What if the lovers weren't secret? What if you have your primary partner (married or not) with the idea that when you need some time with someone else, you can have it? If it's not secret, then no one has to feel cheated on or lied to (which is what I think would screw up marriages). Seems like that would work best for me, but maybe I'm just weird that way. (I do realize that in our society that would never work because of the whole emphasis on monogamy, but in a theoretical world...)
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