to get Massu to like him; he had to change his image.
It only took until the third book into the series for him to come up with an idea. He needed to do nice things for Massu; things that Massu would be touched by, things that would definitely prove, beyond a doubt, that Tegoshi Yuya was not as self-centred as everyone thought.
He paused on a page of the heroine offering the hero a home-made boxed lunch, feeling a smile bloom on his face for the first time since the failure of the flower incident earlier that day. He was back on track again.
It was the perfect plan, really. Massu liked food - he’d even go as far as to say that Massu loved food - and then there was also the age old saying about how the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. Tegoshi could only hope it was true.
He wouldn’t be working with Massu or the rest of NEWS for a few days, but that gave him ample opportunity to plan exactly what he was going to put in the lunchbox.
As much as he’d like to make gyoza, aware of how much Massu loved it, there was no way he was going to sit there knowing that Massu was silently comparing it to the gyoza his mother made with each bite he took. No, Tegoshi would keep it simple; rice, karaage, pickles and a little salad would do. After all, the ultimate goal was showing Massu that he could be thoughtful, not impressing him with his culinary prowess - that could wait until later when he’d had more time to practice.
He got up early on the morning of the day that NEWS all had work together, and set about making the lunch, politely dismissing his mother’s offers to help him.
“It’s for a friend.” He explained honestly, “So I want to make it myself, or it won’t have the same feeling it in.”
She smiled at him, proud of the way her little boy was growing up, and left him be.
Cooking, it turned out, was harder than it looked, and Tegoshi wished he’d thought to practice during the week that had passed since he'd come up with the plan.
He underestimated how long the rice would take to cook, and in the end had to switch the rice cooker off before it was done.
Surely it’d be okay though, he thought, hurriedly spooning it into the lunch box. It looked like it was cooked, after all.
He barely had time to add the finishing touch; a message written in kanji made from nori reading ‘Massu ga daisuki ♥’ - ‘I love Massu ♥’. He’d debated whether or not to put it on, wondering if it was going too far, but then figured that Massu would just assume he was being his usual affectionate self. Besides, Massu was so oblivious to everything that being a little more blatant definitely wouldn’t hurt.
Once the lid was on, Tegoshi didn’t have a moment to spare, carelessly tossing the lunchbox in his bag and dashing out the door to leap into his car. He was the last to work, but wasn’t significantly late, and even had time to sidle up to Massu and hand him the lunch before they got started.
“What’s this?” Massu asked, looking at Tegoshi with wide, confused eyes as he accepted the box.
“It’s lunch.” Tegoshi said. “I made it for you.”
Massu stared at him as though he’d grown a second head. “But… why?” He looked like he could hardly imagine Tegoshi in the kitchen, let alone Tegoshi in the kitchen making something for someone else.
“Because I thought that you’d like it.” Tegoshi explained, trying not to smile at how cute Massu looked standing there with a puzzled expression, clutching the lunch he’d made for him to his chest.
Massu seemed like he wanted to say something else, like ‘Why for me?’ and ‘Why now?’ but he left it there, not pushing the issue any further.
“Then I’ll just have a look at what’s in here…” He said, taking the top off, and Tegoshi unconsciously held his breath.
Then Massu frowned, mouth setting into a tight line, and his eyes flicked towards Tegoshi. It unsettled him a bit. Was Massu angry about the message? Of all the possible reactions Tegoshi had imagined him having, he’d never factored anger into the scenario. It just wasn’t the type of thing Massu got mad about.
“Tegoshi…” Massu said, looking at him seriously. “Is this a joke?”
“No.” Tegoshi replied honestly. “It’s not.”
There was an awkward silence before Massu shook his head and sighed.
“Ah. Well. Thank you for making this for me anyway. I’ll eat it later.”
He went to put the lid back, and that was when Tegoshi noticed - some letters were missing from the message. It no longer read ‘Massu ga daisuki ♥’. Instead, the kanji that was left sitting on top of the rice made it look like the message he’d written was ‘Massu ga joshi ♥’ - ‘Massu is a girl ♥’.
“Ah, no, that’s not…” He started to say, but Massu was already busy putting the lunchbox away in his bag, not listening to a word Tegoshi said.
Lunch time rolled around slowly, without any chances for Tegoshi to correct the misunderstanding over the message arising. He wasn’t that worried about it anymore, though. Massu seemed to have forgotten that he’d been offended in the first place, and in this case it was really the food that mattered.
He sat nearby Massu, watching him closely as he opened his lunch and started to eat.
What he saw was not encouraging. Massu took a bite of karaage and chewed a couple of times before a strange expression came over his face. His chewing slowed considerably, and then he swallowed, lowering the rest of it back into lunchbox. He did the same thing with the rice, and then eventually just ate the pickles and the salad - the two things Tegoshi hadn’t cooked.
When Massu returned to the karaage with a look of determination on his features, Tegoshi couldn’t take it anymore.
“How is it?” He asked. Massu looked up at him and cleared his throat.
“Uh, it’s… I’m very happy you made it for me.” He said, and Tegoshi sighed.
“Massu, if it’s bad, just say it’s bad. I don’t mind.”
“It’s not that bad!” Massu said, looking at him with guilty eyes. “I’ve had much worse on variety programs.”
Tegoshi laughed wryly and shook his head.
“Massu, we’ve been given things like Durian Juice and Cow’s Blood Soup on variety shows. That doesn’t mean anything.”
“But you made this for me, so I want to eat it.” Massu replied stubbornly, lifting the chopsticks to his mouth again.
Tegoshi sighed and snatched the lunchbox away from him, picking up another piece of karaage in his fingers and taking a tentative bite. The flavour was funny, and it was so chewy that it reminded him of rubber. The rice, he found when he tried it, was undercooked after all, and thoroughly unpleasant.
“This is really gross.” Tegoshi made a face, and took the lid from Massu as well, placing it back on top of the box, then putting it away in his bag so that Massu wouldn’t have to force himself to eat anymore.
Once he got home that evening and set about throwing out the rest of the food and washing the lunchbox, he found the missing nori kanji ‘dai’ and the hiragana ‘ki’ from ‘daisuki’ stuck to the lid.
Tegoshi picked them off. He considered eating them for a moment, but then threw them out along with the karaage and rice. They were obviously bad luck.
---
Anyone else probably would have given up by now, but Tegoshi was not that kind of person. The more often he faced defeat, the harder he worked to overcome it, and this was no exception.
Still, it was impossible for him not to feel a little disheartened. He’d been trying for over a month now, with no obvious success, and it was starting to get to him a little. The thought that Massu may just not like him that way was persistently hovering in the back of his mind, and he had to keep brushing it away, like an annoying little fly that wouldn’t leave him alone.
Tegoshi almost didn’t want to go back to his dramas and comics, but he forced himself to. He liked Massu far too much to give up now, wouldn’t give up on him unless Massu told him to his face that he wasn’t interested.
