Harcourt (1/3)

[daeseol]

Title: Harcourt
Pair: Suho/Kai
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 24,185
Warning: slight depiction of gore, mentions of violence, blood
Summary: Jongin is a Raven. But Ravens are dead. Everyone thinks they are. The Falcon Prince takes him and their King keeps him only if he's willing to die for the Prince. He has no choice. He says yes.
Note: exorelieffund fic written for onyu. More notes at the end of the fic! Also, self-betaed. That should be a warning, too, I guess.



Despite the ban on the Ground, as how they call the surface of the Earth, Junmyeon still flies to the Southern Woods. He glides through trees and runs after bunnies, not mindful of the things that lie past the lush of it. If it isn't for his cousin and best friend Jongdae catching up to his speed, he would have gone too deep into his curiosity and flies beyond boundaries. A war between their neighboring Houses just ended and it makes things unsafe for their favorite hangout. He is only reminded of it when the wind blows. The expected cool fresh breeze is replaced with a horrible stench, like soil drenched in dry blood and rotten flesh.

Ground zero. It may already be empty of the living, only the kills of the battle staining the once green plains. But it is of course no assurance. He's young, curious, and eager to learn and as much as it excites him seeing what a war aftermath looks like, putting their feet-wings-closer to peril is something they least wanted for themselves, although they've done a step already. He's a prince of the House of Falcons to begin with. An encounter with the enemies is the last of the things in his bucket list.

They fly back, still in the woods but closer to their quickest escape route back up the skies should the unexpected happen.

Which actually happens.

Junmyeon can feel the pressure of wind against his wings as he halts, the swoosh of it louder than the yelp Jongdae makes. Somebody is approaching them, slow and limping, and his silhouette forms a winged person, just like them, except that the one side of his wings doesn't reach his knees at least. He pauses when sunlight hits him and Junmyeon can now see his face covered in scratches, blood and dirt mixing horribly in almost all of his skin. His chest is also drenched in crimson.

"Raven," Jongdae gasps as he points at the black feathers of his wings and Junmyeon looks at him with shock and confusion.

The Raven looks at them with half-lidded eyes as if desperate. Junmyeon can read the pleas in his face and he can't simply ignore it. It feels like he's being called but he doesn't hear it in his ear. The gut feeling just comes and it hits him.

The Raven, covered in blood, a hand clamped on his shoulder, reaches for them, attempting to walk closer but fails. He drops to the ground almost lifeless.

They make it back to Ainja, the capital city of the Falcons, where the royal palace is. It isn't easy flying back up into the sky past the clouds carrying an unconscious body but Junmyeon is more preoccupied by keeping the wounded with them alive than actually getting caught. Their palace is the center of the biggest mass among lands floating above the blanket of fluff in the sky, the only grand thing towering over everything else that surrounds it. Once inside, Junmyeon sneaks out a medical kit from their infirmary before rushing back to his quarters so his cousin can begin cleaning the injured Raven. He has the knowledge but Junmyeon lets Jongdae do the work. Besides, he has always been too grateful for Jongdae's advanced first aid skills.

"I'm not sure if the King will be pleased when he learns about this." Jongdae mutters, his nose scrunched and brows creased to a fold as he begins tending to the Raven's wounds. Most of the cuts are fresh and not deep except for the one in his chest.

"Leave it to me. I'll talk to Father when he comes back. He will understand," Junmyeon answers. "Just heal him."

"Are you keeping him here?"

The nod Junmyeon makes is confident and final and it surprises him as much as it does to Jongdae. He swallows. "As long as he isn't completely healed yet, he'll stay with me."

"He's a Raven, Junmyeon," Jongdae reminds.

The purse of Junmyeon's lips doesn't show any hesitation. There is no change of mind. "Yes I know. But I don't think he's an enemy either."

It takes two days before the Raven regains consciousness. His wounds have dried, skin almost filled with scabs and scars that the slightest of movement stretches them and they hurt. Yet he still tries with a groan, wobbly arms pushing himself up the bed until he’s seated.

Junmyeon is in the middle of reading a book, a little too immersed in the story that he almost falls backward on his seat when he sees the Raven already up. Embarrassed, he composes back with a chuckle, straightening his clothes and smiles. The Raven just blinks at him, probably still confused why he suddenly finds himself in a luxurious, fancy room and a stranger looking at him with relieved eyes. Junmyeon notices so he clears his throat and sets his book aside.

"You're in my room, if you’re wondering where you are." He begins, getting the Raven's attention from roaming his eyes all over the place. "What's your name?"

The Raven gives him an odd look, his eyes examining and a bit close to alarmed. "Jongin." He answers. "You're a Falcon?"

Junmyeon nods, a pair of dominantly red and golden feathers visible from his back. “Yes. I’m Junmyeon. You’re in the castle." He stands up and walks closer to Jongin. “How are you feeling?”

When Jongin leans away, he grows more confused and anxious. No, he’s not scared but he feels a lot weaker, smaller than he already is. “Y-you saved me?”

“Sort of? We found you in the Southern Woods.” Junmyeon tries to sound as kind and less intimidating as he can possibly be but there is no change in Jongin's still tensed face.

"You're safe here. We're not gonna hurt you." Junmyeon continues slowly, like a lot kindlier, if that is even possible. He seems to succeed in his goal though when the reassuring tone puts Jongin to ease. It's a relief yet he remains careful both in action and words, keeping in mind that he knows nothing yet about Jongin. If he thinks he's being threatened, no matter how frail he looks like, he may defend himself and hurt Junmyeon in whichever way possible. It’s too quiet but when Jongin slowly bows his head and mutters an almost inaudible "Thank you," Junmyeon’s worries fade.

