[eunhyuk/donghae] Running Blind With Eyes Wide Open [part three - ii]

[catskilt]

In August, Sungmin has to shave half his head for the image of their new album (pseudo-punk, Hyukjae says, and just to drive the point home he lends Sungmin hairclips to keep his hair out of his eyes when they're at home) and Dong Bang Shin Ki comes back from Japan for a couple of weeks, so Junsu and Yunho are located somewhere within the perimeter of Seoul and dragged out for a nostalgic guys' night out.

"Japan is a great place, but I admit I miss hearing Korean. You guys are so lucky," Yunho says, downing half a mug of beer while Junsu ogles the boobs of a skinny long-haired girl by the bar.

"Hey, you're making it big everywhere in Asia with all your acapella stuff. Don't turn around and tell us poor half-shaved, overworked and underpaid people that we're lucky," Sungmin says, flipping his hair out of his eyes for the thousandth time (he absolutely refuses to wear the hairclips in public).

"You're the only half-shaved one, hyung," Donghae points out, and they laugh at their dazzling wit and toast each other with orange juice (Hyukjae) and beer (everyone else alcohol-corrupted).

"You'll be making it big in Asia before long, anyway," Junsu says. "I was in the office today talking to a couple of the high-ups and someone was mentioning something about an Asian tour."

"Don't say anything," Hyukjae warns. "If you even say a word, you'll jinx it."

Junsu falls on him in a flurry of pummels and Yunho grins above their yells. "It's good to see that things don't change, put them together and they'll still try to murder each other," he says.

One hour and forty minutes later, Yunho and Sungmin are on the dance floor wriggling with a hundred other sweaty bodies, Junsu is valiantly attempting to chat up the skinny long-haired girl by the bar, and Donghae is slumped over Hyukjae's shoulder sleepily examining his fingers. He thinks he might be a little in love with Hyukjae's fingers, they're so long and pretty and well-shaped, and the nail on his little right finger is ragged at the ends because it's the only nail that Hyukjae allows himself to nibble in times of extreme stress.

"I think your fingers need a ring," he says. "What do you think?"

Hyukjae laughs. "We can't wear couple rings, you idiot."

"I'll buy a thick artistic one," Donghae says, tapping Hyukjae's right ring finger. "You'll have to wear it here."

"I won't."

"I'll engrave on the ring, 'Lee Donghae's property'."

"I doubly won't wear it!"

"Right," Donghae says happily, getting off Hyukjae's shoulder for another gulp of beer. "I'll go get it next week."

"Is it just me or have you guys become even more soppy while I was away?" Junsu says, sliding into his seat and grabbing Sungmin's discarded beer.

Hyukjae looks around for the girl, but she appears to have disappeared. "Did you get rejected?"

"She's attached," Junsu sighs. "She even has a neoprint of her boyfriend stuck onto the back of her phone."

Hyukjae sympathises, and Donghae puts a hand on his thigh, snuggles into his neck with a happy-sounding noise. Junsu sighs. "This is ironic, you know. We're supposed to be sought after and everyone says we have a thousand girls at our feet but I can't seem to hook even one. For a while in Tokyo I was going out with a production assistant, she was really sweet, you know, but she got tired of waiting around for me all the time. Got dumped a couple months in. Hey, is he sleeping?"

"He's been stuck in the recording studio almost the entire day. He wouldn't have come out if it wasn't for you and Yunho," Hyukjae says, linking his fingers almost unconsciously through Donghae's.

"Oh." Junsu taps his fingers against the tabletop in a sort of rhythm that Hyukjae can see but can't hear. "Why'd you break up with Miyoungie by the way? Thought you really liked her and she wasn't fussy about you having to be in disguise."

Hyukjae hesitates long enough for Junsu to prod him under the table and Donghae makes complaining noises when Hyukjae's shoulder shifts. He's half-asleep now and Hyukjae puts his arms around Donghae's waist, pulls him an inch or so closer. "I fell in love with him," he says just loud enough for Junsu to hear, watching the expression on his childhood friend's face.

Junsu starts to laugh, but when Hyukjae doesn't he gulps and blinks, like a startled rabbit, for something approaching eternity. "But you mean, uh, in love, as in, you…"

"As in he's in love with me, and I'm in love with him, and we're seeing each other."

"Damn, Hyukjae," Junsu says intelligently, and continues blinking.

