for nishiara_hitomi
Title: Not Alone
For: nishiara_hitomi
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: KanU
Word Count: 3, 522
"It's that lonely feeling that makes me stay way from you."
Fingers trail down his pale side as he lays curled into a ball. His body looking even smaller with the position. His lips part in a sigh even as sleep keeps it’s grip on him. The image is too sweet for Kan to resist so he leans over his naked partner to grab his camera. Trying to move as carefully as possible so as not to ruin the image before him. He holds the camera above the unsuspecting figure and snaps a few shots, keeping the flash off for obvious reason.
The body beside him starts to unfurl and Kan freezes up with the camera still held in strong hands. One finger over the capture button as his teeth graze his plump bottom lip. He holds in the urge to scream cute as the older male only gets more comfortable, his hand moving up so one falls above his head and the other curls under his chin. A few more shots and he lowers down the camera just staring at the other.
Kan wishes he could keep him to himself like this forever. Hidden away from the world so that he can continue being the person he cares for. He knows once those eyes open his smile will be for everyone else. For the people waiting for him to get on stage. For his father pushing him to give more than the best he’s already pushing out. For their leader who he didn’t get along with at first. Now they get along so well that even that Kan wonders about too.
Sighing he lays back on the bed staring up at the ceiling above him. They don’t have an official relationship, they would never be able to. He’d asked him about it before and it was now a conversation they both avoid. Kan never wanted to see him cry like that again but what about his feelings? It didn’t seem to matter how much it hurt him when he pulled away from him. When he hugged on the other members instead of him. Passing his eye smiles like candy on Halloween. None of it mattered. He was told to focus on the fact that at the end of the day it was him he came to. His bed he crawled into but was that all Kan was? A warm bed for him to sleep?
The touch makes Kan feel like he’s burning when the other shifts to cuddle against his side. His eyes press shut as fingers mimic his earlier action against his own bare body. They move lower and lower until they disappear below the white sheet that starts at Kan’s hip. It doesn’t take long for fingers to wrap around the most sensitive area of his body. A hint of pleasure curls at the pit of his stomach but it’s not enough to overcome the knots that have already wound themselves there. Shutting his eyes Kan moves his arms as if to push the male away but he takes it for something else. He finds himself with the smaller body moving over his own. Kisses falling over his neck and broad shoulders that just make him feel sick.
“Morning.” The simple word is mumbled in a voice hoarse not only from recently waking but their activities the previous night. The small indents of teeth and hickeys still splattered all over the graceful neck of his companion remind him of it. Kan only grunts in response as an impatient hand strokes at him faster. He’s always like this on their days off. Starved for touch and rough in his quest to get it but Kan’s not finding it as endearing as he does other days. Not today when everything just feels empty. Not after he almost slipped up the night before and woke up realizing it was a good thing he didn’t.
Those words don’t belong between them. Between what they have. It can’t even be defined as a hidden affair because he’s sure he’s the only one feeling more than lust in all this. Kan sighs and moves his hands up to the older male’s shoulders shoving him off. There’s a small laugh in response; he hasn’t fully understood what’s going on yet. Spreading his legs open as he lays on his back as he waits. Waits for something that doesn’t happen because the younger man gets off the bed and reaches for his boxers on the floor.
“Young Hak?” There’s no response as he moves out of the bedroom door towards the bathroom. Only the sound of the shower answers the male on the bed. Pouting he flops back down to it and pulls the sheet up over his head. He can still smell Young Hak on it and rolls himself up in it. Deeply inhaling the scent when only the black strands of his hair are left to peek out from the Leeu burrito he’s become.
“Yah, get up lazy butt.” A foot connects with said area and Leeu wrinkles his nose. Wiggling and squirming till his eyes peek out from the sheet, catching a head in a Pikachu hat walking away. Leeu sticks his tongue out but works his way out of the bed sheet. Grinning to himself as he runs across the room dragging the sheet with him. As he expected the bathroom door was left unlocked so he slides his way in. Leeu locks the door behind himself and leaves the sheet on the floor to get into the shower.