And so it was back to his books. He flicked past a page absentmindedly and then stopped, fumbling the comic and flipping back.
The hero of the series had been dressed up, for what reason Tegoshi wasn’t quite sure, as a beautiful girl. There were several other male characters swooning over ‘her’ and praising ‘her’ beauty. Tegoshi clapped a hand to his forehead.
Why hadn’t he thought of that? Cross-dressing was his specialty.
It was so simple. Not only would dressing up as a girl give him an excuse to shamelessly flirt, all in the name of ‘role-play’ of course, but hopefully it would also make the idea of thinking of Tegoshi in a romantic way a little less daunting for Massu. After all, if he was wearing a dress, it automatically made him fair game.
He begged the managers to let them have a cosplay photoshoot in the next magazine they took photos for, and it was almost ridiculously easy to get his own way. He insisted on dressing himself, worried that if he left it up to the magazine to choose his clothes, he'd end up looking either like a school girl or a prostitute, neither of which he wanted. He wanted to look cute and wholesome, because cute and wholesome was the kind of girl that Massu liked.
He chose a pretty, flowing summer dress, even though it was winter and he'd freeze if he went outside, and a light brown wig that curled loosely around his chin.
He'd gotten pretty good at applying his own makeup over the years, and by the time he was done, even he may have fallen slightly in love with the girl he saw in the mirror.
It was hard not to laugh at some of the other members when he saw them, though. They waited around while the set was adjusted, looking vaguely ridiculous in their different costumes. Massu and Shige were still absent, but Koyama was sitting there, fidgeting in his slutty nurse outfit, while Ryo looked more dangerous than usual in cliché black and white striped jailbird clothes. Yamapi actually looked pretty normal, in a sports jacket and dark jeans, as though he wasn't in costume at all.
Tegoshi was just contemplating this when Massu and Shige finally appeared, and his throat went dry.
He completely ignored doctor Shige (now it was obvious who slutty nurse Kei-chan was taking photos with) in favour of Massu, all dressed up in a police uniform.
Tegoshi unconsciously crossed his legs and stared unabashedly.
Massu and Ryo were paired up for pictures, as were Tegoshi and Yamapi. The premise for their series of photos was that they were on a date, and they were made to hold hands while Tegoshi rested his head on Yamapi's shoulder and the makeup artists cooed about how cute they were in the background. Tegoshi wondered if Massu was watching, but he was too busy taking prison mate Ryo into custody to really be paying any attention.
Once it passed midday, they took a break for lunch and he was finally able to put his plan into action.
“You look so handsome in that outfit.” Tegoshi was on him the moment Massu sat down, fluttering his eyelashes and speaking in a high pitched voice that left no doubt that it was ‘Yuuko’ and not ‘Yuya’ talking.
“Oh. Thank you.” Massu replied, looking a little surprised by his sudden lapful of Tegoshi. “It felt a little strange arresting Ryo-kun, though.”
Tegoshi wiggled a little closer, so he was securely atop Massu.
“You’re not going to arrest me, right?” He asked, in a girly, fake nervous tone. Massu looked at him with a confused, very real nervous expression.
“Uh… why would I arrest you?” He asked, glancing around for help, but only finding Koyama and Shige trying to smother their laughter.
“Because…” Tegoshi whispered right into his ear, ignoring the other two, “I’ve been a bad girl.”
Massu gave him an incredulous look, and shifted uneasily beneath him. Tegoshi wasn’t worried though; Massu was generally awkward anyway - he found it cute - and having other people in the room during a moment like this probably made it even more uncomfortable for him.
“Oh, well.” Massu coughed, forcing a crooked, tense grin. “I wasn’t planning on it? I don’t, uh, arrest girls, so…”
Tegoshi giggled.
“You’re cute.” He said, placing a hand on Massu’s hip. In the background, a staff member snapped a picture that would no doubt make it into the off-shots, while Massu audibly swallowed.
“Thank you?” He said, but his voice rose at the end, making it sound like a question.
Tegoshi wondered if Massu was so anxious because Tegoshi was coming on stronger than he usually did when he was just playing around or because maybe Massu really did like him. He hoped it was the latter, though it could also be because Massu knew this wasn’t really a joke for Tegoshi anymore.
Tegoshi wasn’t sure if he wanted him to or not.
“Lunch is here!” Yamapi called from halfway across the room, making Tegoshi’s heart sink. He and Massu watched as the other four members all swarmed around the catered food, and he could tell that Massu was itching to join them.
“So… are we going to go and have lunch too?” He asked hopefully. Tegoshi bit the inside of his cheek, trying to think of what to say.
“I don’t want to get off of Massu though.” He said, going for the spoilt approach. It wasn’t fair, Massu wasn’t responding at all, and now he was going to be completely distracted.
“But… but lunch.” Massu replied, as though he was appalled by the idea of staying here when there was food to be eaten. He looked at Tegoshi with big, round, pleading eyes.
“Will you feed me then?” Tegoshi asked, blinking his mascara-thick lashes and pouting his glossy lips.
Massu gave him a funny look.
“You’ve been very strange lately.” He said, not meanly, but rather matter-of-factly. Tegoshi sighed and slid off his lap. He didn’t join the rest of them for lunch; he wasn’t really that hungry.
He was pretty grumpy for the rest of the shoot, but managed to force smiles for the camera and laugh at least half genuinely for his interview. Even so, he was glad to wash the makeup off and get out of the dress back into his normal clothes once it was all over; to him, wearing it didn’t have a purpose anymore, and so it seemed like a silly waste of time.
He dawdled today; usually he was quick to get ready to leave so he could go and play soccer or see his friends or go home to his dog, but today he wasn’t in the mood to hurry with anything. He wasn’t moping, not exactly, but he was in a rather foul temper. Nothing seemed to be working. He’d been studying, planning, working to get Massu to like him for months now, and all his efforts to this point appeared to have been in vain. Not that he’d know that for sure unless he could see inside Massu’s mind, but from what he could tell, he hadn’t made a single bit of progress. And so he took his time getting ready to go, hoping to avoid the other members and the staff, not in the mood to talk to anyone.
He hung about idly for 15 minutes before figuring that he may as well leave, and slung his bag over his shoulder, walking out of the dressing room.
Straight into Massu.
Right, Tegoshi remembered. Massu was the obsessive-compulsive one who always took forever to get ready because he liked all his things to be in order before he left. And with the sort of luck Tegoshi had been having recently, it was unsurprising that it’d be Massu he ran into when he was feeling like this.
Massu smiled widely, probably pleased to see him back in his boy clothes since it meant he wouldn’t be molesting him anymore.
“That was quite fun.” He said, walking alongside Tegoshi, out to the car park. “Koyama’s skirt was shorter than yours, though. I was surprised.”
Tegoshi wasn’t sure whether he was being serious or not, so he didn’t say anything, walking out the automatic doors in silence. Massu chatted casually, seemingly not bothered by Tegoshi’s meagre responses. Tegoshi was happy for it to remain a one-sided conversation as well, until Massu hesitantly said, “But it’s true, you know. You’ve been acting pretty weird recently.”
