for zenfu
Title: Wanna be your love
For: zenfu
Pairing: Jinon/Kan
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Dubious content. Or at least I tried. OOC. Fail.
Word count: 4, 203
Author's note: This was supposed to be power play, but I'm pretty sure I screwed it up :/ I'm sorry. I hope it's still somewhat enjoyable! Feel free to be completely honest with what you think. Also the ending is so cheesy cries I'm sorry ):
I also edited some of the facts about F.Cuz, so the story would fit better with what I was going to write. Therefore Jinon and Kan were not in the same dance group pre-debut. So I think this could be
somewhat considered alternate reality?
Summary: Jinchul finds love. Younghak does the same. It's twisted, but it works.
- - - - -
When Jinchul hears he is going to be in an idol group with three other people, he immediately comes up with several conspiracies as to who it might be. He is almost a hundred percent certain he'll end up with Yejun in some way or another, with how close they are and how well they dance and sing together, but beyond that he is pretty much clueless. There are too many to choose from.
He just hopes he won't end up with someone with the same personality as Heechul of Super Junior, because he will not be able to handle that for sure.
As it turns out, he ends up with Yejun (who is bouncing in place, looking more excited than nervous), a boy named Seunghyun (who looks nervous and uncertain, eying the other three in an almost fascinated and wary manner) and a boy named Younghak (what kind of name is that? Jinchul finds himself wondering, while Younghak doesn't look at any of them, concentrating on his shoes instead as if they're magical) and apparently they will be called Focus, only with a more "stylish" way of writing it. (what kind of name is F.Cuz?)
When they find out their debut single is going to be called Jiggy, Jinchul plays with the thought of shooting himself.
“Jinon-sshi?” Jinchul isn't sure who Younghak - Kan, even though Jinchul has found himself preferring Younghak now - is talking to, before he remembers it's Jinchul himself and turns. He's definitely never going to get used to being called Jinon. Or, at least not in the first couple of weeks. “Yeah?”
Younghak hesitates in the door way, looking torn between staying and running away. They've been shoved into a dorm, and it's apparently where they'll be staying for a couple of months. “May I come in? I want to ask you something.” Jinchul nods and Younghak walks in, closing the door, and ends up standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.
“Uhm, I was just... curious,” The younger man begins awkwardly, flushing as he stumbles over his words, and the corner of Jinchul's mouth quirks upwards. Younghak is sort of cute with his whole “I'm older than I'm supposed to be” personality.
“Curious?” he repeats when Younghak doesn't continue, and the other man flushes a shade of red Jinchul hasn't seen before.
“I... fine, I don't actually have a question. I just... thought I'd try to get to know you better, since we'll be in the same group and all.” He shrugs a bit, and Jinchul smiles and nods.
“I don't see anything wrong with that. Feel free to sit down, by the way.” He points to the bed, which is the only place anyone can sit down unless they want to sit on the floor. Younghak sits down gingerly, as if he's afraid he'll break it just by touching it, and his posture is stiff.
Jinchul's not going to force him to relax if he doesn't want it, so he just leans against the wall and crosses his arms. “You go to the same school as Seunghyun... Leeu-sshi, don't you?” He has to force himself to correct his choice of name, because technically only he and Yejun are close enough to call each other by their names and without honorifics. Everything else will just be considered rude as of yet.
Younghak nods and smiles a little. “Yeah, I do. We're not classmates, but we somehow ended up hanging out together anyway. I suppose it's because of shared interests... although this probably doesn't interest you.” He grins then, a little sheepish.
Jinchul shakes his head, moving to sit next to him. “Of course it interests me. The more I know the easier it'll be for us to be friends, right?”
It makes sense, at least to Younghak, and he agrees and proceeds to tell Jinchul whatever he can think of. They talk for about an hour before they have to go to bed, and by that time it all comes pretty easy to them. Younghak gets up to leave, but stops before he can completely reach the door.
“Can I call you hyung, Jinon-sshi?”
Jinchul laughs a little and nods, and he notices Younghak seems a lot more relaxed after that.
It's been roughly three months since their debut and Jinchul thinks something is off. He doesn't know what, but he's trying to figure it out. Yejun is sleeping, curled up on the couch with his feet in Seunghyun's lap, and Seunghyun is watching TV. Younghak is sitting on the armrest of said couch, but his eyes aren't concentrated on the screen in front of him - rather, he's looking at Jinchul, and their eyes meet before Younghak quickly looks away.
Jinchul frowns, straightening up and looking him over for a fleeting moment before speaking. “Hey, Younghak-ah. Can we talk for a moment?”
He points towards the door that leads into the hallway, and Younghak (who almost jumped when he spoke, looking anywhere but directly at him) nods and gets up, following him. Jinchul makes sure Yejun and Seunghyun aren't listening before turning to face his friend.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“What? Of course not!” Younghak is quick to reassure, but Jinchul isn't very convinced.
“No? Then why are you behaving like just looking at me will kill you?” he asked, sick of beating around the bush. “Tell me, or I'll have to force it out of you.”
For a split moment Younghak looks like he wants to give in, but then he seems to tense and shakes his head. “It's nothing.” he says, and it makes Jinchul want to shake him.