His arms wrap around a slick body taller than his own. Kissing between shoulder blades as he slides his hands down but they never make it to their destination. Leeu gasps as he’s pushed against the shower wall staring at Kan with a playful glint to his eyes. The look isn’t returned.
“Young Hak, why’d you get out of bed?”
“I’m done, you can have the shower.” Leeu’s too surprised to stop Kan as the other gets out of the shower. Watching him through the shower door as he dries off, unlocks the door and leaves him standing there. Kan never turned down the chance to mess around in the shower before.
From there things only got worse. Every attempt Leeu made at getting Kan’s attention resulted in disappointment. Breakfast was Kan drinking a glass of juice and ignoring Leeu’s offer of a bite of his toast. When Leeu had come to sit beside him on the couch Kan got up and left the room. When he went into the bedroom Kan left that room as well. Anytime Leeu even walked into the room Kan moved away from him.
There were none of the smiles Kan was used to seeing today but he wasn’t looking to see the lack of them. Today Leeu was a plague he had to avoid. He couldn’t keep falling into arms that wouldn’t enjoy the embrace the same way he did. Leeu was always there with him yet it felt as if the same instant he wasn’t there at all. Like they were two people at different ends of a corridor that stretched wider between them with every step they took. Able to see and hear one another but never able to touch. It was worse when they did, so today he would avoid that feeling. He didn’t want to struggle to sleep with that familiar sting in his chest while Leeu snored peacefully beside him.
When Jinon announced they shouldn’t waste their day and get some practice in they were happy to oblige. Anything to distract from the tension between them. Yejun of course disagreed but still got into the car, there was a fake attempt at jumping out while it was moving but no other event. They all made it to the practice studio in one piece. Assuming positions and moving their bodies till the sweat made them too heavy. People collapsing where they stood with shirts and pants sticking to skin. Hair matted down and damp, looking even darker in such a state. Rosy cheeks all around and panting chests rising and falling.
Jinon was the first to move muttering an offer of retrieving bottles of water for everyone. It was only a minute later that Yejun bounced up to follow after him. Kan and Leeu were sure they would never be getting those offered bottles of water. It didn’t matter, their limbs would protest any movement anyway. Even if said movement was to bring some form of relaxation to their bodies. Still Leeu pushed with his feet to drag himself on his back towards Kan. His shirt riding up so by the time he made it there it was nearly at the back of his head. He didn’t bother to fix it.
Plush lips parted but they weren’t given a chance to form words as Kan stood up. Leeu left laying on the floor staring at the back of his legs as Kan made for the exit. With energy he didn’t know he had Leeu jumped up and moved after Kan. Grabbing his arm and turning to face him. He tried to muster the fiercest glare he could but ended up pouting.
“Why are you avoiding me?” The arm wrenched away from him with enough force to make Leeu’s own ache. He held it to his chest as he stared at Kan. Waiting, pleading for the other to say anything with his gaze but he got nothing in return. Only Kan’s back to him as the younger man left the room. Watching someone walk away wasn’t supposed to hurt as much as it did. Leeu didn’t even know what he had done wrong. Sitting down right where he stood he hunched over, nearly putting his face on the floor as his chest hovered over his crossed legs. Sniffling but in the empty room the sound echoed. Leeu put his hands to his face as it became impossible to control the sounds. Feeling his hands wet with more than just his sweat.
Kan standing outside the door could hear him cry. The sound makes him want to run back in and hold Leeu but he’s sure it’s all a show. The other must know he’s out there. Must know that he can hear him. He’s playing him just like his smiles play all the fans. How his cute act fools people into believing that he doesn’t have a temper. How his goofing off can make his band mates believe he’s not feeling as pressured as they are to succeed. Kan thinks he has Leeu all figured out but that crying is putting some doubt into him. It sounds so real, so much like the crying he wants to do because he can’t fully believe it’s real.
