for shockpuppy
Title: episodic.
Pairing: Gen/OT4-ish; Jinon-centric
Rating: PG-13
Notes: University AU, 2038 words. Written for shockpuppy. :)
Summary: Jinchul struggles to come to terms with the direction his life is taking. His friends help. Sort of.
episodic.
This isn't how Jinchul thought his life was going to turn out. If anyone had told him ten years ago that he would be here, confined to stuffy classrooms and a too tiny dorm room, surrounded by mountains of books and too much pressure for one person to handle, he would have laughed it off.
But here he is.
His bed hasn't been made in over a week, there's a load of laundry piled up in the corner so big that you could hide a body in there, he's getting steadily behind on his reading. The food in the cafeteria makes him long for home, he never gets enough sleep, and his roommate sure as hell isn't helping matters.
Yejun practically bounces through the door with a stack of books in his arms, throwing them down on his bed and throwing himself on top. Jinchul still isn't sure just what the hell Yejun is studying, but it seems to involve very few classes and a whole lot of reading of novels instead of the dry textbooks Jinchul is forced to immerse himself in. "You look tense," Yejun observes when Jinchul doesn't say anything. "Did you study all night again?"
"Yes," Jinchul answers curtly. He still hasn't seen Yejun study one single bit, unless you count reading books while listening to music as studying.
"You need to lighten up," Yejun says. "You know, break some rules. Live a little."
Jinchul sighs, because he feels like he has heard that his entire life, from everyone but his family. "I don't know how," he mutters to himself. He doesn't mean for Yejun to hear, but Yejun hears it anyway, and before Jinchul really knows what's going on, he has been dragged from their room and out into the hallway, heading off for god knows what.
"I'll teach you," Yejun says, practically beaming at Jinchul, and almost against his will, Jinchul finds himself smiling back.
They run away for three days, doing nothing but eating junk food and wandering the streets and sleeping in the park and reading and sneaking in to watch movies, and Jinchul has never felt so free in his entire life.
Jinchul is still sleeping, one arm and one leg hanging off the bed, when the door practically bursts open and someone runs through it and flings himself on Yejun's bed. The bang of the door doesn't wake Jinchul up, but the following shriek from the other bed certainly does the trick. "What the fuck," he mumbles, voice rough from sleep. "I hope you're not doing what it looks like you're doing."
"Ew, gross," Yejun says, throwing a pillow across the room and somehow managing to hit Jinchul square in the face.
"So that's your roommate, huh?" The stranger flashes Jinchul a grin, then flops down onto Yejun's bed again, muttering to him in what's probably supposed to be a quiet tone of voice, "He's kinda cute, is he seeing anyone?"
Jinchul sputters, wraps the blanket around himself, and flees from the room.
"I'm Seunghyun, by the way," the boy calls out after him. His and Yejun's laughter rings in Jinchul's ears for what feels like hours.
Seunghyun keeps on coming around, spending the night in their room more often than he seems to sleep in his own - it takes almost a month before Jinchul finds out that Seunghyun doesn't actually have a dorm room of his own, and that he's relying on friends to have a place to crash for the night. His major is as elusive as Yejun's; Seunghyun knows something about everything and isn't afraid to show it, even taking it upon himself to lecture Jinchul about obscure court cases until Jinchul feels an irresistible urge to hit Seunghyun over the head with his textbook.
He doesn't, however.
"Shut the fuck up," he says instead, accompanied by a glare, and discovers to his surprise that Seunghyun actually does shut up.
Apparently miracles do happen.
With Seunghyun around, it becomes even more difficult to study in their room, and Jinchul escapes to the square outside their dorm, spreading his books out on one of the tables and snapping at anyone who gets too close. It feels like he's drowning in books, and he tends to read the same page several times before anything sinks in.
Jinchul doesn't know if it's the ever increasing number of pages to read or the bright autumn sun that does it, but he's more unfocused than ever, and thanks to that, he notices a guy hanging around. Moving from one table to the other around Jinchul. Glancing at him, then looking away when Jinchul looks up at him. Hovering.
