doesn't have to be perfect, just has to be real - Kradam - NC17
Title: doesn't have to be perfect, just has to be real
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Word Count: ~7,300
Beta: sbb23. Thank you for being lightning fast and thorough. <3
Disclaimer: Not true. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.
Summary: Future fic. Adam ends up in a coma and Kris wakes him up with a kiss, because there's a Prince Charming to every Sleeping Beauty.
Notes: Written for kavasu who asked for Sleeping Beauty in the real world over at the ontd_ai charity drive to benefit The Houston Area Women's Center. I hope you like it, BB. I went and re-read your prompt and realized that I kind of flubbed it a little bit. *g*
An accident can happen so very fast. For instance someone (who is now a rockstar and has a maid service that comes three times a week) might like to leave his stuff strewn all over the place even though his mother keeps telling him to pick it up or someone might trip. And maybe that someone is in a hurry to answer his phone (because he knows that ringtone and it's the only person in the entire world that he always wants to talk to no matter what) and doesn't look too closely at where he puts his feet.
Foot meet bag. Body meet stairs.
"That wasn't so bad," Adam says, getting up from the floor and dusting his arms off. "You'd think it would hurt, or something."
"Adam, what are you… Oh my God."
Adam frowns at his mother's whitewashed face; she looks like she's seen a ghost.
"Oh my God," she says again, running forward, her heels clicking erratically against the hardwood floor.
"Mom, what… Oh."
He watches his mother kneel over his still body, phone already pressed against her ear. Her voice is too high pitched when she starts talking, words tumbling over each other in a barely intelligible rush.
"I think it's too late mom," he says, sitting on the stairs he just tumbled down. "I think it's too late."
He doesn't feel sad, exactly. He supposes you need to be attached to your body to actually feel shit; he just feels empty, strange. His mother is bent over his body now, crying in long hulking sobs and he wishes he could reach out and touch her, comfort her. He's never heard anyone cry like that before.
On the dresser his phone starts ringing again, but his mother ignores it. Adam leans over and looks through the banister at the name flashing on the screen. Kris, he thinks. I'm sorry buddy, but I don't think I'm ever going to pick up again.
Suddenly the world blurs and he thinks for a second that he's going back into his body, but when he opens his eyes he's in Kris's bedroom. Kris is sitting at the bottom of his double bed with the phone pressed against his ear. Adam doesn't want to notice (but does anyway) that only half the bed looks like it's been slept in.
"Fuck," Kris says suddenly and Adam jumps, but Kris is only upset that Adam isn't answering, throwing the phone to the side and burying his head in his hands.
"I would answer if I could, you know," Adam says, gingerly sitting down next to Kris. "But I'm busy being kinda dead."
Kris doesn't answer and when Adam tries to put a hand on his back it goes right through him. It freaks him out a little so Adam knots his hands on his lap to keep from reaching out again, taking what comfort he can just from Kris's presence.
A knock on the door makes both Kris and Adam jump, and when the door opens Adam's surprised to see Katy standing there.
"I made dinner," she says softly, not quite looking at Kris. "Do you want to come down?"
Kris shakes his head once without looking up and Katy nods as if it was expected. What the fuck is going on here?
"I'll put some aside for you in case you get hungry later." She lingers in the doorway for a moment, looking as if she wants to say something more, but eventually she just lets the door slip shut.
"Shit," Adam says into the empty room. "What the fuck is going on here? Kris, baby, talk to me."
Kris doesn't of course. He just reaches for his phone again, probably to make another unanswered phone call to Adam. Being dead really sucks.
Adam doesn't really want to watch Kris be disappointed over Adam not answering again, so he slips through the bedroom door (and isn't that a mind fuck) to follow Katy downstairs. He finds her at the kitchen table with a loaded plate in front of her, but she doesn't seem to be eating as much as pushing the food around.
He scans the kitchen for any kind of clue that would tell him why Allen's house seems more like funeral home than an actual home, but of course there is nothing helpful taped to the fridge door. It's frustrating to say the least, because if they've been having problems Kris has been putting up a good façade.
Of course pretty much every conversation they've had for the last few months has been filled with Adam's emergencies, because he sure has a lot of those, but he's not a bad friend - he always listens when Kris wants to talk. Except obviously he hasn't been listening closely enough and now he'll never get the chance to.
The kitchen is a bust and watching Katy eat all by herself while looking like someone kicked her puppy is downright depressing, so Adam heads back upstairs. He's going to rejoin Kris in the bedroom, but he can't help but notice that the door to one of the guestrooms has been left ajar, and well, if you can't be nosy when you're dead there's just no justice in the world.
He still looks both ways before peeking in through the open door. Somehow he thought it would be cool to be invisible, but it's really not at all. Maybe it would be cooler if he wasn't dead. The guest room is very much in use. There are clothes piled on a chair in the corner, the sheets are messy and books make a precarious stack on the nightstand. Adam steps inside.
His eyes are drawn to a pile of papers laying on the very bottom on the bed, as if they were thrown there in anger, and curiosity demands he take a closer look. Only the top page is right side up, but he doesn't need to see more to know what they are. Divorce papers. If he had a heart he's pretty sure it would be in his throat as he scans the paper, letting his eyes slide down to the very bottom. Katy's name is already on the dotted line, Kris's isn't.
Adam walks straight through the wall to get to Kris, but once there there's really nothing he can do. Kris is stretched out on the bottom of the bed, feet planted on the floor and one arm over his eyes. The other arm is stretched out above his head, still clutching the phone. His shirt has slid up a smidgen showing a tiny sliver of skin and Adam hates himself for looking.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks. "I would have… I would have done something."
Truth is that Adam doesn't even know what he would have done, or said, but he would have done something if Kris had just told him. He doesn't want Kris and Katy to get divorced, if for no other reason than pure selfishness.
Adam's convinced that Kris is his soulmate, has been since the moment they met, and the heady disappointment over finding out that his soul mate was not just straight but married has never quite faded. But over the years they negotiated a relationship that works, one where Adam gets to have Kris without ever really having him, and Katy has always been a vital part of that relationship.
Adam loves Katy, she is sweet and tiny and beautiful and perfect for Kris; hating her would have been entirely pointless and would also have put an unnecessary strain on his relationship with Kris. Sometimes he thinks that Kris is a little bit in love with him, but that's okay because Adam doesn't ever have to act on it as long as there is a Katy and thus he will never get the chance to fuck up their relationship for good.
It's selfish and probably stupid and entirely based in gut wrenching fear of losing Kris, but Adam would have fought for their marriage tooth and nail if he had to. In his world it's better to have Kris as a friend than to not have Kris at all, and now that he's dead Kris will be devastated and he'll need Katy more than ever.
Adam walks up to the bed and sits down heavily. The bed doesn't dip with his weight and Kris doesn't even stir.
"I'm sorry," he says, glancing briefly at Kris's still face. He sighs and looks down on his lap. He really wishes he'd had the sense to die in a better outfit, something with leather and spikes, but he supposes they'll doll him up for the funeral.
"I think that maybe I should have told you I'm in love with you," Adam says, staring hard at his hands. "I think that maybe you would have wanted to know that. I know you worry… worried… about all my affairs, maybe I should have just come out and told you why it had to be that way." Adam turns his head to look at Kris, the tired lines around his mouth and the steady rise and fall of his chest."But then maybe it would have just made you sad."
The sudden thrill of Kris's phone makes both Kris and Adam jump, and Kris answers without even looking at the display.
"Adam?" he asks, and he sounds so hopeful Adam just wants to wrap his arms around him and hold him forever.
He watches as whoever it is on the other line starts talking and Kris face goes pale. "I'll be there," Kris says, voice rushed and frantic. "Just give me… fifteen minutes, okay?"
"Yeah… Yeah, of course. See you soon."
Adam follows Kris as he snatches a hoodie off the floor and runs out the door. Katy meets them in the kitchen doorway, eyes big and scared.
"What happened?" she asks, staring at Kris's panicked face.
"It's Adam," Kris says, voice trembling at the edges.
"I'll drive you."
Katy heads for the front door without even looking to see if Kris is following. She doesn't ask what happened and Kris doesn't look to be in any state to answer questions anyway. Adam follows them out to the car and gets in with them. He soon realizes that it's not so easy to stay in a moving vehicle when you don't have substance, but he figures out a way to hold onto the front seat that has him hanging on for the ride.