"Nobody else knows except Teukie hyung, so you don't have to yell about me not telling you earlier."

"No," Junsu gapes. "It's, um, it's okay."

They sit in silence watching Yunho and Sungmin dance battling each other and then Hyukjae says, "Well", and Junsu says, "Yeah, well", and then Junsu starts to laugh and everything becomes comfortable in a moment. "Who would have thought," he says, knocking his glass against Hyukjae's. "When I think about it now it makes sense but I wouldn't have thought of it before, you know? You and Donghae, crazy. But hey, if you're happy…if you really like him…"

"I've never liked anyone like that before," Hyukjae says quietly, and Junsu grins and toasts him.

"I'm not going to say anything else," Junsu says. "You know it already anyway, don't you, without me having to say anything about…?"

"I do. Thanks for not saying it."

"Imagine it," Junsu says, and leans over to punch Hyukjae's shoulder affectionately. "Maybe you two can come visit me in Japan some time. I'll bring you to the boonies. Nobody will know you there and you can hold hands and be disgustingly soppy. Not that you aren't already soppy, actually."

"I don't know whether to be offended or grateful," Hyukjae says, and Junsu knocks his fist into Donghae's head when he tries to hug Hyukjae clumsily around the neck. Hyukjae catches Donghae half a second before he whacks his forehead on the table and arranges him on his lap before he returns the hug. "Don't think he'll like this much."

"Like I care," Junsu says. "I'm entitled to hug my best buddy. Or, you know, my slave."

Donghae sleeps all the way through the rest of the night of drinking and dancing and, in Sungmin's case, picking up girls, and by the time they're ready to call it quits it's four-thirty in the morning and Yunho is grousing about having to be up in exactly two hours. Junsu's staggering a little, so Sungmin kidnaps his car keys and pushes them into the taxi queue while Hyukjae tries to rouse Donghae.

"Muh?" Donghae says, opening half an eye.

"Time to get up, we're going home."

"Wan' to sleep."

"You've been sleeping for three hours."

"Wan' t'sleep more, Hyukkie."

Hyukjae pulls him out of his seat before his head meets his chest. "No, we're going home and you're going to walk yourself out of here."

Donghae stumbles over six steps as Hyukjae pushes him out of the club and falls into a heap at the entrance. Hyukjae sighs and squats down beside him. "Fine, can you do one thing for me?"

"One thing."

"Yes, just one thing."

"One thing for Hyukchae."

"Put your arms around my neck. I'm going to piggyback you." He turns and waits until Donghae's arms land heavily on his shoulders. Mostly-asleep Donghae is heavier than dead furniture and all the muscles in his thighs scream as he tries to force himself upright, but finally he has Donghae's legs secure in the crooks of his arms and perspiration raining down the sides of his face as he walks towards the taxi queue to find Sungmin.

"Hyukkie, s'that you?" Donghae mumbles and his breath tickles, nuzzles into Hyukjae's ear.

"It's me."

"….mmm." Donghae's hold tightens and he falls back into sleep.

"Need some help?" Sungmin asks when he sees them.

"No, it's okay, I've got it," Hyukjae says, leaning against the wall to take some of Donghae's weight off his back.

"I've called for a cab, it should be here in about half a minute."

"Good," Hyukjae says, wishing he could flop into bed and remain there till the next millennium.

It's close to an hour later when he finally gets Donghae showered and changed and pushed into bed. Donghae says exactly three things throughout the entire procedure, "Water's cold" and "Hyukkie?" and "Ticklish", but since he's compliant Hyukjae wraps the blanket securely around him as a reward for being an obedient drunk.

"You should probably just stay here instead of waking up everyone in the big bedroom," Sungmin says from his own bed.

"Yeah," Hyukjae agrees, because he's so tired now he's pretty sure his bones have melted into goo. He collapses beside Donghae and manages to get half the blanket over himself before he's in a sleep so deep that he doesn't feel Sungmin staggering across to lift his leg onto the mattress and under the covers.

… …

Donghae wouldn't consider himself a particularly horny guy. He has his own urges, of course, just like all other healthy twenty year olds, but he doesn't think he's too bad. He doesn't understand why some of his ex-classmates in school find it fun to have 'porn nights' together where they turn off the lights and watch porn movies in someone's bedroom until they've all jerked off to their satisfaction. He doesn't find erotic magazines particularly fascinating (though he has analysed with Heechul the possibility of silicone in the models' boobs in Jungsu's erotic photo book) and he doesn't really think about sex that often; or at least, not half as much as some of the other members, who crack all sorts of dirty jokes and tell hushed stories of the sex scandals within the entertainment industry (Youngwoon, in particular, seems to be intimate with all sorts of juicy details).