No one speaks on the car ride back home. Even though Jinon assaulted Leeu with all sorts of questions as to why his eyes are so red and puffy before getting in the car now they’re quiet. Leeu’s head resting on Jinon’s shoulder and pretending to sleep is enough to hush the leader. Just assuming that maybe the practice was too much for Leeu. He stirs him awake when they reach their dorm. Leading everyone out of the car too distracted by Yejun clinging to his arm to notice how both Kan and Leeu drag their feet.
The only voices in the dorm are Yejun and Jinon’s as they argue with the television. Normally Leeu would join in on such games but instead he sits staring blankly at the television. His gaze unfocused. Kan’s eyes on him finally taking note of the missing smile. It’s all an act. He tells himself that again. The crying, the cold indifference now, Leeu’s just trying to fool him into believing he means more than a warm blanket.
“I’m going to bed.” Three pairs of eyes turn on Leeu as he stands up. Mumbling a good night as he moves past them. Everyone’s too shocked to say anything. Hyperactive Leeu actually deciding to turn in early, it surprises them. They look at one another but Kan avoids eye contact with the other two. Sinking further into the couch. He wonders to himself if Leeu feels as alone now as Kan does when they’re together. Is he really that important to Leeu? The voice inside him that kept saying it was all an act is starting to waver. Still he doesn’t move from his spot until the movie ends. Until Jinon reminds them that tomorrow is not a day off.
Yejun is dragged to bed whining about how he’s an adult and does not require a bed time given to him by someone only a few years older. Yet once his head falls on the pillow he’s snoring. Jinon takes a few minutes but Kan soon hears him breathing deeply in the darkness as well. Two sounds of sleep. He turns on his side in his bunk trying to see through all the black. Not too far away a lump on another bed turns as well. Kan quickly looks away, feeling as if he’s being watched.
He stares at the framework of the bunk above him, Kan doesn’t know how long he did so but lips on his shoulder wake him later. Turning his head he sees the numbers glowing on the clock, it’s been nearly two hours. There’s a familiar weight settled on his hips as cold hands roam under his t-shirt. One coming to rest over his heart. He wills himself to relax, not wanting to give away that he’s awake. That burning feeling settling in him again. Was Leeu this desperate for sex he’d take it from him when he’s asleep? Nuzzles to his neck are accompanied by a wet feeling. Kan tries not to squirm away from it but shifts instinctively. Leeu freezes up for only a second before he presses his face lightly to the crook of neck and shoulder.
“I didn’t know you saw me as so cheap.” His voice is quiet, barely a whisper. Kan strains to hear it even with Leeu so close. “Was I stupid to think maybe you’d like me more if I slept with you? Sex doesn’t mean love does it?” He sits back to look down at Kan. Giving him a smile despite the tears on his face. Head bent a little to avoid bumping into the top bunk and disturbing the person sleeping above.
“I’m sorry for trying to get more. Let’s pretend I never looked at you like I loved you, okay?” The smile gets weaker with every passing second spent in silence. Leeu bites on his bottom lip and lowers his head more, hair covering his eyes. The hands on Kan’s chest drawing away. “Anything you’re willing to give I’ll accept and I won’t ask for more. Just… don’t ignore me, please. I can’t take it.” Kan can only stare at him. Is this part of the act too? Even in the dark he can see Leeu’s nervousness, the fear in his eyes that he’s going to be pushed away yet again. Something snaps inside of Kan, the hot feeling is different. It doesn’t hurt anymore and he moves his arms to reach up towards the quietly crying male above him.
“Young Hak, do you really hate me so much?” It’s exactly the opposite, Kan tries to express that in the way he tugs Leeu down and presses their lips together. In the way he rolls them over so he’s above Leeu’s shuddering body. Stealing his breath away with a tongue that forces his lips to part. His hands sliding down along skin so soft it’s hard to believe it belongs to a man.