Tegoshi tilted his head, regarding Massu cautiously.
“What do you mean?” He asked, stopping on the deserted sidewalk outside the building.
“Eh, you don’t know?” Massu seemed surprised. “You’ve been jumping on me and making me lunch and sitting in my lap and all sorts of things. It just makes me wonder…”
Tegoshi tried to calm his heart, bad mood disappearing in a flash. Had he noticed after all?
“Did you do something you want to make up to me?” Massu finished.
Tegoshi stared at him, not comprehending.
“Huh?” Was all he could think to say.
“If you’ve broken or damaged something of mine, it’s okay. I’ve had time to think about it, so I won’t get mad. Obviously you’re very sorry.” Massu continued, nodding as he spoke as though to back up his statement.
Tegoshi stood completely still, mouth hanging open. He looked somewhere between disbelieving and offended.
“No!” He said in a voice much louder than he needed to. “That’s not it at all.”
“Oh.” Massu laughed, a little embarrassed, and rubbed the back of his head. “I just thought that… well, you seemed to be acting strange, but maybe I was mistaken? I thought maybe there was something you felt guilty about, but I just…”
“Massu, are you blind?” Tegoshi asked incredulously, finally losing his composure and cutting Massu off. “I didn’t break anything of yours; I didn’t do anything I feel guilty about. I like you!”
Massu’s mouth opened slowly, but all that came out was “ah”, before he stopped and slowly closed it again. Tegoshi simultaneously felt both more relieved and more dead than he’d ever felt before. On one hand, he’d said the thing he’d been wanting to for months and months; he’d no longer be weighed down by the unfamiliar feeling of an unspoken confession. On the other hand, he’d screwed up months of careful planning and research in a moment, all because he’d lost his temper.
Meanwhile, Massu was slowly turning a peculiar shade of pink, his cheeks looking like they’d been brushed with rouge.
“So, wait. What, that… Tegoshi?” He stuttered, making nonsensical motions with his hands. “You mean that, all of that was because… like, the lunch and the sitting and the time you seemed drunk were all because…”
“Because I like you.” Tegoshi repeated, confidently looking Massu in the eyes. “And I wanted you to figure it out. I wanted you to like me back.”
Massu absentmindedly nibbled at his bottom lip, still blushing and shuffling his feet.
“Then… why didn’t you just tell me?” He asked.
This time it was Tegoshi who almost fell over himself in surprise.
“What?”
“Well…” Massu said, drawing out the word, trying to think of how to explain himself. “That’s what you do, isn’t it? Aren’t you the type who says whatever’s on your mind? If you like someone, you always confess to them. That’s what I expect from you, so if you don’t tell me by yourself, I’ll never guess.”
Tegoshi wasn’t sure what to say to that. He tried to think of something, but nothing came out except for, “oh.”
Massu laughed, and he tentatively rested a hand on Tegoshi’s arm.
“I’m not sure whether to be flattered or not that it’s different with me. I was sort of hoping for a romantic confession in the back of a dark room, but it feels good to be special too, I guess.”
It took Tegoshi a moment to register what Massu had just said, realization slowly dawning across his features as he did.
“You mean…” He started to say, and Massu slung his arm around his shoulders, smiling until his dimples showed and pulling them into each other so their hips bumped.
“I need to go home now, but call me tonight if you’ve got free time, okay?” He said, face lit up by a dazzling grin.
Tegoshi felt like his heart was melting.
“Well. Do you want a ride to the train station then?” He asked, praying for a yes.
“Sure.” Massu said, and Tegoshi felt a matching grin spread across his own face.
They walked to the car, Massu’s arm still securely around his shoulders. To anyone else, it would’ve looked like a friendly gesture, but Tegoshi knew better. From the way Massu’s fingers cupped the curve of his arm, to the way he pillowed Tegoshi firmly against his side as they walked, he knew this was Massu’s way of letting him know that he was special to him too.
---
When he got home, Tegoshi packed up all his comics and dramas and stored them in the back of his room where they would no doubt stay, beginning to collect dust as time went on.
He didn’t need to change himself at all, he decided, as he put the last book on top of the stack in his cupboard. The way he normally did things worked better than any amount of planning or scheming ever could.
Yes, Tegoshi thought, tapping down through his cellphone contacts list to Massu’s name and pausing to smile at it before hitting the call button; he was already perfect as he was.
Rating: PG-13
Group/Pairing: Tegoshi/Masuda
Warnings: Gratuitous Tegofail
Notes: I want to apologize to lastingdreams8 for somehow managing to write TegoMass from her archive (I am so sorry). Also thanks to my wonderful beta-reader for being amazing as always.
Link to Original Story: " Snapshots" (Drabble #006. Sky")
Link to Original Writer: lastingdreams8
Tegoshi hated losing. It was a fact of life, the same way it was a fact that it got colder in winter, or that rain fell down and not up, or that Massu wouldn’t talk to you for a week if you got dirt on his bag. Everyone knew it was true, and everyone knew he got sulky and surly when he didn’t win; there had even been times when Koyama had let himself lose to Tegoshi on purpose, just so he wouldn’t have to see his mouth curl down or his brows knit together.
This trait of Tegoshi’s naturally manifested itself in a perfectionist streak about a mile wide, and, whatever he did, he made sure he did it well; singing? He’d taken classes on proper performance and breathing techniques. Acting? That was what he was majoring in psychology for. Soccer? He’d been practicing every free evening he’d had since he was four years old.
Love, however, was an entirely different matter. There were no night-time classes on how to love properly, no online courses to take, and it wasn’t really something you could practice until you had it right either; not without breaking a lot of hearts in the process.
This created quite a conundrum for Tegoshi; he wanted to be the best at everything he did (drawing was no exception to this rule, the world just had yet to learn to appreciate his unique artistic genius) while the finer intricacies of love managed to elude him.
He liked to be well prepared for everything, but really, how did one go about studying how to woo, how to be romantic, how to win over the object of their affections?
He was watching television one day when the solution came to him.
The show wasn’t anything special - Tegoshi wasn’t even sure what its name was, wasn’t even watching properly - and he only really had it on because he had nothing else to do. He’d been intending to go and play soccer on his day off, but the rain rattling the roof and streaking down the windows had ruined that plan.
Towards the end of the drama, his stomach gave a short, sharp rumble, and he was just contemplating getting up to find food when cheering from the screen caught his attention. The main character was in the middle of a basketball match and had just scored a goal right before half time. Tegoshi watched with mild interest as he jogged over to a girl on the side lines - his childhood friend, romantic interest, and best friend’s girlfriend, from what he’d gathered so far.
“Saya-chan!”
The girl stepped forward to meet the boy as he slowed to a stop in front of her, grinning from ear to ear.
“Nice shot, Ryu! If you keep playing like this, you’ll definitely win the game for your team.”
