"I was driven to the ground when a flash of pain exploded in my jaw as his fist lashed out at me."
Strictly speaking there's not any kind of grammar-based felony going on here, but the sentence is clunky, and the reader has to mentally juggle it to get it all in the right order. It isn't really DIFFICULT for them to juggle it around, but it does take a little extra effort to sort it into a logical order.
The grammarian (and reader) in me feels compelled to quiver in abject horror at the dreaded "Passive Voice" in that sentence ("I was driven..."). As a reader, few things jar me out of the flow of action than passive voice. When you muck with the stimulus-response transaction order, you're diving head first into passive voice land, which is just a killer for action scenes. So grammar and your advice are in complete agreement about the proper way to structure that sentence.
Jim, you're doing a fabulous job of making these concepts accessible. Your casual communication voice (so popular on your mailing list, I'm sure) lends well to demystifying stuff that, ahem, certain writing books tend to layer pomposity atop.
I also thought I'd mention: not only am I in for a fight when I write in third person (although, as you say, I do keep trying, dammit), I even struggle (comparatively speaking) to READ third person, I'm so plugged into first person fiction. There are a few people I would like to now blame for this affliction: Roger Zelazny, Steven Brust, Robert B Parker, Lawrence Block, and oh yeah, that Butcher kid.
Almost completely unrelated to this - have you read "Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell" yet? It's kinda like Harry Potter meets Charles Dickens. Or maybe Harry Dresden meets Charles Dickens. It's also written from the Omniscient viewpoint, and it's a first novel. But the author has major ties to the publishing industry, and is an editor herself, and is deliberately going for the Ye Olde Worlde style of writing. So it's probably the exception that proves the rule about "don't write from the omniscient POV".
In any case, it's the First Novel I'd Wish I'd Written. And not because it opens in Yorkshire. :)
Au contraire, mon ami. :) I learned in a PROFESSIONAL writing school, from a seasoned genre veteran. It is WAY different than writing in an English Lit department. OU's PW school is one of only two or maybe three of its kind, where you actually analyze current popular fiction to figure out how it works and get taught by people who know the industry.
The PW program at OU is kinda the Vo-Tech of creative writing. Hmm, or maybe more than that, it's the DeVry of creative writing, as opposed to the University-like literature department writing programs--and good Lord, I've got a lit degree and I've seen both sides of the coin. There is no comparison.
At the PW program, teach you stuff that is useful and might actually assist you in making a living. :)
Some people couldn't write third person to save their life.
I have this problem, so I appreciate what you've said regarding it. Writing in first person is infinitely easier for me. When I start a story in third person, suddenly everything becomes a huge chore. The entire process slows down. I write at the rate of three words a minute, at best.
I'm looking forward to more of your writing tips. Thanks! :)
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Strictly speaking there's not any kind of grammar-based felony going on here, but the sentence is clunky, and the reader has to mentally juggle it to get it all in the right order. It isn't really DIFFICULT for them to juggle it around, but it does take a little extra effort to sort it into a logical order.
The grammarian (and reader) in me feels compelled to quiver in abject horror at the dreaded "Passive Voice" in that sentence ("I was driven..."). As a reader, few things jar me out of the flow of action than passive voice. When you muck with the stimulus-response transaction order, you're diving head first into passive voice land, which is just a killer for action scenes. So grammar and your advice are in complete agreement about the proper way to structure that sentence.
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I also thought I'd mention: not only am I in for a fight when I write in third person (although, as you say, I do keep trying, dammit), I even struggle (comparatively speaking) to READ third person, I'm so plugged into first person fiction. There are a few people I would like to now blame for this affliction: Roger Zelazny, Steven Brust, Robert B Parker, Lawrence Block, and oh yeah, that Butcher kid.
-R
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In any case, it's the First Novel I'd Wish I'd Written. And not because it opens in Yorkshire. :)
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Because they're not trying to churn out writers; they're trying to churn out more writing teachers. Universities are self-feeding entities that way.
So keep up the good work, you kooky brick-in-the-wall, Soylent-Green, rock-the-boat, soapboxing guru guy.
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-R
Reply
The PW program at OU is kinda the Vo-Tech of creative writing. Hmm, or maybe more than that, it's the DeVry of creative writing, as opposed to the University-like literature department writing programs--and good Lord, I've got a lit degree and I've seen both sides of the coin. There is no comparison.
At the PW program, teach you stuff that is useful and might actually assist you in making a living. :)
Reply
http://www.longridgewritersgroup.com/index_wc.htm
It was less unuseful than one might suppose, and actually very craft-oriented. I needed it. I need more than it, though, so. :)
-R
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I have this problem, so I appreciate what you've said regarding it. Writing in first person is infinitely easier for me. When I start a story in third person, suddenly everything becomes a huge chore. The entire process slows down. I write at the rate of three words a minute, at best.
I'm looking forward to more of your writing tips. Thanks! :)
LW
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