“Younghak-“
“I don't have to tell you anything!” Younghak cuts him off, even raising his voice, and that's the first time he's done anything like that. It stuns Jinchul into silence, and Younghak lowers his head.
“I'm sorry.” he mutters and leaves quickly, leaving the leader looking like a question mark.
When Jinchul enters his room that night, Younghak is sitting there, just watching him. It creeps him out a tiny bit, and he hesitantly walks closer. “Did you walk into the wrong room?”
“No, I... uhm, I wanted to apologize.” Younghak replies eventually, finally looking properly at him. “Hyung, listen... I didn't meant to make you feel like you did, but... things have been... difficult. I've had a lot to think about.”
Jinchul frowns and sits down next to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” Younghak replies and smiles faintly. “But I suppose I can. Or have to.”
He picks at the bedsheets for a moment, trying to find some words that could explain well what was going on, but it was hard - too hard, really - and so he said nothing. Jinchul decided to speak for him instead, to try and help him.
“Is it the company? Or your family?” he asks, and Younghak looks almost startled he'd even suggest such a thing and quickly shakes his head.
“No, no, of course not. It... it's me, actually.”
“You? How so?”
“I... I sort of... I suppose I like you. Somehow.” Seeing Jinchul's expression of shock, Younghak quickly speaks again before Jinchul can.
“I know it's wrong and I know you probably find me disgusting right now, and that's why I didn't want to tell you anything! I know you can't accept it, and I understand that completely and it's fine. I'll never mention it again, okay? And I won't do anything to you. I just... thought you'd know. I didn't want to worry you, since I seemed to be earlier.”
Jinchul remains quiet, contemplative, and Younghak stands. “I'll le-“
He isn't given the chance to finish talking, because Jinchul is gripping his wrist and pulling him down, and Younghak almost falls on him in his shock and then Jinchul is kissing him.
Younghak's not sure how long it lasts, but when Jinchul finally pulls away he has long given in and is left panting, pleasantly surprised, and Jinchul stands and smiles. “Well, that wasn't too bad.”
Younghak blinks at him, a little puzzled. “Uhm, Jinchul-hyung...”
“I just wanted to try it out,” Jinchul explains, before quickly explaining. “If it felt right. And it did, somehow. I mean, I surely don't mind that you like me, because I could end up liking you too. If you give me the chance to try.”
All Younghak can do is nod, eager to show that he'd do anything, anything at all, and this gives Jinchul ideas. Ideas he shouldn't have, but they're there anyway.
“Let's talk about this tomorrow, alright? I'll have to think about it.”
“Okay. Good night.”
“Good night Younghak.”
And as Younghak leaves, Jinchul thinks.
It's a mess. The coordi noonas are running back and forth, shouting to each other to “find Leeu's shirt” and “give Jinchul another layer of eyeliner, it's not even” and no one can really make sense of anything. As they momentarily crowd over Yejun and Seunghyun, Jinchul sneaks away and takes Younghak by the arm. “Come on.”
“Hyung, we have no time, we're due on stage in a few minutes,” Younghak protests, but Jinchul only grins and winks and drags him behind racks of clothing and make-up and scissors and brushes. There he crouches and gestures for Younghak to do the same, and when he does Jinchul kisses him, much like a couple of nights before.
He seems to be pretty comfortable with it, so Younghak's (mostly) happy, if not for the random kisses and make out sessions (mostly) initiated by Jinchul in weird places. The locations could definitely change, but there's always the thrill of being caught.
They break it, only for their lips to meet briefly after again, and then Jinchul pats his cheek. “Good luck today, Younghak. Break a leg.”
Considering he almost had around their debut, the thought isn't very entertaining, but he knows Jinchul doesn't mean it literally so he just chuckles.
“You too.”
There's a flash of light, and they both look up, startled to see Seunghyun grinning at them with a camera in his hand. “Why are you hiding behind there? We've got to go.”
Younghak finds his voice faster than Jinchul, and nods. “We'll be right there.” he replies, and Seunghyun turns and leaves. Younghak breathes out in relief, and Jinchul pecks his nose.
“Let's go then, giraffe.”
“What did you just call me?” Younghak asks, scandalized, as Jinchul laughs and gets up, waving over his shoulder.
“No, I'm serious! He- Wait up! Hyung!”
It's fun for a while, the sneaking around, the random kissing, the touching, the sex. Neither Yejun nor Seunghyun have caught on, which fits them both quite well, because who knows what they would do if they ever found out?
Younghak doesn't like hiding things from them though, because eventually they'll find out on their own and then things will be so much worse. He's tried to imagine their reactions several times, but he's always interrupted before he can get to the main part, mostly by Jinchul who seems to realize what he's doing.
“Relax,” he always says, as if everything will be alright. Younghak wants to believe him, but he can't, no matter what anyone says to him, so he nods and lies and pretends.
Over time he feels more and more uneasy and less and less secure, because Jinchul's changing and it's not for the better. He's still sweet, he still sneaks kisses, but now there's more force behind every touch and his words don't have that gentle, safe tone to them anymore. It makes Younghak wonder what has happened and it also makes him wonder if he should continue this or if he should break it off, because he doesn't want to be in a relationship where Jinchul's treating him like this.