The protagonist was silent for a second, before smiling softly and cocking his head to the side.
“You’re really tired, aren’t you?” He said. “I guess you must’ve been up late studying for entrance exams again, right?”
Saya bit her lip, averting her eyes, which Tegoshi assumed meant that the guess had been right.
“You should go home and get some sleep.” Ryu continued, patting her on the shoulder. “I don’t mind. It’s enough that you came and watched the first half of my game when you’re busy with such important things.”
“No Ryu, I…” Saya started to protest, but Ryu held up a hand to hush her.
“It’s alright, Saya.” He said. “You can go. I’ll do my best and definitely win this game for you.”
“How cool…” Tegoshi murmured to himself, eyes glazing over. If it was him and the person he liked was watching him play an important game of soccer, he definitely wouldn’t have told them it was okay to go home; probably wouldn’t have even thought of doing it.
He tried to file the scene away in his mind for future reference, and that was when the thought hit him - wasn’t fiction the perfect way to study romance techniques? All possible grounds were covered in books, television and comics; falling in love, courting, confessions, first steps, dating, kissing… It was all there for Tegoshi to safely watch, read and commit to memory before putting it into practice.
With a plan already forming in his head, he switched the TV off and headed towards the kitchen with a bounce in his step and a devious smile on his face.
---
Pinpointing the exact time he’d fallen in love with Massu was impossible. It had crept up on him, and that, mixed with doubt and rigorous self-denial, left him without a day, week, month or even year to put to the moment when friendship had crossed over into love. He wasn’t sure what, when, why or how it had happened, just that it had, and sometimes Massu was all he was able to think about, dream about, even talk about.
Tegoshi acted like a real boy when it came to love; playing pranks, teasing and being a general annoyance in return for a few moments of attention from his object of affection.
But he really liked Massu, and, while five years ago any kind of attention from him would have been enough for Tegoshi, he found that now, what he desperately wanted was for Massu to like him back.
It was the first time for Tegoshi to feel this way. In the past, when he’d had a crush on someone, he’d always confessed right away and hadn’t let any subsequent rejections bother him for long. But with Massu, it was different. He wasn’t sure if it was because Massu was a boy, or because he was a colleague, or maybe even because Tegoshi had grown up and this was his first real adult love. Whatever it was, he knew that he didn’t want to screw it up by diving in head-first and brashly telling Massu how he felt about him. But he wanted to. God, did he want to. And it was getting harder and harder by the day to keep his feelings on the down low, especially when Massu was one hundred and ten percent oblivious and kept doing things that drove Tegoshi insane.
Simple things like his sunshine smile, that Tegoshi had once taken for granted, now sent his heart into a frenzy. Whenever Massu took off his shirt, lean muscles rippling under golden skin, Tegoshi would spend the following night having despicable dreams that would’ve made his mother cry, had she known about them. And the way that Massu touched him, though usually only fleeting and friendly, made Tegoshi want to pull him close, kiss him senseless, and whisper declarations of love against his lips.
It was difficult for someone who usually wore his heart on his sleeve with no apologies to hide it away, but the situation called for it, so what else could he do?
There was no solution, he decided, other than winning Massu over first so that he was already head over heels in love with him once Tegoshi finally did choose to confess.
The plan started with buying a pad of paper and pens with which to write down his ideas, along with a whole lot of comics. While Tegoshi thought that dramas and movies were the most ideal way to study, since he’d be able to analyze expressions and body language, comic books had the added bonus of fitting in his bag so that he could study on the train and between jobs at work. And so Tegoshi looked for all the books in all of the most romantic series that he could find, and then bought every single one of them.
---
For Massu to start thinking of Tegoshi as more than a friend, he’d obviously need to consider the very notion of it first, and it was doubtful that he had yet. It'd taken Tegoshi forever to do it on his own, and he certainly couldn’t afford to wait that long. What he’d have to do was put the idea into Massu’s head and give him a gentle push along before his plan could progress.
To do that, Tegoshi thought, he’d have to hint very subtly to Massu that he liked him. Not so much that he’d give himself away, but just enough for Massu to start wondering, which would ultimately set him on the path of unconsciously considering his own feelings.
He searched through entire series of comics and watched whole dramas to find what it was that eventually caused people to fall for each other.
One thing he found that frequently seemed to set things in motion was touch. There were plenty of stories where the newly besotted hero or heroine would remember a light, flirtatious brush of fingers against their face, or a hand placed gently on their shoulder, finding themselves caught up in a wave of feelings they didn’t understand. It seemed like a good idea, perhaps even the perfect way to imply that he was interested in Massu without him being able to tell if he was just being the usual touchy-feely Tegoshi, or if it was something more.
His first attempt, however, didn't go too well.
It wasn’t that it went badly, per se, more like it just… didn’t go at all. He wasn’t sure why. Everything was perfect; the two of them arrived at work early with nothing to do, no one else around to distract them, and a full half hour for Tegoshi to put his plan into action. He sidled up to Massu, placing his hand on the crook of his elbow and smiling at him with what he hoped was a soft, affectionate look. Massu smiled back and Tegoshi was just getting ready to feel triumphant when Massu asked, "Do you want something, Tegoshi?"
The times when a look of genuine surprise crossed Tegoshi's face were rare, but this was one of those times.
"No, nothing. Why?" He asked, hiding his disappointment when Massu let his arm fall, and he was forced to remove his hand.
"Oh. I thought you looked like you did." Massu said, chuckling at the misunderstanding. “It’s just that that’s the expression you usually have on your face when you’re going to ask Koyama for a favour.”
Tegoshi tried very hard not to look grumpy and wondered why he felt like they’d just taken a step backwards.
He decided to step his game up a bit. He could see how putting his hand on Massu’s arm like that could be misconstrued as Tegoshi just trying to get his attention. He'd need to do something a little less ambiguous if he wanted to be successful.
The next time he tried was several days later, so as not to arouse suspicion. They'd just gone on a break from recording, and Massu was sitting on a chair, alone in the studio. Tegoshi snuck up behind him and blew in his ear, causing Massu almost to leap out of his seat with a loud yelp.
“Tegoshi.” Massu turned to fix him with a frown, saying his name in an accusing almost-whine that let Tegoshi know he was on the verge of getting grumpy. Massu was the type to get quietly angry, but Tegoshi knew him well enough to recognize the signs, and immediately fixed an appropriately remorseful expression on his face.
“I’m sorry, Massu. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He said, and Massu’s face immediately cleared back up into a smile.
“I wasn’t scared, just a little surprised.” He replied. Tegoshi smiled back at him and rested his chin on Massu’s shoulder, leaning slightly so their heads touched. He didn’t say anything, and in the silence he heard Massu swallow. Perhaps his plan had finally worked this time. Or at least he thought so, until Massu asked him, “What are you doing? Are you bored, Tegoshi?”
