He Says
Title: He Says
Author: JerBearThompson
Rating: PG
Characters: Jack, Ianto, OMC.
Summary: ‘When he says he wants somebody else, he doesn’t mean you.’
Disclaimer: In the beginning, there was RTD. He said to the BBC, Let there be Torchwood, and it was done.
Notes: Just a random idea I got while in the shower (of all places). No prizes for guessing the song it’s inspired by. She Says by Howie Day. Also… you all know that a Shmacko is a dog treat, right?
Sidenote: I have now been 16 for a week and a day, and for that whole week and a day it has been pouring here in “Sunny” Queensland. (in Australia)
Jack was waiting for him when the man finally exited the Tourist Office.
‘Caiden,’ he called, looking for all the world like some sort of super hero, standing in a spare patch of moonlight, coat buttoned with the tail swishing around his legs in the wind. ‘It is Caiden, right?’
Green eyes nearly hidden beneath a flop of messy brown hair regarded him cautiously. ‘Yes, may I help you?’
Jack sank onto the seat behind him, patting the spot to his left invitingly. ‘Come sit, I want to have a little chat.’
‘I’m sorry, I… Have we met?’
Jack grinned, but it was on autopilot, and did not reach his eyes. ‘How rude of me. Captain Jack Harkness, and you, I believe, are Caiden Blake.’
‘Yes, oh,’ the man took a tentative step forward. ‘You’re Ianto’s boss, right?’
‘The one and only. Come on, I just want to talk.’
One step forward, two steps, three, four, until Caiden was sitting at his side.
‘Why, is everything okay? Is this about Ianto?’
Jack smiled softly, his hand clenching around the material at his knee. ‘Everything’s fine, I just want to know a bit about you two.’
‘Is this work protocol? Because look, I know the Tourist Booth is only a cover story and he’s going to be called into work at all hours of the day. I’m cool with that, I mean, it’s for the good of the world, right?’
‘Good of the world…’ Jack repeated slowly.
‘Well, Cardiff,’ Caiden corrected himself. ‘Catching all those crims.’
‘Criminals, yes.’ Jack shook his head gently to himself, of course Ianto couldn’t just say he worked at a Tourist Office. It’d hardly explain having to disappear at all times of the day and night. ‘But this isn’t about that. I just want to know how you two are going. It’s been… a month, right?’
Caiden smiled nervously and hunched over, resting his elbows on his knees and staring out over the bay. ‘Three,’ he corrected softly.
‘Yeah, of course,’ because I haven’t noticed every sodding day that I can’t touch him anymore. ’And you’re happy? He’s happy?’
‘Immensely. He said he was just off to feed the office pets and then we’d go out to celebrate.’
‘He seems happy. I bet he does that thing where… Where he stares at you when he thinks you can’t see him and… when he brushes his fingers over your shoulder because he’s trying to be subtle.’
‘Captain Harkness, I know about you and him. I know you had a brief fling, and I know that’s it’s over. It’s not a problem, it doesn’t bother me, honestly.’
Jack’s smile faltered and he brought a hand up to his mouth to trace his lips with his fingers in a nervous habit. Then he let his hand fall and hunched over as well so he was at the same level as Caiden.
‘A brief fling that lasted over a year. Where I lived with him, where he loved me and wasn’t afraid to tell me that, where he forgot how shy he was and kissed me in public. I met his parents, Caiden. Did he mention that when he told you of our brief fling?’
Caiden merely laughed, and not in a jealous way as Jack had hoped. ‘It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t love you anymore.’ And one day Captain Harkness, Jack, that’ll be me in that position. He left you.’
Jack brought his fingers up to his lips again as he leant back. ‘You know,’ he said softly, thoughtfully. ‘When he says he wants somebody else, he doesn’t mean you.’
‘So you say,’ Caiden scoffed.
‘When he breaks down, and he makes this sound in the back of his throat… like he’s dying, like the whole world is ending and all you want to do is hold him and never let him go… you will never hear that. You will never hear that, not the way that I do.’
‘Look, I don’t need this from you,’ Caiden sighed as he made to stand up but was stopped by Jack’s vice-like grip on his arm.
‘I hope you know,’ Jack grabbed hold of Caiden’s chin with his spare hand and turned it to face him. ‘That when he says he wants someone to love, he doesn’t mean you.’
‘Because he means you, right?’
‘You don’t know him like I do. You don’t know that when you breathe on his face to wake him up in the morning, he’ll hit you but he secretly loves it. And you don’t know that he’ll never admit it but he loves it when you act possessive of him in public. And you don’t know that he had a dog called Jangles from when he was two years old until he was nineteen and he puts a Shmacko on his grave every year. You don’t know that he loved his dog that much. And you don’t know that he can’t pronounce the word “squirrel” properly, or that he absolutely hates the word “ointment”. You don’t know that he has this one spot beneath his left shoulder blade where if you dig your fingers into it he’ll turn to mush. You don’t know that he’ll only drink orange juice if he’s juiced it himself. And you don’t know that he looks good in red, but actually loves to wear orange even though he rarely does, or that despite that, his favourite colour is green. You don’t know how soft his voice goes when he says, “I love you.” And you will never ever hear him say that to you. Because you are not enough for him.’
