The Art of Falling In Love (1/2)
Wherein Baekhyun is a romantic who's bad at love and Chanyeol is a recluse with exceptional social skill
Jongdae rolls his eyes as Baekhyun giggles to himself, face hidden behind a ridiculously pink book cover. He should’ve known it was a bad idea to go with Baekhyun to the bookstore - should’ve known he would be ignored for three straight hours while his friend devours the latest Nora Roberts’ novel.
“I can’t believe you,” Jongdae says, all attempts at kicking Baekhyun under the table failing and it makes him cranky.
“Shhhhh, I’m reading,” Baekhyun glances up long enough to give Jongdae a scowl. “The Goddess’ new book requires my attention.”
“If you love her so much, you should actually buy something. She’d be ashamed to know she has such a cheap fan.”
“I can’t afford this month’s rent, there is no way I can justify buying this,” Baekhyun says, “Besides, authors only get one percent of their book sales anyways. I’d only be feeding the greedy publishing houses.”
“I’m sure that’s false on all kinds of logic levels.”
“Shhhhhh, Katherine is about to confess.”
It’s not just Nora Roberts; it’s really all romance novels. Baekhyun’s passion for romance novels rivals any teenage girls or lonely housewives. He gets so absorbed sometimes he doesn’t know what day or time it is. It results in a lot of almost-missed deadlines and last-minute exam preparations.
“You’re lucky you’re smart,” Jongdae comments, both envious and in awe of his friend’s brain capacity.
“Oh my gosh - a single red rose and a letter goodbye,” Baekhyun mumbles, “Hold me, Jongdae, I can’t go on.”
Jongdae kicks his friend off the chair and promptly walks away, ignoring Baekhyun’s cursing behind him.
.
“We have to do something,” Jongdae says as soon as he enters the tea shop, quickly putting his stuff down with a small huff.
Luhan looks up from his bubble tea and gives Jongdae a quizzical look as the younger boy plops down on the empty chair next to him. His dongsaeng has that wary look that he only gets when he has been in Baekhyun’s company for too long.
“What’s it now?” Luhan asks, even though he doesn’t really want to know.
“He is getting worse and worse. We need to do something before we lose him.” Jongdae says dramatically, heaving a heavy breath as his brows scrunch up in a frown. “I’m afraid to leave him alone with those books.”
“Maybe he just needs a distraction,” Luhan says slowly, “something to redirect his energy.”
“Like a dog?”
“I guess that wouldn’t hurt.”
.
Baekhyun’s face lights up when he opens the door to see Jongdae standing there with a small, fluffy brown puppy, “Oh, oh! Who is this?”
“Jongin’s dog has puppies. It’s a toy poodle and he’s giving it to you, if you want it,” Jongdae says quickly as he hands over the small puppy to Baekhyun, hoping his friend would say yes.
“Oh, I don’t know if my apartment complex allows pets?”
“They do! I checked.”
Baekhyun isn’t convinced but the puppy is just so cute. “Okay. Well, I guess I can keep him. It’s a he, right?”
“I think it’s a she?”
The squeal is loud and sharp and Jongdae prays for his eardrums.
.
Truth is, Baekhyun isn’t lonely. He doesn’t escape to a world of romantic heroism because he feels like his life is missing; in fact, he is a happy kid. He has great friends (more or less) and he gets along with people well. He is funny and clever, he makes friends easily and he likes going to parties. It’s just when the flirting and the night fades away into just another memory, Baekhyun likes retreating back to his books. He doesn’t like scary novels that keep him up at night and he doesn’t like humorous stories that make his laughter echo too loudly in the empty apartment. He just likes romantic stories about people finding each other, hanging onto love at all odds.
Baekhyun parents’ own love story had been a fairytale - love at first sight and falling head over heels. They are still deeply in love as far as he knows, but he doesn’t really want to spend that much time thinking about their mushiness.
Tonight is just another one of those nights. Baekhyun removes his makeup in the comfort of his own bathroom. He wipes away the confidence, the playful smirk, the quick remarks and strips down to just Byun Baekhyun. But tonight he isn’t alone.
“Right, Sarang-ah?” Baekhyun coos to his little toy poodle. “I have you.”
.
Baekhyun has a neighbor whom he occasionally sees. Chanyeol claims to be a recluse, locking himself in his apartment for hours whilst he strums his guitar and sings songs about broken hearts and something about aching or longing. Sometimes Chanyeol leaves his apartment in search of food and inspiration. On those days, he’d knock on Baekhyun’s door with take-out in hands and a wide grin plastered on his face.
“We have to order from here again,” Baekhyun says, slurping up a noodle.
Chanyeol hums his agreement, his attention on the small brown poodle sitting at Baekhyun’s feet. “A puppy raising a puppy, who’ve thought?”
“I’m not a puppy.”
“You forget, I hear you yelp in your sleep,” Chanyeol chuckles, reaching over to mess with Baekhyun’s hair.
And time passes by just like that, quiet and easy. Sometimes they watch a movie and sometimes they make bets playing video games. On these days, Baekhyun can sleep a little easier. He doesn’t have to spend so much time getting ready for bed. On these days, he never wears make-up since he and Chanyeol never go out anywhere.
“I don’t like the crowds,” Chanyeol says. “They mess with my musical vibe.”
“Well, how’re you gonna find inspiration just sitting around my apartment?”
Chanyeol smiles like he has a secret, but he doesn’t answer.
Baekhyun frowns, but decides it’s not his place to ask. Plus, he has to feed Sarang anyway.
.
“You seem so much happier,” Jongdae comments on a Monday, when they meet at the school’s library. While Jongdae is doing homework, Baekhyun is devouring another novel. “Admit it - that dog was a great idea.”
“Excuse you, ‘that dog’ has a name. Her name is Sarang.”
Jongdae successfully kicks Baekhyun’s shin this time and he grins, feeling victorious.
.
On Saturday nights, Baekhyun’s friends meet at his place to get ready for another night out. It’s something of a ritual by now and he can’t remember when it started. Jongdae is wearing his simple dark-washed jeans and a crisp powder blue button-down. Luhan takes a bit longer to get ready; ultimately he decides on skinny jeans, a leather jacket and an expensive graphic tee. To be honest, Luhan would look good in rags.