But at the same time, he wants to stay, no matter what his mind tells him. His heart still has the spot that's only reserved for Jinchul, and it isn't going away, so he chooses to trust his heart rather than his mind and stays. It becomes quite obvious Jinchul's feelings are ebbing out and dying, but Younghak clings onto a slight hope that they'll come back because Jinchul is trying, he really is, but that is also what makes their relationship into evenings with two boys just hanging out together, what makes their kisses dry and chapped and what makes sex... just sex. And in some way, it makes Younghak feel used.
Jinchul's gaze is dark and unyielding as he stands absolutely still, leaning against the wall, not saying anything as he simply regards Younghak on the bed. Younghak feels extremely awkward and embarrassed, hand twitching slightly as he itches to get out of these restraints that keep him stretched out, naked as the day he was born, and completely helpless, pretty much just waiting for Jinchul to make a move.
Minutes have passed, and yet Jinchul keeps watching him, taking in every inch, and Younghak shivers as a strange gleam appears in his eyes. Had he had the opportunity, he would've run far away to hide a long time ago, but sadly he can't really move all that much in any direction, the coarse ropes around his wrists and ankles keeping him firmly in place.
Jinchul moves in a flash and undresses, sitting down on his knees on the bed, near Younghak's chest, running a hand across the smooth skin. Younghak gasps as there's a brief flash of stinging pain and he realizes Jinchul just hit him with a flat hand, red mark forming almost too quickly right on the center of his chest.
“Hyung... what-“
“Younghak.” Jinchul's voice is like a whip through the quietness of the room and Younghak falls completely silent, barely daring to breathe. If he makes just one mistake, Jinchul will punish him for sure, and that punishment will drive him mad, he knows it.
“Don't call me hyung. Say Jinchul.”
He blinks, lips parted around the name, but no sound comes out for a moment. Jinchul grips his hair tightly in his fist and he quickly gets his voice back. “J-Jinchul...” It's weak and not very convincing, but it pleases Jinchul enough to let go.
The leader settles for tracing his jaw before he goes on to touching every part of Younghak he can. He's done it before, but this time it's so much different, because Younghak has never been tied down before. He feels trapped, and that thought almost makes him panic. He can't know what Jinchul is going to do with him. The other's mind is too complex for him to grasp the meaning behind his actions. “Jinchul, what are you going to do?” he asks feebly, trying to muster up some courage, and Jinchul just smiles at him.
“You'll see. Don't worry, you're safe. I won't hurt you. Just trust me, alright?”
He seems truly genuine, and after a few seconds of hesitance Younghak nods. “Okay. Okay, I trust you.”
That changes everything in Jinchul, who smiles for a moment before his hand grips his hip almost painfully, somehow hoisting him further up on the bed. Jinchul shifts, moving between Younghak's parted legs, and then grinds against him.
Younghak half-moans, eyelids fluttering at the brief spark of pleasure, and Jinchul pulls away for a couple of seconds before repeating it, doing it with less and less pause, and in the end it's a continual motion. Younghak kisses him and Jinchul doesn't pull away, rather returning it, hand gliding almost gently through the younger one's hair, lightly caressing his scalp as they let the pleasure overtake them for a moment.
“Don't make a sound,” he says, deep voice so utterly different as he pulls back to reach for the nightstand, and Younghak simply nods, trying to catch his breath, hand nervously playing at his thigh. He wants to touch himself, touch Jinchul, but his lover never lets him. Jinchul is the dominant one and he likes to show it.
There's a bottle in his hand when Jinchul straightens, and Younghak looks at it briefly before looking back towards Jinchul. “I was wondering...” Jinchul murmurs, but doesn't finish his sentence, instead uncapping it and drizzling a little bit of lube into his hand, bringing his hand down to run his finger in a circle around Younghak's entrance. Younghak's hips jerk and he bites his lip, a tiny sound leaving him, and Jinchul sends him a warning glance. “Not a word.”
Younghak quickly nods and takes a deep breath, trying to calm down as he closes his eyes and lets himself feel instead. Jinchul pushes his index in slowly, feeling muscles clench around the small intrusion.
“How can you be so tight every damn time?” he murmurs, but it's not like he minds. It just feels all the better, even though it gives Younghak a fair share of discomfort each time. The second finger goes in a little easier, a little faster, and soon there's a third and a fourth, moving in and out at a pace that barely mimics the way he'll be thrusting into Younghak soon enough.
He removes his fingers the moment he brushes the spot that makes Younghak completely weak and jelly, and Younghak moans as he does but Jinchul doesn't particularly care at this moment, moaning himself as he covers his cock with lube as well and spreads the legs on each side of him apart even more, moving slowly until the head is inside. He pauses, breath hitching softly as Younghak winces just a bit, and then pushes all the way inside in one quick thrust. Younghak cries out, unable to help himself, and Jinchul grips his hair again, panting as he looks down at him with narrowed eyes.
“What did I say to you?” he hisses, and Younghak winces again, whimpering as a tear leaks from beneath closed eyes that slowly open to look at him. “Not to make a sound.” he whispers softly, and Jinchul nods shortly, kissing him. “Can you do that for me?” he asks, and Younghak quickly nods, taking another few deep breaths, and Jinchul begins to move.