“No.” Tegoshi answered honestly, casually twisting his neck so his nose pressed into Massu’s hair. “I’m never bored when Massu’s around.”
“You’re strange sometimes.” Massu laughed, pushing Tegoshi away. “That tickles.”
Tegoshi had to fight the urge to scowl.
He tried again a little later when the two of them were out for a late lunch in a restaurant with two of the recording staff. Slowly and subtly, he let his foot brush against Massu’s. He waited for a moment and then, when Massu didn’t move, let it come to rest ever so slightly on top of it, heart pounding, but feeling victorious.
Then Massu smiled at him serenely and said, “You’re standing on my foot Tegoshi.”
Tegoshi had no choice but to remove it.
---
So apparently the touching technique wasn’t going to work. He went back to pouring over his comics and dramas, staying up late and analyzing every detail of the relationships in them, trying to figure out what it was that made attraction spark.
Perhaps he needed to try using a more male-specific method, he thought one night, while discarding yet another idea that was just plain ridiculous; he doubted that there was a foolproof way of getting Massu to trip just so Tegoshi could catch him and hold him in his arms (and even if there was, if it would actually have the desired effect).
He paused and pondered the idea. What did he, as a guy, find cute about girls? What sort of things did they do that made his heart flutter? If he could recreate that kind of thing with Massu, perhaps that was the key to winning him over.
He looked back down at the comic in his hands, at the full page spread of the heroine tripping into the arms of her love interest and the way he held her securely and safely against him.
That was cute, Tegoshi thought. That was something most guys thought was cute; when girls needed to be protected. All Tegoshi needed to do was find a situation in which Massu needed to protect him, to make him feel masculine and important. Hopefully those protective feelings would naturally carry over into more romantic ones and then Massu would be like putty in Tegoshi’s hands.
The opportunity arose more quickly than he’d thought it would.
The two of them had just finished their last day of recording, and were reclining on a couch in the studio together, while the staff went over everything to make sure they were well and truly done. They were chatting idly together as they waited when Tegoshi noticed a rather large spider lurking on the wall that their couch was pushed up against. His mind worked quickly, and he threw himself into Massu’s lap, effectively straddling him as he buried his face in his neck and wrapped his arms around his waist.
“Massu.” He whimpered in a suitably scared and vulnerable voice. He wasn’t actually frightened in the least; the spider wasn’t going to move, much less hurt them. He was far more interested in the way that Massu’s hands automatically shot up to support him, pressing protectively against his shoulder blades and pulling Tegoshi into him just that tiny bit more; this was what he’d wanted. This was exactly what he’d been trying to achieve.
“Tegoshi?” Massu asked, and his mouth was directly by Tegoshi’s ear, breath warm and voice soothing. “What’s wrong?”
“There’s a spider.” Tegoshi said shakily, trying to make himself sound as pathetic and in need of protection as possible.
He felt Massu’s head move as he looked around for the offending arachnid, followed by a brief pause before he let out a decidedly unmanly scream right in Tegoshi’s ear and dropped him on the floor.
At any other time, Tegoshi would have been impressed with the limber way that Massu vaulted over the arm of the couch, making a perfect landing a safe distance away from the wall, but right now his tailbone hurt too much for him to be able to appreciate anything at all.
Tegoshi decided not to take that route of action any further. He’d had a major lapse in judgement when he’d forgotten just how scared of bugs Massu was, and, while the plan would’ve probably been far more successful had he used an angle that didn’t involve spiders, Tegoshi didn’t want to risk any further injury.
He tried varying degrees of ‘cute’ over the next couple of weeks. Pretending to fall asleep on Massu’s shoulder while they were in the backseat of their manager’s car had seemed like a good idea until Massu had thoughtfully pushed Tegoshi back into a sitting position so he wouldn't get a sore neck.
He even tried sitting a little closer to Massu than he usually did one day, giggling and blushing at appropriate times during their conversation. Occasionally, he’d duck his head and look up at Massu through his lashes with a shy smile.
“Tegoshi…” Massu asked him eventually, with a completely serious face. “Are you drunk?”
Tegoshi only managed to keep his smile on his face through sheer willpower.
“What?” He asked, trying to force a laugh, but Massu’s expression didn’t change.
“You’re acting strange. You’re not drunk, are you? I mean, if you have a problem… I’m here. If you need someone to talk to.”
Tegoshi forced another uncomfortable laugh.
“Of course I’m not drunk; we're at work. I’m totally fine.” He said. Massu looked at him a little suspiciously.
“Well, if you’re sure.” He said, but he let the subject go.
When Massu got up to use the bathroom a couple of minutes later, Tegoshi let the smile drop from his face. It didn’t reappear for the rest of the day.
---
For a guy who liked using the word ‘cute’ so much, it seemed as though Massu either didn’t appreciate or wasn’t going to be won over by Tegoshi’s cuteness. At first, Tegoshi was almost offended when he realized it wasn’t working, but then figured that he could understand. After all, he was pretty cute at any given time. Maybe Massu had become immune to it.
But, he thought, as he scanned through a new series of comics, he may have discovered a new method that might just work for him; jealousy.
Massu may have been impervious to his cuteness, but who in the world was resistant to jealousy?
Massu didn't even need to know he liked Tegoshi to be possessive of him. In fact, if things went to plan and worked like they did in stories, Massu would get jealous, wonder why he was feeling that way, and then discover that he'd had a crush on Tegoshi all along. It may have been a longer route than the one he’d originally been planning to take, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and though he’d never admit it, Tegoshi was getting pretty desperate.
He spent the night before the day that NEWS had a photoshoot scheduled poring over a florist’s website, trying to decide on the perfect bouquet to have delivered to his house tomorrow. He liked roses, thought they were gorgeous, but they were also for special occasions and somehow ordering those would seem like overdoing it. Daisies were too plain and blossoms were too childish.
He needed flowers that suited him; something elegant and exotic and eye-catching…
Lilies, he thought, stopping on a picture on the site. A bunch of brightly coloured lilies would be absolutely perfect for his purposes.
Beaming at the screen in triumph, Tegoshi placed an order for one bouquet to be delivered to his doorstep in the morning.
The flowers arrived on time, and Tegoshi settled them snugly in the passenger seat of his car, taking special care not to crush the petals. He even buckled them in to assure that they wouldn’t fall off the seat and get damaged, and kept casting them quick looks to make sure they were still okay whenever he stopped at a light.
He and his lilies made it to the studio without mishap, and he strolled inside, swinging the bouquet in his hand in what he assumed looked like a cool, casual way, as though he hadn’t bought it for himself.
Koyama was naturally the first one who noticed. Tegoshi had only just put them down along with his bag when Koyama was at his side, trying to get a closer look.
“Ooh, who are those for?” He asked, half teasing, half genuinely curious.
Tegoshi flashed him a wide, cheery smile and reached out to caress the tissue paper around the flowers lovingly.
“They’re for me.” He said, and it wasn’t like he was lying; they really were for him.
Koyama seemed a little surprised.