Baekhyun goes through his routine as per usual: BB cream, kohl liner and tousled dirty blonde hair styled perfectly to his liking. He is contemplating his outfit for the night when Jongdae comes into the room with a confused look.
“You have a naked guy at your door.”
It turns out to not be a joke. He really does have a naked guy at his door. Park Chanyeol, towel wrapped around his waist and his hair slightly damp, bangs falling into his eyes, looking ridiculous. But Baekhyun smiles anyway.
“You forgot to buy shampoo,” he says, rolling his eyes.
Chanyeol gives him a sheepish grin. “It’s on my list for tomorrow, I swear.”
Baekhyun lets him in and goes back to getting ready. Chanyeol knows where things are in his house. A few minutes later Chanyeol pops out from the bathroom with shampoo bottle in hand and a slight twitch in his left eye from how hard he is smiling.
“I’m sorry, Baek. You look nice, by the way.”
“Thanks, I’m just about to head out,” Baekhyun jumps. “Oh! Right! I’m sorry. This is Jongdae and Luhan. Chanyeol is my next door neighbor.”
“Hi, this is awkward since it’s our first meeting,” Chanyeol points to his towel. “But nice to meet you.”
“You too,” and there is a gleam to Luhan’s eyes that makes Baekhyun’s insides recoil. “Hey, why don’t you come with us?”
“Chanyeol doesn’t go out,” Baekhyun says before the other boy can answer. “He’s a recluse.”
“Come on, don’t make up excuses just to keep him to yourself,” Luhan rolls his eyes. “How about it, Chanyeol?”
“Uh. I can get ready in thirty?” Chanyeol says, deep voice resonating something in Baekhyun’s gut. “If you guys don’t mind waiting.”
“We don’t,” Jongdae and Luhan chorusing.
Baekhyun gives a tiny wave as Chanyeol walks back to his apartment to get ready. He feels bad because he has never seen Chanyeol outside of his comfort zone.
And the boy’s comfort zone doesn’t extend beyond the grocery store down the street.
.
It turns out he has nothing to worry about because Chanyeol fits in fine. His sunny disposition fits in nicely with Luhan’s cheery personality. Chanyeol likes to joke around and Luhan pretty much laughs at everything, so it’s not a surprise that they’d get along so great.
Baekhyun feels slightly disappointed that Chanyeol doesn’t need him, but he quickly suppresses the thought because that’s selfish of him. Chanyeol is finally having fun.
“Come dance with me,” Jongdae says, pulling on his arm. “It’s better having you there.”
Baekhyun complies because Jongdae has all of the passion for dance but none of the skill. It gives his friend a bit of courage when he is there because Baekhyun doesn’t care about looking foolish and Jongdae can just follow suit.
The music is loud, bass pumping through his blood. Baekhyun let go and just gives himself into the beat, body waving of its own accord. In the corner of his eye he sees Chanyeol watching him. The room is too hot, too many bodies gyrating against him. There is only a sea of faces around him, glimpses of red and blue when the light hits random surfaces. But always - he knows - Chanyeol is looking at him.
.
An arm wraps itself around Baekhyun’s waist. He recognizes the rough and callused fingers that taps along to the beat on his abdomen, the same wide palm that always splays across the guitar as Chanyeol sits on Baekhyun’s floor, bobbing his head to a tune Baekhyun can’t hear. That Chanyeol seems so different from the one who’s currently pressed against his smaller frame.
“I’m glad I came out,” Chanyeol is saying, voice low-pitched and right next to Baekhyun’s ear. “You look amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.”
“Thanks,” but Baekhyun’s voice is swallowed by the crowd.
Chanyeol is so warm. Baekhyun leans back against his chest and realizes his head is perfectly tucked under the taller boy’s chin. They fit so perfectly together, like two pieces of a puzzle.
.
Baekhyun finds himself in his bathroom again after a long night, washing away the sweat from his face, painstakingly removing all traces of make-up. This time he isn’t alone. Chanyeol is sitting by the sink, just watching Baekhyun silently.
When the last of the night is washed down the drain, Baekhyun turns to Chanyeol with a small smile.
“There he is,” Chanyeol says, ruffling Baekhyun’s hair.
“Who?” Baekhyun blinks, then he looks down at Sarang by his feet. “That’s a girl.”
Chanyeol only rolls his eyes but doesn’t comment.
.
When Baekhyun and his friends meet for lunch that Tuesday, Baekhyun doesn’t miss the weird twinkle to Luhan’s eyes. He doesn’t want to ask because Luhan is always up to no good. Jongdae offers him some of his food but Baekhyun declines because Jongdae is snickering like an idiot and he doesn’t want to catch his friend’s germs.
“Care to explain why the both of you are at Joonmyun-level of happiness?” He finally gives in when he can’t stand the school girl giggles and the sideway glances anymore.
“I’m so proud of you, Baekhyun,” Luhan replies unhelpfully. “Good job.”
“I don’t think he knows,” Jongdae says cryptically.
“Know what? What did I do?”
Luhan releases a long suffering sigh, “I just hope he doesn’t do something stupid.”
Jongdae nods his agreement.
Baekhyun wants to be offended but he doesn’t even know what is going on. He shrugs when his phone rings, “Hello?”
“Baek? Baek, I have a favor.”
“Who is this?”
“It’s Chanyeol,” the line is buzzing with static, like Chanyeol is going through a tunnel. “Baek, can you hear me?”
Baekhyun mouths, “It’s Chanyeol” to his friends’ quizzical gazes and cue another bout of schoolgirl giggles. “Chanyeol, I can barely hear you. Can you text me?”
“Damn. I’ll make it quick, my sister is visiting to check up on me. Can you have dinner with us so she at least knows I have some friends?”
“Dinner? Sure.”
“I’ll swing by 8 tomorrow night?”
“Tomorrow night?” Baekhyun pauses. “Uh, sure.” When he hangs up, his friends are suddenly too close for comfort. Baekhyun leans back, “Yes?”
“He asked you out for tomorrow night?” Luhan wants to know.
“Yeah.”
“And you said yes?” Jongdae’s eyes are sparkling. Or maybe it’s just the lighting.
“Yeah?” Baekhyun doesn’t know why dinner with a friend warrants this level of interest.
His friends high five without further explanations, and lunch resumes as normal - well, relatively normal.
.
