relieved?

[jessa85]

Now usually when you send somebody a pretty lengthy e-mail, that is slightly showing that you are rather a little more than upset with them, you tend to feel just a little bad because sometimes it comes out a little bit more mean, and angry than you really intended, yet tonight, after sending my e-mail, and now knowing that he read it, I feel

Comments

[sweetie8516]

Well my dear.. after our 4 am convo I'm glad to read your livejournal saying that you are relieved... I love you and he doesn't deserve you and i know you know that but i might as well say it myself because i don't think i have yet...

luvs

[jessa85]

I really do appreciate this morning. :) And no, Joe doesn't deserve you, because you are a wonderful person, and from an outside source it seems that he's not willing to meet you half way. I don't want to see you go through what I've just gone through, and have been going through for months now. But, if you love Joe, and you think you and Joe can maybe make this work, then I wish you the best of luck. :) I hope that things will work out for you if this is what you really want.

mucho love

[sweetie8516]

I don't really think Joe or I really know what we want.. Through everything, though, he stands by the fact that he loves me and tells me so even when we are in the middle of a big fight.. I agree with you that I'm not sure if he will or is meet(ing) me half way but I think he is now starting to realize why I have been saying the things that I've been saying, and I think he is trying really hard to take a crash course in Rachael 101 but I don't think that he completely grasps what makes me angry.. or if he does he's just trying to bypass them because he doesn't want to get into a conversation that neither one of us is trying to figure out.. And as far as this morning goes I know damn well that if the roles were reversed you would have done the same for me.. I just wish sometimes that I could do more..

Loves

[jessa85]

Eh, you can only do so much Rachael. And I know that. A lot of it is more or less my figuring out what to do. I went over today to see Ben. I was the bigger person, I apologized for telling him that I hated him last night. And that I only said it because I knew it would get to him. He and I had dinner tonight during his dinner break. And we just kind of talked. and he goes "so if you go out friday this means you're not going to wait for me. and if you don't then it means you're going to wait". And I'm really unsure of what to do. I care a lot about him... its just really hard... and after last night... I just don't know anymore...