But that was before the grinding session in Hyukjae's bedroom, and now Donghae is mildly worried to find that whenever Hyukjae hip thrusts during the dance rehearsals for their upcoming album's choreography or practises his stony seductive look in the mirror, his thoughts instantly dispatch themselves to fingering invisibly at Hyukjae's buttons and zipper. They haven't really done anything sexual since that afternoon and Hyukjae remains confident only of kissing and a certain degree of gropage (that takes place above crotch level), but Donghae goes on the internet on Shindong's laptop anyway to search discreetly for material on sex between men. It all sounds a little complicated with the preparation and the need for proper lubrication and he always messes up the deleting of history and cookies so Shindong's laptop dies and after the third time he's banned forever from touching it. Junsu suggests that he try using Hyukjae's laptop instead ("could also be a hint, you know, that you guys are guys and there's no real need to be so shy about sex") but it's hard to broach the subject with Hyukjae when all he talks about these days is the choreography and one is supposed to be professional and work-focused instead of ass-focused.

It's all very frustrating for him as an almost-twenty-year-old with a romantic partner who specialises in being a sex object until it just so happens one afternoon when they're making out in the single cubicle toilet of their dance studios that Hyukjae suddenly gets very, very hard and Donghae notices because Hyukjae hasn't had the same amount of practice in hiding involuntary erections.

"Um," Hyukjae says desperately when Donghae rests his palm lightly, almost teasingly, on his bulge.

"Got something down your pants, Hyukjae?"

"Uh…"

"Come on, you don't have to be embarrassed about it. You don't know how many times this has happened to me."

Hyukjae clamps his eyes shut, but even with the lack of windows to the soul he looks terrified and Donghae thinks it's adorable. "I can help you take care of it," he says, squeezing the bulge temptingly, and smirks when Hyukjae lets out a squeak.

"Uh, I…"

Donghae rubs him a couple of times and observes with satisfaction the tension forming in Hyukjae's jaw. "How about it, Hyuk?"

Hyukjae doesn't say anything, only breathes really hard through his nose and Donghae takes it as an affirmative sign. He works his hand past the zippers and waistbands and he's almost, almost touching and he feels a hint of pulse and soft skin, just a quarter of an inch more, and then Hyukjae suddenly gasps and wrenches away so hard that Donghae's flung against the sink, instantly bruising his hip.

"What the hell, Hyuk?" he yells, and then he realises that the terror on Hyukjae's face isn't the adorable kind at all and the tension in his jaw isn't sexually induced and then all he wants is to hit his forehead against the wall for having been so insensitive.

"I'm sorry," Hyukjae pants, half reaching out for him and half withdrawing at the same time, "did I hurt you?"

"No, you didn't…"

"I didn't mean to throw you back like that."

"I know."

"It's just…"

"I won't do anything unless you want me to."

"I know I'm being stupid," Hyukjae says, sitting on the toilet bowl and taking deep, measured breaths to presumably calm himself down, "and I'm really trying to get out of this…this thing, I know you won't hurt me, but…"

"Hey, it's okay." Donghae kneels down beside him and grasps one of his hands. "It's not like we're in a rush or anything."

"Just a little bit more time. I promise I'll get over it."

"It really doesn't matter."

"It does." Hyukjae stares at the tiled flooring. "I keep thinking that…if we actually do it, it'll mean that we're really…"

"Gay?" Donghae says, and kisses his hand when Hyukjae flinches. "I thought we'd decided to erase that word from our vocabulary."

"There's still a 'y' left, and half of an 'a' in mine," Hyukjae says, but Donghae's so relieved to see him smiling that he can't find any frustration in Hyukjae's lingering insecurities.

"I'll promise to be as good as I can until you're ready, but till then you have to tone down on the sexy."

"Am I?" Hyukjae asks, a hint of excitement in his tone, and Donghae laughs as he pulls him off the toilet seat and presses a chaste (so chaste!) kiss on his cheek.

"I know you don't need me to convince you to believe it."

