(no subject)
I am effected by my parents splitting up in so many ways.
I almost believe that love isnt a thing. You care for someone, but what is love? Is it care? Or is that friendship? Is that nature or nurture? Am I older now?
When I think about their relationship within the 20 years of their marriage, the song that reminds me of them is "i cant make you love me, if you dont." What kind of memory is that of your parents? I remember i lay awake at night waiting for my dad to return home and he just never did sometimes. My mom probably lay awake, just as me. I never understood how they ever worked.
Marriage since then was never important to me. It was never about love. Marriage seems confusing to me. Do you choose to spend your life with someone you never will truly know? Do you know them? Is this something i learned from my parents? I feel as if i am about to be 30 and I still deal with issues of trust. Maybe it stems from those days waiting. Not sleeping...something i still suffer from.
Is it you dad? Have you come home? Stumbling?
I cry to this day as i wait to feel what love feels like. I feel like i love, but is it only nature? Do i only love nature? Am i merely a woman? With a womb? A wound?