Kris chokes out the name of a hospital and Katy makes a right turn with screeching tires. If she ever gets tired of the acting thing Adam thinks she might have a future in Indy Car [Indy car racing]. It's kind of funny that they are going to the hospital; why would they be going there if he's dead? He supposes that question will be answered soon enough.
Katy takes the entrance through the parking garage and before Kris jumps out of the car she squeezes his hand briefly. He gives her a tight smile, the first Adam's seen since he dropped into their life and then they're running. Well, Kris is running, Adam doing something that is really more like floating forward. It seems it takes some sort of concentration for him to appear solid, so when he starts running to keep up with Kris, his feet stop connecting with the floor.
He kind of wants to see if he can fly but he doesn't want to lose Kris. It would suck to be both invisible and lost. Kris steps into an elevator and Adam realizes he might be in trouble. He follows inside and carefully braces himself against the rail, but he still ends up halfway through the elevator floor.
"Ugh," he says, looking up at Kris.
Kris isn't looking at him though, he's staring at the floor display as if he's willing the elevator to go faster. He's got his hands balled into fists at his sides and his lips are moving without any sound coming out. Adam thinks he might be praying. The elevator finally dings to a stop and Adam crawls his way out on his hands and knees. He does not want to get stuck in the elevator. It's possible that he could repeat the trick that brought him to Kris's side to begin with, but he wouldn't bet on it because he has no idea how he even did that. He’s just really, really glad he did it.
Kris heads down a corridor and through a pair of doors and then there's Adam's mom, coming forward to great him. Adam hangs back watching them cling to each other.
"How is he? What happened?" Kris asks, and he sounds choked, as if he'll start crying any second.
"He fell down the stairs," Leila says, grabbing Kris's hand and holding it tight. "They're running some more tests now, but there doesn't seem to be any brain damage or internal bleeding. He's just… unconscious."
"Oh, " Adam says. "Oh." But of course they’re not paying any attention to him. “I’m not dead..”
He does a happy little flail-dance around them, but they are, of course, entirely unimpressed. The fact that he's not in his body is probably even more disturbing now that he knows he's not dead - people don't just go around falling out of their bodies - but it sure beats being dead.
Adam is still dancing around - he loves dancing, and he has a lot of moves, and if there’s a good time to show off, being not dead is really it - when he notices that Leila and Kris are now sitting down, talking in hushed voices. His dancing slows as he watches them, and after a moment, he sits down, too
*
It's after midnight when Leila finally convinces Kris to go home and catch some sleep. Adam follows Kris, because sitting beside his body watching his mom and Kris stare at him, is getting really unnerving. He tried to merge with his body, but nothing happened and after a while he started to feel creepy, as if he was trying to have sex with himself.
Kris calls for a cab instead of Katy and when he gets into it he just sinks down into the corner, looking out the window without talking to the cabbie besides giving him the address. Once at home he kicks off his sneakers inside the door and then heads upstairs on heavy feet. Adam expects Kris to head directly for his room, but instead he knocks softly on what used to be the guest room door, but is now apparently Katy's door.
Katy's still dressed when she opens it, hair pulled into a disarranged ponytail. "You're home," she says, eyes wide with surprise.
"Yeah…" Kris scrubs the back of his neck. "I didn't want to disturb you so I took a cab."
"How is he?"
Kris shrugs. "Stable but still unconscious. They don't know when he'll wake up."
"I'm so sorry," Katy says, voice unbelievably soft, and Adam kind of wants to reach out and smack them both over the head. Can't they see there's still love there?
Kris shakes his head, biting down on his lower lip. "He just looks so… fragile. I should have never let him lose that much weight."
"Bitch please," Adam says, leaning against the wall. "I look fucking awesome."
Of course, his body didn't look too hot devoid of all makeup and dressed in one of those stupid thin cotton hospital gowns, but just last week he was able to fit into a pair of jeans he hasn't worn since he was twenty and on that crazy carrots-and-pumpernickel diet. Being kind of miserably in love with his best friend is really good for his constitution.
"I think," Kris says, scrubbing a hand over his face. "I think I'm ready to sign the papers now."
"No, no no no no," Adam says, but of course they don't listen to him.
Katy just nods and gets the papers from wherever she put them, holding them out for Kris to sign. He takes the pen from her hand and puts his name down on the dotted line and then again and again as she keeps turning the pages, pointing to the appropriate places.
"Fine," Adam says sourly, staring at Kris's tired face. "Now I'll probably never wake up. If this is like the movies and I was supposed to fulfill some kind of mission, I just failed."
Once all the papers are signed, Kris and Katy just look at each other for the longest time. Then he opens his arms and she dives right into them. Adam feels kind of dirty watching them cling to each other, so he walks through the wall into Kris's bedroom to wait.
When Kris comes in a few minutes later, he face plants onto the bed without removing his clothes and after a few moment Adam joins him. He doesn't seem to need sleep, but it's kind of peaceful to just drift, listening to Kris breathing.
*
After a week the whole coma thing gets really old. Sure it has its moments, since apparently being unconscious is about equal to running a confessional, but after a week of listening to his family and friends pour their hearts out even that gets old, because what's the use when he can't hug them, forgive them and make it all better.
He spends more and more of his time following Kris around, not that Kris strays from his side all that often. But it's through Kris he finds out that his fans have taken up vigil in the hospital park, singing his songs and keeping watch, waiting eagerly for any kind of news of his recovery. Kris visits them a couple of times, obviously not concerned with what it might look like, signing autographs and posing for pictures, while repeating the same tired phrase. He's fine, there's no change, they don't know when he'll wake up.
Sometimes Adam goes down to his fans late at night when whoever's with him (more often than not Kris) has fallen asleep. It's an amazing thing to realize how much he has impacted the lives of people he has never even met. He likes to sit down alongside them and listen to their stories about how Adam saved their lives and if he could, he's pretty sure he would cry. He hopes he remembers them when he wakes up, because he wants to come down here and sign an autograph for each and every one of them and pose for however many pictures they want. They might be obsessed on the side of creepy, but there's no doubt that they love him and would support him no matter what.
Adam's favorite time of the day though is late evening when it's just him and Kris and the low hum of the TV they have on to keep him company, because that's when Kris starts talking, really talking. It's Kris's time in the Adam Lambert Unconscious Confessional Booth, and Adam hangs on his every word. He talks a lot about his divorce (sad), how things have been with Katy (not good), why he didn't tell Adam about it (stupid) and pretty much everything else that comes to his mind.
He spends a pretty entertaining hour one night berating Adam for sleeping with Drake a couple of months back, which is really funny because when it went down he pretty much didn't say anything. Apparently (according to Kris), sleeping with Drake was not only stupid and self-indulgent, but also possibly career damaging, even though he never goes into detail as to why or how. Adam finds it pretty amusing that Kris is still upset about it months later when Adam had all but forgotten. He talked it out with Drake afterwards and they're cool again, but apparently that's not good enough for Kris.
"You really need to stop sleeping around, okay?" Kris says, one night, fingers wrapped tightly around Adam's hand. "I know you have like… needs… or whatever, but it's not good for you."
"Oh believe me baby," Adam says from his perch at the bottom of the bed. "If it wasn't good for me, I'd be doing something wrong."
"You need to find someone special and settle down," Kris continues. "Someone who really loves you for who you are. Someone who knows you."
Adam shrugs, watching the tense line of Kris's back. Apparently Kris thinks this is important, but that's just because Adam can't tell him why it really isn't. He already found his someone special but he's not on the market, so Adam makes do with what he can have, which is lots of casual sex and an amazing best friend.
Kris is silent for a moment and Adam has to move from the bottom of the bed to be able to watch Kris's face. He sits down next to his own head instead and stares at Kris. Kris looks nervous, licking his lips and twining his fingers around Adam's hand.
"Okay," Kris says, visibly squaring his shoulders. "I don't think real life is like the movies, but at this point I'm willing to try anything."
"Oh?" Adam queries, intrigued.
"I'm in love with you," Kris says.
"What?" Adam's pretty happy no one could hear that, because there's high-pitched and then there's high-pitched.
"I know it's stupid, okay?" Kris continues, flailing his free hand a little. "I know I'm probably like… too plaid for you or whatever, but… I can't help it. Jesus, Adam, I went to therapy to forget about you, but I'm pretty sure the therapist just laughed at me because seriously you can't just make yourself not be in love with someone, not even if you pay a therapist five hundred dollars an hour to help you with it."
