it's official i have caught the avian flu and am going to die. my computer contains my last will and testament. at least i should be able to see peyton get his ring before i go. can't even think to be witty. damn avian flu! i am going to crawl back into bed with cat-face and, well, i don't know what. but i bet it won't be terribly fun

i will be getting a 'new-to-me' legal car monday after dad gets home from work!!! huzzah! and then i can start to leave the house and not feel like a hermit, and maybe even make some money at a stupid non-gorwn-up job until i can get a grown-up job or move to go to school. yes indeedy, no more being bored and stuck at home. soon i will get to be ( Read more... )

STUPID loan people! see i applied for a deferrment in november due to the whole not being employed thing. but no, i got a bill today to start paying them back. and no it isn't the biggest bill in the world, under 100 bucks, i have the money for it right now, all $84 of it. but i don't have any cash coming in. so it makes me a little bitchy because ( Read more... )

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i know i have been MIA for a little while now, but i am alive, i was just ignoring the world for a while, because i thought it was the best thing for me to do. but i am doing better now. not terrific, it will probably be awhile until i am more than ok or mostly good. but i am ok with that right now. i think i had a huge change in mood/outlook this ( Read more... )

have you ever expeirienced a moment of absolute clarity, where everything just came into focus after you have been in a haze for days? well that is where i found myself today, and it was scary and powerful, and i can't really explain it. but i just knew, this was teh choice i had to make, boiled down to its simplest form, and i just knew which was ( Read more... )

this will probably be my last post for a while. i know some warning this time at least. but i look at this entry spot and all i want to write about is the current developments with the post-break-up stuff, which while i am doing better, you all don't want to hear, and is not necessarily healthy for me to rehash over and over ( Read more... )

well i changed offices today, i am in tim's office because he is out of town this week and the new agent took my office. while i like the bigger desk and office i have for this week the thing that really sucks is that right now i don't have access to the network drive from here, i need to wait for deb to map me to this computer, so that means that ( Read more... )

i know i haven't updated this much in forever, but this continues my earlier entry about doing better, i am still sad, and it still hits me out of no where still and i cry, because i am sad the relationship is over. but, the greatest improvement of the day has been that i now no longer have teh sharp stabbing pain that came with the way katie acted ( Read more... )

well i am doing better, not great, and by no means perfect or fixed or anything, but better. sleeping for a long time helped, xanax helped. but i think what helped the most is that when i did send katie 2 text messages today she answered them, and i am not saying it helped because it was like things were okay again. it helped because it was like ( Read more... )