“Eh, really? Lucky! They’re so pretty. Who’re they from?”
Tegoshi’s smile turned mysterious, and he shot a look at Massu out of the corner of his eye to make sure he was listening.
“I’m not telling.” He trilled in his most annoying voice, once he’d confirmed that, yes, Massu was hearing everything they were saying.
Koyama bothered him about the flowers and their mysterious sender for the rest of the day, soon joined by Shige and Ryo, but Tegoshi just brushed their questions off, far more interested in the way that Massu kept staring over at the bouquet of lilies next to his bag.
His plan had to be working; there was no other reason for Massu to be so interested in his flowers. The thought boosted his spirits immensely, and all the smiles he shot at the camera were wide and genuine, earning him praise from the photographers.
The shoot was over before he knew it, and as he was picking up his bag and lilies, getting ready to leave, he noticed Massu looking at them again.
“They’re pretty, aren’t they?” He said, thinking that maybe he’d put them in a vase in his room when he got home. Even if he’d bought them for himself, they’d definitely make him feel good whenever he saw them.
“Yeah…” Massu said, sounding hesitant. Tegoshi had to suppress a smug smile, forcing a curious one instead.
“Is something wrong, Massu?” He asked, pretending to be puzzled. “Don’t you like them?”
“Oh… it’s not that.” Massu said, laughing awkwardly. “It’s just…”
“Just?” Tegoshi pressed, heart starting to speed up a bit.
“Oh. Well.” Massu shrugged. “You know the language of flowers, right? Orange lilies are meant to imply extreme hatred. Whoever gave you those flowers probably didn’t know that, though. I’m sure they don’t hate you.”
Tegoshi laughed sweetly and nodded.
"How funny." He said. "I'm sure they didn't have a clue."
He threw the lilies in the nearest trashcan the moment he left the building, and as he drove home, he felt for a second that maybe the sender of the flowers did hate him, even if only just a tiny bit.
---
Massu obviously wasn’t the jealous type, Tegoshi decided that night, pushing away the horrible thought that maybe he just wasn’t interested in him. That couldn’t be the problem; he just hadn’t found the right angle yet.
Tegoshi flipped through his comics again, starting to hate the sight of them a little. What sorts of girls did the guys in these books like, he wondered? That could be the problem. Maybe he didn’t have the type of personality that boys looked for in a potential lover. He was cute, yes, but also self-centred, and now that he thought about it, what kind of guy wanted a self-centred girlfriend or boyfriend?
That could be what he needed to do to get Massu to like him; he had to change his image.
It only took until the third book into the series for him to come up with an idea. He needed to do nice things for Massu; things that Massu would be touched by, things that would definitely prove, beyond a doubt, that Tegoshi Yuya was not as self-centred as everyone thought.
He paused on a page of the heroine offering the hero a home-made boxed lunch, feeling a smile bloom on his face for the first time since the failure of the flower incident earlier that day. He was back on track again.
It was the perfect plan, really. Massu liked food - he’d even go as far as to say that Massu loved food - and then there was also the age old saying about how the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. Tegoshi could only hope it was true.
He wouldn’t be working with Massu or the rest of NEWS for a few days, but that gave him ample opportunity to plan exactly what he was going to put in the lunchbox.
As much as he’d like to make gyoza, aware of how much Massu loved it, there was no way he was going to sit there knowing that Massu was silently comparing it to the gyoza his mother made with each bite he took. No, Tegoshi would keep it simple; rice, karaage, pickles and a little salad would do. After all, the ultimate goal was showing Massu that he could be thoughtful, not impressing him with his culinary prowess - that could wait until later when he’d had more time to practice.
He got up early on the morning of the day that NEWS all had work together, and set about making the lunch, politely dismissing his mother’s offers to help him.
“It’s for a friend.” He explained honestly, “So I want to make it myself, or it won’t have the same feeling it in.”
She smiled at him, proud of the way her little boy was growing up, and left him be.
Cooking, it turned out, was harder than it looked, and Tegoshi wished he’d thought to practice during the week that had passed since he'd come up with the plan.
He underestimated how long the rice would take to cook, and in the end had to switch the rice cooker off before it was done.
Surely it’d be okay though, he thought, hurriedly spooning it into the lunch box. It looked like it was cooked, after all.
He barely had time to add the finishing touch; a message written in kanji made from nori reading ‘Massu ga daisuki ♥’ - ‘I love Massu ♥’. He’d debated whether or not to put it on, wondering if it was going too far, but then figured that Massu would just assume he was being his usual affectionate self. Besides, Massu was so oblivious to everything that being a little more blatant definitely wouldn’t hurt.
Once the lid was on, Tegoshi didn’t have a moment to spare, carelessly tossing the lunchbox in his bag and dashing out the door to leap into his car. He was the last to work, but wasn’t significantly late, and even had time to sidle up to Massu and hand him the lunch before they got started.
“What’s this?” Massu asked, looking at Tegoshi with wide, confused eyes as he accepted the box.
“It’s lunch.” Tegoshi said. “I made it for you.”
Massu stared at him as though he’d grown a second head. “But… why?” He looked like he could hardly imagine Tegoshi in the kitchen, let alone Tegoshi in the kitchen making something for someone else.
“Because I thought that you’d like it.” Tegoshi explained, trying not to smile at how cute Massu looked standing there with a puzzled expression, clutching the lunch he’d made for him to his chest.
Massu seemed like he wanted to say something else, like ‘Why for me?’ and ‘Why now?’ but he left it there, not pushing the issue any further.
“Then I’ll just have a look at what’s in here…” He said, taking the top off, and Tegoshi unconsciously held his breath.
Then Massu frowned, mouth setting into a tight line, and his eyes flicked towards Tegoshi. It unsettled him a bit. Was Massu angry about the message? Of all the possible reactions Tegoshi had imagined him having, he’d never factored anger into the scenario. It just wasn’t the type of thing Massu got mad about.
“Tegoshi…” Massu said, looking at him seriously. “Is this a joke?”
“No.” Tegoshi replied honestly. “It’s not.”
There was an awkward silence before Massu shook his head and sighed.
“Ah. Well. Thank you for making this for me anyway. I’ll eat it later.”
He went to put the lid back, and that was when Tegoshi noticed - some letters were missing from the message. It no longer read ‘Massu ga daisuki ♥’. Instead, the kanji that was left sitting on top of the rice made it look like the message he’d written was ‘Massu ga joshi ♥’ - ‘Massu is a girl ♥’.
“Ah, no, that’s not…” He started to say, but Massu was already busy putting the lunchbox away in his bag, not listening to a word Tegoshi said.
Lunch time rolled around slowly, without any chances for Tegoshi to correct the misunderstanding over the message arising. He wasn’t that worried about it anymore, though. Massu seemed to have forgotten that he’d been offended in the first place, and in this case it was really the food that mattered.
He sat nearby Massu, watching him closely as he opened his lunch and started to eat.