"I… I owe you my life." Jongin's hands are clenched tight on the blanket that covers half of his body. His hold on it grows tighter by the second. He feels his pride sink, reach its lowest because he's basically submitting himself to somebody of a similar yet different kind. Well, he should be glad a Falcon finds him but it still isn't enough to keep his heart at peace. It feels heavy when all that just happened in the war is still fresh in his head. Although his current situation can be considered miracle, grace from whichever looks at him from the Above, it still feels a little unfair. He’s alive. His family, he’s unsure. His House, probably gone. He sighs, letting all the fast realizations sink in him painfully, stabbing him right in the chest. It isn't easy but he has no choice.

When he feels a light touch on his shoulder, he looks to his side and sees Junmyeon smiling at him, bright and soft, like he can read Jongin. "You don't have to, though. Once you feel better you can go back if you want."

At that, Jongin shakes his head, hissing a bit when the wounds start to sting at the movement of his neck. "I..." He gulps and bows his head. His face looks heavy, emotions starting to sink in him and he's just too weak to handle them all yet. Then it dissolves to just two: sadness and panic. "I... don't have anywhere to go to."

Junmyeon stares at him. The words seem to be crafted in despair and self-pity but he can sense what they actually mean. It's something he expects: debts of gratitude, payments of life for salvation. Everyone does that; he's heard, he's read it but it feels weird having to experience it. It's not because he doesn't want to help but he's simply done something he thinks is right. He doesn't really need something in return. Junmyeon tries to understand. In the blanket of silence, he wonders if this is necessary. Jongin must have already swallowed a huge part of his pride. If he declines, it could be a worse step on what remains in Jongin. This is risky but something inside Junmyeon's chest tells him he's doing the right thing. Besides, there is a reason why things happen. He doesn't mind not knowing it yet. It will come.

"You're not an enemy, are you?" Junmyeon asks. It's a silly question but it's important, for him at least.

Jongin gives him a surprised look, tensing a bit at first but drops his shoulder a little later. "No. I'm not."

Junmyeon nods. "I could keep you if I would." He says and he may have seen a tinge of relief in Jongin's face. "Although my father, the King, has the last say on this. He doesn't know you're here but don't fret. I'm sure he'll understand." He tries to ignore the worry in Jongin's eyes at the mention of the King and probably the realization that Junmyeon is actually a prince. He’ll get used to it soon anyway. "But that should be the last of your concerns. It's mine. Just think about recovery."

Jongin nods again, lips pursed as he bows his head. He's grateful.

“Anyway,” Junmyeon rises from his seat and walks toward the door. “You haven't eaten anything for the past two days. I'll get you some food."

The door clicks shut and Jongin is alone again. It’s still a morning with the way the sunlight still looks young, the brighter side of the sky clearly visible from the windows. Good, unwinding.

The House of Ravens. They are a noble house south of the Ground, reigning over a small portion of its plains and the mountains that stretch on its edge. A minor house, they are considered a lesser family, not as grand as the House of Falcons, not as strong as the House of Hawks, but they remain respectable for their wit, kindness, and newly found wealth in their lands.

Yet a small house is still a small house. They are not the Old Families. They may bear the same noble ranks and wealth but a lot other things are seen more important than titles: old ties, power, relevance.

As much as them Falcons recognize the Ravens and their relatively significant influence in the south, they do not directly meddle with their affairs. Ravens take the lands, the Grounds, unlike the Old Families whose majestic kingdoms float sky high above them. And like the Falcons, they are an enemy of the Hawks, peaking at the War of the Southern Woods.

The Ravens are now gone, or at least thought to be gone, because that's what the Hawks want the other houses to believe. Their leaders dead, warriors burnt, people enslaved. Those who have left have probably been outcasted by their own kind, relieved of the names of their own house. Their fate is a sad history but that's how the real world works.

"Hi!" Jongdae barges in the room a couple of days later with his arms wrapped around a bag of fruits. It startles both Junmyeon and Jongin who are in the middle of changing some of the bandages on wounds that are yet to heal. Jongin's recovery is fast, surprisingly, leaving them with only the deep cut in his chest to worry about. Things also seem to do pretty well for the two. Jongin has started talking, telling significant things about himself as soon as he feels a lot better, although he remains timid and jumpy at times. He may have sounded defensive at first but Junmyeon is just kind enough to listen and give him the benefit of the doubt. He sees no conflicts in his stories anyway.

Jongin gives Junmyeon a puzzled look, staring at Jongdae who smiles cheekily at them while putting the bag of fruits on the table. It's an unsaid question and Junmyeon smiles at the adorable confusion.

"He's Jongdae, my cousin." Junmyeon says. Suddenly, Jongdae jumps on the bed, sending again both in surprised yelps.

"Hello Jongin! I'm really glad you're awake now. Sorry it took me time before I can visit. Junmyeon said you're a Raven Viscount?" Everything just spills out of his mouth in quick succession, ending with a question Jongdae excitedly asks. He's leaning close to Jongin, checking his face out with an amused smile. Jongin nods slowly, looking again at Junmyeon as if taking permission on whether or not he should answer. Junmyeon shrugs and Jongdae just erupts to an eager response. "Cool! I'm a Viscount, too. We're of the same rank!"

