On personal responsibility and basic human decency
I realized today that I'm developing a bit of a kneejerk reaction to the phrase 'personal responsibility', and I think I want to unpack it a little and see what comes out.
Before I go any further, I want to be clear that I do believe people have an obligation to take responsibility for their actions, in the sense of coping with the foreseeable consequences of their choices to the best of their abilities. However, and this is a BIG, IMPORTANT however, it seems that when I see people throw the phrase 'personal responsibility' around on the internet, it's often used to denigrate victims, the poor, the sick, the disabled, or other disadvantaged groups for not being 'strong enough' or taking enough 'personal responsibility' to overcome whatever obstacles they face. Survivors of sexual assault are derided for not taking 'personal responsibility' for the way they dressed/how much they drank/where they were/etc. Obese people are derided for not taking 'personal responsibility' for their weight, as if being fat were some sort of moral failing that they could conquer if they simply had enough willpower. The poor are derided for not pulling themselves up by their bootstraps and improving their financial situation, as if there really were equal opportunity for everyone in our society. And the list goes on...
Y'know what? Fuck that. There's not a single human being on the face of the planet who has the magical 'good choice' circuit installed in his or her brain, who ALWAYS makes the best choice possible in every circumstance. We all make mistakes, and we all do the best we can in the circumstances in which we find ourselves. Even if a person has made a choice with negative consequences that SEEM obvious to everyone else, how can we know what was obvious to her in her situation, with her life experience?
It seems to me that being a decent human being means accepting the fact that people make mistakes, and meeting them halfway to help them recover from mistakes. If I'm going to expect my friends and loved ones to be sympathetic and caring to me when I screw up (and I have screwed up monumentally in my time, and I'm sure I will again), I have to be willing to accept that they're going to screw up from time to time. If I'm going to accept that the people I know and love are generally making the best choices they can in their particular circumstances, should I not also accept the truth of that maxim for humanity as a whole?
There is an obvious line between choosing poorly and willfully and maliciously hurting others. Passing off violence, assault, sexual harassment, or other forms of intentional harm as 'poor choices' gets no sympathy from me. If a person Unintentionally harms another, the decent thing to do is to accept the fact that his or her behavior caused harm, apologize, and make amends to whatever degree is possible. That is the sense in which I have always believed personal responsibility is important. A person owning his or her actions when they hurt someone else, apologizing, and making amends will always get my respect. But a person who harms someone else, intentionally or not, and who then tries to pass off responsibility for it onto the person harmed? Will get my undying contempt.
To me, personal responsibility and social accountability go hand-in-hand. We are all responsible for the actions we take that affect others. And seeing the concept of personal responsibility being used to heap denigration on someone who's been harmed while absolving those who have done the harm makes me go all incoherently ragey. Which is the point at which I start flailing and handwaving, apparently.
I have no succinct profound conclusion here, so I think I'll just stop and continue mulling this over in my own head. I now return you to you regularly scheduled funny cat videos.
Before I go any further, I want to be clear that I do believe people have an obligation to take responsibility for their actions, in the sense of coping with the foreseeable consequences of their choices to the best of their abilities. However, and this is a BIG, IMPORTANT however, it seems that when I see people throw the phrase 'personal responsibility' around on the internet, it's often used to denigrate victims, the poor, the sick, the disabled, or other disadvantaged groups for not being 'strong enough' or taking enough 'personal responsibility' to overcome whatever obstacles they face. Survivors of sexual assault are derided for not taking 'personal responsibility' for the way they dressed/how much they drank/where they were/etc. Obese people are derided for not taking 'personal responsibility' for their weight, as if being fat were some sort of moral failing that they could conquer if they simply had enough willpower. The poor are derided for not pulling themselves up by their bootstraps and improving their financial situation, as if there really were equal opportunity for everyone in our society. And the list goes on...
Y'know what? Fuck that. There's not a single human being on the face of the planet who has the magical 'good choice' circuit installed in his or her brain, who ALWAYS makes the best choice possible in every circumstance. We all make mistakes, and we all do the best we can in the circumstances in which we find ourselves. Even if a person has made a choice with negative consequences that SEEM obvious to everyone else, how can we know what was obvious to her in her situation, with her life experience?
It seems to me that being a decent human being means accepting the fact that people make mistakes, and meeting them halfway to help them recover from mistakes. If I'm going to expect my friends and loved ones to be sympathetic and caring to me when I screw up (and I have screwed up monumentally in my time, and I'm sure I will again), I have to be willing to accept that they're going to screw up from time to time. If I'm going to accept that the people I know and love are generally making the best choices they can in their particular circumstances, should I not also accept the truth of that maxim for humanity as a whole?
There is an obvious line between choosing poorly and willfully and maliciously hurting others. Passing off violence, assault, sexual harassment, or other forms of intentional harm as 'poor choices' gets no sympathy from me. If a person Unintentionally harms another, the decent thing to do is to accept the fact that his or her behavior caused harm, apologize, and make amends to whatever degree is possible. That is the sense in which I have always believed personal responsibility is important. A person owning his or her actions when they hurt someone else, apologizing, and making amends will always get my respect. But a person who harms someone else, intentionally or not, and who then tries to pass off responsibility for it onto the person harmed? Will get my undying contempt.
To me, personal responsibility and social accountability go hand-in-hand. We are all responsible for the actions we take that affect others. And seeing the concept of personal responsibility being used to heap denigration on someone who's been harmed while absolving those who have done the harm makes me go all incoherently ragey. Which is the point at which I start flailing and handwaving, apparently.
I have no succinct profound conclusion here, so I think I'll just stop and continue mulling this over in my own head. I now return you to you regularly scheduled funny cat videos.