Their pace starts out slow enough, because Jinchul likes to build it up, driving Younghak crazy every single time. But he wants it just as much every time, and Jinchul knows this all too well.
It's not long before Jinchul has managed to wind another two ropes around each of Younghak's thighs, lifting his legs up towards his body and spreading them at the same time, giving him much easier access. Their pace has quickened, although it's mostly Jinchul moving because Younghak just can't, instead trying to quiet every single sound that wants to leave him, now and then almost slipping, damn be the consequences, but he catches himself and manages to stop them before they are voiced out loud. He manages until Jinchul thrusts in at another angle because of their sweaty skin slipping against each other and hits his prostate head on, and he cries out. Jinchul practically twists him around, pushing him up towards the headboard, eyes darkened considerably.
“Why do you never listen?” Jinchul growls, pushing into him at a consistent pace, and Younghak gasps, tears escaping his eyes only to run into his hair because of the angle he's bent at. “I'm your leader, your friend, your lover, why do you never listen when I tell you to do something?!”
“I'm- I'm sorry, please,” he mewls, tugging at the ropes, barely feeling the painful marks they're leaving on his skin, even though they'll certainly be felt in the morning. “I'll listen! I'll listen to you, please-“
Jinchul slows down, hands gripping the ropes around Younghak's thighs to draw him closer, also changing their positions so that it's much more comfortable for him. It's a short-lived relief however, because Jinchul's the biting type, latching onto his shoulder and then moving across his chest rather slowly, as compared to the pace he's fucking Younghak with.
“Listen to me and nothing bad will happen to you,” he murmurs against Younghak's collarbone. “Don't you understand? I'll protect you, but you have to listen to me. I'm your superior after all.”
Younghak nods almost frantically, twisting slightly, trying to push his hips up in vain, and Jinchul catches on, fingers closing around his cock and stroking with the same pace they're moving at. It brings Younghak much, much closer to the edge, and it's not long until his head is turned and he's biting his own arm to keep quiet as he comes, covering Jinchul's hand. Jinchul works him through his orgasm, his own hips moving against Younghak clamping down around him until he comes himself, groaning as he bites Younghak's shoulder for good measure.
He pulls out after a moment of catching his breath, moving away and raising shaky hands to untie all the ropes. Younghak curls up, rubbing his wrist and grimacing, and Jinchul shifts closer, lying down next to him and pulling him into an embrace. He takes Younghak's hand and kisses the bruises and abrasions, smiling at him as he brushes his hair behind his ear.
“I only want to help you,” he says, and Younghak believes him.
“Hyung, are you alright?” Younghak blinks and looks up at Seunghyun, who is looking intently back at him, eyes flickering back and forth as if to look for any injuries, and he subtly pulls his sleeves further down even though pulse warmers are already covering the bruises. He seems worried, and Younghak feels guilty, opening his mouth to reply only to pause.
Is he alright? No, he's pretty sure he isn't. His mind and heart both hurt, and he can't find the sources to said hurt. It isn't Jinchul, it really isn't, it's more himself for letting this actually happen, but he likes Jinchul and he wants to be with him, so he can't break it. First of all, Jinchul is older and if Younghak does something stupid then he'll surely be judged. Jinchul is also stronger, not only physically but also mentally, and while Younghak is taller and has that as an advantage, his mind is frail and the wall he's carefully built around it since he and Jinchul started out is cracking.
He knows Jinchul is using him in a sense, but he doesn't want to admit it to the world, because Jinchul isn't really doing it on purpose, or hurting him either since Younghak's the one to want it and really, he brought it onto himself.
Looking up at Seunghyun again, he notices his friend has grown more worried while Younghak spaced out, and he quickly smiles in reassurance.
“I'm fine.”
Biggest lie in the world.
With their Midnight Sun comeback, neither Jinchul or Younghak have much time for each other. It's not like they don't want to, but part of promotions drag Jinchul in once direction and Younghak in the other, as though they're both positive magnets pushing each other away. Younghak takes the chances he gets and gropes Jinchul whenever they pass each other, and Jinchul sure likes it because he grins like an idiot.
When Younghak gets into the accident and ends up in hospital along with everyone else who had been in the car, Jinchul is the first to enter his room and the last to leave. There's care written in his eyes and the way he holds Younghak's hand, and Younghak is pleasantly surprised, but still wonders why, because he hadn't really seen this amount of it in Jinchul before.
It's not like he's dying, but Jinchul still treats him with utmost care, giving him everything he wants and always, always telling him “I don't want to lose you. I was so scared. I don't want to lose you.”
It makes Younghak think, because in the beginning he was completely convinced Jinchul only did this because he wanted someone to dominate. And maybe he was, but it obviously changed, and it makes him chuckle slightly. So he could at least positively affect someone. The chuckle makes Jinchul look up from his book and tilt his head, as if asking what? Younghak grins a little and shakes his head.
“Just thinking.” he says and smiles.
Jinchul hums and nods. “About anything special?” he asks then, closing the book and putting it on the nightstand, shifting closer so that he can rest his arms on the bed and his chin rests atop them.
“Something very special.” Younghak replies gravely, and the older man frowns, afraid of what it can be.
“What?” he replies carefully, reaching out to trace the forming of a scar across the bridge of Younghak's nose, and the younger breaks out into a smile.