"I... don't think my noble rank still matters though," Jongin says.

Then there is awkward silence. Jongdae and Junmyeon exchange looks, both at lost for words. He may be speaking of the truth but Junmyeon thinks it's too early for them to talk about things like this. Jongin breaks the silence and chuckles lightly before looking back at Jongdae with a pleasant smile. "Nice to meet you, Sir Jongdae. And thank you for tending to my wounds. I owe you a lot."

"Oh, don't mention it. It's fine. And no need to call me sir. Jongdae will do." Jongdae responds. He beams at Jongin and extends his arm for a handshake which the other gladly takes.

"I brought fruits by the way." Jongdae stands up and takes two apples from the bag, throwing one at Junmyeon and carefully handing the other at Jongin. "The Northern Woods are kind of plentiful this time."

"Oh. I thought you got them from the market." Junmyeon says.

"I want them fresh you know. These are for Jongin mostly anyway." Jongdae blinks and Jongin bows his head in lieu of a thank you. The apple looks fresh indeed, red and shiny, and he gives in the temptation to bite, eating it with a loud, juicy crunch. "Mhm. This is good." he says as he chews in delight. “Thank you.”

"Feel free to take as much as you want," Junmyeon follows up as he puts the last bandage on a healing wound by Jongin's left arm.sticks the last bandage on Jongin’s left arm. “There. Done."

“Thank you.” Jongin says again, bowing slightly and checking on the bandages of his arm, neat and carefully placed. Seeing how these white patches go down in numbers makes him feel better and a lot grateful for Junmyeon. He has been really kind to Jongin, too kind that the latter is more than just clueless on how he can repay the prince. The King may even find Jongin in their house to not sit well with him but that doesn’t seem to be a big deal for the two Falcons. At this point all he knows is that he owes them a lot for saving him but he’s all too conflicted about what to do.

Junmyeon nudges Jongin in the side and, with his still light bright smile, he says, “You think too much. Relax. And get well soon.”

"Ey, Junmyeon."

Jongdae catches him in the high gardens looking far into the sunset, orange carpeting the skyline, the stretch of their cityscape, and the smaller floating islands within their realm. When Jongdae pats him on the shoulder, Junmyeon looks up to recognize his cousin's presence.

"How is he?" Jongdae asks, taking the empty seat next to Junmyeon.

"His left wing is broken and that gash in the chest is still quite serious but he's recovering fast I guess. He'll heal them in a few days. He'll be fine." Junmyeon answers. His faith just amuses Jongdae.

The wind is cool in this part of the palace and it's perfect to unwind, when things feel a little confusing. Jongdae breathes in, letting the air fill his lungs, holding it in for a moment before exhaling slowly. "This place is great," he says with outstretched arms. Junmyeon nods at him.

"You know what, I'm confused as well."

Jongdae blinks at Junmyeon, looking at him expectantly as he waits for the other to continue. But when he doesn't speak, he immediately discerns what Junmyeon is talking about. "Same here. He's a stranger you know. He could be an enemy, a spy for all we know."

Junmyeon laughs, grateful how Jongdae gets at his thoughts so easily. "It just feels right," he whispers, although still audible enough for Jongdae. "It would have bothered me until now if we left him in the woods."

"Are you really keeping him?"

"I know he's a good man."

Jongdae chuckles. "That. Or you're too nice."

"We could make good use of him. He’s not a viscount for no reason." Junmyeon says before the both of them falls back to silence.

Junmyeon is deep in his thoughts again, trying to rationalize all he has done for the past days. Maybe Jongdae’s right: it must be really him and his good-natured self. Or maybe it's pity. Or maybe it's something else he is yet to find out. Whatever is that, his guts tell him he's taken the right choice. Jongin isn't bad. He is just too early to end his journey. His wings might have to be broken so it can grow a new one and fly to a place where he can be better, stronger. It's what Junmyeon believes and it's not going to change, at least for now.

"Hey," Jongdae calls him again and Junmyeon answers with a low grunt. The grin on his cousin's face is familiarly playful and in that very second he thinks he knows what Jongdae is about to say. The nudge he makes on Junmyeon's ribs is light and ticklish. "That Jongin," he pauses and wiggles his eyebrows. "He's, uhm, kinda cute?"

Junmyeon throws him a startled and judging look. "If you think he's cute you can go get him yourself!" He answers loudly but with a cheeky grin, snorting right after as he slaps Jongdae on the shoulder in feigned annoyance.

Jongdae simply laughs out louder. "That's so defensive!"

"Well, I'm not the one who complimented Jongin after taking his shirt off for first aid treatment!"

"Hey! I just did what I have to do!" Jongdae exclaims violently, pushing Junmyeon lightly on the shoulder that he almost falls off his seat.

"Look who's defensive now?" Junmyeon laughs. He stands up and spreads his wings, flapping them once with folded knees and he's floating mid-air in a snap.

"Oh god Kim Junmyeon. I'll kill you!"

"If you can!"

Junmyeon sticks his tongue out before soaring high, gliding to his side playfully as Jongdae trails behind him in a yelling fit. He laughs, forgetting about tomorrow as the wind graze on his face roughly. It's a feeling he's always liked, a feeling that reminds him he had enough of things to think about today. That he can just make the most of what remains for the day. Tomorrow has it's own worries and he can just wait for them to happen.

The King will be back tomorrow.

