I had an interesting dream last night. In it, I was happily married to my husband but I addressed a former beloved with the request to wait for me, wait for his turn. I kissed this man with a passion and fire in my heart, then turned to my husband and the dream ended.
Why should I dream of someone I left behind so many years ago and wake yearning for his touch? I chose in this lifetime to experience it with my dear Matthew, whom I love immensely. This thought left me thinking about the many loves of my heart that I have met this time around. The ones that I had a deep connection with but couldn't share a life this turn. It saddens me to think about that, yet I end up pondering.
Not only are we given the opportunity to experience things in this life, we are aligned with those who have shared our paths in the past. Sometimes those heart connections are strong enough to pull us to those we have deeply loved in the past. I know my husbands of yesteryears, my wives and the children. I ache for the peace and the joy sometimes even while experiencing the things this life cycle teaches me.
I have now met 5 people with whom I have felt that deeper connection of souls love. The hearts of my past. The ones who I wish could be with me, who I want to see happy, whose grief saddens me. The ones I couldn't bear to share any more with this time around. Who I want to see again, next time around, when our hearts can entwine at the right time.
I'm sorry it couldn't be now, my beloved. I'm sorry I wasn't ready again. Please believe me when I say that I will wait and rejoice when it can happen.