what's wrong with me?

[jesusfreak_05]

im tearing up right now. i think i know why. i felt a little feeling today that reminded me of last year. at one point i was stressed out and upset, and in the middle of chem. class i took the razor blade out of my purse and i cut right there, and i put it away. i had longsleeves on... always did. and today i felt a piece of that. i knew i wouldn't

Comments

[lahiana]

:( :O
im feeling a mixture of feelings. i don't know whether to yell and it you for cutting yourself again or cry my eyes out because i didn't see this coming....... I feel like i have let you down.
I'm sorry.........
I get you anisa, at least the most of you. I just wish you would open up to me. I don't want to force you. tell me if i should force you.
I feels like I need to let you in on my own little, what i like to call, retreats/venting/bitching/crying/yelling/talking/(good) silence/ periods/nights....
I want to share this with you... let me please

[jesusfreak_05]

i didn't cut again... don't worry. that part of this thing is over. it's the aftermath. and it's just a similar hurting, and it feels like i could but i know i won't. i just still don't know what to do with this stuff going on. and thank you for caring, but trust me it's not you. that one day i im'ed you ignore it please. i get questioning and hurt the people around me. i will see you tonight! and thank you for wanting to let me in. but if i don't fit, don't force me.
but i swear to you i'm not cutting again. i swear i swear.

[ceelock]

Oh Anisa...I don't know what to say about the old ways that you feel now. How can you expect to let people love you until you love yourself? It sounds simple, but I know it, and you know that it's hard to understand and accept that. I always search for other people to take an extra step to say I'm awesome, instead of truly believing it myself. Yeah, the reason we don't believe anyone who says that is because we can't say it ourselves. You may not know who you are or what you want to do yet, but that's fine. As long as you live right, you can take as much time as you want. Loss of connection I also experience...every damn day. Sometimes, I feel like my friends are just acquaintances. I still don't feel like I have anyone to truly open to at all. Alot of people say that I can, but I can't bring myself to trust anyone with my secrets, not even my family, and not even God sometimes(although God already knows). Strangers don't have any dirty laundry, and that's comfortable to be whoever you want to be and know that the people