Hyukjae holds him back a second before they leave. "Just in case you think that this is about you and that I…I don't find you attractive or something…"

"I don't even consider that as a possibility," Donghae says haughtily, and then they're laughing together, running hand-in-hand out of the toilet back to the rehearsal room where Siwon asks whether they'd had diarrhoea or something else equally unavoidable and urgent, staying in that toilet for so long, and Jungsu immediately calls for another choreography practice so everyone forgets.

… …

One and a half months later, Hyukjae still apparently feels apologetic, because when the first few weeks of crazy promotional activities are over and they've nursed their aches and cramps back to a bearable level, he begs a couple of days off from Seunghwan and Kibum and offers Donghae a ride to Mokpo with his newly acquired driving skills and second-hand Hyundai. Heechul disapproves of the plan, didn't he hit the curb just last Wednesday going out to the convenience store for milk? but Donghae's so happy at the thought of two whole days of Hyukjae that he tunes out the sensible warnings.

They start late on the first day because the pre-recording for KTR ran beyond the allotted time, but at two o' clock they're cruising the Seohaean Highway with Epik High on the radio. They yell out the chorus to 'Fan' as Hyukjae smoothly changes lanes and Donghae chomps the kimbap that Ryeowook had made for them that morning. The traffic is light, the bass is pounding on the stereo, and they talk nonsense that they only remember fragments of ten minutes later, something about smelly socks and Jungsu being a food thief in the dorm and the clouds having weird shapes.

They arrive at Donghae's house three hours and forty-five minutes later with no incident and Hyukjae crows about his driving skills until Donghae's mum opens the door and they busy themselves with hugging her and piling all sorts of souvenirs and edibles into her hands.

"Have they been feeding you properly over there?" she asks.

"No, so you'll have to cook up a really good dinner for us, eomeonim," Hyukjae says as roguishly as he dares.

She laughs, because she likes this skinny boy with the big smile whom Donghae talks about so often in his phone calls, and they empty the kitchen of all the snacks she'd prepared for them before Donghae takes him out on a grand tour of the neighbourhood. They swing a little on the playground where he'd 'fallen down and scraped both his knees', flip a couple of magazines in the bookstore where he 'used to borrow books from even though they didn't have a borrowing policy but the owners liked me so they gave me special privilege', stand outside the school where he 'spent my first six years', and finally walk back to his house because Hyukjae's feet are dying for a chair even though Donghae insists that he has to see his favourite arcade hangout.

When Donghwa comes back that evening, they spend the whole night racing each other in fabulous sports cars or bashing each other up with cruel-looking weapons until Hyukjae falls asleep over his controller and Donghae has to pull him along the floor to the bedroom. Donghwa says that he's happy to see Donghae has really good friends in Seoul and Donghae contemplates just a moment, just a fraction of a minute, telling his brother the truth but he knows it won't be fair without consulting Hyukjae first, so he lets Donghwa poke him in the cheek for a good night.

"I love you," Hyukjae murmurs into Donghae's ear when he rouses for a brief period and Donghae's heart beats so fast that he can't fall asleep until his mind has stopped screaming at him in happiness.

The next morning they shower together for old times' sake and Donghae's trying really hard not to stare at Hyukjae's body. He can get through this without incident, he thinks, as long as he keeps his gaze at eye-level, and he's so focused on controlling himself that it's a shock when he suddenly feels Hyukjae's hand on him. He hadn't seen that coming, hadn't sniffed that coming, he can't quite believe it, and he stares slack-jawed as Hyukjae thumbs him lightly, rubs him into hardness with an expertise he hadn't quite expected.

"I want to do this for you," Hyukjae says, and he can't think of anything to say to that, he's too overwhelmed. Then it's all touch and feeling and provocative strokes and at some point Donghae hits the wall with the back of his head, moans louder than the sound of the shower, because it's Hyukjae touching him and Hyukjae's breath on his face and Hyukjae's fingers caressing him from base to tip, massaging his balls, thumbing his slit until he comes, loud and breathless, jerking and calling Hyukjae's name like the world for this moment has narrowed down only to them.

They go for another sightseeing tour during the afternoon, but their hands get so busy under each other's shirts in quiet deserted street corners and it's so hard keeping away from the heat and softness of Hyukjae's mouth that they return to the bedroom less than an hour later, lock the door and spit into their hands multiple times as they discover and re-discover what makes the other gasp, moan, cry out, whip their heads against the pillow in soundless screams, and Donghae thinks that he'll never get tired of this, he'll always love the look in Hyukjae's eyes just before he comes.

