４月２２日

[jetpacking]

so i had another revelation as i do every morning and night and day

• i am not going to be happy all the time. or most of the time. i need to acknowledge this.*
  
  
• if i am sad i should not force myself to be overly happy or overly positive, because that only makes me feel worse.**

*if i am okay, then i should just relax and enjoy it. NOT get all excited, invested in and attached to my good mood. when i feel good i tend to tell myself "alright! i feel good so now i can do anything and i will never fail ever again!"

which is untrue and unrealistic, because it is very likely that i will crash and feel like shit very soon. then i will feel even worse because i couldn't live up my expectations.

**or, i will be trying so hard to lie to myself that i am okay that i will be completely drained by the end of the day. instead, i need to keep in mind that ups and downs are to be expected.

conversely, when i am depressed, instead of getting caught up in it and crashing i need to remind myself that i will feel better again, and i just need to ride it out no matter how painful it may be at the time because it will eventually go away.

summary: you will not be happy all the time forever, nor will you be sad all the time forever.
it is what it is.

extremities are your worst enemies!!

Things to avoid:

• Making “should” or “must” statements: This is where the person has fixed ideas of how they, others, and life should be. These are then turned into fixed and rigid demands. Thus, when the person is disappointed (which inevitably happens) they over-react, and get extremely upset.
  
  
• “If people see that I am anxious, they will: reject me, humiliate me, think badly of me, etc.”
  
  
• “My feelings, relationships, behaviors, etc. should be wonderful and easy at all times.”
  
  These are unrealistic and lead to defeat - and thus to depression and self-rejection.
  
  lol i said i was going to stop posting posty posts, but this isn't whining so it's an exception okay.
  (in other news, i am so close to reaching my main new years resolution- almost thereeeee!!)
  
  (edit: this post makes so much more sense now that i found out i'm bipolar L M AO)