“You.”
For: zenfu
Pairing: Jinon/Kan
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Dubious content. Or at least I tried. OOC. Fail.
Word count: 4, 203
Author's note: This was supposed to be power play, but I'm pretty sure I screwed it up :/ I'm sorry. I hope it's still somewhat enjoyable! Feel free to be completely honest with what you think. Also the ending is so cheesy cries I'm sorry ):
I also edited some of the facts about F.Cuz, so the story would fit better with what I was going to write. Therefore Jinon and Kan were not in the same dance group pre-debut. So I think this could be
somewhat considered alternate reality?
Summary: Jinchul finds love. Younghak does the same. It's twisted, but it works.
- - - - -
When Jinchul hears he is going to be in an idol group with three other people, he immediately comes up with several conspiracies as to who it might be. He is almost a hundred percent certain he'll end up with Yejun in some way or another, with how close they are and how well they dance and sing together, but beyond that he is pretty much clueless. There are too many to choose from.
He just hopes he won't end up with someone with the same personality as Heechul of Super Junior, because he will not be able to handle that for sure.
As it turns out, he ends up with Yejun (who is bouncing in place, looking more excited than nervous), a boy named Seunghyun (who looks nervous and uncertain, eying the other three in an almost fascinated and wary manner) and a boy named Younghak (what kind of name is that? Jinchul finds himself wondering, while Younghak doesn't look at any of them, concentrating on his shoes instead as if they're magical) and apparently they will be called Focus, only with a more "stylish" way of writing it. (what kind of name is F.Cuz?)
When they find out their debut single is going to be called Jiggy, Jinchul plays with the thought of shooting himself.
“Jinon-sshi?” Jinchul isn't sure who Younghak - Kan, even though Jinchul has found himself preferring Younghak now - is talking to, before he remembers it's Jinchul himself and turns. He's definitely never going to get used to being called Jinon. Or, at least not in the first couple of weeks. “Yeah?”
Younghak hesitates in the door way, looking torn between staying and running away. They've been shoved into a dorm, and it's apparently where they'll be staying for a couple of months. “May I come in? I want to ask you something.” Jinchul nods and Younghak walks in, closing the door, and ends up standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.
“Uhm, I was just... curious,” The younger man begins awkwardly, flushing as he stumbles over his words, and the corner of Jinchul's mouth quirks upwards. Younghak is sort of cute with his whole “I'm older than I'm supposed to be” personality.
“Curious?” he repeats when Younghak doesn't continue, and the other man flushes a shade of red Jinchul hasn't seen before.
“I... fine, I don't actually have a question. I just... thought I'd try to get to know you better, since we'll be in the same group and all.” He shrugs a bit, and Jinchul smiles and nods.
“I don't see anything wrong with that. Feel free to sit down, by the way.” He points to the bed, which is the only place anyone can sit down unless they want to sit on the floor. Younghak sits down gingerly, as if he's afraid he'll break it just by touching it, and his posture is stiff.
Jinchul's not going to force him to relax if he doesn't want it, so he just leans against the wall and crosses his arms. “You go to the same school as Seunghyun... Leeu-sshi, don't you?” He has to force himself to correct his choice of name, because technically only he and Yejun are close enough to call each other by their names and without honorifics. Everything else will just be considered rude as of yet.
Younghak nods and smiles a little. “Yeah, I do. We're not classmates, but we somehow ended up hanging out together anyway. I suppose it's because of shared interests... although this probably doesn't interest you.” He grins then, a little sheepish.
Jinchul shakes his head, moving to sit next to him. “Of course it interests me. The more I know the easier it'll be for us to be friends, right?”
It makes sense, at least to Younghak, and he agrees and proceeds to tell Jinchul whatever he can think of. They talk for about an hour before they have to go to bed, and by that time it all comes pretty easy to them. Younghak gets up to leave, but stops before he can completely reach the door.
“Can I call you hyung, Jinon-sshi?”
Jinchul laughs a little and nods, and he notices Younghak seems a lot more relaxed after that.
It's been roughly three months since their debut and Jinchul thinks something is off. He doesn't know what, but he's trying to figure it out. Yejun is sleeping, curled up on the couch with his feet in Seunghyun's lap, and Seunghyun is watching TV. Younghak is sitting on the armrest of said couch, but his eyes aren't concentrated on the screen in front of him - rather, he's looking at Jinchul, and their eyes meet before Younghak quickly looks away.
Jinchul frowns, straightening up and looking him over for a fleeting moment before speaking. “Hey, Younghak-ah. Can we talk for a moment?”
He points towards the door that leads into the hallway, and Younghak (who almost jumped when he spoke, looking anywhere but directly at him) nods and gets up, following him. Jinchul makes sure Yejun and Seunghyun aren't listening before turning to face his friend.
“Did I do something wrong?”
“What? Of course not!” Younghak is quick to reassure, but Jinchul isn't very convinced.
“No? Then why are you behaving like just looking at me will kill you?” he asked, sick of beating around the bush. “Tell me, or I'll have to force it out of you.”
For a split moment Younghak looks like he wants to give in, but then he seems to tense and shakes his head. “It's nothing.” he says, and it makes Jinchul want to shake him.