Donghae's mum provides a wonderful dinner that's nectar after all the physical exertion. Donghwa brings his girlfriend along to join them, a sweet, bright-eyed girl who tells the funniest jokes, and Donghae can almost believe that this is how it's going to be in the future, Donghwa with Sookyung and him with Hyukjae at the family table for years and years to come.

Hyukjae needs to be back in Seoul by six the next morning for some variety show recording, so they decide to start off at eleven o' clock that night, bunk in on a motel along the way, and continue driving once it's light. "Take good care of yourselves," his mum says, "come back soon", and Donghae wants to throw himself on her mercy, wants her to hug Hyukjae like he's going to be her son too, but he knows the time isn't ripe yet. So he gets into the passenger seat instead and kisses his mum one last time through the open car window before Hyukjae's calling out a goodbye and they're driving off and he's looking back at his mum standing by the front door, waving and smiling when Hyukjae switches on the hazard lights as a final farewell.

… …

There's a tiny convenience store opposite the motel they've decided to crash at and Hyukjae says he has to run across for a couple of things, don't worry, I'll be back in five. Donghae sits on the bed and turns on the TV, but it's more fascinating studying the cracks in the walls and wondering how long the motel will last before giving up and collapsing, one day, in a heap of rubble and dismal neglected death. Kang Hodong is roaring on the TV set when Hyukjae walks in, strangely flushed, and sits down on the bed beside him.

"What?" Donghae says, sensing odd, indefinable waves coming off Hyukjae's aura.

Hyukjae lays out a couple of items on the mattress and Donghae looks and he isn't hearing Kang Hodong anymore or seeing the cracks in the walls because it's a pack of condoms and a tube of lubrication that guarantees maximum pleasure and…oh.

"I know I said I wasn't ready," Hyukjae says, biting his lip, in fear or anticipation or embarrassment, or maybe a mixture of all three, Donghae can't really tell, "but if you want to…I will, too."

"Hyukjae…"

"I won't mind if it's…you."

"I want to," Donghae says, then falls silent because something's choking him and it's so beautiful, so undeserving, somehow, to see Hyukjae sitting before him offering himself in such a trusting manner. He turns off the TV and lies down flat on the bed. Hyukjae takes his cue, lies down beside him and they're trembling a little, almost afraid at what's going to happen, and then Donghae thinks of all they've been through to arrive at this stage and he says, "I'll never love anybody like I love you."

"I know," Hyukjae says with a hint of tease in his voice, turning over on his side. Donghae turns too, to meet him, and they're so close their noses are brushing and Donghae smiles, feathers his fingers on Hyukjae's shoulder, come get me.

It's Hyukjae who kisses him first, mouth sweet on his, tongue poking out to press teasingly against his bottom lip. The entire right side of Donghae's body is beginning to scream so he rolls over on his back, raises his knees slightly to centre Hyukjae on top of him. Hyukjae doesn't appear to notice their change in position; his eyes are closed and his hands are cradling Donghae's head and he's breathing soft and low against Donghae's lips, breathing once, twice before kissing him again, tasting so much of mouthwash and toothpaste that it makes Donghae want to giggle.

And then Hyukjae ghosts his lips over his chin and down the line of his neck and Donghae doesn't want to giggle anymore, forgets the urge completely when he feels Hyukjae's lips tease the corner of his neck and shoulder. He feels the cold pressure of Hyukjae's tongue on his skin, a short lick and then a longer one and then Hyukjae is licking a strip from the hollow of his throat to his collarbone and Donghae is gasping, he can't remember the last time he was this aroused.

"Hyukjae," he tries to say, but it comes out sounding more like a low moan instead and he works his hands down the side of Hyukjae's body, under his shirt over warm flushed skin until his fingertips are brushing over the shape of Hyukjae's hipbones, angles under his palms, and Hyukjae shifts a little and sighs into his neck.