Chanyeol walks the two feet from his apartment to pick Baekhyun up and lets himself in because he has memorized the pin code by now and he’s already texted the other boy that he was going over. He finds Baekhyun in the kitchen when he walks in, scrubbing away at baking dish with a grumpy expression on his face.
“What is that?” Chanyeol asks, squinting at the stuck on food.
“Stupid Luhan,” Baekhyun mumbles, “I told him not to make stupid Kyungsoo’s stupid kimchi spaghetti. The cheese is stuck to the stupid dish.”
A grumpy Baekhyun is a cute Baekhyun, Chanyeol decides. “Why don’t you just let it soak?”
“Kyungsoo is on his way to pick this up.” Baekhyun throws his arms up, “Well, I don’t care.” He turns around to look at Chanyeol for the first him and his face instantly lights up. “You look nice.”
“Thanks,” Chanyeol glances down at his dark washed jeans and grey graphic tee, weird abstract patterns in white decorated his shirt. He picks his clothes more out of comfort than style, but it still feels nice to be complimented all the same. Baekhyun resembles a bumble bee in his yellow and black striped sweater but still, it’s not a bad look.
“Kyungsoo’s on his way,” Baekhyun says. “Are we going to be late if we wait? Should I just leave this baking dish outside the door?”
Before Chanyeol can answer him, Baekhyun speaks up again. “We can just leave this. Let me grab a plastic bag.”
They stick the still dirty ceramic dish in one of the groceries bag and leave it near the door. Baekhyun calls Kyungsoo to let him know and to complain about Luhan’s foolish decision not to grease up the pan. The conversation takes up most of the walk to the bus stop, and Chanyeol chuckles at the slightly whiny tone Baekhyun takes when his friend, Kyungsoo, doesn’t seem to sympathize.
Baekhyun hangs up as they board the bus.
“Kyungsoo says I shouldn’t have let Luhan into the kitchen,” Baekhyun fills Chanyeol in when they take their seat towards the back of the bus.
Chanyeol chuckles, “Your friends are funny.”
“They like you,” Baekhyun says, “Luhan can be pretty shy but he really opened up to you.”
“Yeah, he’s nice.”
Baekhyun doesn’t know why but he feels slightly relieved at the taller boy’s casual tone. Yes, Luhan is nice, but he is only a fleeting thought in Chanyeol’s mind. Baekhyun wonders what Chanyeol would say about him; but he can’t bring himself to ask.
.
Yura, Chanyeol’s sister, turns out to be really nice - and basically a female version of Chanyeol. Baekhyun doesn’t know much about genetics but wow, those are some dominant genes. They are pretty much carbon copy of each other.
“Chanyeol would look pretty as a girl,” Baekhyun says because his brain has given up on him long ago.
Instead of laughing at him, they both just grin.
“Actually, when Chanyeol was in high school, he dressed up as a girl,” Yura murmurs, leaning in like she is whispering a secret. Chanyeol rolls his eyes.
Baekhyun gapes, “Really?”
“Yeah, for some contest.”
“I looked good,” Chanyeol isn’t even embarrassed.
“And he was a ferret freak,” Yura continues.
This time Chanyeol blushes, “Noona!”
“What?” Baekhyun asks, eyes widening.
“He was part of a club, they met every Tuesday’s,” Yura laughs. “And he had a name tag with the ferret’s name on it.”
Baekhyun chuckles because he can just imagine it now, and the image is adorable. He doesn’t know how someone can be 184cm and still be so cute. He is not a quiet person normally, but Baekhyun is content to just listen to Yura and Chanyeol’s bickering today. Baekhyun grew up in a loving home but he doesn’t have any siblings. His parents and grandparents treated him like a prince but there was no one to fight with like this growing up.
.
“Well, I have to go,” Yura says at last. “I’ll tell Mom you’re doing well. I’m happy you have such a nice neighbor.” She is smiling at Baekhyun now, “It was nice to meet you.”
“You too,” Baekhyun replies quickly, standing up so he can bow to her.
She chuckles, “You don’t have to be so formal. I hope I’ll see you again.”
“M-me too!”
Chanyeol laughs as he wraps an arm casually around Baekhyun’s shoulder, “See. I told you I have friends.”
Technically Baekhyun is only a “friend” - as in singular, but he doesn’t think now is a good time to point it out.
After everyone’s said their goodbyes (again), Chanyeol and Baekhyun walk back to the bus stop. Chanyeol’s arm is still on Baekhyun’s shoulders but he likes the weight of them there. It’s also getting a little chilly and he likes the warmth.
“Have you ever been in love?” Chanyeol asks.
Baekhyun almost swallows his tongue, “Uh. What?”
“I can’t seem to get my song right. I think it’s because I don’t have any experience.”
“Oh.”
Chanyeol turns to look at Baekhyun, “Yeah, so have you?”
Almost too often, Baekhyun thinks. But now isn’t the time to dwell on that. “Love is…” He pauses. “Love is sticking by for the good and the bad. It’s giving up yourself. And loving the other person’s flaws.”
“Why do I have to give up myself?” Chanyeol asks. “If the other person loves me for my flaws, that is.”
Baekhyun thinks, “Hm. Well. Accepting and liking aren’t the same. And you should compromise. So, in the end, you have to give up a little bit of yourself.”
“I think I’m too selfish for love. I wouldn’t want to give up any part of me.”
Baekhyun hums and tries not to feel too disappointed.
“Teach me.” Chanyeol says after a pause, “Teach me about love.”
.
“Teaching” Chanyeol just ends up feeling a lot like their usual hang out sessions, except for Chanyeol’s occasional invading questions about Baekhyun’s love life. They don’t really do anything different; Chanyeol still prefers to stay in on most nights.
Sometimes, though, they hang out with Baekhyun’s friends, all of whom take to Chanyeol like months to a flame. They’vet met up with a few of Chanyeol’s friends as well - there’s the shy Minseok (who is so endearing even Kyungsoo finds it hard to be mean to him) and the ever sassy Sehun; there is also Kris who gives Baekhyun awkward head pats and gummy smiles. Luhan was particularly excited when they merged their friends group together one night.
“Kris is…so hot,” Luhan breathed out. “Thank you, Baekhyun, I love you.”
But still, most nights, it’s just the two of them.
