T'was the Night Before Christmas: an Island parody featuring Sawyer and Jack
Merry Christmas to everyone!
Title: T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (ON THE ISLE THAT WAS LOST)
Author: Jenthegypsy
Pairing: Sawyer and Jack, with mention of jolly old St. Nick.
Rating: PG
A/N: With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore and his classic children's poem. Also with thanks to hereswith and hendercats for the encouragement and the suggestions. Love you both lots! Edit: There is a note of reference and a link posted at the end of the story, for those unfamiliar with the characters mentioned there...
T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (ON THE ISLE THAT WAS LOST)
T'was the night before Christmas, and down at the beach
The survivors had gathered to hear the doc's speech.
They all sat around with a jovial air,
Save Sawyer, who glowered and tossed back his hair.
"That Jack-ass," he grumbled, "what makes him so hot?
"What makes them all think he has things I ain't got?
"I'm handsome. I'm witty. And I've got a great smile."
Sawyer kicked back and studied the scene for a while.
All the boar had been eaten, the fruit had been too.
Their hearts all were merry, 'cept for Jack's, which was blue.
He wasn't a leader, he wasn't that strong
But they wanted to follow, so he played along.
Jack-o was nervous. Anybody could tell
That the giving of speeches, for him, was pure hell.
He coughed and he paced, he sweat and he swore,
And his face turned as red as the shirt that he wore.
He looked at his shoes, ran his hand 'cross his head.
Then took a deep breath, faced them all and he said,
"Ah..........." Silence surrounded, it was quite complete,
'til Sawyer began laughing and shot to his feet.
"Great speech, Brother Shakespeare, sure was over my head!
"You suckers can stay here, but I'm going to bed.
"Don't stay up too late though. Now don't you be dumb.
"Cause ol' doc will call Santa and say not to come."
"You're an ass, did you know that?" Jack hollered at Sawyer.
"Hell, yes! You got issues? Better call me a lawyer!"
With that he was gone to his tent for the night,
While the doc held his temper with all of his might.
&hearts &hearts &hearts
The moon bathed the island in a rich golden glow
As the Losties all slumbered; they never did know
That on through the night, as the shadows did shift,
One man walked among them and he handed out gifts.
A hair brush for Claire, a pink tank top for Kate,
A ball cap for Locke, which he'd think was just great.
Some tiny wire cutters to make Sayid's day,
And batteries for Hurley, so his Walkman would play.
Comic books, new shoes, magazines and a shirt,
A pillow, a blanket, some soap for the dirt,
A head scarf, a mirror, a brand new back pack.
Half a bottle of Scotch for the good doctor Jack.
He parceled them out, to one and to all.
He smiled as he did it - he was having a ball!
No one would suspect him. No one ever would know
That it was grumpy old Sawyer who'd put on the show.
His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
Who ever would think him the damn Christmas fairy?
Then, just to assure it, make illusion complete
He gave himself rocks and old socks from his feet!
When the job was all finished, he snuck back to his tent.
The night had flown by. He was totally spent!
And doing a good thing had pay offs, it seemed,
For he slept like a log; not a single bad dream.
&hearts &hearts &hearts
The sun was up high when Sawyer climbed from his tent,
And the first thing he saw was a letter that went:
"I know who you are, and it gives me great pause
"To think such an asshole could be Santa Claus."
Sawyer couldn't believe it. He was fit to be tied!
He knew that he couldn't, but he wanted to hide.
He rumbled and grumbled and flopped down in his chair.
Then he finally stormed off with a withering glare.
To the jungle he headed; he went nice and deep.
What moron, he wondered, had not been asleep
When everyone else was, as he'd emptied his sack?
There was only one answer, and that answer was Jack!
Then, just as he'd thought it, there came from behind
The rustle of branches, and who should he find
Watching him closely, a smile on his lips?
The doctor, of course, with his hands on his hips.
"You did a good thing, though I've got no clue why."
Jack's eyes got all teary and he looked to the sky.
"Just when I most hate you, you do something like this."
Then Jack surprised Sawyer with a big, sloppy kiss!
"What the hell was that for?" Sawyer demanded of Jack,
But before the doc answered, he'd kissed him right back.
Jack giggled a little, then he said, soft and light,
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"
&hearts &hearts &hearts
"You can't end it like that, Jackass."
"Why not?"
"Cause you just said it's the next day, so it ain't night anymore now, is it?"
Jack (aka Papa Bear), stared at the computer screen. "No," he said, smiling at the memory, "but we sure were merry, weren't we?"
Sawyer (who rather liked being referred to as Goldilocks when they were writing - and sometimes when they weren't), nodded.
"Yeah, well... I guess you could say we were a little gay, too, but that's a whole 'nother story!"
&hearts &hearts &hearts
&hearts &hearts &hearts
In case you've never made the acquaintence of Goldilocks and Papa Bear, (or if you are just getting old like me and can't remember where you met them), follow this link to my story WRITING ROOM and stop in to say Howdy!
