(no subject)
Okay. A bit of an explanation of that last post. I went out at around 9. I continued to try to call J from moms cell phone (free night time minutes rocks).
Well, after getting directions to the party from _kynthia_, I headed over to her place. I called J's cell one last time and got E. She told me that J had come out of the room, in her underwear, grabbed a bottle of tequila and went back in for more fucking. After about 30 minutes, she came out again and went and passed out in the corner of the room, still in her underwear. So I, having passed beyond pissed and into the calm on the other side of pissed, calmly told her to please call J's mom to pick her up so she isn't taken advantage of any more. Denial was kicking in. (I move quickly through those defense mechanisms.)
So, that done, I proceeded to _kynthia_ place for the party. For a while, there weren't many people there, but people did start to show up. As it was about 10:30 by this time, we didn't have long to wait before to ball dropped. Didn't have that bad a time all things considered. I didn't drink anything though. I wasn't in the mood to drink and if I had started, I would have continued until I couldn't stand. But, I did have a good time. Played some pool, talked, laughed at a few peoples drunken antics. And some drama involving someone's brother and a vehicle, but not my story to tell. And I made a new friend. I like _kynthia_. She's nice. Many ended up coming after a while. angeleyes1983, carnivore187, tdgvision to name a few. All in all not a bad time. Was one of the last to leave. as I didn't want to be out on the roads with all the drunk people and cops looking for them.
But, when I got home, what happened came back. The illusion that I had people that cared about me for me faded again. Now, I guess I've hit that last part of bad shit happening. Acceptance. I can't change what happened. Can't undo it. Can only deal with what happened. That and the fact that E still had J's phone when I called and confirmed that J's mom did come for her and that her and the guy were fucking like rabbits only helps now. Channeling the pain for further use and not going out and hitting something. My way of dealing. Maybe not the best, but it works for me. And the dealing will start here.
Well, after getting directions to the party from _kynthia_, I headed over to her place. I called J's cell one last time and got E. She told me that J had come out of the room, in her underwear, grabbed a bottle of tequila and went back in for more fucking. After about 30 minutes, she came out again and went and passed out in the corner of the room, still in her underwear. So I, having passed beyond pissed and into the calm on the other side of pissed, calmly told her to please call J's mom to pick her up so she isn't taken advantage of any more. Denial was kicking in. (I move quickly through those defense mechanisms.)
So, that done, I proceeded to _kynthia_ place for the party. For a while, there weren't many people there, but people did start to show up. As it was about 10:30 by this time, we didn't have long to wait before to ball dropped. Didn't have that bad a time all things considered. I didn't drink anything though. I wasn't in the mood to drink and if I had started, I would have continued until I couldn't stand. But, I did have a good time. Played some pool, talked, laughed at a few peoples drunken antics. And some drama involving someone's brother and a vehicle, but not my story to tell. And I made a new friend. I like _kynthia_. She's nice. Many ended up coming after a while. angeleyes1983, carnivore187, tdgvision to name a few. All in all not a bad time. Was one of the last to leave. as I didn't want to be out on the roads with all the drunk people and cops looking for them.
But, when I got home, what happened came back. The illusion that I had people that cared about me for me faded again. Now, I guess I've hit that last part of bad shit happening. Acceptance. I can't change what happened. Can't undo it. Can only deal with what happened. That and the fact that E still had J's phone when I called and confirmed that J's mom did come for her and that her and the guy were fucking like rabbits only helps now. Channeling the pain for further use and not going out and hitting something. My way of dealing. Maybe not the best, but it works for me. And the dealing will start here.