Kris's eyes look wild and the words are pretty much tumbling over each other. Adam's kind of happy he's not attached to his body, because if he had been he would probably have been overcome by want, need, must have by now and he wouldn't have been able to listen as intently.
"I wanted things to work out with Katy, I really did, but our problems started before we even got married and sometimes you just have to admit defeat, you know?" Kris makes a vague gesture and stares at Adam's face for a moment.
"It's okay," Adam says softly, sliding down from the bed and crouching at Kris's feet. "I know you love her."
"I just want you to wake up now," Kris says desperately. "I don't know if I can take this anymore. There's nothing fucking wrong with you Adam Lambert. Wake up you fucking drama queen."
On the floor Adam keels over in a fit of laughter because well Kris is adorable and he's also right and Adam would wake up if he just knew how to. Kris is standing up now, staring at Adam as if he's daring him to wake up this very second.
"Yeah, fine. Okay," Kris says and Adam realizes what he's about to do just seconds before he does.
"Noooo," Adam says, clambering to his feet. "You can't kiss me when I'm sleep…"
*
"…ing," Adam says, opening his eyes.
For half a second he meets Kris's wide-eyed stare, then Kris takes half a step back and disappears beside the bed with a thump.
"Kris," Adam says, voice scratchy and weak with lack of use.
He tries to push himself up to look over the edge of the bed, but his muscles are like water and his arms tremble with the effort.
"I'm okay." Kris's voice is muffled but then his eyes peek up over the edge of the bed. "You're awake."
"Yeah," Adam admits, finally giving up his attempt to push himself up and resting back against the pillows. He's tired, which is pretty rich since he's been sleeping for over a week.
"Oh my God. You're awake." Kris nearly shouts it this time, as if the ball finally dropped, but judging by the tone of his voice Adam's pretty sure that if his balls did anything, they went back in.
Before Adam can stop him and beg for a moment to sort through his jumbled thoughts Kris is at the door yelling for whoever to come and look at Adam, and come they do. In numbers. Soon the entire room is swarming with people and they all want to poke him, prod him, and look him in the eyes with flashlights (really sucks he's been asleep for a week, his eyes are very light sensitive).
They keep asking stupid questions and Adam keeps answering them until his throat feels so raw he can't even croak at which point someone actually brings him a glass of water. Who knew heaven came in a little plastic cup?
Eventually the crowd starts to thin out and Adam can finally locate Kris again, backed into a corner staring at the display with too-wide eyes. The doctors seem to think Adam's fine now, but they want to keep him for a few days just in case and Adam couldn't actually care less because he just wants to be alone with Kris.
"I should call your mom," Kris says when the door closes behind the last straggler, who Adam is half convinced just stole a pair of scrubs to be able to gawk at him.
"Yeah," Adam agrees, lifting a hand to scrub at his face.
His muscles still feel weird and watery, but not as bad as when he just woke up. There's a hint of stubble on his cheeks and he wonders if watching Kris shave him this morning is a memory or just a really fucked up dream. The timeline is right, he's been in a coma for just over a week, but that doesn't mean he was really a ghost walking around among his friends during that time. It doesn't mean Kris is actually getting divorced and it doesn't mean Kris is actually in love with him.
"I'm tired," Adam says, scrubbing at his eyes. "You'd think I'd gotten the sleep thing out of my system."
He tries for a smile, but Kris doesn't return it. He does move closer though, fishing his phone out of his pocket. Adam watches as Kris fiddles with the dials before lifting the phone to his ear. He looks tired, pale and drawn. I did that, Adam thinks, and the rush of feeling that follows is a weird mix of pride, sadness and love.
After a brief exchange of words Kris hands the phone over the Adam and he talks to his mom for a while. It's good to hear her voice and his chest feels tight when she chokes up. He didn't mean to worry everyone. He doesn't know why he fell out of his body either. Then the conversation ends and it's just him, Kris and the elephant in the room, except Adam doesn't even know if the elephant is real. It might just be a crazy figment of his imagination.
Kris sits down in the chair beside the bed, turning his phone over between his fingers. "When you're better…" Kris starts, looking everywhere but Adam. "I'm going to go away for a while."
"What?" Adam blinks in confusion.
"I just need to… take a break. From everything."
"But…"
"We're getting divorced."
"Oh."
Kris sighs and puts a hand over Adam's arm. "It's got nothing to do with you," he says softly, voice barely a rasp. "I'm not running away from you."
Adam lifts his hand and cups the side of Kris's face, scratching his fingers over the scruff that is almost a beard by now.
"I think I dreamt that you told me you love me," Adam says, curious and careful.
"I don't think it was a dream," Kris whispers pressing his lips against Adam's palm with his fingers wrapped firmly around his wrist to keep it in place.
Adam's heart stutters against his breastbone and his breath gets stuck in his throat. The moment seems so fragile that he's afraid the slightest sound could break it.
"Will you…" Kris trails off, looking bewildered and unsure.
"I'll wait," Adam promises and it's the easiest promise he's ever made. "However long it takes, I'll wait."
"Thank you," Kris murmurs and his beard scratches Adam's palm. "Thank you."
*
Kris leaves on a Thursday. He refuses to let Adam drive him to the airport, or tell him where he's going, so instead they say goodbye in the Allen's empty kitchen. Katy packed up the last of her stuff and went back to Arkansas for an indefinite time yesterday and Kris has moved everything into storage except for the guitar propped up against the counter and the huge backpack on the floor.
"You'll keep in touch, right?" Adam says, curling his hands around the edges of the kitchen counter to keep from reaching out.
They haven't spoken about the new dynamics of their relationship since that night when Adam first woke up, but somehow they don't have to. It's just there. A whispering curling tendril between them that gives every look they exchange a dangerous edge. Adam never doubts that Kris is the Prince Charming to his Sleeping Beauty, he just doesn't know what it means.
"I will," Kris promises with a slight smile, shouldering his backpack.
Out on the driveway a car honks its horn.
"I guess that's my cue," Kris says, grabbing the guitar case. He looks so small, weighed down by the backpack and weight of the moment. Adam just wants to grab him and keep him close forever, but he doesn't reach out because he doesn't think he'd be physically able to let go if he did.
"See you," Kris says and before Adam has time to process he's getting up on his toes and pressing a lingering kiss against Adam's lips.
Then he's gone and Adam's left with the silence and the erratic beat of his heart. "See you," he echoes to the empty room, voice ringing out too loud.
*
Kris is gone for six months. Every week like clockwork, or close to clockwork, since the postal service doesn’t operate with nearly the same precision Adam gets a glossy print postcard with a few scribbled lines on the back. He tapes them to his bedroom wall in even rows, tracking Kris's journey from Brazil to Argentina to Chile, then Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam and so on and so forth.
For Christmas he gets a card of three buff naked guys dangling Santa hats from their erect cocks. It makes him laugh for ten minutes straight. The note on the back says: Make the yuletide gay and sets Adam off again.
Adam kind of expected Kris to return for Christmas, to celebrate it with his family as always, but instead he got a twitpic of Kris in a Santa hat (and a truly atrocious floral print shirt) on a beach and the simple caption Happy Holidays.
Then he kind of thought Kris would show up for New Year's Eve, because well, it's been six months and New Year's is all about new beginnings, right? But Kris didn't show and Adam greeted the new year on his back porch with a tall glass of champagne and Muse on repeat on the stereo.
The next day, he gets a picture of a rooster, on the back it says: New Year's Resolution: Suck more… (see front). It takes Adam way too long to get it and then he's torn between laughing and blushing to the roots of his hair. He's going to have a stern talk with Kris whenever he deems it time to return.
He misses Kris, more than he even thought possible, and it's not even about whatever will happen when Kris returns, it's just about them. He never realized how heavily he depended on Kris as a sounding board for well, his life, and not being able to call him about every little thing is killing Adam inside. He fiddles Kris's name up on the screen of his phone so many times, only to put it away again without calling. Kris asked for a respite and Adam will give it to him even if it kills him (which it might).
When Kris finally does show up Adam isn’t expecting him at all, which in retrospect, maybe he should have. It's late at night and Adam's birthday party has been reduced to only a few diehard stragglers, Danielle, Brad, Drake, Monte, Lisa, Tommy, Daniel and his mom. It's been a good birthday, quiet and relaxed, like most of the celebrations over the last six months. Staying out of sight was never really a conscious decision and he does still go out, but he's always scared that he's going to get drunk and slip up. Do something he'd regret later.