Chanyeol makes it a habit to stop by Baekhyun’s place more often and Baekhyun realizes he doesn’t quite mind. “It’s research, you know more about this romance stuff than I do,” Chanyeol tells him. Baekhyun sometimes skips out on weekend night-outs with his friends to stay in with Chanyeol. It’s more fun to stay in, he thinks. He has never been the type to order take-out and has lazy days on the couch, but it’s not that bad. It’s a nice change from the hectic night out and bumping up against too many strangers.
Chanyeol is strumming his guitar, random chords fill the air when they’ve exhausted all conversational topics at hand. Baekhyun tries to pay attention to the movie playing on the screen but he finds himself glancing in Chanyeol’s direction most of the night.
“Why are you still single?” Chanyeol asks quietly. “Is that by choice?”
Baekhyun chews on his bottom lip, “No.” But he doesn’t elaborate. He doesn’t know where to start and it’s a long story, too heavy for a night of Disney movies and a tummy full of Chow Mein. He tries to leave for the kitchen but Chanyeol grabs his arm, forces him to sit back down.
“You promised,” Chanyeol pouts. “Teach me about love.”
Baekhyun sucks in a breath, “I…”
Truthfully, his experience has always been limited. He has met people easily, and he is sufficiently self-aware enough to know when a lingering touch and a slow smile means just a little something more. No, meeting people has never been an issue - it’s the staying that Baekhyun has always had problems with.
His past “non-relationships” never works out. (“It doesn’t count if you can’t make it work past week one,” Luhan had said when his friend and taken it upon himself to deem Baekhyun “Relationships Disabled.”) So he doesn’t know whhat he can really offer Chanyeol.
“It’s…I mean I don’t have much firsthand experiences,” Baekhyun sighs, “But I think it’s just when two people fit so right. And they’re so happy. That love works out well, you know? I mean of course it’s not without its’ compromises but,” He pauses, wrings his fingers together, “But it all works out in the end.”
Chanyeol doesn’t say anything for a long time, bottom lip pokes out and brows drawing together in concentration.
“My parents don’t get along,” Chanyeol finally says. “They just sort of yell over each other and fight over the dishes.” Chanyeol grins. “But they’re there when it matters. For me, love is ordinary…day to day. I think that’s why I’m having a hard time, no one wants to hear a song about dishes and spring cleaning.”
Baekhyun chuckles, “No, probably not. There has got to be something more there, something you’re overlooking.”
“Not really. But I think that’s just fine. I think the world’s notion of romance is overrated. I’d rather have day to day.”
Well.
Baekhyun clears his throat as his heart falls. “Well.”
.
It happens often enough that Baekhyun recognizes the beginnings of the stirrings once they’re there. And oh boy, are they ever there - full force like a runaway freight train. One moment Chanyeol is just his next door neighbor, lounging on his couch and petting away at his puppy. The next moment Baekhyun is calling out to him and Chanyeol looks up, eyes impossibly wide and clear. The sun is hitting the taller male at an odd angle, casting sharp shadows across his face. He looks at all once dangerous and ethereal, and Baekhyun feels his stomach coils at the sight.
“Crap. Crap, crap, crap.” Baekhyun doesn’t even realize he’s speaking aloud, “Not again.”
“What?” Chanyeol immediately jumps to his feet. “What’s wrong?”
“I…”
“Are you okay?”
“I just need a minute,” Baekhyun manages. “I just had an epiphany. Anxiety attack, you know how those goes.”
“Aren’t epiphanies good things?”
“Really, Chanyeol,” somehow Baekhyun still retains his sass in moments like these, “Is now really a good time to question my vocabulary?”
Chanyeol chuckles. “Sorry, just breathe, Baek. It’ll pass.”
.
Except it doesn’t pass. It somehow snowballs into something so much bigger, until it is all he can think about whenever he happens to be in Chanyeol’s vicinity. But Baekhyun can’t say no whenever Chanyeol texts him a quick: on my way over.
He still greets Chanyeol the same way and he doesn’t think there are any obvious changes. And if he is a little more perceptive to Chanyeol’s quirks, smiles a little wider at the other boy’s jokes or if his touches on Chanyeol’s arm lingers a little longer - well. Well, it’s not like Chanyeol knows anything about romance or feelings of infatuation anyways.
.
It’s Luhan who speaks up first. “Baekhyun.”
“I know. I know.” Baekhyun cradles his head in the palms of his hands, “I wasn’t supposed to!”
“For what it’s worth, I like Chanyeol,” Luhan says. “I think he will be good for you.”
“Well, with my record, it wouldn’t work out anyways,” Baekhyun says slowly. “I really don’t wanna lose him.”
“You always move too fast,” Luhan states, looking so very serious. “I know you want what your parents have, but most things don’t just happen overnight. You need to take it slow and give people their space. Give them a chance to get to know you, to miss you.”
“Should it be so much work with the right person?”
Luhan smiles wryly, “There is always a lot of work - you just have to decide if the person is worth it.”
.
Baekhyun doesn’t exactly go for it. Chanyeol isn’t even his type. He doesn’t understand ordinary, doesn’t understand the simple acts of arguing over dishes and nagging each other about cleaning - all of the things Chanyeol grew up on and is so convinced that it’s love. Baekhyun is all about flashes of emotions, so bright it burns the back of his eyelids. With him, it’s about hushed promises and grand gestures, about quick movements and that hurried, desperate love - about quick hand movements under the sheet, bringing each other into completion, chasing and chasing that incredible bliss of being together.
He thinks there is no better way to explain it than to show Chanyeol. So on a bright, sunny day, they take a bus to his childhood home. The house is dark when they arrive and Baekhyun shrugs, taking out his keys, “Figures. I told them I’d be arriving at this time.”
Baekhyun pulls out his phone, “Mom, where are you? Where? With Dad? You’re both hopeless.” He hangs up, rolling his eyes, “They’re on a night trip. They’ll be back in the morning.”
Chanyeol nods, “Do they do this…a lot?”
“Yeah. They’re always taking lovey-dovey trips somewhere together.”
“What about you?”
“Huh? I stay back, I wouldn’t want to go on those mushy trips,” He cringes.
“So, you were alone a lot?”
Baekhyun shrugs, “I had friends, my grandma. Why do you look like that?”