“Seunghyun, I want more too.” Kan whispers against Leeu’s lips, feeling them brush together with the simple words. Leeu shudders underneath him but there’s something so innocent to it that Kan rolls off of him. Keeping Leeu in his arms as he slides down a bit lower on the bed. Resting their foreheads together as they lay together sharing breaths. Kan wipes away the tears with the pad of his thumb. Moving in to place kisses over Leeu’s eyelids and smiling as he sees them stay shut. As if his confession finally allowed Leeu to give into how exhausted he was.
The morning isn’t quite so pleasant as the night. Kan finds himself battling a pillow and Leeu using his body as a shield. The pillow moves so quickly all he can see is the white of it as the cover didn’t manage to survive the war.
“Gaaaay… you’re both so gaaaay!” Yejun sings the words as he strikes once more with his pillow. They’re saved from the attack by Jinon announcing breakfast. The smell of something that might actually be edible sending Yejun flying out of the room. Kan being lucky enough to get the discarded pillow in the face. Wrinkling his nose he tosses it aside and is pretty sure by the smell of it the pillow belongs to Jinon. Of course Yejun wouldn’t use his own pillow. Shaking his head he looks down to realize he’s had Leeu trapped under his arm this whole time. It’s not abnormal for them to wake up in bed together, though normally it’s a far more peaceful awakening, yet Kan can’t help but blush looking at Leeu now. Feeling how incredibly warm it is at the spot where his chest meets with Leeu.
“M… morning.” The stutter from the older male only makes Kan’s face feel hotter. Just to break eye contact he shuts his own eyes. Kan makes to move his hand off the pillow but instead his finger tips meet with soft black strands. He bites on his lip, he never noticed before how nice Leeu’s hair feels before the stylist can put pounds of gel or spray on it.
“Young Hak, I need to use the bathroom.”
“Huh?”
“Your arm, I can’t get up.”
“Oh.” Kan moved his arm back allowing Leeu to run off the bed in the general direction of the bathroom. Staring at where the other had gone he let himself fall face first into the pillow. Glaring at it as it smelled just like the person that had been laying on it moments ago. So now he would suffer two days with all his thoughts being only about Leeu. How had things become different? They had slept in the same bed many times but this wasn’t like those times. It wasn’t after becoming a sweaty tangle of limbs and over sensitized nerves.
Something so simple changed his entire view of Leeu. He was noticing things he never had before. It was as if he was only learning who Leeu was now and he wasn’t sure whether it was a good or bad thing. Moving off from the bed he ran a hand through his hair.
Not knowing what to say or how to react when Leeu comes out of the bathroom. Hand still somewhat damp as they come onto the front of Kan’s shirt. He wrinkles his nose seeing the droplets make the t-shirt darker but doesn’t push Leeu away. It’s kind of cute the way the other has to stand on the tips of his toes and pull him down just so he can plant a kiss on his lips. A kiss full of the bacteria that had been calling his mouth home all throughout the night.
Kan doesn’t understand why Leeu didn’t brush his teeth after relieving his bladder. Many things don’t make sense about Leeu just like many things about Kan don’t either. He’s perfect and imperfect all at once, Kan comes to that mental conclusion about the shorter man wrapping arms around him at the moment.
“Stinky.” Kan mutters the words as they put enough distance between them that lips are just barely brushing. Leeu scowls and makes to pull away but Kan keeps him close. He gives a small nibble to a plump bottom lip and presses the front of Leeu’s body against his. Grinning as Leeu ends up with his head tucked under Kan’s chin.
“What the… none of this gay shit near my bed. Ugh, you’re gayness made me lose my appetite.” Yejun scoffs and turns to head back out of the room, stuffing a pancake into his mouth as he do so. “Jinchul-hyung, Seunghyun and Younghak are being gay in the bedroom again!”