“Younghak-“
“I don't have to tell you anything!” Younghak cuts him off, even raising his voice, and that's the first time he's done anything like that. It stuns Jinchul into silence, and Younghak lowers his head.
“I'm sorry.” he mutters and leaves quickly, leaving the leader looking like a question mark.
When Jinchul enters his room that night, Younghak is sitting there, just watching him. It creeps him out a tiny bit, and he hesitantly walks closer. “Did you walk into the wrong room?”
“No, I... uhm, I wanted to apologize.” Younghak replies eventually, finally looking properly at him. “Hyung, listen... I didn't meant to make you feel like you did, but... things have been... difficult. I've had a lot to think about.”
Jinchul frowns and sits down next to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” Younghak replies and smiles faintly. “But I suppose I can. Or have to.”
He picks at the bedsheets for a moment, trying to find some words that could explain well what was going on, but it was hard - too hard, really - and so he said nothing. Jinchul decided to speak for him instead, to try and help him.
“Is it the company? Or your family?” he asks, and Younghak looks almost startled he'd even suggest such a thing and quickly shakes his head.
“No, no, of course not. It... it's me, actually.”
“You? How so?”
“I... I sort of... I suppose I like you. Somehow.” Seeing Jinchul's expression of shock, Younghak quickly speaks again before Jinchul can.
“I know it's wrong and I know you probably find me disgusting right now, and that's why I didn't want to tell you anything! I know you can't accept it, and I understand that completely and it's fine. I'll never mention it again, okay? And I won't do anything to you. I just... thought you'd know. I didn't want to worry you, since I seemed to be earlier.”
Jinchul remains quiet, contemplative, and Younghak stands. “I'll le-“
He isn't given the chance to finish talking, because Jinchul is gripping his wrist and pulling him down, and Younghak almost falls on him in his shock and then Jinchul is kissing him.
Younghak's not sure how long it lasts, but when Jinchul finally pulls away he has long given in and is left panting, pleasantly surprised, and Jinchul stands and smiles. “Well, that wasn't too bad.”
Younghak blinks at him, a little puzzled. “Uhm, Jinchul-hyung...”
“I just wanted to try it out,” Jinchul explains, before quickly explaining. “If it felt right. And it did, somehow. I mean, I surely don't mind that you like me, because I could end up liking you too. If you give me the chance to try.”
All Younghak can do is nod, eager to show that he'd do anything, anything at all, and this gives Jinchul ideas. Ideas he shouldn't have, but they're there anyway.
“Let's talk about this tomorrow, alright? I'll have to think about it.”
“Okay. Good night.”
“Good night Younghak.”
And as Younghak leaves, Jinchul thinks.
It's a mess. The coordi noonas are running back and forth, shouting to each other to “find Leeu's shirt” and “give Jinchul another layer of eyeliner, it's not even” and no one can really make sense of anything. As they momentarily crowd over Yejun and Seunghyun, Jinchul sneaks away and takes Younghak by the arm. “Come on.”
“Hyung, we have no time, we're due on stage in a few minutes,” Younghak protests, but Jinchul only grins and winks and drags him behind racks of clothing and make-up and scissors and brushes. There he crouches and gestures for Younghak to do the same, and when he does Jinchul kisses him, much like a couple of nights before.
He seems to be pretty comfortable with it, so Younghak's (mostly) happy, if not for the random kisses and make out sessions (mostly) initiated by Jinchul in weird places. The locations could definitely change, but there's always the thrill of being caught.
They break it, only for their lips to meet briefly after again, and then Jinchul pats his cheek. “Good luck today, Younghak. Break a leg.”
Considering he almost had around their debut, the thought isn't very entertaining, but he knows Jinchul doesn't mean it literally so he just chuckles.
“You too.”
There's a flash of light, and they both look up, startled to see Seunghyun grinning at them with a camera in his hand. “Why are you hiding behind there? We've got to go.”
Younghak finds his voice faster than Jinchul, and nods. “We'll be right there.” he replies, and Seunghyun turns and leaves. Younghak breathes out in relief, and Jinchul pecks his nose.
“Let's go then, giraffe.”
“What did you just call me?” Younghak asks, scandalized, as Jinchul laughs and gets up, waving over his shoulder.
“No, I'm serious! He- Wait up! Hyung!”
It's fun for a while, the sneaking around, the random kissing, the touching, the sex. Neither Yejun nor Seunghyun have caught on, which fits them both quite well, because who knows what they would do if they ever found out?
Younghak doesn't like hiding things from them though, because eventually they'll find out on their own and then things will be so much worse. He's tried to imagine their reactions several times, but he's always interrupted before he can get to the main part, mostly by Jinchul who seems to realize what he's doing.
“Relax,” he always says, as if everything will be alright. Younghak wants to believe him, but he can't, no matter what anyone says to him, so he nods and lies and pretends.
Over time he feels more and more uneasy and less and less secure, because Jinchul's changing and it's not for the better. He's still sweet, he still sneaks kisses, but now there's more force behind every touch and his words don't have that gentle, safe tone to them anymore. It makes Younghak wonder what has happened and it also makes him wonder if he should continue this or if he should break it off, because he doesn't want to be in a relationship where Jinchul's treating him like this.