The House of Falcons. They are of the Old Families. They are a great house, the noblest of them nobles. A known rival of the Hawks, they are apparently the opposite of their enemies. They are hardly expansive but very diplomatic. Defensively realistic, calm but strong and fierce when forced to battle. But they always try to find conflict settlements through peaceful ways as possible.

They're the wisest, too, the most good-natured of their kind, but of course it isn't absolute. There are still exceptions. And they also know where to limit their kindness. Their Kings are always the most perfect epitome of this. Sympathetic but resolute.

The Falcons have a long history of helping other Houses, although they make sure they do it in moderation. Too much is bad and they do not want to agitate their enemies. But when the fiercest of them, the Hawks, have gone splurging on invading lands, down on earth and above, with the Ravens as the newest of their preys, the Falcons have since taken a careful stance. The enemies of your enemies aren’t your enemies but not necessarily allies either. It's better to be watchful than suffer the consequences of too much kindness.

Jongin may be the first exception for now.

Jongin finds himself in a royal hall with Junmyeon, both of them standing before Junmyeon's father, the King. Although he looks a lot far from being harmless, Jongin can’t help but feel his presence suffocate him. The King is looking at him; he can feel it with his head bowed down, eyes on the carpeted floor. It’s intimidating, a chill traveling down his spine. The spacious room doesn’t also help, he feels too open, vulnerable. The high ceilings and the extravagance of its interiors looming over like it’s going to eat him alive.

Junmyeon introduces him as Jongin of the Ravens and that is when only he raises his head and meets the King in the eye. As what Junmyeon has said, his father’s eyes are soft and kind, his face calm. He doesn’t show any sign of surprise upon seeing Jongin, at which the latter assumes the King has never been kept in the dark about his existence.

The talk doesn't last long as Junmyeon expects it shall be. To his embarrassment, he gets scolded first for going to the Southern Woods while it's banned. With a waived punishment, they go back to the original matter.

Jongin is eyed with scrutiny but with the slightest of judgment, if not completely without. The King seems to have taken interest in him and he looks pretty calm as Junmyeon lays his proposal on the table. He begins with clarifying that Jongin shall never be a slave, never to be ripped off of his noble title and instead be considered a part of his men. He says he doesn't think it would hurt giving it a shot.

Jongin may be lying to himself if he says he doesn’t expect this but hearing them aloud sends him to disbelief. It's too kind of Junmyeon to propose such, too much that Jongin is all set to retort. But he just purses his lips and remains silent, knowing he is in no position to demand no matter how too good he thinks it is for him.

The King agrees but on certain conditions. The smile on his face is just as calm as a wise king can be and he speaks. "You will serve as a guard in times of peace, a soldier in times of war. One to serve the Falcon's name with might even as you bear your Raven wings. You will keep my son safe, be with him and fight for him. You will obey our rules and do no wrong. In return you will keep your title and be given your needs, not as a slave but as a Falcon as well. You take this oath and we shall keep you as us."

Jongin is able. He's fit, smart, and witty, a Raven trademark, and the King wants to make use of it. Jongin isn't surprised anymore because the offer is something he can’t refuse. Pride is no longer an issue. Survival is the game and that’s what the world has carved in Jongin since the day he realizes he’s still breathing. The King’s words flow smoothly, as if untroubled, and it’s all because he knows he’s going to win it. As expected of Falcons, strong but wise, kind but still cunning.

“But if you deflect on this oath, wholly or partly,” the King continues. "You'll be punished," he pauses, like it's the end of it all. But a second later, he parts his lips. "You. Or Junmyeon."

And in a snap, both eyes are on Junmyeon who looks at his father with the same calm eyes. His face remains unchanged, like he’s hardly afraid of the consequences of his proposal. Jongin is a Raven all his life, living in a culture far different from this new place that has adopted him. Mistakes is inevitable. Adjustment can be difficult. This amount of trust is too early to happen. But his eyes show how he’s totally fine about it and it bothers Jongin as much as it confuses him.

"I understand,” Junmyeon says without a tinge of regret.

"One more thing." The King shifts his eyes from his son to Jongin then back to Junmyeon. "How sure are you about this?"

"A hundred percent." Junmyeon answers promptly. Then they're dismissed.

“How do you feel?”

The question sounds too far from Jongin’s senses that Junmyeon has to repeat it, smiling faintly and pulling the other by the shoulder as if waking him up. Jongin is aloof, still cooling down from the tension of being presented to the King of the Falcons. When he sees Junmyeon’s face, he thinks right now, it's not about what he feels but how the other feels. Again, he’s caused another problem and he feels bad, worse actually. Yes, he knows he’s going to do his best to stay away from mistakes but it’s too early to be definite about it.

“I’m sorry,” Jongin whispers, keeping his head bowed down as he walks slowly, Junmyeon matches his pace. “You know, for being a burden. You could’ve said no to him. The punishment part at least."

"Oh come on. It’s totally fine. Don’t be sorry.” One could’ve mistaken feigning a happy tone in Junmyeon's words but he is just genuinely true and his smile just proves that there is no pretense. “I took you here and, uh, decided to let you live with us so it’s pretty much fair to take responsibility."

“I could make mistakes,” Jongin mutters. He’s nervous only until Junmyeon tightens his grip on his shoulder and pulls him closer.

"I want to help you. Just prove that it’s a right decision to trust you."

"Why...why do you trust me this much?"

"Because I know I can."