Jack took a deep breath as he finished his speech, letting go of Caiden’s chin and ignoring the angry red finger marks he had left behind.
‘But you are?’ Caiden questioned calmly.
‘Yes.’
‘Captain Harkness, did you ever actually tell him that you loved him back?’
Jack narrowed his eyes as he avoided Caiden’s gaze, choosing instead to look out at the lights reflecting off the water.
‘Because,’ Caiden continued. ‘When the time is right, I will say it. And that’s what separates you from me. Because this time next year, when he says, “I love him”, he won’t mean you. He left you, Jack. It’s over, let him go.’
Jack sat in silence for a while before speaking. And when he did, it was so quiet and deadly it made Caiden’s skin crawl. ‘Don’t you think I’ve tried to let him go, because it’s what he deserves? Don’t you think I beat myself up inside every single day because I didn’t tell him when I had the chance? I thought I could deal with it. I thought I could keep my thoughts to myself, because he looked happy with you. And it tore me up, but I kept my mouth shut because I thought it was what’s best for him. But here’s the funny part, are you listening? I want what’s best for him, but that’s not you. That’s me.’
‘I’m glad you two have established that I’m a piece of meat to fight over.’
Jack and Caiden had been so caught up in their glaring match that neither had noticed the slow saunter of a third figure joining their party.
‘Ianto, I--’
Caiden’s words were cut off by Jack’s strong, sharp, ‘Ianto.’
‘Did anyone think to ask me who I wanted? Did either of you even consider that it’s my choice to make, and not yours?’
‘Of course, I’m sorry--’
‘Then choose.’
‘Pardon?’ Ianto blinked.
‘You’re right,’ Jack elaborated. ‘It’s your choice to make. So choose.’
‘Ianto,’ Caiden started. ‘You don’t have to decide right now, maybe you should--’
‘It’s okay,’ Caiden was cut off for the third time in a row by Ianto’s quiet voice. ‘I already know who I want.’
And he took that person by the hand.
Author: JerBearThompson
Rating: PG
Characters: Jack, Ianto, OMC.
Summary: ‘When he says he wants somebody else, he doesn’t mean you.’
Disclaimer: In the beginning, there was RTD. He said to the BBC, Let there be Torchwood, and it was done.
Notes: Just a random idea I got while in the shower (of all places). No prizes for guessing the song it’s inspired by. She Says by Howie Day. Also… you all know that a Shmacko is a dog treat, right?
Sidenote: I have now been 16 for a week and a day, and for that whole week and a day it has been pouring here in “Sunny” Queensland. (in Australia)
Jack was waiting for him when the man finally exited the Tourist Office.
‘Caiden,’ he called, looking for all the world like some sort of super hero, standing in a spare patch of moonlight, coat buttoned with the tail swishing around his legs in the wind. ‘It is Caiden, right?’
Green eyes nearly hidden beneath a flop of messy brown hair regarded him cautiously. ‘Yes, may I help you?’
Jack sank onto the seat behind him, patting the spot to his left invitingly. ‘Come sit, I want to have a little chat.’
‘I’m sorry, I… Have we met?’
Jack grinned, but it was on autopilot, and did not reach his eyes. ‘How rude of me. Captain Jack Harkness, and you, I believe, are Caiden Blake.’
‘Yes, oh,’ the man took a tentative step forward. ‘You’re Ianto’s boss, right?’
‘The one and only. Come on, I just want to talk.’
One step forward, two steps, three, four, until Caiden was sitting at his side.
‘Why, is everything okay? Is this about Ianto?’
Jack smiled softly, his hand clenching around the material at his knee. ‘Everything’s fine, I just want to know a bit about you two.’
‘Is this work protocol? Because look, I know the Tourist Booth is only a cover story and he’s going to be called into work at all hours of the day. I’m cool with that, I mean, it’s for the good of the world, right?’
‘Good of the world…’ Jack repeated slowly.
‘Well, Cardiff,’ Caiden corrected himself. ‘Catching all those crims.’
‘Criminals, yes.’ Jack shook his head gently to himself, of course Ianto couldn’t just say he worked at a Tourist Office. It’d hardly explain having to disappear at all times of the day and night. ‘But this isn’t about that. I just want to know how you two are going. It’s been… a month, right?’
Caiden smiled nervously and hunched over, resting his elbows on his knees and staring out over the bay. ‘Three,’ he corrected softly.