But at the same time, he wants to stay, no matter what his mind tells him. His heart still has the spot that's only reserved for Jinchul, and it isn't going away, so he chooses to trust his heart rather than his mind and stays. It becomes quite obvious Jinchul's feelings are ebbing out and dying, but Younghak clings onto a slight hope that they'll come back because Jinchul is trying, he really is, but that is also what makes their relationship into evenings with two boys just hanging out together, what makes their kisses dry and chapped and what makes sex... just sex. And in some way, it makes Younghak feel used.
Jinchul's gaze is dark and unyielding as he stands absolutely still, leaning against the wall, not saying anything as he simply regards Younghak on the bed. Younghak feels extremely awkward and embarrassed, hand twitching slightly as he itches to get out of these restraints that keep him stretched out, naked as the day he was born, and completely helpless, pretty much just waiting for Jinchul to make a move.
Minutes have passed, and yet Jinchul keeps watching him, taking in every inch, and Younghak shivers as a strange gleam appears in his eyes. Had he had the opportunity, he would've run far away to hide a long time ago, but sadly he can't really move all that much in any direction, the coarse ropes around his wrists and ankles keeping him firmly in place.
Jinchul moves in a flash and undresses, sitting down on his knees on the bed, near Younghak's chest, running a hand across the smooth skin. Younghak gasps as there's a brief flash of stinging pain and he realizes Jinchul just hit him with a flat hand, red mark forming almost too quickly right on the center of his chest.
“Hyung... what-“
“Younghak.” Jinchul's voice is like a whip through the quietness of the room and Younghak falls completely silent, barely daring to breathe. If he makes just one mistake, Jinchul will punish him for sure, and that punishment will drive him mad, he knows it.
“Don't call me hyung. Say Jinchul.”
He blinks, lips parted around the name, but no sound comes out for a moment. Jinchul grips his hair tightly in his fist and he quickly gets his voice back. “J-Jinchul...” It's weak and not very convincing, but it pleases Jinchul enough to let go.
The leader settles for tracing his jaw before he goes on to touching every part of Younghak he can. He's done it before, but this time it's so much different, because Younghak has never been tied down before. He feels trapped, and that thought almost makes him panic. He can't know what Jinchul is going to do with him. The other's mind is too complex for him to grasp the meaning behind his actions. “Jinchul, what are you going to do?” he asks feebly, trying to muster up some courage, and Jinchul just smiles at him.
“You'll see. Don't worry, you're safe. I won't hurt you. Just trust me, alright?”
He seems truly genuine, and after a few seconds of hesitance Younghak nods. “Okay. Okay, I trust you.”
That changes everything in Jinchul, who smiles for a moment before his hand grips his hip almost painfully, somehow hoisting him further up on the bed. Jinchul shifts, moving between Younghak's parted legs, and then grinds against him.
Younghak half-moans, eyelids fluttering at the brief spark of pleasure, and Jinchul pulls away for a couple of seconds before repeating it, doing it with less and less pause, and in the end it's a continual motion. Younghak kisses him and Jinchul doesn't pull away, rather returning it, hand gliding almost gently through the younger one's hair, lightly caressing his scalp as they let the pleasure overtake them for a moment.
“Don't make a sound,” he says, deep voice so utterly different as he pulls back to reach for the nightstand, and Younghak simply nods, trying to catch his breath, hand nervously playing at his thigh. He wants to touch himself, touch Jinchul, but his lover never lets him. Jinchul is the dominant one and he likes to show it.
There's a bottle in his hand when Jinchul straightens, and Younghak looks at it briefly before looking back towards Jinchul. “I was wondering...” Jinchul murmurs, but doesn't finish his sentence, instead uncapping it and drizzling a little bit of lube into his hand, bringing his hand down to run his finger in a circle around Younghak's entrance. Younghak's hips jerk and he bites his lip, a tiny sound leaving him, and Jinchul sends him a warning glance. “Not a word.”
Younghak quickly nods and takes a deep breath, trying to calm down as he closes his eyes and lets himself feel instead. Jinchul pushes his index in slowly, feeling muscles clench around the small intrusion.
“How can you be so tight every damn time?” he murmurs, but it's not like he minds. It just feels all the better, even though it gives Younghak a fair share of discomfort each time. The second finger goes in a little easier, a little faster, and soon there's a third and a fourth, moving in and out at a pace that barely mimics the way he'll be thrusting into Younghak soon enough.
He removes his fingers the moment he brushes the spot that makes Younghak completely weak and jelly, and Younghak moans as he does but Jinchul doesn't particularly care at this moment, moaning himself as he covers his cock with lube as well and spreads the legs on each side of him apart even more, moving slowly until the head is inside. He pauses, breath hitching softly as Younghak winces just a bit, and then pushes all the way inside in one quick thrust. Younghak cries out, unable to help himself, and Jinchul grips his hair again, panting as he looks down at him with narrowed eyes.
“What did I say to you?” he hisses, and Younghak winces again, whimpering as a tear leaks from beneath closed eyes that slowly open to look at him. “Not to make a sound.” he whispers softly, and Jinchul nods shortly, kissing him. “Can you do that for me?” he asks, and Younghak quickly nods, taking another few deep breaths, and Jinchul begins to move.