And he can’t quite figure out what Chanyeol’s expression had been, but he thinks it’s something akin to pity.
PART TWO
Jongdae rolls his eyes as Baekhyun giggles to himself, face hidden behind a ridiculously pink book cover. He should’ve known it was a bad idea to go with Baekhyun to the bookstore - should’ve known he would be ignored for three straight hours while his friend devours the latest Nora Roberts’ novel.
“I can’t believe you,” Jongdae says, all attempts at kicking Baekhyun under the table failing and it makes him cranky.
“Shhhhh, I’m reading,” Baekhyun glances up long enough to give Jongdae a scowl. “The Goddess’ new book requires my attention.”
“If you love her so much, you should actually buy something. She’d be ashamed to know she has such a cheap fan.”
“I can’t afford this month’s rent, there is no way I can justify buying this,” Baekhyun says, “Besides, authors only get one percent of their book sales anyways. I’d only be feeding the greedy publishing houses.”
“I’m sure that’s false on all kinds of logic levels.”
“Shhhhhh, Katherine is about to confess.”
It’s not just Nora Roberts; it’s really all romance novels. Baekhyun’s passion for romance novels rivals any teenage girls or lonely housewives. He gets so absorbed sometimes he doesn’t know what day or time it is. It results in a lot of almost-missed deadlines and last-minute exam preparations.
“You’re lucky you’re smart,” Jongdae comments, both envious and in awe of his friend’s brain capacity.
“Oh my gosh - a single red rose and a letter goodbye,” Baekhyun mumbles, “Hold me, Jongdae, I can’t go on.”
Jongdae kicks his friend off the chair and promptly walks away, ignoring Baekhyun’s cursing behind him.
.
“We have to do something,” Jongdae says as soon as he enters the tea shop, quickly putting his stuff down with a small huff.
Luhan looks up from his bubble tea and gives Jongdae a quizzical look as the younger boy plops down on the empty chair next to him. His dongsaeng has that wary look that he only gets when he has been in Baekhyun’s company for too long.
“What’s it now?” Luhan asks, even though he doesn’t really want to know.
“He is getting worse and worse. We need to do something before we lose him.” Jongdae says dramatically, heaving a heavy breath as his brows scrunch up in a frown. “I’m afraid to leave him alone with those books.”
“Maybe he just needs a distraction,” Luhan says slowly, “something to redirect his energy.”
“Like a dog?”
“I guess that wouldn’t hurt.”
.
Baekhyun’s face lights up when he opens the door to see Jongdae standing there with a small, fluffy brown puppy, “Oh, oh! Who is this?”
“Jongin’s dog has puppies. It’s a toy poodle and he’s giving it to you, if you want it,” Jongdae says quickly as he hands over the small puppy to Baekhyun, hoping his friend would say yes.
“Oh, I don’t know if my apartment complex allows pets?”
“They do! I checked.”
Baekhyun isn’t convinced but the puppy is just so cute. “Okay. Well, I guess I can keep him. It’s a he, right?”
“I think it’s a she?”
The squeal is loud and sharp and Jongdae prays for his eardrums.
.
Truth is, Baekhyun isn’t lonely. He doesn’t escape to a world of romantic heroism because he feels like his life is missing; in fact, he is a happy kid. He has great friends (more or less) and he gets along with people well. He is funny and clever, he makes friends easily and he likes going to parties. It’s just when the flirting and the night fades away into just another memory, Baekhyun likes retreating back to his books. He doesn’t like scary novels that keep him up at night and he doesn’t like humorous stories that make his laughter echo too loudly in the empty apartment. He just likes romantic stories about people finding each other, hanging onto love at all odds.
Baekhyun parents’ own love story had been a fairytale - love at first sight and falling head over heels. They are still deeply in love as far as he knows, but he doesn’t really want to spend that much time thinking about their mushiness.
Tonight is just another one of those nights. Baekhyun removes his makeup in the comfort of his own bathroom. He wipes away the confidence, the playful smirk, the quick remarks and strips down to just Byun Baekhyun. But tonight he isn’t alone.
“Right, Sarang-ah?” Baekhyun coos to his little toy poodle. “I have you.”
.
Baekhyun has a neighbor whom he occasionally sees. Chanyeol claims to be a recluse, locking himself in his apartment for hours whilst he strums his guitar and sings songs about broken hearts and something about aching or longing. Sometimes Chanyeol leaves his apartment in search of food and inspiration. On those days, he’d knock on Baekhyun’s door with take-out in hands and a wide grin plastered on his face.
“We have to order from here again,” Baekhyun says, slurping up a noodle.
Chanyeol hums his agreement, his attention on the small brown poodle sitting at Baekhyun’s feet. “A puppy raising a puppy, who’ve thought?”
“I’m not a puppy.”
“You forget, I hear you yelp in your sleep,” Chanyeol chuckles, reaching over to mess with Baekhyun’s hair.
And time passes by just like that, quiet and easy. Sometimes they watch a movie and sometimes they make bets playing video games. On these days, Baekhyun can sleep a little easier. He doesn’t have to spend so much time getting ready for bed. On these days, he never wears make-up since he and Chanyeol never go out anywhere.
“I don’t like the crowds,” Chanyeol says. “They mess with my musical vibe.”
“Well, how’re you gonna find inspiration just sitting around my apartment?”
Chanyeol smiles like he has a secret, but he doesn’t answer.
Baekhyun frowns, but decides it’s not his place to ask. Plus, he has to feed Sarang anyway.
.
“You seem so much happier,” Jongdae comments on a Monday, when they meet at the school’s library. While Jongdae is doing homework, Baekhyun is devouring another novel. “Admit it - that dog was a great idea.”
“Excuse you, ‘that dog’ has a name. Her name is Sarang.”
Jongdae successfully kicks Baekhyun’s shin this time and he grins, feeling victorious.
.
On Saturday nights, Baekhyun’s friends meet at his place to get ready for another night out. It’s something of a ritual by now and he can’t remember when it started. Jongdae is wearing his simple dark-washed jeans and a crisp powder blue button-down. Luhan takes a bit longer to get ready; ultimately he decides on skinny jeans, a leather jacket and an expensive graphic tee. To be honest, Luhan would look good in rags.
Baekhyun goes through his routine as per usual: BB cream, kohl liner and tousled dirty blonde hair styled perfectly to his liking. He is contemplating his outfit for the night when Jongdae comes into the room with a confused look.