For: nishiara_hitomi
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: KanU
Word Count: 3, 522
"It's that lonely feeling that makes me stay way from you."
Fingers trail down his pale side as he lays curled into a ball. His body looking even smaller with the position. His lips part in a sigh even as sleep keeps it’s grip on him. The image is too sweet for Kan to resist so he leans over his naked partner to grab his camera. Trying to move as carefully as possible so as not to ruin the image before him. He holds the camera above the unsuspecting figure and snaps a few shots, keeping the flash off for obvious reason.
The body beside him starts to unfurl and Kan freezes up with the camera still held in strong hands. One finger over the capture button as his teeth graze his plump bottom lip. He holds in the urge to scream cute as the older male only gets more comfortable, his hand moving up so one falls above his head and the other curls under his chin. A few more shots and he lowers down the camera just staring at the other.
Kan wishes he could keep him to himself like this forever. Hidden away from the world so that he can continue being the person he cares for. He knows once those eyes open his smile will be for everyone else. For the people waiting for him to get on stage. For his father pushing him to give more than the best he’s already pushing out. For their leader who he didn’t get along with at first. Now they get along so well that even that Kan wonders about too.
Sighing he lays back on the bed staring up at the ceiling above him. They don’t have an official relationship, they would never be able to. He’d asked him about it before and it was now a conversation they both avoid. Kan never wanted to see him cry like that again but what about his feelings? It didn’t seem to matter how much it hurt him when he pulled away from him. When he hugged on the other members instead of him. Passing his eye smiles like candy on Halloween. None of it mattered. He was told to focus on the fact that at the end of the day it was him he came to. His bed he crawled into but was that all Kan was? A warm bed for him to sleep?
The touch makes Kan feel like he’s burning when the other shifts to cuddle against his side. His eyes press shut as fingers mimic his earlier action against his own bare body. They move lower and lower until they disappear below the white sheet that starts at Kan’s hip. It doesn’t take long for fingers to wrap around the most sensitive area of his body. A hint of pleasure curls at the pit of his stomach but it’s not enough to overcome the knots that have already wound themselves there. Shutting his eyes Kan moves his arms as if to push the male away but he takes it for something else. He finds himself with the smaller body moving over his own. Kisses falling over his neck and broad shoulders that just make him feel sick.
“Morning.” The simple word is mumbled in a voice hoarse not only from recently waking but their activities the previous night. The small indents of teeth and hickeys still splattered all over the graceful neck of his companion remind him of it. Kan only grunts in response as an impatient hand strokes at him faster. He’s always like this on their days off. Starved for touch and rough in his quest to get it but Kan’s not finding it as endearing as he does other days. Not today when everything just feels empty. Not after he almost slipped up the night before and woke up realizing it was a good thing he didn’t.
Those words don’t belong between them. Between what they have. It can’t even be defined as a hidden affair because he’s sure he’s the only one feeling more than lust in all this. Kan sighs and moves his hands up to the older male’s shoulders shoving him off. There’s a small laugh in response; he hasn’t fully understood what’s going on yet. Spreading his legs open as he lays on his back as he waits. Waits for something that doesn’t happen because the younger man gets off the bed and reaches for his boxers on the floor.
“Young Hak?” There’s no response as he moves out of the bedroom door towards the bathroom. Only the sound of the shower answers the male on the bed. Pouting he flops back down to it and pulls the sheet up over his head. He can still smell Young Hak on it and rolls himself up in it. Deeply inhaling the scent when only the black strands of his hair are left to peek out from the Leeu burrito he’s become.
“Yah, get up lazy butt.” A foot connects with said area and Leeu wrinkles his nose. Wiggling and squirming till his eyes peek out from the sheet, catching a head in a Pikachu hat walking away. Leeu sticks his tongue out but works his way out of the bed sheet. Grinning to himself as he runs across the room dragging the sheet with him. As he expected the bathroom door was left unlocked so he slides his way in. Leeu locks the door behind himself and leaves the sheet on the floor to get into the shower.