There wasn't really anything in the brief exchange he had with Kris when he first woke up that said Adam had to be celibate. Keeping yourself emotionally available (like he ever didn't) isn't exactly the same as keeping it in your pants, but Adam isn't taking any chances. Not even when Kris's fans around the world tweet pictures of him with them and jealousy almost eats Adam up inside. Why are all Kris's fans gorgeous tiny girls with big doe eyes and sleek black hair? It's not fair.
It's even less fair that Jim Cantellio displays every picture on his Where in the world is Kris Allen? blog and all the comments go HOMG she's so cute, lucky bench whatever that's supposed to mean. Adam can see that the girls are cute, he's not that gay, he just doesn't understand why they have to be bothering Kris when Adam can't. Not that Kris seems to mind -- he’s all sunshine, smiles, tan and too-long hair in every picture. The bastard.
The party is just about to break up when someone rings the doorbell and Adam excuses himself to open it, happy and a little tipsy. He's not expecting visitors, but he invited a lot of people that for one reason or another couldn't come, so it could be any of those showing up to wish him a late happy birthday. It's not any of those people, it's Kris and for once Adam finds himself completely speechless.
"Happy Birthday," Kris says, smiling a little and Adam's mouth falls open, because it's Kris, it's really Kris and he's every bit as tiny and gorgeous and adorable and beautiful as Adam remembers him. His hair is a little too long, standing up in weird tufts and ends, he's so tan his eyes seems to be glowing in the dark and he's a little too skinny for comfort, but Adam couldn't care any less because it's Kris.
"Can I come in?" Kris queries, adjusting the backpack he's got slung over one shoulder and jostling the guitar case in his hand.
"Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah." Adam's mouth goes on autopilot as he steps aside to let Kris into the hall.
Kris dumps the backpack on the floor and props his guitar up against the wall, eyes sliding over the mess of coats on the hanger.
"Good party?" he asks.
"They're going home now," Adam says, unable to stop staring.
"Or we would if you weren't blocking the exit with your sappy reunion," Tommy says from the doorway. He's got one shoulder cocked against the door post and an amused smile on his lips.
"Hey man," Kris says, reaching out to shake Tommy's hand and Adam frowns, it's no fair that other people gets to touch Kris before he does.
"Good to have you back," Tommy says.
Kris and Tommy do some sort of eye exchange that goes way over Adam's head and then Tommy swivels on his heels and disappears back into the living room.
"Let's go upstairs," Kris says holding out his hand and when Adam grabs it Kris simply starts towing him towards the stairs.
"Guests," Adam says vaguely, glancing towards the living room as a gale of laughter reaches his ears.
"They know their way out," Kris says firmly and Adam can't compete with that kind of logic. He's also not letting go of Kris's hand ever again and Kris and his hand are walking up the stairs, dragging Adam along.
Kris leads Adam to his bedroom, fingers warm and sure around Adam's hand. Adam still feels disconnected, as if he's watching them climb up the stairs and walk down the hall from afar. He can't believe Kris is finally home, he’s dreamed about this day for so long that it started to feel like it would never happen.
Then they are alone in the bedroom with the door firmly closed behind them and Adam starts to get a little embarrassed about his wall of postcards, because he kind of thought he would get some warning before Kris just marched into his bedroom. Kris doesn't seem to mind though; he's studying the wall with interest, Adam's hand still clutched in his.
"So I take it you missed me," Kris says, turning around to face Adam at last.
"You have no idea," Adam breathes, reaching out to touch Kris's face with his free hand. There's just the barest hint of stubble under his hands and Kris's skin has that newly shaved feel, as if Kris took the time to clean up at the airport before coming over.
Kris tilts his head back and smiles up at Adam, eyes crinkling at the corners. Adam just looks at him, taking in the familiar face that is at once brand new. He finally lets go of Kris's hand in favor of cupping the back of his neck, rubbing his fingers over the soft hair at the base of Kris's skull.
"Welcome home," he says, voice low and serious.
"Home," Kris repeats, as if the word has significance Adam can't even begin to comprehend.
Kris slips his arms around Adam's waist and face plants into his shoulder, holding on so tightly that Adam can barely breathe.
"Are you okay?" Adam asks, cradling the back of Kris's head with one hand and sliding the other across his shoulders. Kris fits so perfectly against him with his head tucked into the crook of Adam's neck and his fists clutched at the small of Adam's back.
Kris shudders. "I'm good, I'm just… Tell me this is forever. Please, just..."
"I fell out of my body. When I was in a coma, I mean. I was like a ghost I suppose. I know it sounds crazy but… just hear me out."
Kris lifts his head to look up at Adam, doubt clouding his eyes.
"You told me to stop being such a drama queen and just wake up," Adam says, fumbling for specific things to tell Kris so that he won't think Adam's crazy.
"You woke up just after," Kris says roughly. "You could have heard that."
"That first night when you came to me in the hospital… You signed the divorce papers when you came home and you hugged her in the doorway to the guestroom and… And you told me that it was stupid to sleep with Drake and… you went to therapy to quit me but it didn't work and you woke me up with a kiss and if that doesn't mean forever then what does?"
Kris blinks. "You…" He blinks again, shaking his head as if he can't really believe his ears. "You really… Wow."
"I thought there was something I had to do to wake up like… I had to stop you from getting divorced or something, but I didn't have to do anything. All I needed was you; all I've ever needed was you."
Adam's not sure he makes sense, it doesn't in his head. He just wants to put everything on the metaphorical table between them. He slides both his hands into Kris's hair, holding on tight.
"This is forever," he says, trying to put everything he feels into the words. "You and me, for as long as we get on this earth and you can be damn sure I'll find you in the afterlife as well."
Kris smiles and reaches up to touch a finger to Adam's lips. "I love you," he says, rough and simple. "I tried to rationalize and forget, compartmentalize and ignore, but it's just… there."
Adam's head reels and he tries to figure out what all this will mean, but then Kris's lips on his short circuit his brain and he stops thinking altogether. It starts out slow and sweet but within moments it’s hard, fast, needy and desperate, mouths opened wide against each other. Kris makes tiny little sounds at the back of his throat, clutching at Adam's shoulders and Adam has never been so turned on in his life.
It's Kris that initiates more, pushing Adam's shirt up over his ribs until he finally catches on and yanks it off before going back for another taste of Kris's lips. The next “forever” is lost in a flurry of hands and lips and touch and skin, the scatted pile of clothes around them growing bigger until they finally fall onto the bed naked. There's too much need for gentle and special, there are just kisses that never end, Kris's fingers around Adam's cock and Adam's around Kris's - unsure, too-hard, too-fast strokes and moans that echo between their mouths.
Adam comes first, shattering into a million pieces, only to be put together by Kris groaning into his skin, rubbing up against Adam's stomach. He flicks his wrist, grabbing Kris's slick cock harder and it only takes two strokes for Kris's come to splatter between their bodies, mingling with Adam's on their skin.
"Fuck," Adam exclaims, collapsing on the bed next to Kris.
Kris laughs, curling up with his head on Adam's chest. "You could say that," he agrees.
Adam tries to catch his breath and figure out where he went wrong. He's spent many lonely nights with his right hand planning this moment and this never even figured as an option. He wanted to be sweet and gentle and make it amazing so that Kris wouldn't change his mind when faced with the messier aspects of gay sex and this is nothing if not messy.
"That did not exactly go the way I planned it," Adam says, looking up at the ceiling.
Kris doesn't seem to mind though, painting an abstract picture with a fingertip on Adam's sticky stomach. "It didn't have to be perfect," Kris murmurs. "It just had to be real."
A smile spreads over Adam's face and he smoothes a hand down Kris's back, because Kris is right. It doesn't have to be perfect, because they have the rest of their lives to get it just right. Sleeping Beauty got his Prince Charming at last and even if the story won't end with a fairytale wedding, they will get their happily ever after. Adam will make sure of that.
*
In the morning Adam wakes up to a complete media shitstorm. Seventy-five missed calls from his PR, thirty-two from his management, two hundred eighteen from various media outlets (that shouldn't have his number but always finds it anyway) and five from his mom. It takes him five seconds and the internet to find out why.
Jim Cantellio's Where in the world is Kris Allen? blog has been updated with one last entry, tweeted from Kris in the wee hours of the morning. It's a picture of him and Kris. Adam is clearly asleep and Kris is curled up next to him with his face so close to Adam's they look like they are kissing. The caption reads: Home.