“You have a naked guy at your door.”
It turns out to not be a joke. He really does have a naked guy at his door. Park Chanyeol, towel wrapped around his waist and his hair slightly damp, bangs falling into his eyes, looking ridiculous. But Baekhyun smiles anyway.
“You forgot to buy shampoo,” he says, rolling his eyes.
Chanyeol gives him a sheepish grin. “It’s on my list for tomorrow, I swear.”
Baekhyun lets him in and goes back to getting ready. Chanyeol knows where things are in his house. A few minutes later Chanyeol pops out from the bathroom with shampoo bottle in hand and a slight twitch in his left eye from how hard he is smiling.
“I’m sorry, Baek. You look nice, by the way.”
“Thanks, I’m just about to head out,” Baekhyun jumps. “Oh! Right! I’m sorry. This is Jongdae and Luhan. Chanyeol is my next door neighbor.”
“Hi, this is awkward since it’s our first meeting,” Chanyeol points to his towel. “But nice to meet you.”
“You too,” and there is a gleam to Luhan’s eyes that makes Baekhyun’s insides recoil. “Hey, why don’t you come with us?”
“Chanyeol doesn’t go out,” Baekhyun says before the other boy can answer. “He’s a recluse.”
“Come on, don’t make up excuses just to keep him to yourself,” Luhan rolls his eyes. “How about it, Chanyeol?”
“Uh. I can get ready in thirty?” Chanyeol says, deep voice resonating something in Baekhyun’s gut. “If you guys don’t mind waiting.”
“We don’t,” Jongdae and Luhan chorusing.
Baekhyun gives a tiny wave as Chanyeol walks back to his apartment to get ready. He feels bad because he has never seen Chanyeol outside of his comfort zone.
And the boy’s comfort zone doesn’t extend beyond the grocery store down the street.
.
It turns out he has nothing to worry about because Chanyeol fits in fine. His sunny disposition fits in nicely with Luhan’s cheery personality. Chanyeol likes to joke around and Luhan pretty much laughs at everything, so it’s not a surprise that they’d get along so great.
Baekhyun feels slightly disappointed that Chanyeol doesn’t need him, but he quickly suppresses the thought because that’s selfish of him. Chanyeol is finally having fun.
“Come dance with me,” Jongdae says, pulling on his arm. “It’s better having you there.”
Baekhyun complies because Jongdae has all of the passion for dance but none of the skill. It gives his friend a bit of courage when he is there because Baekhyun doesn’t care about looking foolish and Jongdae can just follow suit.
The music is loud, bass pumping through his blood. Baekhyun let go and just gives himself into the beat, body waving of its own accord. In the corner of his eye he sees Chanyeol watching him. The room is too hot, too many bodies gyrating against him. There is only a sea of faces around him, glimpses of red and blue when the light hits random surfaces. But always - he knows - Chanyeol is looking at him.
.
An arm wraps itself around Baekhyun’s waist. He recognizes the rough and callused fingers that taps along to the beat on his abdomen, the same wide palm that always splays across the guitar as Chanyeol sits on Baekhyun’s floor, bobbing his head to a tune Baekhyun can’t hear. That Chanyeol seems so different from the one who’s currently pressed against his smaller frame.
“I’m glad I came out,” Chanyeol is saying, voice low-pitched and right next to Baekhyun’s ear. “You look amazing. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this.”
“Thanks,” but Baekhyun’s voice is swallowed by the crowd.
Chanyeol is so warm. Baekhyun leans back against his chest and realizes his head is perfectly tucked under the taller boy’s chin. They fit so perfectly together, like two pieces of a puzzle.
.
Baekhyun finds himself in his bathroom again after a long night, washing away the sweat from his face, painstakingly removing all traces of make-up. This time he isn’t alone. Chanyeol is sitting by the sink, just watching Baekhyun silently.
When the last of the night is washed down the drain, Baekhyun turns to Chanyeol with a small smile.
“There he is,” Chanyeol says, ruffling Baekhyun’s hair.
“Who?” Baekhyun blinks, then he looks down at Sarang by his feet. “That’s a girl.”
Chanyeol only rolls his eyes but doesn’t comment.
.
When Baekhyun and his friends meet for lunch that Tuesday, Baekhyun doesn’t miss the weird twinkle to Luhan’s eyes. He doesn’t want to ask because Luhan is always up to no good. Jongdae offers him some of his food but Baekhyun declines because Jongdae is snickering like an idiot and he doesn’t want to catch his friend’s germs.
“Care to explain why the both of you are at Joonmyun-level of happiness?” He finally gives in when he can’t stand the school girl giggles and the sideway glances anymore.
“I’m so proud of you, Baekhyun,” Luhan replies unhelpfully. “Good job.”
“I don’t think he knows,” Jongdae says cryptically.
“Know what? What did I do?”
Luhan releases a long suffering sigh, “I just hope he doesn’t do something stupid.”
Jongdae nods his agreement.
Baekhyun wants to be offended but he doesn’t even know what is going on. He shrugs when his phone rings, “Hello?”
“Baek? Baek, I have a favor.”
“Who is this?”
“It’s Chanyeol,” the line is buzzing with static, like Chanyeol is going through a tunnel. “Baek, can you hear me?”
Baekhyun mouths, “It’s Chanyeol” to his friends’ quizzical gazes and cue another bout of schoolgirl giggles. “Chanyeol, I can barely hear you. Can you text me?”
“Damn. I’ll make it quick, my sister is visiting to check up on me. Can you have dinner with us so she at least knows I have some friends?”
“Dinner? Sure.”
“I’ll swing by 8 tomorrow night?”
“Tomorrow night?” Baekhyun pauses. “Uh, sure.” When he hangs up, his friends are suddenly too close for comfort. Baekhyun leans back, “Yes?”
“He asked you out for tomorrow night?” Luhan wants to know.
“Yeah.”
“And you said yes?” Jongdae’s eyes are sparkling. Or maybe it’s just the lighting.
“Yeah?” Baekhyun doesn’t know why dinner with a friend warrants this level of interest.
His friends high five without further explanations, and lunch resumes as normal - well, relatively normal.
.