"Kiss me again," Donghae whispers and Hyukjae complies, mouth on mouth and tongue on tongue over and over until they're both mindlessly hard and rocking against each other, pushing tight cloth against tight cloth and Donghae gasps into Hyukjae's mouth, clutches the nape of Hyukjae's neck and raises his head to kiss him harder. In all their caresses and almost-sex before, they've never experienced anything like this crazy needy lust that's gripping them so tightly that they're rutting against each other completely shamelessly, panting and uncoordinated until Hyukjae abruptly pushes himself back. Donghae opens his eyes, he's shaking so hard with desire that he can barely breathe. "Hyuk…"

Hyukjae's kneeling over him, arms on either side of Donghae's body holding him up, looking suddenly unsure. "I just want to - we're really doing this, aren't we?"

"Yes," Donghae breathes. "Yes, Hyuk."

He reaches out and palms Hyukjae's erection through the restrictive cloth. Hyukjae closes his eyes and groans and Donghae slips his hand under the waistbands of his pants and underwear until he comes into contact with soft pulsating skin. "Donghae," Hyukjae says, and his voice is so completely unnatural, so deep and husky and desire-laced that it makes Donghae shudder, releases the final grip he has on thinking straight.

"I want you inside me, Hyukjae."

He feels the shiver that runs, quickly, through Hyukjae's body. "How do I not hurt you?" he asks.

"We'll do it slowly," Donghae says, trying to breathe calmly, "it'll be okay as long as we go slow."

Hyukjae stares anxiously at him and Donghae can't take it anymore. He releases Hyukjae's cock and pulls his shirt over his head, throwing it haphazardly anywhere and grabbing Hyukjae's hand, dragging it over his bare chest and stomach, all the way down to his hips and over his own erection. "We'll do this together," he says, and he sees Hyukjae's anxiety crumble.

They're fully naked within seconds, cold air teasing their skin as Hyukjae reaches for the lube by the pillow and uncaps it. He squeezes out a generous quantity over his fingers and Donghae holds his breath watching as he slicks the liquid over his cock, hand sliding slowly over skin and balls, eyes closed pink lips parted head pulled back line of throat long and inviting and Adam's apple bobbing until Donghae's hips jerk instinctively, thrusting into air. Hyukjae opens his eyes in surprise, looks at Donghae flushed and panting below him.

"You," Donghae gasps with a breathless laugh, "you have no idea how much you're screwing with my mind."

"Or maybe I do," Hyukjae says with a hint of a smirk, and Donghae barely has time to process his words before he feels a slick fingertip edging into him. He cries out, gripping the pillow until his knuckles turn white; it feels so completely alien, so invasive that his reflexive action is to bend over and pull that finger out of himself, but he grips the pillow harder and breathes, reminds himself that this is Hyukjae, this is only the beginning, this is what they both want. He forces himself to relax shuddering muscles and nod at Hyukjae to slide his finger in further because Hyukjae looks ready to quit.

"Do it," he says.

"If it hurts, I'll stop, I really will," Hyukjae says, which is really very nice of him because Donghae has learned before just how difficult it is to stop when you're rock-hard and mindless with lust.

"I'm okay," he says, "don't stop."

Hyukjae pushes in a little further and Donghae braces himself, tries not to cry out in pain when Hyukjae tries inserting a second finger. But he can't stop his entire body from tensing and Hyukjae stops immediately, bends over him to nip kisses along his chest.

"More lube," Donghae breathes, reaching down to stroke Hyukjae's cheek with his thumb.

He's sure that they're creating a mess down there when the friction gets easier and Hyukjae is crooking his fingers and exploring and probing and fuck suddenly there's a burst of feeling inside him so strong and intense that he screams and he's not sure if he's still seeing anymore or if he's lying still or if his entire body is in spasms at the pleasure that had hit him out of nowhere and when he comes back to earth Hyukjae is wide-eyed, open-mouthed, silent in awe. He moves his fingers and Donghae throws his head back against the pillow, pushes back against Hyukjae's fingers only now he wants it deeper, he wants it harder and he manages to articulate, "Ready, I'm ready" and then Hyukjae withdraws and he has never felt so needy before.

"Please, Hyuk," he says, he might be begging now, "please, hurry up, I need you so much, please."

