I'm home from my second surgery this month and I'm probably better, done with hospitals, brain surgery, and lumbar taps. I'm healing. I'm getting better. I can see that
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I understand. When my back went out in 2007, it wasnt just a bad back. I could not move an inch, for 3 days without literally wanting to literally die. I didnt call an ambulance for relief at a hospital because to move me would be worse than the pain I was in.
I took 30 days worth of muscle relaxers within 5 days, every time I woke from the stupor of the pills, I took more...just to sleep the pain away, which wasn't sleep, it was a semi coma. I get this. And it IS hell.
I am glad you are better, my friend. It will always stay with you, that memory, so make it better...make every day just one iota better than that, just one step over the next day better and better....it will get better.
We have a lot to be thankful for. We saw Hell, and we flipped it off with a middle finger and we kept on going...maybe not by much at that time, but these days...these days, so well worth the trip to Hell and Back. It's what keeps us going, knowing what could have happened.
Much love, 'Miah. Glad you are on this side of the veil.
I understand. When my back went out in 2007, it wasnt just a bad back. I could not move an inch, for 3 days without literally wanting to literally die. I didnt call an ambulance for relief at a hospital because to move me would be worse than the pain I was in.
I took 30 days worth of muscle relaxers within 5 days, every time I woke from the stupor of the pills, I took more...just to sleep the pain away, which wasn't sleep, it was a semi coma. I get this. And it IS hell.
I am glad you are better, my friend. It will always stay with you, that memory, so make it better...make every day just one iota better than that, just one step over the next day better and better....it will get better.
We have a lot to be thankful for. We saw Hell, and we flipped it off with a middle finger and we kept on going...maybe not by much at that time, but these days...these days, so well worth the trip to Hell and Back. It's what keeps us going, knowing what could have happened.
Much love, 'Miah. Glad you are on this side of the veil.
...and as for being alone during that time...yes. No one else can feel what you are going through. Bodies and faces and voices were there...but no one could help, could take that away. You are on your own...its scary as hell.
Just know now though, you have sooooo many people there for you.
I'm glad you're feeling better, and really glad the surgeries are over with. I have to wonder if at least part of what you experienced is common with after surgery, because I had it too.
For me it wasn't being in pain, but waking up (or at least I thought I had woken up) after surgery in the recovery room. Like you said, I was alone and no one could hear me. And yet - like you - I wasn't alone.
For me at least, it was almost like... walking through another place, in order to get back to my body. It was a horrible, lonely, isolating place where no matter how loud I screamed, no one could hear me.
I had a completely different kind of surgery than you did, completely different body parts.
Anyway, rest, and keep healing. I believe you'll get better with each passing day.
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I hope your experience wasn't as bad as mine. I do.
But I've been there, and at least I can tell you I know how it feels.
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Thanks. I figured you'd understand, and I'm sorry you understand.
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But seriously, thank you. I'll take you up on it if I need to.
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I hope that this fades, and soon.
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I took 30 days worth of muscle relaxers within 5 days, every time I woke from the stupor of the pills, I took more...just to sleep the pain away, which wasn't sleep, it was a semi coma.
I get this. And it IS hell.
I am glad you are better, my friend. It will always stay with you, that memory, so make it better...make every day just one iota better than that, just one step over the next day better and better....it will get better.
We have a lot to be thankful for. We saw Hell, and we flipped it off with a middle finger and we kept on going...maybe not by much at that time, but these days...these days, so well worth the trip to Hell and Back. It's what keeps us going, knowing what could have happened.
Much love, 'Miah. Glad you are on this side of the veil.
Reply
I took 30 days worth of muscle relaxers within 5 days, every time I woke from the stupor of the pills, I took more...just to sleep the pain away, which wasn't sleep, it was a semi coma.
I get this. And it IS hell.
I am glad you are better, my friend. It will always stay with you, that memory, so make it better...make every day just one iota better than that, just one step over the next day better and better....it will get better.
We have a lot to be thankful for. We saw Hell, and we flipped it off with a middle finger and we kept on going...maybe not by much at that time, but these days...these days, so well worth the trip to Hell and Back. It's what keeps us going, knowing what could have happened.
Much love, 'Miah. Glad you are on this side of the veil.
Reply
No one else can feel what you are going through. Bodies and faces and voices were there...but no one could help, could take that away. You are on your own...its scary as hell.
Just know now though, you have sooooo many people there for you.
Reply
For me it wasn't being in pain, but waking up (or at least I thought I had woken up) after surgery in the recovery room. Like you said, I was alone and no one could hear me. And yet - like you - I wasn't alone.
For me at least, it was almost like... walking through another place, in order to get back to my body. It was a horrible, lonely, isolating place where no matter how loud I screamed, no one could hear me.
I had a completely different kind of surgery than you did, completely different body parts.
Anyway, rest, and keep healing. I believe you'll get better with each passing day.
~Laura's friend Mara :)
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