It could be the most pressing thing to say but it must be Junmyeon’s talent to weave words in ways that would push worries to the back of Jongin’s head. He nods.

For the first time since he stepped out of the King’s hall, Jongin smiles.

They begin as soon as it is possible and with all schedules handled and done, Jongin’s adjustment to the House of Falcons goes smoothly as planned. He undergoes the basics-doctrines, values, history, tactics and and a bit of military refreshment courses-while getting dragged to a few of Junmyeon's personal schedules. The lessons are easy, pretty much like how Jongin had them when he was earning his first noble title. He has them early in the morning, ending before lunch although they go beyond schedules in some instances, at such times when they discuss heavy parts of history or if Jongin would fail a quiz so he has to take a make-up one. He’d mind an overtime if it isn’t for Junmyeon telling him to focus on his studies and not think much of his duties as the new assistant (at some point he wonders whether Jongdae may or may not feel a little bad getting replaced but he seems pretty fine with it for the most part). It’s going to be short, as Junmyeon always reminds him, probably three months the quickest, if he’s pretty good like him. Jongin wishes to think he is.

The thing is, it could have been easier, comfortable and a lot enjoyable if he’s not sharing classes with the most elites of the Falcons. They are nice and accommodating but behind their kind words, there is prejudice. He can see it in their long stares, hear it in their pursed lips, and they sear, small but strong. A lot of them may not speak of it but it’s pretty much in the atmosphere, lingering in the air. Jongin tries not to mind. He is strong as he believes. Jongdae has told him about it anyway, an expectation he’s been prepared of since the day Junmyeon has given him his schedule. Besides, his purpose is to learn and be more of use to his host, not to please everyone as much as he wishes. Reality check. He can never do it in the first place.

The afternoons on the other hand are spent with Junmyeon, usually in his own small office or at his personal room. There, he gets briefed on the things Junmyeon has to do, whether personal or work related. Sometimes Jongdae shares his part, too, being with his cousin for quite some time has gave him experiences to share. He gets excused on quite a lot of the schedules though as Junmyeon is just concerned about his lessons. That's why most of his work involves things done only within the city of Ainja.

Junmyeon has always been too kind to Jongin. For a number of times he (and Jongdae) has volunteered in tutoring the other. During free weekends, he gets invited in simple hangouts, just the three of them hunting or fly racing in the Northern Woods mainly because the Southern is still banned. He sometimes gets involved in small things that still are awkwardly yet funnily defiant, like when Junmyeon sneaks a couple of new pastries from the kitchen during Royal Banquets and goes back to their room whispering, "Hey Jongin. These cookies are the best." Jongin eats them hesitantly at first but when he bites, he agrees and finishes the whole thing.

Although for the most part of the week they do things on a professional level, Junmyeon always treats Jongin like a friend. It puzzles Jongin at first and maybe at times annoys him because he doesn’t know when and where to find the border in this friendship. He remembers getting remarked while walking down a hallway when a bishop compliments his good looks and Junmyeon says “You’re cute when you’re red in the cheeks you suddenly turn squishy from you know, quite intimidating,” a little too loud that he unintentionally kicks the other on the shin. He panics of course because who the hell in the world of Falcons kick their prince on any part of his body? Thankfully, Junmyeon is just as playful as he is and Jongin gets jabbed and tickled on his sides that he flies away in escape.

It doesn’t last long when Jongin thinks they’ve grown close. He initially thinks it’s just him opening up but when Junmyeon begins to do the same, like telling childhood embarrassments or bits of his first failure in love, or just blatantly saying "I tell you this because we're good friends," Jongin realizes the recognition is mutual. It may bother him at times, especially when he grows afraid of becoming too comfortable, like hypothetically crossing a border still far from his thoughts. But he treasures it while it’s there. Not that he plans on giving it up, or wishing for an end to it, but there are more to come, more to happen and it can change things. He also reflects on possible consequences but he eventually ends up realizing he’s gone too far in his thoughts, so he pushes them all at the back of his mind. He ends up laughing; it’s too early to trouble himself with such foolishness.

Junmyeon grows a habit of tickling Jongin on the sides when he goes too detached.

"Your classes are ending in a month," Junmyeon says one weekend while they're in a formal dinner with a close family friend. It’s his second month learning all that is about a Falcon and Jongin's extramural lessons are starting to get demanding. Yet on this fateful night he's in a fancy mansion, mingling with a crowd of aristocratic Falcons because the royal Prince Junmyeon has to grace the opening of a new museum in Malnovston, an island south of Ainja. Jongin, as the assistant, has to be there, by all means. He’s free on that day. Make-up sessions are done. He has no choice. Not that he is complaining because balancing studies and his new duties is still manageable. So far.

"My scores have improved. I'm getting A's and quite some B’s recently," Jongin says proudly.

"That's great!" Junmyeon reacts. "A few more weeks and I can bring you with me freely!" His excitement is contagious and a second later Jongin feels like looking forward to the idea. Tonight is the first of Jongin's formal event with Junmyeon and although it's a bit nerve wracking to be surrounded by men and women whose eyes show interest on his differently colored wings, he's making it through with self-restraint and no mistakes. So far.

Junmyeon keeps his smile, as bright as always, and his formal suits and coat, one that he doesn't normally wear back in the palace, make it all more wonderful. For a moment Jongin thinks if he's just dressed well enough to be worthy standing next Junmyeon but he resolves it shouldn't matter as long as he gets his job done.