Hyukjae is doing something down there and Donghae opens his eyes impatiently, sees Hyukjae slicking more lube over his cock before he finally positions himself and tries to push in. There's a thick hot pressure, thicker than Donghae had anticipated, and then Hyukjae slips out and curses, and Donghae curses with him, round and rough because goddamn it he wants this so badly now, he actually thinks he might expire of need if Hyukjae doesn't work it out within the next ten seconds. He spreads his legs wider and wider and lifts his lower body up to give Hyukjae a better aim, and Hyukjae holds on to his hip, locks eyes with him, and they take a breath of courage and he's staring into Hyukjae's eyes when he enters him again, so solid and thick that Donghae has to fight to breathe, to gasp, to moan at the complete shock and ecstasy on Hyukjae's face, god so hot so hot so hot. Hyukjae grunts and he's sliding in more and more, so deep that Donghae loses the feeling of being himself, he's not sure anymore now if they're really two separate people, and then Hyukjae stops and they're moaning softly against each other, trembling, and Hyukjae says, "Are you okay?"

"I'm more than okay, I'm…" Donghae shifts around a little to make himself more comfortable. "This feels…it feels fucking good, Hyuk."

Hyukjae nods, all the muscles along his arms straining, and Donghae realises that he's controlling himself from thrusting. He wraps his arms around Hyukjae's waist and smiles and they're holding on to each other at the first thrust, and then the second, and the third, and Donghae says "I'm okay" again to the question in Hyukjae's eyes, adds wordlessly do what you want with me. It's sloppy at first, weird, not exactly sexy, but suddenly they slip into a rhythm and it's the most mind-blowing thing that Donghae has ever experienced, this moving in sync, this sensation of Hyukjae penetrating him to the hilt. He's beyond shame now, not that he has ever felt shame with Hyukjae in the first place; he's bending himself almost double, lifting his legs over Hyukjae's shoulders, telling him to go faster don't worry about me I'm fine, oh god Hyukjae, it feels so good, because he's on such a high now, he's so aroused that it's not biologically possible that anything is going to hurt him at this point. It seems insane now, absolutely ridiculous that they could ever have felt afraid of sex, ever have been apprehensive, when what they're doing now feels so right that they can't even contemplate it being marginally wrong. They've always belonged to each other, they've always been meant to do this, they were built to be buried in each other's bodies; filled and filled over, one person one person, you and me, Hyukjae, I love you.

Hyukjae is resting on his knees now, hands tight on Donghae's hips and head thrown back, panting, a film of perspiration covering his neck and chest. Donghae wonders if everyone's first time is this rhythmic, this fluid, because he can't imagine how this could get any better; he can't think of how anything else in the world is going to top this. He's so suffused with the pleasure that their bodies are giving him that he can't think, he can only watch, he knows that he's moaning really loudly because his throat is beginning to feel sore but really he's feeling and feeling and feeling and then Hyukjae's hand wraps around his neglected erection, slicks the pre-come over his length as he squeezes, and Donghae gasps, he can't hold out anymore. He bucks and shudders and screams and then he's coming, back curved head whipped to the side as his scream melts into a soundless cry, Hyukjae, covering his stomach with strings and strings of hot sticky semen.

He's barely out of his haze when Hyukjae cries out his name and there's so much raw emotion in his voice that if it had been possible for him to climax again he would have. He trembles as Hyukjae comes into him, liquid heat flooding his insides and rolling down the insides of his thighs and over his ass and he holds Hyukjae to him, kisses his hair as Hyukjae continues thrusting through his orgasm, mouth open and wet against Donghae's shoulder.

They're both wrung beyond all additional movement when it's over and Donghae vaguely registers at the back of his mind that he's probably really gross and sticky right now, but he can't be bothered. Hyukjae is still lying limp against him, half-hard and twitching inside him, and he's okay if they stay like this for a few more moments. They can't think of anything to say. They continue holding each other and shaking, smiling, kissing throats and cheeks and necks and collarbones, until Hyukjae sighs and pulls out, flopping down beside him.

"I forgot the condoms," he says.

"We'll remember them next time," Donghae says.

They're quiet until Donghae announces that he needs a bath and Hyukjae says he might as well have one too, he's so covered with sweat that he's beginning to repulse himself. They steam up the mirror because they want the water to be excessively hot and Hyukjae laughs at the marks of Donghae's fingers on his back, remarks that he's been tattooed. Donghae says damn right, you're going to be mine for a long time yet.

When they get back to bed they're tired and sleepy but it's nicer to lie awake beside each other, talking when they feel like it, staying quiet when they don't, and they finish up the cold breakfast that Donghae's mum had prepared for them.

At the first signs of light they pack up and get into the car, looking at the sunrise as they head back to Seoul.

previous: part three; a growing up (i) | next: part four; a togetherness

I am so, so sorry for the delay in the update ;_;