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[jesssmith]

its the little things i miss alot. i dont feel justified in saying i feel shitty. and i dont feel right about alot of the decisions ive made recently. and im not real happy about the relationships cycles i create for myself. things need to change now. everything seems so definite when change is in order. yet nevertheless tentative. i wish

Comments

[valleygirl03]

whats going on? you've been having super emo posts! tell me! is it like the hilary/brittany cycle? like your friend at school turned out to be like them? or what

[jesssmith]

i guess i have been extra emo. but i think its because i usually only write when i feel the need to get shit out there ya know... so yea. but you are kinda right about hilary/brittany thing being similar to how it is here. i think part of the problem is that i have been conditioned to see such good in people, and often times i get such a bad misconception when these people really arent good. yet i want to find good in them somewhere. i think in a way this makes me naive and i just end up getting hurt. but i also create cycles in my life when i feel like im always starting over. i always seem to befriend people older than me. or be befriended by them. and maybe it is the montessori structure i have become acustomed to. but it sucks. because i will have friends next year, i know i will. i have 5 other people im living with next year and im friends with all of them. but here i am losing 3 people i am so incredibly close to, and im losing them to the real world. how lame does that sound? and its not just 3 of my many friends. its one