"Your clothes match you. I've never seen you in royal clothes until now." It’s quite a relief however now that Jongin's finally said his admiration. He sounds too plain that Junmyeon has to look at him a little longer to make sure he's actually getting praised. Then he laughs.

"Thanks. You, too, actually," Junmyeon taps Jongin’s shoulder as if dusting it and straightens the little rumples on it. “There. Clothes perfectly matching your wings. Beautiful.”

Jongin’s lips curl to a smile. “Come on. Stop kidding," he feigns an annoyed expression with a pout, creases appearing on his forehead as his brows meet. Junmyeon has always kept an unusual liking to Jongin's wings, repeatedly telling him how the dark shades of his feathers are really wonderful, appealing, and alluring, the latter of which is mostly said in a joking manner.

Their conversation is cut though when a Falcon comes to their side and Junmyeon quickly turns to meet him.

"Your Highness," the Falcon greets, folding his knees slightly with a bow of his head. He's quite older than them, probably a decade ahead of them, but he looks as youthful and bright as he probably is in his younger days. He's also as adorned as how Junmyeon is and the amusement in Jongin's eyes cannot be hidden.

"Oh, Lee Donghae, Earl of Gemun! It's been a while!" Junmyeon welcomes Donghae with an embrace, tapping the back of his shoulders as he hugs him tight. Jongin on the other hand busies himself remembering place names; his two months of classes still don’t make his memory for names of places good. He lists down the titles in his head, remembering a particular page in his peerage book he read a few days ago. He makes a subtle eureka face when he remembers where Gemun is.

“Jongin?”

The call sends a jump in his chest and Jongin is quickly back to earth. When he looks at Junmyeon again, he receives a raised brow. Junmyeon has an outstretched arm towards Donghae who on the other hand is looking at him expectantly. For a second he is clueless on what is happening but thankfully the next second he quickly realizes he’s being introduced. He curls his lips to a gentle smile and extends his arm back for a handshake.

“Pleased to meet you, sir,” Jongin says smartly. The earl seems nice, smiling back at Jongin and gently wrapping his fingers around his hand before shaking them.

"Oh," Junmyeon interrupts as he follows with his sight a man behind him. He gives Donghae an apologetic look and pats him on the shoulder. "If you may excuse me, I just need a word with the Duke of Zudjen. I'll be back in a little while." He shifts at Jongin and smiles, the one he does when he wants to assure that everything is going to be fine and Jongin nods. “Just stay here.” With a polite yes, Donghae also graciously lets the Prince leave them.

“So, it’s indeed nice to meet you, too, Viscount Jongin,” Donghae says. His voice is just as nice and kind as his features are and Jongin loosens himself a bit more. The sound of his title before his name is just as good as a genuine compliment and it boosts a lot of self-assurance in him. He's actually glad Junmyeon has introduced him as such until...

"...Du lo zikinkarbo,” Donghae follows up in Falcon speak and Jongin’s eyes widen.

Jongin is speechless. He could have felt a little pleased understanding a new language but he doesn’t. He definitely doesn’t. Of the Dirt Coals, a phrase referring to their habitat and color of wings, derogatory in nature, the rudest remark for the Ravens. He’s never heard of it for a long time, even within the palace it has never been spoken, and it is definitely a surprise to hear it from the Earl's mouth.

“I’m, let’s say, amazed the Prince has made a friend from your House. It’s, uh, quite amusing he’s found one as civilized as you.” Donghae, this time, completely takes Jongin aback. His words are open and unashamed, too ironic with how he smiles innocently at Jongin. “By Falcon standards, I mean,” he continues. Jongin isn’t sure but he thinks he sees the small curve of his lips pull to a sneer.

Jongin's breathing is getting heavy by the minute and the urge to release the rage collecting at the bottom of his chest is restrained in his clenched fists. He can feel his eyes sharpen at the press of furrowing brows on his lids. The need to remain calm is more than in any part of his stay in this museum so he exhales slowly, closing his eyes and forces a smile from his initially pursed lips. "Well, sir," Jongin mumbles with a trembling voice. He sighs again, fast and regains composure. "Of course Ravens are civilized, as many Falcon authors say in our old books. I'm saddened that some of us in this nation are still not aware of this. That or they choose not to believe this fact. Eitherway, those who refuse believe are just as...ignorant as what they think of us, don't you suppose, sir?"

The anger in Jongin's chest dissolves and is replaced with satisfaction upon upsetting the situation, displeasure sweeping Donghae's calm away. His question doesn't get answered when Junmyeon returns to their company and, probably feeling a little tensed in the conversation he comes back to, gives them a rather bemused, awkward smile.

“Is...there a problem, sir?” Junmyeon asks, quickly noticing the irk on Donghae's face. He then looks at Jongin, still as confused as when he came back.

Donghae clears his throat and carefully gently shakes the goblet of wine he holds, tilting it to a side so its content spreads around the glass. He makes a funny face, playing with his lips like he’s figuring out an aftertaste. “I think they served a bad one.” The gentle, innocent smile returns and Junmyeon gives back a same one. “You better tell it to the kitchen, then.”

“Of course I will, sir,” Donghae answers courteously with a bow of his head. He's all back to his usual front, that one Jongin used to adore just a few minutes ago. He still probably does. “Now if the Prince may excuse me. I will just have to attend to my little displeasure."

"Suit yourself, sir." Junmyeon says.

"And also,” Donghae shifts to Jongin this time. "I feel sorry for the demise of the Ravens. It was such a great house. Please accept my condolences."