What he saw was not encouraging. Massu took a bite of karaage and chewed a couple of times before a strange expression came over his face. His chewing slowed considerably, and then he swallowed, lowering the rest of it back into lunchbox. He did the same thing with the rice, and then eventually just ate the pickles and the salad - the two things Tegoshi hadn’t cooked.
When Massu returned to the karaage with a look of determination on his features, Tegoshi couldn’t take it anymore.
“How is it?” He asked. Massu looked up at him and cleared his throat.
“Uh, it’s… I’m very happy you made it for me.” He said, and Tegoshi sighed.
“Massu, if it’s bad, just say it’s bad. I don’t mind.”
“It’s not that bad!” Massu said, looking at him with guilty eyes. “I’ve had much worse on variety programs.”
Tegoshi laughed wryly and shook his head.
“Massu, we’ve been given things like Durian Juice and Cow’s Blood Soup on variety shows. That doesn’t mean anything.”
“But you made this for me, so I want to eat it.” Massu replied stubbornly, lifting the chopsticks to his mouth again.
Tegoshi sighed and snatched the lunchbox away from him, picking up another piece of karaage in his fingers and taking a tentative bite. The flavour was funny, and it was so chewy that it reminded him of rubber. The rice, he found when he tried it, was undercooked after all, and thoroughly unpleasant.
“This is really gross.” Tegoshi made a face, and took the lid from Massu as well, placing it back on top of the box, then putting it away in his bag so that Massu wouldn’t have to force himself to eat anymore.
Once he got home that evening and set about throwing out the rest of the food and washing the lunchbox, he found the missing nori kanji ‘dai’ and the hiragana ‘ki’ from ‘daisuki’ stuck to the lid.
Tegoshi picked them off. He considered eating them for a moment, but then threw them out along with the karaage and rice. They were obviously bad luck.
---
Anyone else probably would have given up by now, but Tegoshi was not that kind of person. The more often he faced defeat, the harder he worked to overcome it, and this was no exception.
Still, it was impossible for him not to feel a little disheartened. He’d been trying for over a month now, with no obvious success, and it was starting to get to him a little. The thought that Massu may just not like him that way was persistently hovering in the back of his mind, and he had to keep brushing it away, like an annoying little fly that wouldn’t leave him alone.
Tegoshi almost didn’t want to go back to his dramas and comics, but he forced himself to. He liked Massu far too much to give up now, wouldn’t give up on him unless Massu told him to his face that he wasn’t interested.
And so it was back to his books. He flicked past a page absentmindedly and then stopped, fumbling the comic and flipping back.
The hero of the series had been dressed up, for what reason Tegoshi wasn’t quite sure, as a beautiful girl. There were several other male characters swooning over ‘her’ and praising ‘her’ beauty. Tegoshi clapped a hand to his forehead.
Why hadn’t he thought of that? Cross-dressing was his specialty.
It was so simple. Not only would dressing up as a girl give him an excuse to shamelessly flirt, all in the name of ‘role-play’ of course, but hopefully it would also make the idea of thinking of Tegoshi in a romantic way a little less daunting for Massu. After all, if he was wearing a dress, it automatically made him fair game.
He begged the managers to let them have a cosplay photoshoot in the next magazine they took photos for, and it was almost ridiculously easy to get his own way. He insisted on dressing himself, worried that if he left it up to the magazine to choose his clothes, he'd end up looking either like a school girl or a prostitute, neither of which he wanted. He wanted to look cute and wholesome, because cute and wholesome was the kind of girl that Massu liked.
He chose a pretty, flowing summer dress, even though it was winter and he'd freeze if he went outside, and a light brown wig that curled loosely around his chin.
He'd gotten pretty good at applying his own makeup over the years, and by the time he was done, even he may have fallen slightly in love with the girl he saw in the mirror.
It was hard not to laugh at some of the other members when he saw them, though. They waited around while the set was adjusted, looking vaguely ridiculous in their different costumes. Massu and Shige were still absent, but Koyama was sitting there, fidgeting in his slutty nurse outfit, while Ryo looked more dangerous than usual in cliché black and white striped jailbird clothes. Yamapi actually looked pretty normal, in a sports jacket and dark jeans, as though he wasn't in costume at all.
Tegoshi was just contemplating this when Massu and Shige finally appeared, and his throat went dry.
He completely ignored doctor Shige (now it was obvious who slutty nurse Kei-chan was taking photos with) in favour of Massu, all dressed up in a police uniform.
Tegoshi unconsciously crossed his legs and stared unabashedly.
Massu and Ryo were paired up for pictures, as were Tegoshi and Yamapi. The premise for their series of photos was that they were on a date, and they were made to hold hands while Tegoshi rested his head on Yamapi's shoulder and the makeup artists cooed about how cute they were in the background. Tegoshi wondered if Massu was watching, but he was too busy taking prison mate Ryo into custody to really be paying any attention.
Once it passed midday, they took a break for lunch and he was finally able to put his plan into action.
“You look so handsome in that outfit.” Tegoshi was on him the moment Massu sat down, fluttering his eyelashes and speaking in a high pitched voice that left no doubt that it was ‘Yuuko’ and not ‘Yuya’ talking.
“Oh. Thank you.” Massu replied, looking a little surprised by his sudden lapful of Tegoshi. “It felt a little strange arresting Ryo-kun, though.”
Tegoshi wiggled a little closer, so he was securely atop Massu.
“You’re not going to arrest me, right?” He asked, in a girly, fake nervous tone. Massu looked at him with a confused, very real nervous expression.
“Uh… why would I arrest you?” He asked, glancing around for help, but only finding Koyama and Shige trying to smother their laughter.
“Because…” Tegoshi whispered right into his ear, ignoring the other two, “I’ve been a bad girl.”
Massu gave him an incredulous look, and shifted uneasily beneath him. Tegoshi wasn’t worried though; Massu was generally awkward anyway - he found it cute - and having other people in the room during a moment like this probably made it even more uncomfortable for him.
“Oh, well.” Massu coughed, forcing a crooked, tense grin. “I wasn’t planning on it? I don’t, uh, arrest girls, so…”
Tegoshi giggled.
“You’re cute.” He said, placing a hand on Massu’s hip. In the background, a staff member snapped a picture that would no doubt make it into the off-shots, while Massu audibly swallowed.
“Thank you?” He said, but his voice rose at the end, making it sound like a question.
Tegoshi wondered if Massu was so anxious because Tegoshi was coming on stronger than he usually did when he was just playing around or because maybe Massu really did like him. He hoped it was the latter, though it could also be because Massu knew this wasn’t really a joke for Tegoshi anymore.
Tegoshi wasn’t sure if he wanted him to or not.
“Lunch is here!” Yamapi called from halfway across the room, making Tegoshi’s heart sink. He and Massu watched as the other four members all swarmed around the catered food, and he could tell that Massu was itching to join them.