Jinchul's starting to suspect he might be a serial killer, but he has a feeling that serial killers wouldn't be this awkward.
Eventually, the guy approaches him, stopping a few feet away and staring at Jinchul before speaking. "Hi," he says awkwardly with an even more awkward smile.
"Hi," Jinchul replies. He's not sure whether to be amused or to run for help.
"Can I take your picture?"
"Huh?"
The guy holds up an expensive-looking camera, waving it around a little. "Picture. Photograph. Uhm. It's for a class project."
Jinchul still doesn't know whether to laugh or run away, but he ends up nodding. "Sure. As long as it doesn't involve me being naked."
"No, just sit like you were before. You know. Studying." He gestures to the books, but Jinchul is familiar with the concept of studying - all too familiar - and he lowers his head, skimming the words on the page without taking anything in.
"How is photographing me studying interesting?" Jinchul can't help but ask, because he doesn't think that it sounds very creative. Or interesting.
The guy shrugs and takes a step back, only speaking again when he has the camera in front of his face. "Because you look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders."
And that is what it feels like. Jinchul wakes up every morning feeling like he's steadily sinking, like there's no way out, like there's no escape.
He thinks it should scare him more than it does.
Younghak is different. Younghak likes pretty girls and tattoos, violently pink drinks and clothes that don't match. He always has a camera in his hand, and Jinchul suspects that he photographs more than he speaks. It doesn't come as a surprise that Younghak's a photography major, but it does come as a surprise that he's so close to Seunghyun. Something that Jinchul discovers when Seunghyun shows up at the dorm room with Younghak in tow.
"What the fuck," Jinchul says, staring at Younghak because while he has seen him around campus, he has never seen him with Seunghyun before.
"I love him," Seunghyun states and beams at Younghak, who beams right back and pads over, wrapping his arms around Seunghyun and snuggling against his shoulder.
"No, really. What the actual fuck," Jinchul says, and shoves Yejun away when he attempts to mimic Younghak.
The first time, anyway. And the second. But the third time Jinchul relents and lets Yejun get close, swallowing hard as he realizes that he hasn't had anyone this close to him in years.
Midterms comes with weeks of sleepless nights and too much studying. Jinchul's only comfort is that Yejun looks as exhausted as Jinchul feels, and that Younghak and Seunghyun comes over almost every night, bringing food and much needed distraction.
It probably doesn't do their studying any good, but it sure helps with staying sane.
Or at least somewhat sane.
Jinchul barely scrapes by on his midterms, Yejun does okay, Seunghyun aces all of his seemingly without even opening a book, and Younghak ends up winning a prize for his photography. For a couple of weeks, Jinchul shuns them all, hating the fact that they seem to have so much more fun than he does. Hating the fact that they get by without having to study all night and attend all their classes.
He walks from café to café, eating all the things that he was never allowed as a kid, and he feels better in the moment.
Then he comes back to his room and his desk and his stack of books, and he feels sick all over again.
"I don't think I should be here," Jinchul says, but he's not sure what he's really trying to say.
Yejun looks at him and nods, as if he knows exactly what Jinchul's talking about. "You shouldn't be a lawyer. It's not for you."
"But my parents-"
Yejun shakes his head, interrupts him. "It's your life, not theirs."
Jinchul sighs. His head hurts. "But what am I going to be if I'm not going to be a lawyer?"
"You can be whatever you want to be," Yejun says, and it makes all the sense in the world.
Jinchul's father doesn't agree. "You're staying right where you are," he says when Jinchul points out that he's not doing so well in his studies. That his grades are dropping, that he's never getting enough sleep, that he's constantly tired, that he's unhappy.
None of it seems to matter. "Study harder," his father says. "I expect you to make us proud. This is about our family, not about you."
Fuck you, Jinchul thinks, but he has too much respect for his father - still - to say it out loud.
It's probably not the best way to rebel, but it's rebellion nonetheless, and Jinchul tags along to one of Younghak's usual clubs, downing shots at a much higher rate than he normally would. "Hey, don't," Younghak says, but he shuts up when Jinchul looks at him. The night dissolves into a blur of colors and music, before everything goes black.