Jongin knows the game and he nods just as respectfully as Donghae talks until he walks away, lips still curled to a gracious smile.

“Did something happen?”

The curious eyes Junmyeon has on him is funny. He keeps on raising his brows and Jongin simply laughs at how he seems so desperate for the story. Well, Jongin initially intends to keep it to himself but since Junmyeon almost caught them, he guesses it wouldn’t hurt giving him a summary.

“He’s called me zikinkarbo.” Jongin whispers, ignoring the accent he makes in his Falcon speech, and quickly anticipates for Junmyeon’s reaction. He’s not disappointed though when Junmyeon gives him a shocked face, a cross between disbelief and amusement, and he keeps his lips parted, speechless for a few seconds before whispering a “Really?”

“He did. Well, I have a way with my kind words, too. I guess he was quite...caught off guard.” Jongin chuckles lightly. He takes two goblets from a tray a waiter offers to him and gives the other at Junmyeon.

“Man, he’s got quite a notorious character. It’s not bad getting a slap on the face at times,” Junmyeon says with what Jongin perceives as a proud smile.

A month comes sooner than expected and Jongin graduates on a Friday, which means he has the weekends to celebrate his freedom. He has to take it because the next time time he wears a uniform, it’s his official principal chamberlain and secretary dress and he’ll be bounded by Junmyeon’s growing schedules. That exactly explains why Jongdae comes back to their quarters with yet again a basket of fruits (and Northern Woods apples, because Jongin has personally requested it) and suggests making the best out of their remaining free time.

Jongin has any idea of what exactly to do on their “free” weekend though so he gives Jongdae the call and Jongin passively follows wherever the two goes.

“What...exactly are we going to do?” Jongin finds himself in the high gardens and he still asks despite it being obvious with the laid out cloth on the meadows, fruits and baskets of chips everywhere, with a couple of maids still preparing barbecue on the side. Although he has given Jongdae the shot on what to do, honestly, if this is the fun they’re talking about, Jongin doesn’t know how to conceal his disappointment.

"Leave that to the maids!" Jongdae exclaims when he sees Jongin on his way to help one carrying a tray of beers. Jongin punctually halts, turning on his heel and he sees the two already on the edge of the garde, wings spread out, giving him an anticipating look. They are apparently ready to jump off the small beam they are standing on, the way they bend their legs seem like they’re set for a dive.

Which they do.

Jongin runs to the edge, leaning-no, bending-down on it as he attempts to keep them in sight. But he is late maybe for a second because just as he scans what is below, somebody calls his name from above. That...was fast.

“Hey, you stay there or you miss the fun? Choose!”

Jongin returns the grin Junmyeon has on him. Of course he goes for fun. He spreads his wings and flies after them but the two is a lot more playful than he has expected; they’re moving too fast, the whoosh of their wings still audible even as he trails behind them. They go around the area and Jongin knows they haven’t gone too far because he can still see the palace whenever he looks back. Well, he doesn’t really mind a chasing game right now.

Jongin paces up, tilting his wings by quite an inch so he’s slicing through cold air and he’s zooming. Jongdae dives to his right with a loud laughter, successfully avoiding Jongin’s outstretched arm. Jongin ignores because Junmyeon’s feet are almost within his reach. And he taps.

“Agh!” It’s a loud groan while they slow down until they are floating mid-air, breathing heavily as they break into hefty laughter. “Your turn,” Jongin grins. And they repeat the game, totally unmindful of how childish they look like to those who see them. One moment they’re so into it then the next second they’re laughing like it’s their last.

Things get quite more serious when they go beyond the boundaries of the palace, past the clouds that surround the grand stately home of the Falcons. They see rivers winding through green plains, ending at the bottom of mountain ranges that surround the grasslands until they disappear behind thick lush woods to their north and to their south.

Jongin slows down, appreciating the breath-taking scenery he’s never seen for quite a long time. He’s confined in the luxury of the world of Falcons, up in the sky, wrapped in clouds that blind them from seeing another form of beauty past their borders. They’ve created their own realm in the skies and they seem to forget what lies beyond what they see. Maybe because they choose only what they want to see.

Then he remembers. Everything below him is not even new to his eyes. These are Raven lands. These are his. It’s all heavy nostalgia when as he scans his eyes on them. They were his.

“Jongin!”

He may be thankful when he hears the call because he’s close to find himself in a memory he dreads. His name coming from a new voice is like a snap at the back of his head, a cue that he has to come back to reality. Jongin searches for Junmyeon and Jongdae and sees them moving downwards, their wings beating the air in slow, heavy flaps, and they’re looking at Jongin eagerly waiting for him to come after them.

He smiles and shifts, zooming at them and the two literally dash excitedly, charging downwards and into the woods. The Southern Woods. Jongin half-hesitates half-pursues them but he can’t ignore the way his heartbeat races as if his heart falls as fast as how he dives with narrow wings. He hears the leaves rustle, loud and crisp, like something quick and hard has hit them, and when he fails to see Junmyeon and Jongdae again, Jongin’s eyes wander around, pupils moving fast from one side to the other.

Just when he tries to keep himself sane from things he doesn’t want to return to, they all come back to haunt him again. Everything is as green as they are supposed to be but he sees red when there is none. He hears screams when there is just the sound of wind. He smells a stench when there is just the lush of green. He’s alone and he feels helpless now.

“J-Junmyeon?” His voice drops. He’s slowing down but breathing fast.

