"Is gaining weight at a rate that surpasses that of most pregnant women while eating little and moving constantly a sign that I have some serious health problem?"
And don't beat yourself up about being a 'hypocrite.' There are so many things that are easier said than done. When it's your body that's changing, it's completely different. Especially when you're half naked half of the time. That being said, I am sure no one but you is noticing and you should definitely stop giving yourself a hard time. I can guarantee that you're in better shape than most people in America. "Would I care if I wasn't half-naked around Manhattan gays every day?" That certainly can't help.
Yeah, and to a certain extent, its a matter of putting in X amount of HOURS, DAILY (I don't kid, I do something exercise oriented, minimum 2-3 hours every day, often more like 4-5), and not getting anything in return. If I watched Wendy Williams and ate oreos all day and looked like this, fine, but I should look like a god for the time I put in. Sure, I'm crazy strong and have amazing stamina, but the innertube of lard has no place
( ... )
I'm a total hypocrite with my own body. I despise what I look like and think I'm beyond obese (go long-term effects of eating disorders!) and yet I prefer chubby guys in terms of people I want to be with. It's really kind of fucked up. I think I'd think about this if I was straight, but definitely not to the extent that I do now.
I've also wondered if the fact that I kinda had an eating disorder for a while has destroyed my metabolism to the point that it can no longer funtion. What a cruel trick for nature to play on annorexics... keep starving yourself, and eventually you'll HAVE to starve yourself to keep yourself from becoming obese.
I kinda wish I was into bigger dudes.. while I have been into *some* kinda cubby guys, its definitely not something I tend to look for. I really wish i could just be straight. I remember not being half as body-obsessed when I was into women. I know a lot queer femme sorts who very specifically like generously portioned transmasculine people and more who are just open to a wide variety of bodies. However, I have yet to meet a queer dude who is into small guys with huge midsections.
Eh, maybe one day there will be a "abdominal distension" fetish night somewhere (oo, Pregnancy Realness! Work!), but until then, I'll feel untouchable.
I really fucked up my body for a while. I would starve and binge and mostly starve. No one ever noticed too much cause I was never rail thin. I don't think that's even possible in my family (except for the rare exception) and my body was definitely not made to be the kind of skinny I'd like to be. I eventually worked my way out of it (my body has kind of settled at this weight and that's why I am trying the gym thing) after a really shitty relationship with another eating disordered person wherein he'd encourage my behaviors and was also emotionally abusive. However, I've also been officially single since then (3 years now... but I don't even want to think of that...), so I kind of blame not having an eating disorder on that. Irrational, right? At least I recognize this
( ... )
I really appreciate your replies. Its one of those really isolating issues that I can't feel common ground with anyone who hasn't 1) struggled with weight 2) live in a body/image-obsessed city 3) are both of trans experience and like dudes. Just too many intersecting issues...
And the fact that I'm nearly naked at work really makes it that much more of an issue. When I'm clothed (esp. in winter) I agree, i don't look like a particularly overweight person. Then the shirt comes off, and I'm in a mirrored room surrounded by a lot of naked super fit people, and I feel like a whale.
One way or another, something is medically weird and needs to get checked out. But thanks for your support.
Would you happen to be around on Tuesday after work? I'd be into dropping by or going out somewhere if you're free.
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It definitely is something to consider!
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There are so many things that are easier said than done. When it's your body that's changing, it's completely different. Especially when you're half naked half of the time.
That being said, I am sure no one but you is noticing and you should definitely stop giving yourself a hard time. I can guarantee that you're in better shape than most people in America.
"Would I care if I wasn't half-naked around Manhattan gays every day?"
That certainly can't help.
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Because that definitely doesn't sound normal.
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I kinda wish I was into bigger dudes.. while I have been into *some* kinda cubby guys, its definitely not something I tend to look for. I really wish i could just be straight. I remember not being half as body-obsessed when I was into women. I know a lot queer femme sorts who very specifically like generously portioned transmasculine people and more who are just open to a wide variety of bodies. However, I have yet to meet a queer dude who is into small guys with huge midsections.
Eh, maybe one day there will be a "abdominal distension" fetish night somewhere (oo, Pregnancy Realness! Work!), but until then, I'll feel untouchable.
Reply
Reply
And the fact that I'm nearly naked at work really makes it that much more of an issue. When I'm clothed (esp. in winter) I agree, i don't look like a particularly overweight person. Then the shirt comes off, and I'm in a mirrored room surrounded by a lot of naked super fit people, and I feel like a whale.
One way or another, something is medically weird and needs to get checked out. But thanks for your support.
Would you happen to be around on Tuesday after work? I'd be into dropping by or going out somewhere if you're free.
Reply
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