Housewife Zen, part 3
Okay, so really I'm not a Housewife, as such. I'm a graduate student. But, the things I'm talking about are housewifely things, so there you are.
Today's lesson is impermanence.
I was going to write about something else today, but this came up, so I thought I'd go with it.
So, I'm cleaning the kitchen tonight and having some tea and Bubby is helping me scrub counters and such, right? One misplaced elbow and the teacup tumbles to the floor and breaks into four pieces. Mommy is sad. Mommy is sad because this is one of six cups that match the teapot that I adore and have been using daily since my mom gave it to me. I have coveted this tea set for many years.
It was an accident. I told Bubby, "Well, nothing lasts forever." and made sad Mommy faces because I was pretty sad about it. I still kinda am, but that will pass, too. I told her there were a couple things I could do:
1. Get mad about it. This would not make my teacup whole again or be useful at all to either of us.
2. Decide to be sad about it and remember that nothing's ever permanent.
I picked #2.
This only worked because she was embarrassed about it and as upset as I was. If she hadn't cared, that would have been a slightly different lesson. We talked about other stuff, too, before the teacup incident. We talked about how cleaning can be stressful, but if you practice relaxing while you do it, you might get good at having relaxing cleaning times instead of stressed-out cleaning times.
We also talked about being good enough and how it's okay not to be perfect. I've been working on cleaning the black crust of crud around the stove eyes for a couple weeks. It's not done yet, but progress has been made. I take about a teaspoon of baking soda, scrub at said crud until the baking soda is all gone, and then I stop. Crazy OCD Jess would grab the box of baking soda and keep going until the whole thing was perfectly perfect. It would be one glorious night and it would be perfectly clean, but, as I explained to Bubby, I'd hurt myself if I tried to do it that way. I'd rather not, thank you. This is a way for me to practice stopping, which (because of the OCD) I'm really lousy at. Bubby said "I say 'Practice makes Success' because nobody is perfect." This turned into a discussion on pride and hubris. I love my kid. So much. I'm sure she learned "Practice makes success" from her teacher, but I approve of and encourage this kind of thinking. Her teacher is awesome.
On a somewhat related note, I said the following to someone whose son has some kind of broken brain thing. I don't know the details of the broken brain thing, but it's a difficulty that makes it where he's easily overwhelmed and frustrated. I can empathize with that. So I said, "If you meet the brain bugs with hardness and force, they will only multiply and eat your face. If you meet the brain bugs with love, patience, and persistence, it will confuse them and they might get eaten by cows, thus no longer troubling anyone." Brain bugs: I have them.
In other news, as we were organizing the silverware drawer:
Me: What’s the thing that we use the most?
Her: Chopsticks?
Me: I love you! I was gonna say “spoons” but chopsticks will work, too.
Yeah, I love this kid.
Today's lesson is impermanence.
I was going to write about something else today, but this came up, so I thought I'd go with it.
So, I'm cleaning the kitchen tonight and having some tea and Bubby is helping me scrub counters and such, right? One misplaced elbow and the teacup tumbles to the floor and breaks into four pieces. Mommy is sad. Mommy is sad because this is one of six cups that match the teapot that I adore and have been using daily since my mom gave it to me. I have coveted this tea set for many years.
It was an accident. I told Bubby, "Well, nothing lasts forever." and made sad Mommy faces because I was pretty sad about it. I still kinda am, but that will pass, too. I told her there were a couple things I could do:
1. Get mad about it. This would not make my teacup whole again or be useful at all to either of us.
2. Decide to be sad about it and remember that nothing's ever permanent.
I picked #2.
This only worked because she was embarrassed about it and as upset as I was. If she hadn't cared, that would have been a slightly different lesson. We talked about other stuff, too, before the teacup incident. We talked about how cleaning can be stressful, but if you practice relaxing while you do it, you might get good at having relaxing cleaning times instead of stressed-out cleaning times.
We also talked about being good enough and how it's okay not to be perfect. I've been working on cleaning the black crust of crud around the stove eyes for a couple weeks. It's not done yet, but progress has been made. I take about a teaspoon of baking soda, scrub at said crud until the baking soda is all gone, and then I stop. Crazy OCD Jess would grab the box of baking soda and keep going until the whole thing was perfectly perfect. It would be one glorious night and it would be perfectly clean, but, as I explained to Bubby, I'd hurt myself if I tried to do it that way. I'd rather not, thank you. This is a way for me to practice stopping, which (because of the OCD) I'm really lousy at. Bubby said "I say 'Practice makes Success' because nobody is perfect." This turned into a discussion on pride and hubris. I love my kid. So much. I'm sure she learned "Practice makes success" from her teacher, but I approve of and encourage this kind of thinking. Her teacher is awesome.
On a somewhat related note, I said the following to someone whose son has some kind of broken brain thing. I don't know the details of the broken brain thing, but it's a difficulty that makes it where he's easily overwhelmed and frustrated. I can empathize with that. So I said, "If you meet the brain bugs with hardness and force, they will only multiply and eat your face. If you meet the brain bugs with love, patience, and persistence, it will confuse them and they might get eaten by cows, thus no longer troubling anyone." Brain bugs: I have them.
In other news, as we were organizing the silverware drawer:
Me: What’s the thing that we use the most?
Her: Chopsticks?
Me: I love you! I was gonna say “spoons” but chopsticks will work, too.
Yeah, I love this kid.