The End
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Adam/Kris
Word Count: ~7,300
Beta: sbb23. Thank you for being lightning fast and thorough. <3
Disclaimer: Not true. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.
Summary: Future fic. Adam ends up in a coma and Kris wakes him up with a kiss, because there's a Prince Charming to every Sleeping Beauty.
Notes: Written for kavasu who asked for Sleeping Beauty in the real world over at the ontd_ai charity drive to benefit The Houston Area Women's Center. I hope you like it, BB. I went and re-read your prompt and realized that I kind of flubbed it a little bit. *g*
An accident can happen so very fast. For instance someone (who is now a rockstar and has a maid service that comes three times a week) might like to leave his stuff strewn all over the place even though his mother keeps telling him to pick it up or someone might trip. And maybe that someone is in a hurry to answer his phone (because he knows that ringtone and it's the only person in the entire world that he always wants to talk to no matter what) and doesn't look too closely at where he puts his feet.
Foot meet bag. Body meet stairs.
"That wasn't so bad," Adam says, getting up from the floor and dusting his arms off. "You'd think it would hurt, or something."
"Adam, what are you… Oh my God."
Adam frowns at his mother's whitewashed face; she looks like she's seen a ghost.
"Oh my God," she says again, running forward, her heels clicking erratically against the hardwood floor.
"Mom, what… Oh."
He watches his mother kneel over his still body, phone already pressed against her ear. Her voice is too high pitched when she starts talking, words tumbling over each other in a barely intelligible rush.
"I think it's too late mom," he says, sitting on the stairs he just tumbled down. "I think it's too late."
He doesn't feel sad, exactly. He supposes you need to be attached to your body to actually feel shit; he just feels empty, strange. His mother is bent over his body now, crying in long hulking sobs and he wishes he could reach out and touch her, comfort her. He's never heard anyone cry like that before.
On the dresser his phone starts ringing again, but his mother ignores it. Adam leans over and looks through the banister at the name flashing on the screen. Kris, he thinks. I'm sorry buddy, but I don't think I'm ever going to pick up again.
Suddenly the world blurs and he thinks for a second that he's going back into his body, but when he opens his eyes he's in Kris's bedroom. Kris is sitting at the bottom of his double bed with the phone pressed against his ear. Adam doesn't want to notice (but does anyway) that only half the bed looks like it's been slept in.
"Fuck," Kris says suddenly and Adam jumps, but Kris is only upset that Adam isn't answering, throwing the phone to the side and burying his head in his hands.
"I would answer if I could, you know," Adam says, gingerly sitting down next to Kris. "But I'm busy being kinda dead."
Kris doesn't answer and when Adam tries to put a hand on his back it goes right through him. It freaks him out a little so Adam knots his hands on his lap to keep from reaching out again, taking what comfort he can just from Kris's presence.
A knock on the door makes both Kris and Adam jump, and when the door opens Adam's surprised to see Katy standing there.
"I made dinner," she says softly, not quite looking at Kris. "Do you want to come down?"
Kris shakes his head once without looking up and Katy nods as if it was expected. What the fuck is going on here?
"I'll put some aside for you in case you get hungry later." She lingers in the doorway for a moment, looking as if she wants to say something more, but eventually she just lets the door slip shut.
"Shit," Adam says into the empty room. "What the fuck is going on here? Kris, baby, talk to me."
Kris doesn't of course. He just reaches for his phone again, probably to make another unanswered phone call to Adam. Being dead really sucks.
Adam doesn't really want to watch Kris be disappointed over Adam not answering again, so he slips through the bedroom door (and isn't that a mind fuck) to follow Katy downstairs. He finds her at the kitchen table with a loaded plate in front of her, but she doesn't seem to be eating as much as pushing the food around.
He scans the kitchen for any kind of clue that would tell him why Allen's house seems more like funeral home than an actual home, but of course there is nothing helpful taped to the fridge door. It's frustrating to say the least, because if they've been having problems Kris has been putting up a good façade.
Of course pretty much every conversation they've had for the last few months has been filled with Adam's emergencies, because he sure has a lot of those, but he's not a bad friend - he always listens when Kris wants to talk. Except obviously he hasn't been listening closely enough and now he'll never get the chance to.
The kitchen is a bust and watching Katy eat all by herself while looking like someone kicked her puppy is downright depressing, so Adam heads back upstairs. He's going to rejoin Kris in the bedroom, but he can't help but notice that the door to one of the guestrooms has been left ajar, and well, if you can't be nosy when you're dead there's just no justice in the world.
He still looks both ways before peeking in through the open door. Somehow he thought it would be cool to be invisible, but it's really not at all. Maybe it would be cooler if he wasn't dead. The guest room is very much in use. There are clothes piled on a chair in the corner, the sheets are messy and books make a precarious stack on the nightstand. Adam steps inside.
His eyes are drawn to a pile of papers laying on the very bottom on the bed, as if they were thrown there in anger, and curiosity demands he take a closer look. Only the top page is right side up, but he doesn't need to see more to know what they are. Divorce papers. If he had a heart he's pretty sure it would be in his throat as he scans the paper, letting his eyes slide down to the very bottom. Katy's name is already on the dotted line, Kris's isn't.
Adam walks straight through the wall to get to Kris, but once there there's really nothing he can do. Kris is stretched out on the bottom of the bed, feet planted on the floor and one arm over his eyes. The other arm is stretched out above his head, still clutching the phone. His shirt has slid up a smidgen showing a tiny sliver of skin and Adam hates himself for looking.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks. "I would have… I would have done something."
Truth is that Adam doesn't even know what he would have done, or said, but he would have done something if Kris had just told him. He doesn't want Kris and Katy to get divorced, if for no other reason than pure selfishness.
Adam's convinced that Kris is his soulmate, has been since the moment they met, and the heady disappointment over finding out that his soul mate was not just straight but married has never quite faded. But over the years they negotiated a relationship that works, one where Adam gets to have Kris without ever really having him, and Katy has always been a vital part of that relationship.
Adam loves Katy, she is sweet and tiny and beautiful and perfect for Kris; hating her would have been entirely pointless and would also have put an unnecessary strain on his relationship with Kris. Sometimes he thinks that Kris is a little bit in love with him, but that's okay because Adam doesn't ever have to act on it as long as there is a Katy and thus he will never get the chance to fuck up their relationship for good.
It's selfish and probably stupid and entirely based in gut wrenching fear of losing Kris, but Adam would have fought for their marriage tooth and nail if he had to. In his world it's better to have Kris as a friend than to not have Kris at all, and now that he's dead Kris will be devastated and he'll need Katy more than ever.
Adam walks up to the bed and sits down heavily. The bed doesn't dip with his weight and Kris doesn't even stir.
"I'm sorry," he says, glancing briefly at Kris's still face. He sighs and looks down on his lap. He really wishes he'd had the sense to die in a better outfit, something with leather and spikes, but he supposes they'll doll him up for the funeral.
"I think that maybe I should have told you I'm in love with you," Adam says, staring hard at his hands. "I think that maybe you would have wanted to know that. I know you worry… worried… about all my affairs, maybe I should have just come out and told you why it had to be that way." Adam turns his head to look at Kris, the tired lines around his mouth and the steady rise and fall of his chest."But then maybe it would have just made you sad."
The sudden thrill of Kris's phone makes both Kris and Adam jump, and Kris answers without even looking at the display.
"Adam?" he asks, and he sounds so hopeful Adam just wants to wrap his arms around him and hold him forever.
He watches as whoever it is on the other line starts talking and Kris face goes pale. "I'll be there," Kris says, voice rushed and frantic. "Just give me… fifteen minutes, okay?"
"Yeah… Yeah, of course. See you soon."
Adam follows Kris as he snatches a hoodie off the floor and runs out the door. Katy meets them in the kitchen doorway, eyes big and scared.
"What happened?" she asks, staring at Kris's panicked face.
"It's Adam," Kris says, voice trembling at the edges.
"I'll drive you."
Katy heads for the front door without even looking to see if Kris is following. She doesn't ask what happened and Kris doesn't look to be in any state to answer questions anyway. Adam follows them out to the car and gets in with them. He soon realizes that it's not so easy to stay in a moving vehicle when you don't have substance, but he figures out a way to hold onto the front seat that has him hanging on for the ride.