Title: T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (ON THE ISLE THAT WAS LOST)
Author: Jenthegypsy
Pairing: Sawyer and Jack, with mention of jolly old St. Nick.
Rating: PG
A/N: With apologies to Clement Clarke Moore and his classic children's poem. Also with thanks to hereswith and hendercats for the encouragement and the suggestions. Love you both lots! Edit: There is a note of reference and a link posted at the end of the story, for those unfamiliar with the characters mentioned there...
T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (ON THE ISLE THAT WAS LOST)
T'was the night before Christmas, and down at the beach
The survivors had gathered to hear the doc's speech.
They all sat around with a jovial air,
Save Sawyer, who glowered and tossed back his hair.
"That Jack-ass," he grumbled, "what makes him so hot?
"What makes them all think he has things I ain't got?
"I'm handsome. I'm witty. And I've got a great smile."
Sawyer kicked back and studied the scene for a while.
All the boar had been eaten, the fruit had been too.
Their hearts all were merry, 'cept for Jack's, which was blue.
He wasn't a leader, he wasn't that strong
But they wanted to follow, so he played along.
Jack-o was nervous. Anybody could tell
That the giving of speeches, for him, was pure hell.
He coughed and he paced, he sweat and he swore,
And his face turned as red as the shirt that he wore.
He looked at his shoes, ran his hand 'cross his head.
Then took a deep breath, faced them all and he said,
"Ah..........." Silence surrounded, it was quite complete,
'til Sawyer began laughing and shot to his feet.
"Great speech, Brother Shakespeare, sure was over my head!
"You suckers can stay here, but I'm going to bed.
"Don't stay up too late though. Now don't you be dumb.
"Cause ol' doc will call Santa and say not to come."
"You're an ass, did you know that?" Jack hollered at Sawyer.
"Hell, yes! You got issues? Better call me a lawyer!"
With that he was gone to his tent for the night,
While the doc held his temper with all of his might.
&hearts &hearts &hearts
The moon bathed the island in a rich golden glow
As the Losties all slumbered; they never did know
That on through the night, as the shadows did shift,
One man walked among them and he handed out gifts.
A hair brush for Claire, a pink tank top for Kate,
A ball cap for Locke, which he'd think was just great.
Some tiny wire cutters to make Sayid's day,
And batteries for Hurley, so his Walkman would play.
Comic books, new shoes, magazines and a shirt,
A pillow, a blanket, some soap for the dirt,
A head scarf, a mirror, a brand new back pack.
Half a bottle of Scotch for the good doctor Jack.
He parceled them out, to one and to all.
He smiled as he did it - he was having a ball!
No one would suspect him. No one ever would know
That it was grumpy old Sawyer who'd put on the show.
His eyes, how they twinkled! His dimples, how merry!
Who ever would think him the damn Christmas fairy?
Then, just to assure it, make illusion complete
He gave himself rocks and old socks from his feet!
When the job was all finished, he snuck back to his tent.
The night had flown by. He was totally spent!
And doing a good thing had pay offs, it seemed,
For he slept like a log; not a single bad dream.
&hearts &hearts &hearts
The sun was up high when Sawyer climbed from his tent,
And the first thing he saw was a letter that went:
"I know who you are, and it gives me great pause
"To think such an asshole could be Santa Claus."
Sawyer couldn't believe it. He was fit to be tied!
He knew that he couldn't, but he wanted to hide.
He rumbled and grumbled and flopped down in his chair.
Then he finally stormed off with a withering glare.
To the jungle he headed; he went nice and deep.
What moron, he wondered, had not been asleep
When everyone else was, as he'd emptied his sack?
There was only one answer, and that answer was Jack!
Then, just as he'd thought it, there came from behind
The rustle of branches, and who should he find
Watching him closely, a smile on his lips?
The doctor, of course, with his hands on his hips.
"You did a good thing, though I've got no clue why."
Jack's eyes got all teary and he looked to the sky.
"Just when I most hate you, you do something like this."
Then Jack surprised Sawyer with a big, sloppy kiss!
"What the hell was that for?" Sawyer demanded of Jack,
But before the doc answered, he'd kissed him right back.
Jack giggled a little, then he said, soft and light,
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"
&hearts &hearts &hearts
"You can't end it like that, Jackass."
"Why not?"
"Cause you just said it's the next day, so it ain't night anymore now, is it?"
Jack (aka Papa Bear), stared at the computer screen. "No," he said, smiling at the memory, "but we sure were merry, weren't we?"
Sawyer (who rather liked being referred to as Goldilocks when they were writing - and sometimes when they weren't), nodded.
"Yeah, well... I guess you could say we were a little gay, too, but that's a whole 'nother story!"
&hearts &hearts &hearts
&hearts &hearts &hearts
In case you've never made the acquaintence of Goldilocks and Papa Bear, (or if you are just getting old like me and can't remember where you met them), follow this link to my story WRITING ROOM and stop in to say Howdy!