Jinchul wakes up the morning after to find a post-it on his forehead.
Hey idiot, I love you, is all that it says, but Jinchul knows that it's Younghak's - half because he recognizes the handwriting, half because he vaguely remembers Younghak dragging him home last night.
It's stupid and juvenile, or at least he should think that it is, but the note still makes him feel better.
Seunghyun takes him out the week after, bringing him to art galleries and buying him drinks that taste of strawberries and which make Jinchul's head spin. It feels like a different world altogether, but it doesn't quite feel like his world. Just like Younghak's world doesn't feel like his world either.
"You'll figure it out," Seunghyun says. Knowingly, just like Yejun. Jinchul's starting to wonder if they're all secretly psychic.
Or maybe it's just that he's easy for them to figure out, because he's their friend.
"You're not alone," Yejun says, voice low against Jinchul's neck. "You'll never be alone as long as you have us. All of us."
Jinchul has to clear his throat several times before he manages to reply. "And you'll never be alone as long as you have me either."
"Friends, right?"
"Forever," Jinchul says, but it's so quiet that he doesn't think Yejun can hear him.
After their exams are over, they gather on the top of the dorm building. Of course, they're not supposed to be there, but it's been a long time since any of them cared about that. Jinchul is pretty sure he messed up his exams and he has no idea what he's going to do next year, but he doesn't want to think about it. Not now. Not here. Not when he has his friends surrounding him.
They sit on the still warm roof, near the edge. Jinchul yawns and curls an arm around Yejun's shoulders. Seunghyun shifts closer, leans against Jinchul, surprisingly heavy. Younghak cocks his head and gives the three of them a look, before grinning and practically draping himself over their laps like an overgrown kitten. "Get off," Jinchul mutters, but he doesn't quite have the energy to push Younghak off. Neither, apparently, does Yejun or Seunghyun.
"I wanna stay like this forever," Yejun says. He sounds tired, but happy; he has barely slept throughout the past week in order to finish his thesis.
"We will stay like this forever," Jinchul replies, and hopesthinksknows that it's true.
Pairing: Gen/OT4-ish; Jinon-centric
Rating: PG-13
Notes: University AU, 2038 words. Written for shockpuppy. :)
Summary: Jinchul struggles to come to terms with the direction his life is taking. His friends help. Sort of.
episodic.
This isn't how Jinchul thought his life was going to turn out. If anyone had told him ten years ago that he would be here, confined to stuffy classrooms and a too tiny dorm room, surrounded by mountains of books and too much pressure for one person to handle, he would have laughed it off.
But here he is.
His bed hasn't been made in over a week, there's a load of laundry piled up in the corner so big that you could hide a body in there, he's getting steadily behind on his reading. The food in the cafeteria makes him long for home, he never gets enough sleep, and his roommate sure as hell isn't helping matters.
Yejun practically bounces through the door with a stack of books in his arms, throwing them down on his bed and throwing himself on top. Jinchul still isn't sure just what the hell Yejun is studying, but it seems to involve very few classes and a whole lot of reading of novels instead of the dry textbooks Jinchul is forced to immerse himself in. "You look tense," Yejun observes when Jinchul doesn't say anything. "Did you study all night again?"
"Yes," Jinchul answers curtly. He still hasn't seen Yejun study one single bit, unless you count reading books while listening to music as studying.
"You need to lighten up," Yejun says. "You know, break some rules. Live a little."
Jinchul sighs, because he feels like he has heard that his entire life, from everyone but his family. "I don't know how," he mutters to himself. He doesn't mean for Yejun to hear, but Yejun hears it anyway, and before Jinchul really knows what's going on, he has been dragged from their room and out into the hallway, heading off for god knows what.
"I'll teach you," Yejun says, practically beaming at Jinchul, and almost against his will, Jinchul finds himself smiling back.
They run away for three days, doing nothing but eating junk food and wandering the streets and sleeping in the park and reading and sneaking in to watch movies, and Jinchul has never felt so free in his entire life.