His arms wrap around a slick body taller than his own. Kissing between shoulder blades as he slides his hands down but they never make it to their destination. Leeu gasps as he’s pushed against the shower wall staring at Kan with a playful glint to his eyes. The look isn’t returned.
“Young Hak, why’d you get out of bed?”
“I’m done, you can have the shower.” Leeu’s too surprised to stop Kan as the other gets out of the shower. Watching him through the shower door as he dries off, unlocks the door and leaves him standing there. Kan never turned down the chance to mess around in the shower before.
From there things only got worse. Every attempt Leeu made at getting Kan’s attention resulted in disappointment. Breakfast was Kan drinking a glass of juice and ignoring Leeu’s offer of a bite of his toast. When Leeu had come to sit beside him on the couch Kan got up and left the room. When he went into the bedroom Kan left that room as well. Anytime Leeu even walked into the room Kan moved away from him.
There were none of the smiles Kan was used to seeing today but he wasn’t looking to see the lack of them. Today Leeu was a plague he had to avoid. He couldn’t keep falling into arms that wouldn’t enjoy the embrace the same way he did. Leeu was always there with him yet it felt as if the same instant he wasn’t there at all. Like they were two people at different ends of a corridor that stretched wider between them with every step they took. Able to see and hear one another but never able to touch. It was worse when they did, so today he would avoid that feeling. He didn’t want to struggle to sleep with that familiar sting in his chest while Leeu snored peacefully beside him.
When Jinon announced they shouldn’t waste their day and get some practice in they were happy to oblige. Anything to distract from the tension between them. Yejun of course disagreed but still got into the car, there was a fake attempt at jumping out while it was moving but no other event. They all made it to the practice studio in one piece. Assuming positions and moving their bodies till the sweat made them too heavy. People collapsing where they stood with shirts and pants sticking to skin. Hair matted down and damp, looking even darker in such a state. Rosy cheeks all around and panting chests rising and falling.
Jinon was the first to move muttering an offer of retrieving bottles of water for everyone. It was only a minute later that Yejun bounced up to follow after him. Kan and Leeu were sure they would never be getting those offered bottles of water. It didn’t matter, their limbs would protest any movement anyway. Even if said movement was to bring some form of relaxation to their bodies. Still Leeu pushed with his feet to drag himself on his back towards Kan. His shirt riding up so by the time he made it there it was nearly at the back of his head. He didn’t bother to fix it.
Plush lips parted but they weren’t given a chance to form words as Kan stood up. Leeu left laying on the floor staring at the back of his legs as Kan made for the exit. With energy he didn’t know he had Leeu jumped up and moved after Kan. Grabbing his arm and turning to face him. He tried to muster the fiercest glare he could but ended up pouting.
“Why are you avoiding me?” The arm wrenched away from him with enough force to make Leeu’s own ache. He held it to his chest as he stared at Kan. Waiting, pleading for the other to say anything with his gaze but he got nothing in return. Only Kan’s back to him as the younger man left the room. Watching someone walk away wasn’t supposed to hurt as much as it did. Leeu didn’t even know what he had done wrong. Sitting down right where he stood he hunched over, nearly putting his face on the floor as his chest hovered over his crossed legs. Sniffling but in the empty room the sound echoed. Leeu put his hands to his face as it became impossible to control the sounds. Feeling his hands wet with more than just his sweat.
Kan standing outside the door could hear him cry. The sound makes him want to run back in and hold Leeu but he’s sure it’s all a show. The other must know he’s out there. Must know that he can hear him. He’s playing him just like his smiles play all the fans. How his cute act fools people into believing that he doesn’t have a temper. How his goofing off can make his band mates believe he’s not feeling as pressured as they are to succeed. Kan thinks he has Leeu all figured out but that crying is putting some doubt into him. It sounds so real, so much like the crying he wants to do because he can’t fully believe it’s real.