Kris chokes out the name of a hospital and Katy makes a right turn with screeching tires. If she ever gets tired of the acting thing Adam thinks she might have a future in Indy Car [Indy car racing]. It's kind of funny that they are going to the hospital; why would they be going there if he's dead? He supposes that question will be answered soon enough.
Katy takes the entrance through the parking garage and before Kris jumps out of the car she squeezes his hand briefly. He gives her a tight smile, the first Adam's seen since he dropped into their life and then they're running. Well, Kris is running, Adam doing something that is really more like floating forward. It seems it takes some sort of concentration for him to appear solid, so when he starts running to keep up with Kris, his feet stop connecting with the floor.
He kind of wants to see if he can fly but he doesn't want to lose Kris. It would suck to be both invisible and lost. Kris steps into an elevator and Adam realizes he might be in trouble. He follows inside and carefully braces himself against the rail, but he still ends up halfway through the elevator floor.
"Ugh," he says, looking up at Kris.
Kris isn't looking at him though, he's staring at the floor display as if he's willing the elevator to go faster. He's got his hands balled into fists at his sides and his lips are moving without any sound coming out. Adam thinks he might be praying. The elevator finally dings to a stop and Adam crawls his way out on his hands and knees. He does not want to get stuck in the elevator. It's possible that he could repeat the trick that brought him to Kris's side to begin with, but he wouldn't bet on it because he has no idea how he even did that. He’s just really, really glad he did it.
Kris heads down a corridor and through a pair of doors and then there's Adam's mom, coming forward to great him. Adam hangs back watching them cling to each other.
"How is he? What happened?" Kris asks, and he sounds choked, as if he'll start crying any second.
"He fell down the stairs," Leila says, grabbing Kris's hand and holding it tight. "They're running some more tests now, but there doesn't seem to be any brain damage or internal bleeding. He's just… unconscious."
"Oh, " Adam says. "Oh." But of course they’re not paying any attention to him. “I’m not dead..”
He does a happy little flail-dance around them, but they are, of course, entirely unimpressed. The fact that he's not in his body is probably even more disturbing now that he knows he's not dead - people don't just go around falling out of their bodies - but it sure beats being dead.
Adam is still dancing around - he loves dancing, and he has a lot of moves, and if there’s a good time to show off, being not dead is really it - when he notices that Leila and Kris are now sitting down, talking in hushed voices. His dancing slows as he watches them, and after a moment, he sits down, too
*
It's after midnight when Leila finally convinces Kris to go home and catch some sleep. Adam follows Kris, because sitting beside his body watching his mom and Kris stare at him, is getting really unnerving. He tried to merge with his body, but nothing happened and after a while he started to feel creepy, as if he was trying to have sex with himself.
Kris calls for a cab instead of Katy and when he gets into it he just sinks down into the corner, looking out the window without talking to the cabbie besides giving him the address. Once at home he kicks off his sneakers inside the door and then heads upstairs on heavy feet. Adam expects Kris to head directly for his room, but instead he knocks softly on what used to be the guest room door, but is now apparently Katy's door.
Katy's still dressed when she opens it, hair pulled into a disarranged ponytail. "You're home," she says, eyes wide with surprise.
"Yeah…" Kris scrubs the back of his neck. "I didn't want to disturb you so I took a cab."
"How is he?"
Kris shrugs. "Stable but still unconscious. They don't know when he'll wake up."
"I'm so sorry," Katy says, voice unbelievably soft, and Adam kind of wants to reach out and smack them both over the head. Can't they see there's still love there?
Kris shakes his head, biting down on his lower lip. "He just looks so… fragile. I should have never let him lose that much weight."
"Bitch please," Adam says, leaning against the wall. "I look fucking awesome."
Of course, his body didn't look too hot devoid of all makeup and dressed in one of those stupid thin cotton hospital gowns, but just last week he was able to fit into a pair of jeans he hasn't worn since he was twenty and on that crazy carrots-and-pumpernickel diet. Being kind of miserably in love with his best friend is really good for his constitution.
"I think," Kris says, scrubbing a hand over his face. "I think I'm ready to sign the papers now."
"No, no no no no," Adam says, but of course they don't listen to him.
Katy just nods and gets the papers from wherever she put them, holding them out for Kris to sign. He takes the pen from her hand and puts his name down on the dotted line and then again and again as she keeps turning the pages, pointing to the appropriate places.
"Fine," Adam says sourly, staring at Kris's tired face. "Now I'll probably never wake up. If this is like the movies and I was supposed to fulfill some kind of mission, I just failed."
Once all the papers are signed, Kris and Katy just look at each other for the longest time. Then he opens his arms and she dives right into them. Adam feels kind of dirty watching them cling to each other, so he walks through the wall into Kris's bedroom to wait.
When Kris comes in a few minutes later, he face plants onto the bed without removing his clothes and after a few moment Adam joins him. He doesn't seem to need sleep, but it's kind of peaceful to just drift, listening to Kris breathing.
*
After a week the whole coma thing gets really old. Sure it has its moments, since apparently being unconscious is about equal to running a confessional, but after a week of listening to his family and friends pour their hearts out even that gets old, because what's the use when he can't hug them, forgive them and make it all better.
He spends more and more of his time following Kris around, not that Kris strays from his side all that often. But it's through Kris he finds out that his fans have taken up vigil in the hospital park, singing his songs and keeping watch, waiting eagerly for any kind of news of his recovery. Kris visits them a couple of times, obviously not concerned with what it might look like, signing autographs and posing for pictures, while repeating the same tired phrase. He's fine, there's no change, they don't know when he'll wake up.
Sometimes Adam goes down to his fans late at night when whoever's with him (more often than not Kris) has fallen asleep. It's an amazing thing to realize how much he has impacted the lives of people he has never even met. He likes to sit down alongside them and listen to their stories about how Adam saved their lives and if he could, he's pretty sure he would cry. He hopes he remembers them when he wakes up, because he wants to come down here and sign an autograph for each and every one of them and pose for however many pictures they want. They might be obsessed on the side of creepy, but there's no doubt that they love him and would support him no matter what.
Adam's favorite time of the day though is late evening when it's just him and Kris and the low hum of the TV they have on to keep him company, because that's when Kris starts talking, really talking. It's Kris's time in the Adam Lambert Unconscious Confessional Booth, and Adam hangs on his every word. He talks a lot about his divorce (sad), how things have been with Katy (not good), why he didn't tell Adam about it (stupid) and pretty much everything else that comes to his mind.
He spends a pretty entertaining hour one night berating Adam for sleeping with Drake a couple of months back, which is really funny because when it went down he pretty much didn't say anything. Apparently (according to Kris), sleeping with Drake was not only stupid and self-indulgent, but also possibly career damaging, even though he never goes into detail as to why or how. Adam finds it pretty amusing that Kris is still upset about it months later when Adam had all but forgotten. He talked it out with Drake afterwards and they're cool again, but apparently that's not good enough for Kris.
"You really need to stop sleeping around, okay?" Kris says, one night, fingers wrapped tightly around Adam's hand. "I know you have like… needs… or whatever, but it's not good for you."
"Oh believe me baby," Adam says from his perch at the bottom of the bed. "If it wasn't good for me, I'd be doing something wrong."
"You need to find someone special and settle down," Kris continues. "Someone who really loves you for who you are. Someone who knows you."
Adam shrugs, watching the tense line of Kris's back. Apparently Kris thinks this is important, but that's just because Adam can't tell him why it really isn't. He already found his someone special but he's not on the market, so Adam makes do with what he can have, which is lots of casual sex and an amazing best friend.
Kris is silent for a moment and Adam has to move from the bottom of the bed to be able to watch Kris's face. He sits down next to his own head instead and stares at Kris. Kris looks nervous, licking his lips and twining his fingers around Adam's hand.
"Okay," Kris says, visibly squaring his shoulders. "I don't think real life is like the movies, but at this point I'm willing to try anything."
"Oh?" Adam queries, intrigued.
"I'm in love with you," Kris says.
"What?" Adam's pretty happy no one could hear that, because there's high-pitched and then there's high-pitched.
"I know it's stupid, okay?" Kris continues, flailing his free hand a little. "I know I'm probably like… too plaid for you or whatever, but… I can't help it. Jesus, Adam, I went to therapy to forget about you, but I'm pretty sure the therapist just laughed at me because seriously you can't just make yourself not be in love with someone, not even if you pay a therapist five hundred dollars an hour to help you with it."
