Just a Little Bit Lost: my not so feeble attempt at being honest

[jessman2k]

so i wrote this in order to get some stuff off my mind. twas written in Word with no original intent of putting it here. but now i shall. for keepsake. enjoy my lengthy words of what i believe to be truth.

Just a little bit lost: my not so feeble attempt at being honest

You want some honesty?

Here’s some fucking honesty

UnFUCKINGcensored too

So

Comments

[darkfaerytales]

Aww Ricky! I hear ya man, I can bearly muster myself to get out of bed in the AM just to drive to uhart and struggle to stay awake through what seems to be a waste of my time. I also feel like I have a lack of people in my life besides you, timmah, and Casey. In fact alot of times i feel very alone because everyone else around here seems to be such a waste of human life sometimes. I usually, I am a positive person and can find the good in all. Yet lately, everyone has just been lame. Change is necessary, and somewhat feels over due mang. We'll get there. Hopefully we will just rock the Mayhem in Boston and our education won't matter. God knows I don't know what im supposed to do with my degree, will that really bring me any happiness? I dont know.

[indigae]

it's funny... we're all in the same hole, yet some of us deal with it better than others. above all else, i respect you and matt (and anyone else that doesn't want to go through the whole "bureaucracy of educating oneself" thing but still does) because... you get the things that need to be done... done. you push through. and while it may seem like you're not pushing through (failing a class, not feeling content, etcetera), you really are doing quite well for yourself

[imprezafreak721]

Holy livejournal post!

Dude, I know exactly what you're going through. I'm going through somthing very similar at the moment. I chose a major in which I'm good at and has a very nice future outlook (money wise). I didnt choose what I want to really do, which is music. Next year I'm minoring in Jazz Studies but I'm not sure if thats enough.

And of course theres a lot of other crap going on inside my head that I need to sort out, but I hear ya man.

The money thing too.. I'm broke right now because I was layed off work for a couple weeks and its amazing how it controls our lives.. I can barely even make it to school every day because I need to save my cash for gas.

Hope things work out for ya dude... Cant wait to see you guys play again too.

[eries]

Everything I have to say to you right now I am not going to type out into a comment here, because it would be a waste of time when I'm just going to call you up and talk to you about it later. But until then, I'll leave you with this:

Aside from Matt, Tim, Casey, Mom and Dad ... you have me. You will always have me, and I completely 100% understand what you are going through right now, because I am going through the exact same thing myself. Under slightly different circumstances, but reading this entry practically felt like I was reading something out of my own journal. While I might not have the right words to say to make everything better for you, I sure as hell can listen and empathize damn well. And probably make a joke or two because that's what we do. But don't forget that ... You've always got me.

Love always,
Erin

[punk4meinct]

Jesse,

I read your post and all I could think was "This is my life." You are standing exactly where I was standing 2 years ago. Pieces of what you said are still extremely true to what i'm going through right now, and to read your perspective made me feel like i'm not so alone.

"I will work and make money and make new friends. Money sucks but it is a necessary evil. I try not to waste my time being depressed over green funds. No matter how much you have it is never enough so fuck money. Friends would be nice though."

So true. I feel like a huge fucking sell out because I have just invested 6 years in a college education obtaining a BS and an MS, yet I am a supporter of the anti-establishment lifestyle. You do some things not because you want to but you know that the only way to beat the system is to join. Fucking shitty.

[jessman2k]

soooo true. anti-establishment lifestyle! i like that! Bohemia if you will. Jonathon Larson hated marketing and promoting himself but it was his ONLY way of getting his music, opinions, and great messages of love, life, and perserverance out there. (just watched the Rent documentary on his life...incredible). but yeah - he was anti-establishment too. great man. thanks for the comment!