Jinchul is still sleeping, one arm and one leg hanging off the bed, when the door practically bursts open and someone runs through it and flings himself on Yejun's bed. The bang of the door doesn't wake Jinchul up, but the following shriek from the other bed certainly does the trick. "What the fuck," he mumbles, voice rough from sleep. "I hope you're not doing what it looks like you're doing."
"Ew, gross," Yejun says, throwing a pillow across the room and somehow managing to hit Jinchul square in the face.
"So that's your roommate, huh?" The stranger flashes Jinchul a grin, then flops down onto Yejun's bed again, muttering to him in what's probably supposed to be a quiet tone of voice, "He's kinda cute, is he seeing anyone?"
Jinchul sputters, wraps the blanket around himself, and flees from the room.
"I'm Seunghyun, by the way," the boy calls out after him. His and Yejun's laughter rings in Jinchul's ears for what feels like hours.
Seunghyun keeps on coming around, spending the night in their room more often than he seems to sleep in his own - it takes almost a month before Jinchul finds out that Seunghyun doesn't actually have a dorm room of his own, and that he's relying on friends to have a place to crash for the night. His major is as elusive as Yejun's; Seunghyun knows something about everything and isn't afraid to show it, even taking it upon himself to lecture Jinchul about obscure court cases until Jinchul feels an irresistible urge to hit Seunghyun over the head with his textbook.
He doesn't, however.
"Shut the fuck up," he says instead, accompanied by a glare, and discovers to his surprise that Seunghyun actually does shut up.
Apparently miracles do happen.
With Seunghyun around, it becomes even more difficult to study in their room, and Jinchul escapes to the square outside their dorm, spreading his books out on one of the tables and snapping at anyone who gets too close. It feels like he's drowning in books, and he tends to read the same page several times before anything sinks in.
Jinchul doesn't know if it's the ever increasing number of pages to read or the bright autumn sun that does it, but he's more unfocused than ever, and thanks to that, he notices a guy hanging around. Moving from one table to the other around Jinchul. Glancing at him, then looking away when Jinchul looks up at him. Hovering.
Jinchul's starting to suspect he might be a serial killer, but he has a feeling that serial killers wouldn't be this awkward.
Eventually, the guy approaches him, stopping a few feet away and staring at Jinchul before speaking. "Hi," he says awkwardly with an even more awkward smile.
"Hi," Jinchul replies. He's not sure whether to be amused or to run for help.
"Can I take your picture?"
"Huh?"
The guy holds up an expensive-looking camera, waving it around a little. "Picture. Photograph. Uhm. It's for a class project."
Jinchul still doesn't know whether to laugh or run away, but he ends up nodding. "Sure. As long as it doesn't involve me being naked."
"No, just sit like you were before. You know. Studying." He gestures to the books, but Jinchul is familiar with the concept of studying - all too familiar - and he lowers his head, skimming the words on the page without taking anything in.
"How is photographing me studying interesting?" Jinchul can't help but ask, because he doesn't think that it sounds very creative. Or interesting.
The guy shrugs and takes a step back, only speaking again when he has the camera in front of his face. "Because you look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders."
And that is what it feels like. Jinchul wakes up every morning feeling like he's steadily sinking, like there's no way out, like there's no escape.
He thinks it should scare him more than it does.
Younghak is different. Younghak likes pretty girls and tattoos, violently pink drinks and clothes that don't match. He always has a camera in his hand, and Jinchul suspects that he photographs more than he speaks. It doesn't come as a surprise that Younghak's a photography major, but it does come as a surprise that he's so close to Seunghyun. Something that Jinchul discovers when Seunghyun shows up at the dorm room with Younghak in tow.
"What the fuck," Jinchul says, staring at Younghak because while he has seen him around campus, he has never seen him with Seunghyun before.
"I love him," Seunghyun states and beams at Younghak, who beams right back and pads over, wrapping his arms around Seunghyun and snuggling against his shoulder.
"No, really. What the actual fuck," Jinchul says, and shoves Yejun away when he attempts to mimic Younghak.
The first time, anyway. And the second. But the third time Jinchul relents and lets Yejun get close, swallowing hard as he realizes that he hasn't had anyone this close to him in years.