Kris's eyes look wild and the words are pretty much tumbling over each other. Adam's kind of happy he's not attached to his body, because if he had been he would probably have been overcome by want, need, must have by now and he wouldn't have been able to listen as intently.
"I wanted things to work out with Katy, I really did, but our problems started before we even got married and sometimes you just have to admit defeat, you know?" Kris makes a vague gesture and stares at Adam's face for a moment.
"It's okay," Adam says softly, sliding down from the bed and crouching at Kris's feet. "I know you love her."
"I just want you to wake up now," Kris says desperately. "I don't know if I can take this anymore. There's nothing fucking wrong with you Adam Lambert. Wake up you fucking drama queen."
On the floor Adam keels over in a fit of laughter because well Kris is adorable and he's also right and Adam would wake up if he just knew how to. Kris is standing up now, staring at Adam as if he's daring him to wake up this very second.
"Yeah, fine. Okay," Kris says and Adam realizes what he's about to do just seconds before he does.
"Noooo," Adam says, clambering to his feet. "You can't kiss me when I'm sleep…"
*
"…ing," Adam says, opening his eyes.
For half a second he meets Kris's wide-eyed stare, then Kris takes half a step back and disappears beside the bed with a thump.
"Kris," Adam says, voice scratchy and weak with lack of use.
He tries to push himself up to look over the edge of the bed, but his muscles are like water and his arms tremble with the effort.
"I'm okay." Kris's voice is muffled but then his eyes peek up over the edge of the bed. "You're awake."
"Yeah," Adam admits, finally giving up his attempt to push himself up and resting back against the pillows. He's tired, which is pretty rich since he's been sleeping for over a week.
"Oh my God. You're awake." Kris nearly shouts it this time, as if the ball finally dropped, but judging by the tone of his voice Adam's pretty sure that if his balls did anything, they went back in.
Before Adam can stop him and beg for a moment to sort through his jumbled thoughts Kris is at the door yelling for whoever to come and look at Adam, and come they do. In numbers. Soon the entire room is swarming with people and they all want to poke him, prod him, and look him in the eyes with flashlights (really sucks he's been asleep for a week, his eyes are very light sensitive).
They keep asking stupid questions and Adam keeps answering them until his throat feels so raw he can't even croak at which point someone actually brings him a glass of water. Who knew heaven came in a little plastic cup?
Eventually the crowd starts to thin out and Adam can finally locate Kris again, backed into a corner staring at the display with too-wide eyes. The doctors seem to think Adam's fine now, but they want to keep him for a few days just in case and Adam couldn't actually care less because he just wants to be alone with Kris.
"I should call your mom," Kris says when the door closes behind the last straggler, who Adam is half convinced just stole a pair of scrubs to be able to gawk at him.
"Yeah," Adam agrees, lifting a hand to scrub at his face.
His muscles still feel weird and watery, but not as bad as when he just woke up. There's a hint of stubble on his cheeks and he wonders if watching Kris shave him this morning is a memory or just a really fucked up dream. The timeline is right, he's been in a coma for just over a week, but that doesn't mean he was really a ghost walking around among his friends during that time. It doesn't mean Kris is actually getting divorced and it doesn't mean Kris is actually in love with him.
"I'm tired," Adam says, scrubbing at his eyes. "You'd think I'd gotten the sleep thing out of my system."
He tries for a smile, but Kris doesn't return it. He does move closer though, fishing his phone out of his pocket. Adam watches as Kris fiddles with the dials before lifting the phone to his ear. He looks tired, pale and drawn. I did that, Adam thinks, and the rush of feeling that follows is a weird mix of pride, sadness and love.
After a brief exchange of words Kris hands the phone over the Adam and he talks to his mom for a while. It's good to hear her voice and his chest feels tight when she chokes up. He didn't mean to worry everyone. He doesn't know why he fell out of his body either. Then the conversation ends and it's just him, Kris and the elephant in the room, except Adam doesn't even know if the elephant is real. It might just be a crazy figment of his imagination.
Kris sits down in the chair beside the bed, turning his phone over between his fingers. "When you're better…" Kris starts, looking everywhere but Adam. "I'm going to go away for a while."
"What?" Adam blinks in confusion.
"I just need to… take a break. From everything."
"But…"
"We're getting divorced."
"Oh."
Kris sighs and puts a hand over Adam's arm. "It's got nothing to do with you," he says softly, voice barely a rasp. "I'm not running away from you."
Adam lifts his hand and cups the side of Kris's face, scratching his fingers over the scruff that is almost a beard by now.
"I think I dreamt that you told me you love me," Adam says, curious and careful.
"I don't think it was a dream," Kris whispers pressing his lips against Adam's palm with his fingers wrapped firmly around his wrist to keep it in place.
Adam's heart stutters against his breastbone and his breath gets stuck in his throat. The moment seems so fragile that he's afraid the slightest sound could break it.
"Will you…" Kris trails off, looking bewildered and unsure.
"I'll wait," Adam promises and it's the easiest promise he's ever made. "However long it takes, I'll wait."
"Thank you," Kris murmurs and his beard scratches Adam's palm. "Thank you."
*
Kris leaves on a Thursday. He refuses to let Adam drive him to the airport, or tell him where he's going, so instead they say goodbye in the Allen's empty kitchen. Katy packed up the last of her stuff and went back to Arkansas for an indefinite time yesterday and Kris has moved everything into storage except for the guitar propped up against the counter and the huge backpack on the floor.
"You'll keep in touch, right?" Adam says, curling his hands around the edges of the kitchen counter to keep from reaching out.
They haven't spoken about the new dynamics of their relationship since that night when Adam first woke up, but somehow they don't have to. It's just there. A whispering curling tendril between them that gives every look they exchange a dangerous edge. Adam never doubts that Kris is the Prince Charming to his Sleeping Beauty, he just doesn't know what it means.
"I will," Kris promises with a slight smile, shouldering his backpack.
Out on the driveway a car honks its horn.
"I guess that's my cue," Kris says, grabbing the guitar case. He looks so small, weighed down by the backpack and weight of the moment. Adam just wants to grab him and keep him close forever, but he doesn't reach out because he doesn't think he'd be physically able to let go if he did.
"See you," Kris says and before Adam has time to process he's getting up on his toes and pressing a lingering kiss against Adam's lips.
Then he's gone and Adam's left with the silence and the erratic beat of his heart. "See you," he echoes to the empty room, voice ringing out too loud.
*
Kris is gone for six months. Every week like clockwork, or close to clockwork, since the postal service doesn’t operate with nearly the same precision Adam gets a glossy print postcard with a few scribbled lines on the back. He tapes them to his bedroom wall in even rows, tracking Kris's journey from Brazil to Argentina to Chile, then Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Vietnam and so on and so forth.
For Christmas he gets a card of three buff naked guys dangling Santa hats from their erect cocks. It makes him laugh for ten minutes straight. The note on the back says: Make the yuletide gay and sets Adam off again.
Adam kind of expected Kris to return for Christmas, to celebrate it with his family as always, but instead he got a twitpic of Kris in a Santa hat (and a truly atrocious floral print shirt) on a beach and the simple caption Happy Holidays.
Then he kind of thought Kris would show up for New Year's Eve, because well, it's been six months and New Year's is all about new beginnings, right? But Kris didn't show and Adam greeted the new year on his back porch with a tall glass of champagne and Muse on repeat on the stereo.
The next day, he gets a picture of a rooster, on the back it says: New Year's Resolution: Suck more… (see front). It takes Adam way too long to get it and then he's torn between laughing and blushing to the roots of his hair. He's going to have a stern talk with Kris whenever he deems it time to return.
He misses Kris, more than he even thought possible, and it's not even about whatever will happen when Kris returns, it's just about them. He never realized how heavily he depended on Kris as a sounding board for well, his life, and not being able to call him about every little thing is killing Adam inside. He fiddles Kris's name up on the screen of his phone so many times, only to put it away again without calling. Kris asked for a respite and Adam will give it to him even if it kills him (which it might).
When Kris finally does show up Adam isn’t expecting him at all, which in retrospect, maybe he should have. It's late at night and Adam's birthday party has been reduced to only a few diehard stragglers, Danielle, Brad, Drake, Monte, Lisa, Tommy, Daniel and his mom. It's been a good birthday, quiet and relaxed, like most of the celebrations over the last six months. Staying out of sight was never really a conscious decision and he does still go out, but he's always scared that he's going to get drunk and slip up. Do something he'd regret later.