Chanyeol walks the two feet from his apartment to pick Baekhyun up and lets himself in because he has memorized the pin code by now and he’s already texted the other boy that he was going over. He finds Baekhyun in the kitchen when he walks in, scrubbing away at baking dish with a grumpy expression on his face.
“What is that?” Chanyeol asks, squinting at the stuck on food.
“Stupid Luhan,” Baekhyun mumbles, “I told him not to make stupid Kyungsoo’s stupid kimchi spaghetti. The cheese is stuck to the stupid dish.”
A grumpy Baekhyun is a cute Baekhyun, Chanyeol decides. “Why don’t you just let it soak?”
“Kyungsoo is on his way to pick this up.” Baekhyun throws his arms up, “Well, I don’t care.” He turns around to look at Chanyeol for the first him and his face instantly lights up. “You look nice.”
“Thanks,” Chanyeol glances down at his dark washed jeans and grey graphic tee, weird abstract patterns in white decorated his shirt. He picks his clothes more out of comfort than style, but it still feels nice to be complimented all the same. Baekhyun resembles a bumble bee in his yellow and black striped sweater but still, it’s not a bad look.
“Kyungsoo’s on his way,” Baekhyun says. “Are we going to be late if we wait? Should I just leave this baking dish outside the door?”
Before Chanyeol can answer him, Baekhyun speaks up again. “We can just leave this. Let me grab a plastic bag.”
They stick the still dirty ceramic dish in one of the groceries bag and leave it near the door. Baekhyun calls Kyungsoo to let him know and to complain about Luhan’s foolish decision not to grease up the pan. The conversation takes up most of the walk to the bus stop, and Chanyeol chuckles at the slightly whiny tone Baekhyun takes when his friend, Kyungsoo, doesn’t seem to sympathize.
Baekhyun hangs up as they board the bus.
“Kyungsoo says I shouldn’t have let Luhan into the kitchen,” Baekhyun fills Chanyeol in when they take their seat towards the back of the bus.
Chanyeol chuckles, “Your friends are funny.”
“They like you,” Baekhyun says, “Luhan can be pretty shy but he really opened up to you.”
“Yeah, he’s nice.”
Baekhyun doesn’t know why but he feels slightly relieved at the taller boy’s casual tone. Yes, Luhan is nice, but he is only a fleeting thought in Chanyeol’s mind. Baekhyun wonders what Chanyeol would say about him; but he can’t bring himself to ask.
.
Yura, Chanyeol’s sister, turns out to be really nice - and basically a female version of Chanyeol. Baekhyun doesn’t know much about genetics but wow, those are some dominant genes. They are pretty much carbon copy of each other.
“Chanyeol would look pretty as a girl,” Baekhyun says because his brain has given up on him long ago.
Instead of laughing at him, they both just grin.
“Actually, when Chanyeol was in high school, he dressed up as a girl,” Yura murmurs, leaning in like she is whispering a secret. Chanyeol rolls his eyes.
Baekhyun gapes, “Really?”
“Yeah, for some contest.”
“I looked good,” Chanyeol isn’t even embarrassed.
“And he was a ferret freak,” Yura continues.
This time Chanyeol blushes, “Noona!”
“What?” Baekhyun asks, eyes widening.
“He was part of a club, they met every Tuesday’s,” Yura laughs. “And he had a name tag with the ferret’s name on it.”
Baekhyun chuckles because he can just imagine it now, and the image is adorable. He doesn’t know how someone can be 184cm and still be so cute. He is not a quiet person normally, but Baekhyun is content to just listen to Yura and Chanyeol’s bickering today. Baekhyun grew up in a loving home but he doesn’t have any siblings. His parents and grandparents treated him like a prince but there was no one to fight with like this growing up.
.
“Well, I have to go,” Yura says at last. “I’ll tell Mom you’re doing well. I’m happy you have such a nice neighbor.” She is smiling at Baekhyun now, “It was nice to meet you.”
“You too,” Baekhyun replies quickly, standing up so he can bow to her.
She chuckles, “You don’t have to be so formal. I hope I’ll see you again.”
“M-me too!”
Chanyeol laughs as he wraps an arm casually around Baekhyun’s shoulder, “See. I told you I have friends.”
Technically Baekhyun is only a “friend” - as in singular, but he doesn’t think now is a good time to point it out.
After everyone’s said their goodbyes (again), Chanyeol and Baekhyun walk back to the bus stop. Chanyeol’s arm is still on Baekhyun’s shoulders but he likes the weight of them there. It’s also getting a little chilly and he likes the warmth.
“Have you ever been in love?” Chanyeol asks.
Baekhyun almost swallows his tongue, “Uh. What?”
“I can’t seem to get my song right. I think it’s because I don’t have any experience.”
“Oh.”
Chanyeol turns to look at Baekhyun, “Yeah, so have you?”
Almost too often, Baekhyun thinks. But now isn’t the time to dwell on that. “Love is…” He pauses. “Love is sticking by for the good and the bad. It’s giving up yourself. And loving the other person’s flaws.”
“Why do I have to give up myself?” Chanyeol asks. “If the other person loves me for my flaws, that is.”
Baekhyun thinks, “Hm. Well. Accepting and liking aren’t the same. And you should compromise. So, in the end, you have to give up a little bit of yourself.”
“I think I’m too selfish for love. I wouldn’t want to give up any part of me.”
Baekhyun hums and tries not to feel too disappointed.
“Teach me.” Chanyeol says after a pause, “Teach me about love.”
.
“Teaching” Chanyeol just ends up feeling a lot like their usual hang out sessions, except for Chanyeol’s occasional invading questions about Baekhyun’s love life. They don’t really do anything different; Chanyeol still prefers to stay in on most nights.
Sometimes, though, they hang out with Baekhyun’s friends, all of whom take to Chanyeol like months to a flame. They’vet met up with a few of Chanyeol’s friends as well - there’s the shy Minseok (who is so endearing even Kyungsoo finds it hard to be mean to him) and the ever sassy Sehun; there is also Kris who gives Baekhyun awkward head pats and gummy smiles. Luhan was particularly excited when they merged their friends group together one night.
“Kris is…so hot,” Luhan breathed out. “Thank you, Baekhyun, I love you.”
But still, most nights, it’s just the two of them.