“Here! Come here!” Somebody answers. It sounds like Junmyeon. Or Jongdae. Or somebody else. He can’t recognize. In each time he recalls the voice it becomes deeper, husky, frightening. It rings in his head and it grows louder, like the words morph into flesh, covering his ears until the words are the only thing he hears.

“Guys can you like...come back here? I don’t think this is a good idea!” Jongin yells, trying to sound calm as he can still be.

Junmyeon bolts in front of him and Jongin yells, short but loud. He holds Jongin on his right wrist and tugs him. “Hide and seek! It’s going to be fine!”

"I can't do this," Jongin mumbles. The wind has become soft around them and Junmyeon can clearly hear his whisper. He shakes his head and tightens his grasp on Jongin, one that persuades but not painful.

They move, the sound of their wings weak and careful. It's a careful pace, moving in inches at every second. They're close, just a few feet before their wings can make the leaves of trees flutter. But the twists in Jongin's stomach has gone too strong to hold in and he's reaching the limit.

He snaps, pulling his arm away from Junmyeon's hold. "I can't do this. I'm going back."

"We're here. I'm here. It's fine, Jongin." Junmyeon sounds like he begs. His slanted brows show disappointment and for a moment it pulls a string in Jongin's chest. They're at the peak of fun and Jongin is killing it. But he chooses his sanity.

It isn’t fine.

He zooms out.

“Jongin!”

No.

“I’m… I’m going back!”

He yells. Or so he thinks because they just slip out of his trembling lips in breathy whispers. He normally waits for Junmyeon’s answer but this time, just this time he swears, he won’t. He turns on his heel-wings-and flies away. He has probably heard his name called again but he isn’t sure; he doesn’t look back, eyes fixed on the floating palace of the Falcons. It’s only now that he realizes how far they’ve reached when he thinks he’s been on air for a long time, as if the edge of the gardens are moving farther away from him.

His chest constricts with fear, feeling a lot heavier as the wind presses against it harder. Yet he flies fast, flapping his wings that when they beat the air he can feel a sting on his back. He doesn’t mind the pain if that will take him to his safe zone.

The closer he gets the calmer he becomes. When his soles touch the gardens he feels a bucket-full relief poured on him. His breathing evens and the pounds on his chest slow down. When he folds his wings and the scapulars sting, a sensation similar to cuts and sprains happening both at the same time, he knows he has pushed himself to a limit. The first step he makes is fine but the second sends a couple of maids rushing at him; his left leg bends on its own, knee too weak to take half of his weight. If it isn’t for the arms around him keeping him up, he might have dropped to the ground. When he tries and finally bends it again, he tells himself he’s all fine again.

“It’s okay. I’m good,” he gestures at them to go back to their posts. They reluctantly leave Jongin only until they bring him to a seat.

Jongin feels strange. At first he is relieved that he’s back to somewhere he feels safe but when he thinks about what happened, he wonders if it’s something he should have done. He rationalizes, convincing himself that it’s a normal reaction to things that have once hurt you. People move on but when it’s more than what they can take, the pain leaves an imprint. They call it trauma and he’s overtaken by too much of it.

He’s calm for a while, fanning himself as he cools down from a breakdown, but it doesn’t last long. He remembers Junmyeon and Jongdae. A new kind of fear fills his chest. It's different, like that fear you get by instinct initially with no apparent reasons. It sinks in quick that his heartbeat races yet again, the rush of blood to his head getting him reeling.

He stands up abruptly, head spinning but still finding a balance to remain on foot. The shaky feeling doesn’t leave him at once but he ignores it. He runs toward the beam where they took off earlier but before he can even proceed to any action, he hears a loud yell.

“Help the Prince! Quick! Help the Prince!”

The scream is troubled, loud enough that the alarming voice sends everyone on a standstill. The maids are looking at him and the fright in their eyes put Jongin to a more apprehended state. He hopes it isn’t too bad, maybe wishing desperately, because as how he hears all the disconcerting cries from the gates, his faith seems to turn its back on him.

He’s hurt his wings enough that he can’t bring himself to fly again. With his flight skills useless, he runs instead, taking the long staircase that reaches to the gates. He squeezes himself in between the growing crowd of guards. It becomes cramped at each second but he manages to get in front only to gasp loudly in surprise at what he sees. Junmyeon hobbles as he and another guard carry Jongdae by an arm, the latter trying to move his limbs but at the hurried movements he’s basically getting dragged. His head is bowed, a stream of blood visible from the side of his face. A chill travels down Jongin’s spine. The crimson stains stretch to his neck and his left chest is drenched in red. He still is conscious because the legs are still moving but he is too pained and weak to look like he’s half-dead. A couple more guards come to assist them and they take Jongdae out of their hands, lying him down but carefully on a stretcher.

“Make way! Make way!” the guards scream, shoving people out of the way, even Jongin despite having kept a significant distance from them all. As Jongdae’s body passes by him, the hairs on his arm and back stand on their end, and he can't pull away the hand over his mouth. Then comes Junmyeon. He is a mess, dirt and blood smearing his face and clothes and his hands are visibly shaking. It’s the first time Jongin sees him paler than he already is, his lips trembling, too, eyes teary but he’s holding them back.

Jongin is in front of everyone else, standing by the gates, frozen as he watches. Junmyeon doesn’t see him.

A guard recognizes Jongin and asks. "Aren't you supposed to be with them?"

( next )