There wasn't really anything in the brief exchange he had with Kris when he first woke up that said Adam had to be celibate. Keeping yourself emotionally available (like he ever didn't) isn't exactly the same as keeping it in your pants, but Adam isn't taking any chances. Not even when Kris's fans around the world tweet pictures of him with them and jealousy almost eats Adam up inside. Why are all Kris's fans gorgeous tiny girls with big doe eyes and sleek black hair? It's not fair.
It's even less fair that Jim Cantellio displays every picture on his Where in the world is Kris Allen? blog and all the comments go HOMG she's so cute, lucky bench whatever that's supposed to mean. Adam can see that the girls are cute, he's not that gay, he just doesn't understand why they have to be bothering Kris when Adam can't. Not that Kris seems to mind -- he’s all sunshine, smiles, tan and too-long hair in every picture. The bastard.
The party is just about to break up when someone rings the doorbell and Adam excuses himself to open it, happy and a little tipsy. He's not expecting visitors, but he invited a lot of people that for one reason or another couldn't come, so it could be any of those showing up to wish him a late happy birthday. It's not any of those people, it's Kris and for once Adam finds himself completely speechless.
"Happy Birthday," Kris says, smiling a little and Adam's mouth falls open, because it's Kris, it's really Kris and he's every bit as tiny and gorgeous and adorable and beautiful as Adam remembers him. His hair is a little too long, standing up in weird tufts and ends, he's so tan his eyes seems to be glowing in the dark and he's a little too skinny for comfort, but Adam couldn't care any less because it's Kris.
"Can I come in?" Kris queries, adjusting the backpack he's got slung over one shoulder and jostling the guitar case in his hand.
"Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah." Adam's mouth goes on autopilot as he steps aside to let Kris into the hall.
Kris dumps the backpack on the floor and props his guitar up against the wall, eyes sliding over the mess of coats on the hanger.
"Good party?" he asks.
"They're going home now," Adam says, unable to stop staring.
"Or we would if you weren't blocking the exit with your sappy reunion," Tommy says from the doorway. He's got one shoulder cocked against the door post and an amused smile on his lips.
"Hey man," Kris says, reaching out to shake Tommy's hand and Adam frowns, it's no fair that other people gets to touch Kris before he does.
"Good to have you back," Tommy says.
Kris and Tommy do some sort of eye exchange that goes way over Adam's head and then Tommy swivels on his heels and disappears back into the living room.
"Let's go upstairs," Kris says holding out his hand and when Adam grabs it Kris simply starts towing him towards the stairs.
"Guests," Adam says vaguely, glancing towards the living room as a gale of laughter reaches his ears.
"They know their way out," Kris says firmly and Adam can't compete with that kind of logic. He's also not letting go of Kris's hand ever again and Kris and his hand are walking up the stairs, dragging Adam along.
Kris leads Adam to his bedroom, fingers warm and sure around Adam's hand. Adam still feels disconnected, as if he's watching them climb up the stairs and walk down the hall from afar. He can't believe Kris is finally home, he’s dreamed about this day for so long that it started to feel like it would never happen.
Then they are alone in the bedroom with the door firmly closed behind them and Adam starts to get a little embarrassed about his wall of postcards, because he kind of thought he would get some warning before Kris just marched into his bedroom. Kris doesn't seem to mind though; he's studying the wall with interest, Adam's hand still clutched in his.
"So I take it you missed me," Kris says, turning around to face Adam at last.
"You have no idea," Adam breathes, reaching out to touch Kris's face with his free hand. There's just the barest hint of stubble under his hands and Kris's skin has that newly shaved feel, as if Kris took the time to clean up at the airport before coming over.
Kris tilts his head back and smiles up at Adam, eyes crinkling at the corners. Adam just looks at him, taking in the familiar face that is at once brand new. He finally lets go of Kris's hand in favor of cupping the back of his neck, rubbing his fingers over the soft hair at the base of Kris's skull.
"Welcome home," he says, voice low and serious.
"Home," Kris repeats, as if the word has significance Adam can't even begin to comprehend.
Kris slips his arms around Adam's waist and face plants into his shoulder, holding on so tightly that Adam can barely breathe.
"Are you okay?" Adam asks, cradling the back of Kris's head with one hand and sliding the other across his shoulders. Kris fits so perfectly against him with his head tucked into the crook of Adam's neck and his fists clutched at the small of Adam's back.
Kris shudders. "I'm good, I'm just… Tell me this is forever. Please, just..."
"I fell out of my body. When I was in a coma, I mean. I was like a ghost I suppose. I know it sounds crazy but… just hear me out."
Kris lifts his head to look up at Adam, doubt clouding his eyes.
"You told me to stop being such a drama queen and just wake up," Adam says, fumbling for specific things to tell Kris so that he won't think Adam's crazy.
"You woke up just after," Kris says roughly. "You could have heard that."
"That first night when you came to me in the hospital… You signed the divorce papers when you came home and you hugged her in the doorway to the guestroom and… And you told me that it was stupid to sleep with Drake and… you went to therapy to quit me but it didn't work and you woke me up with a kiss and if that doesn't mean forever then what does?"
Kris blinks. "You…" He blinks again, shaking his head as if he can't really believe his ears. "You really… Wow."
"I thought there was something I had to do to wake up like… I had to stop you from getting divorced or something, but I didn't have to do anything. All I needed was you; all I've ever needed was you."
Adam's not sure he makes sense, it doesn't in his head. He just wants to put everything on the metaphorical table between them. He slides both his hands into Kris's hair, holding on tight.
"This is forever," he says, trying to put everything he feels into the words. "You and me, for as long as we get on this earth and you can be damn sure I'll find you in the afterlife as well."
Kris smiles and reaches up to touch a finger to Adam's lips. "I love you," he says, rough and simple. "I tried to rationalize and forget, compartmentalize and ignore, but it's just… there."
Adam's head reels and he tries to figure out what all this will mean, but then Kris's lips on his short circuit his brain and he stops thinking altogether. It starts out slow and sweet but within moments it’s hard, fast, needy and desperate, mouths opened wide against each other. Kris makes tiny little sounds at the back of his throat, clutching at Adam's shoulders and Adam has never been so turned on in his life.
It's Kris that initiates more, pushing Adam's shirt up over his ribs until he finally catches on and yanks it off before going back for another taste of Kris's lips. The next “forever” is lost in a flurry of hands and lips and touch and skin, the scatted pile of clothes around them growing bigger until they finally fall onto the bed naked. There's too much need for gentle and special, there are just kisses that never end, Kris's fingers around Adam's cock and Adam's around Kris's - unsure, too-hard, too-fast strokes and moans that echo between their mouths.
Adam comes first, shattering into a million pieces, only to be put together by Kris groaning into his skin, rubbing up against Adam's stomach. He flicks his wrist, grabbing Kris's slick cock harder and it only takes two strokes for Kris's come to splatter between their bodies, mingling with Adam's on their skin.
"Fuck," Adam exclaims, collapsing on the bed next to Kris.
Kris laughs, curling up with his head on Adam's chest. "You could say that," he agrees.
Adam tries to catch his breath and figure out where he went wrong. He's spent many lonely nights with his right hand planning this moment and this never even figured as an option. He wanted to be sweet and gentle and make it amazing so that Kris wouldn't change his mind when faced with the messier aspects of gay sex and this is nothing if not messy.
"That did not exactly go the way I planned it," Adam says, looking up at the ceiling.
Kris doesn't seem to mind though, painting an abstract picture with a fingertip on Adam's sticky stomach. "It didn't have to be perfect," Kris murmurs. "It just had to be real."
A smile spreads over Adam's face and he smoothes a hand down Kris's back, because Kris is right. It doesn't have to be perfect, because they have the rest of their lives to get it just right. Sleeping Beauty got his Prince Charming at last and even if the story won't end with a fairytale wedding, they will get their happily ever after. Adam will make sure of that.
*
In the morning Adam wakes up to a complete media shitstorm. Seventy-five missed calls from his PR, thirty-two from his management, two hundred eighteen from various media outlets (that shouldn't have his number but always finds it anyway) and five from his mom. It takes him five seconds and the internet to find out why.
Jim Cantellio's Where in the world is Kris Allen? blog has been updated with one last entry, tweeted from Kris in the wee hours of the morning. It's a picture of him and Kris. Adam is clearly asleep and Kris is curled up next to him with his face so close to Adam's they look like they are kissing. The caption reads: Home.
The End