Midterms comes with weeks of sleepless nights and too much studying. Jinchul's only comfort is that Yejun looks as exhausted as Jinchul feels, and that Younghak and Seunghyun comes over almost every night, bringing food and much needed distraction.
It probably doesn't do their studying any good, but it sure helps with staying sane.
Or at least somewhat sane.
Jinchul barely scrapes by on his midterms, Yejun does okay, Seunghyun aces all of his seemingly without even opening a book, and Younghak ends up winning a prize for his photography. For a couple of weeks, Jinchul shuns them all, hating the fact that they seem to have so much more fun than he does. Hating the fact that they get by without having to study all night and attend all their classes.
He walks from café to café, eating all the things that he was never allowed as a kid, and he feels better in the moment.
Then he comes back to his room and his desk and his stack of books, and he feels sick all over again.
"I don't think I should be here," Jinchul says, but he's not sure what he's really trying to say.
Yejun looks at him and nods, as if he knows exactly what Jinchul's talking about. "You shouldn't be a lawyer. It's not for you."
"But my parents-"
Yejun shakes his head, interrupts him. "It's your life, not theirs."
Jinchul sighs. His head hurts. "But what am I going to be if I'm not going to be a lawyer?"
"You can be whatever you want to be," Yejun says, and it makes all the sense in the world.
Jinchul's father doesn't agree. "You're staying right where you are," he says when Jinchul points out that he's not doing so well in his studies. That his grades are dropping, that he's never getting enough sleep, that he's constantly tired, that he's unhappy.
None of it seems to matter. "Study harder," his father says. "I expect you to make us proud. This is about our family, not about you."
Fuck you, Jinchul thinks, but he has too much respect for his father - still - to say it out loud.
It's probably not the best way to rebel, but it's rebellion nonetheless, and Jinchul tags along to one of Younghak's usual clubs, downing shots at a much higher rate than he normally would. "Hey, don't," Younghak says, but he shuts up when Jinchul looks at him. The night dissolves into a blur of colors and music, before everything goes black.
Jinchul wakes up the morning after to find a post-it on his forehead.
Hey idiot, I love you, is all that it says, but Jinchul knows that it's Younghak's - half because he recognizes the handwriting, half because he vaguely remembers Younghak dragging him home last night.
It's stupid and juvenile, or at least he should think that it is, but the note still makes him feel better.
Seunghyun takes him out the week after, bringing him to art galleries and buying him drinks that taste of strawberries and which make Jinchul's head spin. It feels like a different world altogether, but it doesn't quite feel like his world. Just like Younghak's world doesn't feel like his world either.
"You'll figure it out," Seunghyun says. Knowingly, just like Yejun. Jinchul's starting to wonder if they're all secretly psychic.
Or maybe it's just that he's easy for them to figure out, because he's their friend.
"You're not alone," Yejun says, voice low against Jinchul's neck. "You'll never be alone as long as you have us. All of us."
Jinchul has to clear his throat several times before he manages to reply. "And you'll never be alone as long as you have me either."
"Friends, right?"
"Forever," Jinchul says, but it's so quiet that he doesn't think Yejun can hear him.
After their exams are over, they gather on the top of the dorm building. Of course, they're not supposed to be there, but it's been a long time since any of them cared about that. Jinchul is pretty sure he messed up his exams and he has no idea what he's going to do next year, but he doesn't want to think about it. Not now. Not here. Not when he has his friends surrounding him.
They sit on the still warm roof, near the edge. Jinchul yawns and curls an arm around Yejun's shoulders. Seunghyun shifts closer, leans against Jinchul, surprisingly heavy. Younghak cocks his head and gives the three of them a look, before grinning and practically draping himself over their laps like an overgrown kitten. "Get off," Jinchul mutters, but he doesn't quite have the energy to push Younghak off. Neither, apparently, does Yejun or Seunghyun.
"I wanna stay like this forever," Yejun says. He sounds tired, but happy; he has barely slept throughout the past week in order to finish his thesis.
"We will stay like this forever," Jinchul replies, and hopesthinksknows that it's true.