Chanyeol makes it a habit to stop by Baekhyun’s place more often and Baekhyun realizes he doesn’t quite mind. “It’s research, you know more about this romance stuff than I do,” Chanyeol tells him. Baekhyun sometimes skips out on weekend night-outs with his friends to stay in with Chanyeol. It’s more fun to stay in, he thinks. He has never been the type to order take-out and has lazy days on the couch, but it’s not that bad. It’s a nice change from the hectic night out and bumping up against too many strangers.
Chanyeol is strumming his guitar, random chords fill the air when they’ve exhausted all conversational topics at hand. Baekhyun tries to pay attention to the movie playing on the screen but he finds himself glancing in Chanyeol’s direction most of the night.
“Why are you still single?” Chanyeol asks quietly. “Is that by choice?”
Baekhyun chews on his bottom lip, “No.” But he doesn’t elaborate. He doesn’t know where to start and it’s a long story, too heavy for a night of Disney movies and a tummy full of Chow Mein. He tries to leave for the kitchen but Chanyeol grabs his arm, forces him to sit back down.
“You promised,” Chanyeol pouts. “Teach me about love.”
Baekhyun sucks in a breath, “I…”
Truthfully, his experience has always been limited. He has met people easily, and he is sufficiently self-aware enough to know when a lingering touch and a slow smile means just a little something more. No, meeting people has never been an issue - it’s the staying that Baekhyun has always had problems with.
His past “non-relationships” never works out. (“It doesn’t count if you can’t make it work past week one,” Luhan had said when his friend and taken it upon himself to deem Baekhyun “Relationships Disabled.”) So he doesn’t know whhat he can really offer Chanyeol.
“It’s…I mean I don’t have much firsthand experiences,” Baekhyun sighs, “But I think it’s just when two people fit so right. And they’re so happy. That love works out well, you know? I mean of course it’s not without its’ compromises but,” He pauses, wrings his fingers together, “But it all works out in the end.”
Chanyeol doesn’t say anything for a long time, bottom lip pokes out and brows drawing together in concentration.
“My parents don’t get along,” Chanyeol finally says. “They just sort of yell over each other and fight over the dishes.” Chanyeol grins. “But they’re there when it matters. For me, love is ordinary…day to day. I think that’s why I’m having a hard time, no one wants to hear a song about dishes and spring cleaning.”
Baekhyun chuckles, “No, probably not. There has got to be something more there, something you’re overlooking.”
“Not really. But I think that’s just fine. I think the world’s notion of romance is overrated. I’d rather have day to day.”
Well.
Baekhyun clears his throat as his heart falls. “Well.”
.
It happens often enough that Baekhyun recognizes the beginnings of the stirrings once they’re there. And oh boy, are they ever there - full force like a runaway freight train. One moment Chanyeol is just his next door neighbor, lounging on his couch and petting away at his puppy. The next moment Baekhyun is calling out to him and Chanyeol looks up, eyes impossibly wide and clear. The sun is hitting the taller male at an odd angle, casting sharp shadows across his face. He looks at all once dangerous and ethereal, and Baekhyun feels his stomach coils at the sight.
“Crap. Crap, crap, crap.” Baekhyun doesn’t even realize he’s speaking aloud, “Not again.”
“What?” Chanyeol immediately jumps to his feet. “What’s wrong?”
“I…”
“Are you okay?”
“I just need a minute,” Baekhyun manages. “I just had an epiphany. Anxiety attack, you know how those goes.”
“Aren’t epiphanies good things?”
“Really, Chanyeol,” somehow Baekhyun still retains his sass in moments like these, “Is now really a good time to question my vocabulary?”
Chanyeol chuckles. “Sorry, just breathe, Baek. It’ll pass.”
.
Except it doesn’t pass. It somehow snowballs into something so much bigger, until it is all he can think about whenever he happens to be in Chanyeol’s vicinity. But Baekhyun can’t say no whenever Chanyeol texts him a quick: on my way over.
He still greets Chanyeol the same way and he doesn’t think there are any obvious changes. And if he is a little more perceptive to Chanyeol’s quirks, smiles a little wider at the other boy’s jokes or if his touches on Chanyeol’s arm lingers a little longer - well. Well, it’s not like Chanyeol knows anything about romance or feelings of infatuation anyways.
.
It’s Luhan who speaks up first. “Baekhyun.”
“I know. I know.” Baekhyun cradles his head in the palms of his hands, “I wasn’t supposed to!”
“For what it’s worth, I like Chanyeol,” Luhan says. “I think he will be good for you.”
“Well, with my record, it wouldn’t work out anyways,” Baekhyun says slowly. “I really don’t wanna lose him.”
“You always move too fast,” Luhan states, looking so very serious. “I know you want what your parents have, but most things don’t just happen overnight. You need to take it slow and give people their space. Give them a chance to get to know you, to miss you.”
“Should it be so much work with the right person?”
Luhan smiles wryly, “There is always a lot of work - you just have to decide if the person is worth it.”
.
Baekhyun doesn’t exactly go for it. Chanyeol isn’t even his type. He doesn’t understand ordinary, doesn’t understand the simple acts of arguing over dishes and nagging each other about cleaning - all of the things Chanyeol grew up on and is so convinced that it’s love. Baekhyun is all about flashes of emotions, so bright it burns the back of his eyelids. With him, it’s about hushed promises and grand gestures, about quick movements and that hurried, desperate love - about quick hand movements under the sheet, bringing each other into completion, chasing and chasing that incredible bliss of being together.
He thinks there is no better way to explain it than to show Chanyeol. So on a bright, sunny day, they take a bus to his childhood home. The house is dark when they arrive and Baekhyun shrugs, taking out his keys, “Figures. I told them I’d be arriving at this time.”
Baekhyun pulls out his phone, “Mom, where are you? Where? With Dad? You’re both hopeless.” He hangs up, rolling his eyes, “They’re on a night trip. They’ll be back in the morning.”
Chanyeol nods, “Do they do this…a lot?”
“Yeah. They’re always taking lovey-dovey trips somewhere together.”
“What about you?”
“Huh? I stay back, I wouldn’t want to go on those mushy trips,” He cringes.
“So, you were alone a lot?”
Baekhyun shrugs, “I had friends, my grandma. Why do you look like that?”
And he can’t quite figure out what Chanyeol’s expression had been, but he thinks it’s something akin to pity.
PART TWO