I think I hate people, and having to be nice to them. I don't want to do it anymore. And in fact last night I did just that, I didn't show up to a planned dinner. I realized I didn't want to be around people who ask me things I don't even want to answer. I don't want to listen to people say things. I thought maybe I just need to be told I'd have ( Read more... )

I've been reading Jack Kerouac's On The Road, and from the moment I opened it, I realized why you should read more when you're younger, because as you grow old, you know people, and the book's characters were named Salvatore and Sal Panza is Salvatore and Dean Moriarty kind of resembles Dean, I don't know ( Read more... )

My (last few) friends talked about me, apparently, which came as a complete shock. I was surprised I was being talked about because I didn't feel that I existed that way, absent physically but a subject of a conversation, however short it might have been. I know I sound way too much or maybe it sounds like such an impossible feeling, but that ( Read more... )

How much sex your peers are having? How much luxury they can afford?

Or am I the only one not even remotely interested in the things everyone wants (love, lust, luxury)?

I need my heart to stop hurting when I try to dream. I need to fight off that invisible fist that clutches the hope out of my heart when I make plans for my future. I need this fear to go away, I need to breathe, I need to focus, I need to be rational.

Please.

I am home alone this Christmas, for the sole reason that I decided to advance my California trip to October 2013, ahead of my mom and brother, who are in California this very moment with my dad and older brother. So I am sitting this one Christmas out ( Read more... )

At this point, I really wish parallel universes exist: one in which I didn't get the APEC internship so I could see the counterfactual to myself right now, so I can establish causation, so I can find the impact of APEC to myself.

And there would be a lot of parallel universes, because I would also need counterfactuals to myself with the treatment as ( Read more... )

(This isn't cheating because I haven't slept yet. God, I've extended my days to 2AM, even if they do start at 4:45AM on work days. I'm very efficient like that, and I don't care that I average 5 hours of sleep (2 on travel) a day.)

What are your predictions for 2014?

I don't want to say it because it might actually become a self-fulfilling prophecy ( Read more... )

When September 2014 rolls around and you receive your answers to your 10Q questions, how do you think you'll feel? What do you think/hope might be different about your life and where you're at as a result of thinking about and answering these questions?

I don't think I'll feel that much has changed. I feel pretty old right now--could I feel any ( Read more... )

What is a fear that you have and how has it limited you? How do you plan on letting it go or overcoming it in the coming year?I'm definitely afraid of feelings but I don't think this limits me in any way; in fact having no feelings, being extremely rational about everything is something I consider an extraordinary trait ( Read more... )