Their pace starts out slow enough, because Jinchul likes to build it up, driving Younghak crazy every single time. But he wants it just as much every time, and Jinchul knows this all too well.
It's not long before Jinchul has managed to wind another two ropes around each of Younghak's thighs, lifting his legs up towards his body and spreading them at the same time, giving him much easier access. Their pace has quickened, although it's mostly Jinchul moving because Younghak just can't, instead trying to quiet every single sound that wants to leave him, now and then almost slipping, damn be the consequences, but he catches himself and manages to stop them before they are voiced out loud. He manages until Jinchul thrusts in at another angle because of their sweaty skin slipping against each other and hits his prostate head on, and he cries out. Jinchul practically twists him around, pushing him up towards the headboard, eyes darkened considerably.
“Why do you never listen?” Jinchul growls, pushing into him at a consistent pace, and Younghak gasps, tears escaping his eyes only to run into his hair because of the angle he's bent at. “I'm your leader, your friend, your lover, why do you never listen when I tell you to do something?!”
“I'm- I'm sorry, please,” he mewls, tugging at the ropes, barely feeling the painful marks they're leaving on his skin, even though they'll certainly be felt in the morning. “I'll listen! I'll listen to you, please-“
Jinchul slows down, hands gripping the ropes around Younghak's thighs to draw him closer, also changing their positions so that it's much more comfortable for him. It's a short-lived relief however, because Jinchul's the biting type, latching onto his shoulder and then moving across his chest rather slowly, as compared to the pace he's fucking Younghak with.
“Listen to me and nothing bad will happen to you,” he murmurs against Younghak's collarbone. “Don't you understand? I'll protect you, but you have to listen to me. I'm your superior after all.”
Younghak nods almost frantically, twisting slightly, trying to push his hips up in vain, and Jinchul catches on, fingers closing around his cock and stroking with the same pace they're moving at. It brings Younghak much, much closer to the edge, and it's not long until his head is turned and he's biting his own arm to keep quiet as he comes, covering Jinchul's hand. Jinchul works him through his orgasm, his own hips moving against Younghak clamping down around him until he comes himself, groaning as he bites Younghak's shoulder for good measure.
He pulls out after a moment of catching his breath, moving away and raising shaky hands to untie all the ropes. Younghak curls up, rubbing his wrist and grimacing, and Jinchul shifts closer, lying down next to him and pulling him into an embrace. He takes Younghak's hand and kisses the bruises and abrasions, smiling at him as he brushes his hair behind his ear.
“I only want to help you,” he says, and Younghak believes him.
“Hyung, are you alright?” Younghak blinks and looks up at Seunghyun, who is looking intently back at him, eyes flickering back and forth as if to look for any injuries, and he subtly pulls his sleeves further down even though pulse warmers are already covering the bruises. He seems worried, and Younghak feels guilty, opening his mouth to reply only to pause.
Is he alright? No, he's pretty sure he isn't. His mind and heart both hurt, and he can't find the sources to said hurt. It isn't Jinchul, it really isn't, it's more himself for letting this actually happen, but he likes Jinchul and he wants to be with him, so he can't break it. First of all, Jinchul is older and if Younghak does something stupid then he'll surely be judged. Jinchul is also stronger, not only physically but also mentally, and while Younghak is taller and has that as an advantage, his mind is frail and the wall he's carefully built around it since he and Jinchul started out is cracking.
He knows Jinchul is using him in a sense, but he doesn't want to admit it to the world, because Jinchul isn't really doing it on purpose, or hurting him either since Younghak's the one to want it and really, he brought it onto himself.
Looking up at Seunghyun again, he notices his friend has grown more worried while Younghak spaced out, and he quickly smiles in reassurance.
“I'm fine.”
Biggest lie in the world.
With their Midnight Sun comeback, neither Jinchul or Younghak have much time for each other. It's not like they don't want to, but part of promotions drag Jinchul in once direction and Younghak in the other, as though they're both positive magnets pushing each other away. Younghak takes the chances he gets and gropes Jinchul whenever they pass each other, and Jinchul sure likes it because he grins like an idiot.
When Younghak gets into the accident and ends up in hospital along with everyone else who had been in the car, Jinchul is the first to enter his room and the last to leave. There's care written in his eyes and the way he holds Younghak's hand, and Younghak is pleasantly surprised, but still wonders why, because he hadn't really seen this amount of it in Jinchul before.
It's not like he's dying, but Jinchul still treats him with utmost care, giving him everything he wants and always, always telling him “I don't want to lose you. I was so scared. I don't want to lose you.”
It makes Younghak think, because in the beginning he was completely convinced Jinchul only did this because he wanted someone to dominate. And maybe he was, but it obviously changed, and it makes him chuckle slightly. So he could at least positively affect someone. The chuckle makes Jinchul look up from his book and tilt his head, as if asking what? Younghak grins a little and shakes his head.
“Just thinking.” he says and smiles.
Jinchul hums and nods. “About anything special?” he asks then, closing the book and putting it on the nightstand, shifting closer so that he can rest his arms on the bed and his chin rests atop them.
“Something very special.” Younghak replies gravely, and the older man frowns, afraid of what it can be.
“What?” he replies carefully, reaching out to trace the forming of a scar across the bridge of Younghak's nose, and the younger breaks out into a smile.
“You.”