“So… are we going to go and have lunch too?” He asked hopefully. Tegoshi bit the inside of his cheek, trying to think of what to say.
“I don’t want to get off of Massu though.” He said, going for the spoilt approach. It wasn’t fair, Massu wasn’t responding at all, and now he was going to be completely distracted.
“But… but lunch.” Massu replied, as though he was appalled by the idea of staying here when there was food to be eaten. He looked at Tegoshi with big, round, pleading eyes.
“Will you feed me then?” Tegoshi asked, blinking his mascara-thick lashes and pouting his glossy lips.
Massu gave him a funny look.
“You’ve been very strange lately.” He said, not meanly, but rather matter-of-factly. Tegoshi sighed and slid off his lap. He didn’t join the rest of them for lunch; he wasn’t really that hungry.
He was pretty grumpy for the rest of the shoot, but managed to force smiles for the camera and laugh at least half genuinely for his interview. Even so, he was glad to wash the makeup off and get out of the dress back into his normal clothes once it was all over; to him, wearing it didn’t have a purpose anymore, and so it seemed like a silly waste of time.
He dawdled today; usually he was quick to get ready to leave so he could go and play soccer or see his friends or go home to his dog, but today he wasn’t in the mood to hurry with anything. He wasn’t moping, not exactly, but he was in a rather foul temper. Nothing seemed to be working. He’d been studying, planning, working to get Massu to like him for months now, and all his efforts to this point appeared to have been in vain. Not that he’d know that for sure unless he could see inside Massu’s mind, but from what he could tell, he hadn’t made a single bit of progress. And so he took his time getting ready to go, hoping to avoid the other members and the staff, not in the mood to talk to anyone.
He hung about idly for 15 minutes before figuring that he may as well leave, and slung his bag over his shoulder, walking out of the dressing room.
Straight into Massu.
Right, Tegoshi remembered. Massu was the obsessive-compulsive one who always took forever to get ready because he liked all his things to be in order before he left. And with the sort of luck Tegoshi had been having recently, it was unsurprising that it’d be Massu he ran into when he was feeling like this.
Massu smiled widely, probably pleased to see him back in his boy clothes since it meant he wouldn’t be molesting him anymore.
“That was quite fun.” He said, walking alongside Tegoshi, out to the car park. “Koyama’s skirt was shorter than yours, though. I was surprised.”
Tegoshi wasn’t sure whether he was being serious or not, so he didn’t say anything, walking out the automatic doors in silence. Massu chatted casually, seemingly not bothered by Tegoshi’s meagre responses. Tegoshi was happy for it to remain a one-sided conversation as well, until Massu hesitantly said, “But it’s true, you know. You’ve been acting pretty weird recently.”
Tegoshi tilted his head, regarding Massu cautiously.
“What do you mean?” He asked, stopping on the deserted sidewalk outside the building.
“Eh, you don’t know?” Massu seemed surprised. “You’ve been jumping on me and making me lunch and sitting in my lap and all sorts of things. It just makes me wonder…”
Tegoshi tried to calm his heart, bad mood disappearing in a flash. Had he noticed after all?
“Did you do something you want to make up to me?” Massu finished.
Tegoshi stared at him, not comprehending.
“Huh?” Was all he could think to say.
“If you’ve broken or damaged something of mine, it’s okay. I’ve had time to think about it, so I won’t get mad. Obviously you’re very sorry.” Massu continued, nodding as he spoke as though to back up his statement.
Tegoshi stood completely still, mouth hanging open. He looked somewhere between disbelieving and offended.
“No!” He said in a voice much louder than he needed to. “That’s not it at all.”
“Oh.” Massu laughed, a little embarrassed, and rubbed the back of his head. “I just thought that… well, you seemed to be acting strange, but maybe I was mistaken? I thought maybe there was something you felt guilty about, but I just…”
“Massu, are you blind?” Tegoshi asked incredulously, finally losing his composure and cutting Massu off. “I didn’t break anything of yours; I didn’t do anything I feel guilty about. I like you!”
Massu’s mouth opened slowly, but all that came out was “ah”, before he stopped and slowly closed it again. Tegoshi simultaneously felt both more relieved and more dead than he’d ever felt before. On one hand, he’d said the thing he’d been wanting to for months and months; he’d no longer be weighed down by the unfamiliar feeling of an unspoken confession. On the other hand, he’d screwed up months of careful planning and research in a moment, all because he’d lost his temper.
Meanwhile, Massu was slowly turning a peculiar shade of pink, his cheeks looking like they’d been brushed with rouge.
“So, wait. What, that… Tegoshi?” He stuttered, making nonsensical motions with his hands. “You mean that, all of that was because… like, the lunch and the sitting and the time you seemed drunk were all because…”
“Because I like you.” Tegoshi repeated, confidently looking Massu in the eyes. “And I wanted you to figure it out. I wanted you to like me back.”
Massu absentmindedly nibbled at his bottom lip, still blushing and shuffling his feet.
“Then… why didn’t you just tell me?” He asked.
This time it was Tegoshi who almost fell over himself in surprise.
“What?”
“Well…” Massu said, drawing out the word, trying to think of how to explain himself. “That’s what you do, isn’t it? Aren’t you the type who says whatever’s on your mind? If you like someone, you always confess to them. That’s what I expect from you, so if you don’t tell me by yourself, I’ll never guess.”
Tegoshi wasn’t sure what to say to that. He tried to think of something, but nothing came out except for, “oh.”
Massu laughed, and he tentatively rested a hand on Tegoshi’s arm.
“I’m not sure whether to be flattered or not that it’s different with me. I was sort of hoping for a romantic confession in the back of a dark room, but it feels good to be special too, I guess.”
It took Tegoshi a moment to register what Massu had just said, realization slowly dawning across his features as he did.
“You mean…” He started to say, and Massu slung his arm around his shoulders, smiling until his dimples showed and pulling them into each other so their hips bumped.
“I need to go home now, but call me tonight if you’ve got free time, okay?” He said, face lit up by a dazzling grin.
Tegoshi felt like his heart was melting.
“Well. Do you want a ride to the train station then?” He asked, praying for a yes.
“Sure.” Massu said, and Tegoshi felt a matching grin spread across his own face.
They walked to the car, Massu’s arm still securely around his shoulders. To anyone else, it would’ve looked like a friendly gesture, but Tegoshi knew better. From the way Massu’s fingers cupped the curve of his arm, to the way he pillowed Tegoshi firmly against his side as they walked, he knew this was Massu’s way of letting him know that he was special to him too.
---
When he got home, Tegoshi packed up all his comics and dramas and stored them in the back of his room where they would no doubt stay, beginning to collect dust as time went on.
He didn’t need to change himself at all, he decided, as he put the last book on top of the stack in his cupboard. The way he normally did things worked better than any amount of planning or scheming ever could.
Yes, Tegoshi thought, tapping down through his cellphone contacts list to Massu’s name and pausing to smile at it before hitting the call button; he was already perfect as he was.