(no subject)
So, the last few weeks have had their ups and downs, mentally speaking. For a month or two, I have really been doing pretty well. I've dealt with situations I would otherwise have found difficult, I have accomplished stuff in the face of the usual self-loathing. I've got plenty of exercise, been outside in the fresh air, and so on. Possibly as a result, I've been more productive at work, happier at home, and easier to deal with (in my own mind) generally.
The last couple of weeks, however, have not been great. I had a little bit of a paranoid freakout at the Cambridge games, and then the next week was where the stress of the upcoming Mortals national event, coupled with the excellent but tense Southampton proxy, really kicked in. By the weekend, I was tired, stressed, and hot.
There's no point going in to what happened specifically over the weekend. I was exhausted, nervous, overheated, and unhappy, and the thing is that everyone else was too. The key problem is that it's hard to maintain that empathy when you're all of those things. Little trap there.
Anyway, on the one hand I snapped at some people I shouldn't have. On the other hand, while it was wrong of me to be rude, I do seem to be staying mad about some of the things.
I don't know. On the one hand, I love the IoD, I love the games, and so on. However, lately I seem to be encountering a lot of attitudes that are very painful for me -- a lot of self-aggrandizement, a lot of bleed in between character and player perspectives, a lot childish, aggressive posturing. In short, an overall lack of empathy and humanity in dealing with other players.
And like I say -- everyone is hot. Everyone is stressed. Everyone has their own shit to be dealing with.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I guess I'm just saying that I'm looking forward to the games, but unhappy and disheartened about some aspects of the society. I hope this weekend changes that.