No one speaks on the car ride back home. Even though Jinon assaulted Leeu with all sorts of questions as to why his eyes are so red and puffy before getting in the car now they’re quiet. Leeu’s head resting on Jinon’s shoulder and pretending to sleep is enough to hush the leader. Just assuming that maybe the practice was too much for Leeu. He stirs him awake when they reach their dorm. Leading everyone out of the car too distracted by Yejun clinging to his arm to notice how both Kan and Leeu drag their feet.
The only voices in the dorm are Yejun and Jinon’s as they argue with the television. Normally Leeu would join in on such games but instead he sits staring blankly at the television. His gaze unfocused. Kan’s eyes on him finally taking note of the missing smile. It’s all an act. He tells himself that again. The crying, the cold indifference now, Leeu’s just trying to fool him into believing he means more than a warm blanket.
“I’m going to bed.” Three pairs of eyes turn on Leeu as he stands up. Mumbling a good night as he moves past them. Everyone’s too shocked to say anything. Hyperactive Leeu actually deciding to turn in early, it surprises them. They look at one another but Kan avoids eye contact with the other two. Sinking further into the couch. He wonders to himself if Leeu feels as alone now as Kan does when they’re together. Is he really that important to Leeu? The voice inside him that kept saying it was all an act is starting to waver. Still he doesn’t move from his spot until the movie ends. Until Jinon reminds them that tomorrow is not a day off.
Yejun is dragged to bed whining about how he’s an adult and does not require a bed time given to him by someone only a few years older. Yet once his head falls on the pillow he’s snoring. Jinon takes a few minutes but Kan soon hears him breathing deeply in the darkness as well. Two sounds of sleep. He turns on his side in his bunk trying to see through all the black. Not too far away a lump on another bed turns as well. Kan quickly looks away, feeling as if he’s being watched.
He stares at the framework of the bunk above him, Kan doesn’t know how long he did so but lips on his shoulder wake him later. Turning his head he sees the numbers glowing on the clock, it’s been nearly two hours. There’s a familiar weight settled on his hips as cold hands roam under his t-shirt. One coming to rest over his heart. He wills himself to relax, not wanting to give away that he’s awake. That burning feeling settling in him again. Was Leeu this desperate for sex he’d take it from him when he’s asleep? Nuzzles to his neck are accompanied by a wet feeling. Kan tries not to squirm away from it but shifts instinctively. Leeu freezes up for only a second before he presses his face lightly to the crook of neck and shoulder.
“I didn’t know you saw me as so cheap.” His voice is quiet, barely a whisper. Kan strains to hear it even with Leeu so close. “Was I stupid to think maybe you’d like me more if I slept with you? Sex doesn’t mean love does it?” He sits back to look down at Kan. Giving him a smile despite the tears on his face. Head bent a little to avoid bumping into the top bunk and disturbing the person sleeping above.
“I’m sorry for trying to get more. Let’s pretend I never looked at you like I loved you, okay?” The smile gets weaker with every passing second spent in silence. Leeu bites on his bottom lip and lowers his head more, hair covering his eyes. The hands on Kan’s chest drawing away. “Anything you’re willing to give I’ll accept and I won’t ask for more. Just… don’t ignore me, please. I can’t take it.” Kan can only stare at him. Is this part of the act too? Even in the dark he can see Leeu’s nervousness, the fear in his eyes that he’s going to be pushed away yet again. Something snaps inside of Kan, the hot feeling is different. It doesn’t hurt anymore and he moves his arms to reach up towards the quietly crying male above him.
“Young Hak, do you really hate me so much?” It’s exactly the opposite, Kan tries to express that in the way he tugs Leeu down and presses their lips together. In the way he rolls them over so he’s above Leeu’s shuddering body. Stealing his breath away with a tongue that forces his lips to part. His hands sliding down along skin so soft it’s hard to believe it belongs to a man.