‘Yeah, of course,’ because I haven’t noticed every sodding day that I can’t touch him anymore. ’And you’re happy? He’s happy?’
‘Immensely. He said he was just off to feed the office pets and then we’d go out to celebrate.’
‘He seems happy. I bet he does that thing where… Where he stares at you when he thinks you can’t see him and… when he brushes his fingers over your shoulder because he’s trying to be subtle.’
‘Captain Harkness, I know about you and him. I know you had a brief fling, and I know that’s it’s over. It’s not a problem, it doesn’t bother me, honestly.’
Jack’s smile faltered and he brought a hand up to his mouth to trace his lips with his fingers in a nervous habit. Then he let his hand fall and hunched over as well so he was at the same level as Caiden.
‘A brief fling that lasted over a year. Where I lived with him, where he loved me and wasn’t afraid to tell me that, where he forgot how shy he was and kissed me in public. I met his parents, Caiden. Did he mention that when he told you of our brief fling?’
Caiden merely laughed, and not in a jealous way as Jack had hoped. ‘It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t love you anymore.’ And one day Captain Harkness, Jack, that’ll be me in that position. He left you.’
Jack brought his fingers up to his lips again as he leant back. ‘You know,’ he said softly, thoughtfully. ‘When he says he wants somebody else, he doesn’t mean you.’
‘So you say,’ Caiden scoffed.
‘When he breaks down, and he makes this sound in the back of his throat… like he’s dying, like the whole world is ending and all you want to do is hold him and never let him go… you will never hear that. You will never hear that, not the way that I do.’
‘Look, I don’t need this from you,’ Caiden sighed as he made to stand up but was stopped by Jack’s vice-like grip on his arm.
‘I hope you know,’ Jack grabbed hold of Caiden’s chin with his spare hand and turned it to face him. ‘That when he says he wants someone to love, he doesn’t mean you.’
‘Because he means you, right?’
‘You don’t know him like I do. You don’t know that when you breathe on his face to wake him up in the morning, he’ll hit you but he secretly loves it. And you don’t know that he’ll never admit it but he loves it when you act possessive of him in public. And you don’t know that he had a dog called Jangles from when he was two years old until he was nineteen and he puts a Shmacko on his grave every year. You don’t know that he loved his dog that much. And you don’t know that he can’t pronounce the word “squirrel” properly, or that he absolutely hates the word “ointment”. You don’t know that he has this one spot beneath his left shoulder blade where if you dig your fingers into it he’ll turn to mush. You don’t know that he’ll only drink orange juice if he’s juiced it himself. And you don’t know that he looks good in red, but actually loves to wear orange even though he rarely does, or that despite that, his favourite colour is green. You don’t know how soft his voice goes when he says, “I love you.” And you will never ever hear him say that to you. Because you are not enough for him.’
Jack took a deep breath as he finished his speech, letting go of Caiden’s chin and ignoring the angry red finger marks he had left behind.
‘But you are?’ Caiden questioned calmly.
‘Yes.’
‘Captain Harkness, did you ever actually tell him that you loved him back?’
Jack narrowed his eyes as he avoided Caiden’s gaze, choosing instead to look out at the lights reflecting off the water.
‘Because,’ Caiden continued. ‘When the time is right, I will say it. And that’s what separates you from me. Because this time next year, when he says, “I love him”, he won’t mean you. He left you, Jack. It’s over, let him go.’
Jack sat in silence for a while before speaking. And when he did, it was so quiet and deadly it made Caiden’s skin crawl. ‘Don’t you think I’ve tried to let him go, because it’s what he deserves? Don’t you think I beat myself up inside every single day because I didn’t tell him when I had the chance? I thought I could deal with it. I thought I could keep my thoughts to myself, because he looked happy with you. And it tore me up, but I kept my mouth shut because I thought it was what’s best for him. But here’s the funny part, are you listening? I want what’s best for him, but that’s not you. That’s me.’
‘I’m glad you two have established that I’m a piece of meat to fight over.’
Jack and Caiden had been so caught up in their glaring match that neither had noticed the slow saunter of a third figure joining their party.
‘Ianto, I--’
Caiden’s words were cut off by Jack’s strong, sharp, ‘Ianto.’
‘Did anyone think to ask me who I wanted? Did either of you even consider that it’s my choice to make, and not yours?’
‘Of course, I’m sorry--’
‘Then choose.’
‘Pardon?’ Ianto blinked.
‘You’re right,’ Jack elaborated. ‘It’s your choice to make. So choose.’
‘Ianto,’ Caiden started. ‘You don’t have to decide right now, maybe you should--’
‘It’s okay,’ Caiden was cut off for the third time in a row by Ianto’s quiet voice. ‘I already know who I want.’
And he took that person by the hand.