“Seunghyun, I want more too.” Kan whispers against Leeu’s lips, feeling them brush together with the simple words. Leeu shudders underneath him but there’s something so innocent to it that Kan rolls off of him. Keeping Leeu in his arms as he slides down a bit lower on the bed. Resting their foreheads together as they lay together sharing breaths. Kan wipes away the tears with the pad of his thumb. Moving in to place kisses over Leeu’s eyelids and smiling as he sees them stay shut. As if his confession finally allowed Leeu to give into how exhausted he was.
The morning isn’t quite so pleasant as the night. Kan finds himself battling a pillow and Leeu using his body as a shield. The pillow moves so quickly all he can see is the white of it as the cover didn’t manage to survive the war.
“Gaaaay… you’re both so gaaaay!” Yejun sings the words as he strikes once more with his pillow. They’re saved from the attack by Jinon announcing breakfast. The smell of something that might actually be edible sending Yejun flying out of the room. Kan being lucky enough to get the discarded pillow in the face. Wrinkling his nose he tosses it aside and is pretty sure by the smell of it the pillow belongs to Jinon. Of course Yejun wouldn’t use his own pillow. Shaking his head he looks down to realize he’s had Leeu trapped under his arm this whole time. It’s not abnormal for them to wake up in bed together, though normally it’s a far more peaceful awakening, yet Kan can’t help but blush looking at Leeu now. Feeling how incredibly warm it is at the spot where his chest meets with Leeu.
“M… morning.” The stutter from the older male only makes Kan’s face feel hotter. Just to break eye contact he shuts his own eyes. Kan makes to move his hand off the pillow but instead his finger tips meet with soft black strands. He bites on his lip, he never noticed before how nice Leeu’s hair feels before the stylist can put pounds of gel or spray on it.
“Young Hak, I need to use the bathroom.”
“Huh?”
“Your arm, I can’t get up.”
“Oh.” Kan moved his arm back allowing Leeu to run off the bed in the general direction of the bathroom. Staring at where the other had gone he let himself fall face first into the pillow. Glaring at it as it smelled just like the person that had been laying on it moments ago. So now he would suffer two days with all his thoughts being only about Leeu. How had things become different? They had slept in the same bed many times but this wasn’t like those times. It wasn’t after becoming a sweaty tangle of limbs and over sensitized nerves.
Something so simple changed his entire view of Leeu. He was noticing things he never had before. It was as if he was only learning who Leeu was now and he wasn’t sure whether it was a good or bad thing. Moving off from the bed he ran a hand through his hair.
Not knowing what to say or how to react when Leeu comes out of the bathroom. Hand still somewhat damp as they come onto the front of Kan’s shirt. He wrinkles his nose seeing the droplets make the t-shirt darker but doesn’t push Leeu away. It’s kind of cute the way the other has to stand on the tips of his toes and pull him down just so he can plant a kiss on his lips. A kiss full of the bacteria that had been calling his mouth home all throughout the night.
Kan doesn’t understand why Leeu didn’t brush his teeth after relieving his bladder. Many things don’t make sense about Leeu just like many things about Kan don’t either. He’s perfect and imperfect all at once, Kan comes to that mental conclusion about the shorter man wrapping arms around him at the moment.
“Stinky.” Kan mutters the words as they put enough distance between them that lips are just barely brushing. Leeu scowls and makes to pull away but Kan keeps him close. He gives a small nibble to a plump bottom lip and presses the front of Leeu’s body against his. Grinning as Leeu ends up with his head tucked under Kan’s chin.
“What the… none of this gay shit near my bed. Ugh, you’re gayness made me lose my appetite.” Yejun scoffs and turns to head back out of the room, stuffing a pancake into his mouth as he do so. “Jinchul-hyung, Seunghyun and Younghak are being gay in the bedroom again!”