John/Delenn randomness, Babylon 5
Part four of the graduation celebration: John/Delenn randomness. I wrote about a dozen of these sorts of fragments while I was watching my way through seasons 2 and 3 of Babylon 5, when John and Delenn were still in their delightful pattern of flirting and "accidentally" running into each other but when it was clear they'd already completely fallen for one another. I wrote John somehow finding a way to helpfully and suggestively brush Delenn's hair. I wrote John watching Delenn practice with a Minbari fighting pike. I wrote John just watching Delenn, over and over. And every time, I was trying to get at that moment before love, when everything is all wavy hands and magic.
I was listening to If You Need A Reason by Mason Jennings pretty much every day on my walk to class, and it made me think of John and Delenn reaching out for each other in all those small but ultimately significant ways.
1. Difference
Delenn’s quarters smell of a perfume that John has known longer than he has known Delenn, and still he can’t name it. It's the scent of almonds and daisies and fresh cold air and it makes his mouth water when he looks at Delenn, at her hair falling down over her shoulder as she turns her back to him to get them a tray of tea.
He has not fully acknowledged that they are alone in her quarters. He keeps expecting Lennier to come around the corner. But everything is quiet, even Delenn pouring tea and arranging cups is so quiet that John can hear his own breathing, suddenly ragged and uneven.
“Captain,” Delenn says, and he jumps. “John?” she says, more softly, and rests her hand on his arm. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” he says, forcing a laugh. “You startled me, that’s all. I’m fine." Still, Delenn steps closer.
“John," she says, in that voice that seems to know him too well already. "What is it?”
“We’re alone."
“Yes,” Delenn replies, waiting, and John realizes that she thinks he is making certain they are alone before saying anything more.
“We’re alone,” he says again. “That’s all. I just realized...” He trails off, and the realization reaches her eyes.
“We have been alone before,” she says. If he didn't know better, he'd think she was being coy. She pats his arm, and just as she pulls away he catches her hand in his and holds it, very gently, looking first at her fingers in his and then into her eyes.
“Doesn't it make a difference that we’re alone?” John asks, and runs his thumb over the back of her hand.
Delenn’s mouth forms a delightful shape as she appears to be savoring her words. “Perhaps,” she says, and twists her fingers in his. “Perhaps the smallest things make a difference.” She enunciates the last words, as though they belong to John and she likes the way they feel.
2. Mediation
John is trying to meditate. Delenn watches him, unable to concentrate on her own mediation, unless she considers watching John to be a form of meditation in and of itself.
John keeps sighing. He breathes in, holds his breath too long, and lets it out all in a rush, over and over, and Delenn watches him and tries to listen to the voice of the universe, but what she hears instead is her own voice, which is whispering to her John’s name.
“Meditation will help your stress," she says, but even she is beginning to doubt its usefulness to John at this moment. "It will help you relax.”
John sighs once more, and it's more frustration than exhalation and so Delenn reaches out and puts her hand over his. His eyes fly open and he looks at her, down at her hand, and then back at her.
He laughs then. “I’m not very good at this. And I’m distracting you."
Both things are true, but admitting either means admitting that John is a welcome distraction. The voice of the universe that she couldn't hear a moment ago now whispers quite clearly to her that John's hand under hers is becoming reassuringly familiar. Delenn says only, “Now close your eyes and breathe,” and she tries to follow her own command.
I was listening to If You Need A Reason by Mason Jennings pretty much every day on my walk to class, and it made me think of John and Delenn reaching out for each other in all those small but ultimately significant ways.
1. Difference
Delenn’s quarters smell of a perfume that John has known longer than he has known Delenn, and still he can’t name it. It's the scent of almonds and daisies and fresh cold air and it makes his mouth water when he looks at Delenn, at her hair falling down over her shoulder as she turns her back to him to get them a tray of tea.
He has not fully acknowledged that they are alone in her quarters. He keeps expecting Lennier to come around the corner. But everything is quiet, even Delenn pouring tea and arranging cups is so quiet that John can hear his own breathing, suddenly ragged and uneven.
“Captain,” Delenn says, and he jumps. “John?” she says, more softly, and rests her hand on his arm. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” he says, forcing a laugh. “You startled me, that’s all. I’m fine." Still, Delenn steps closer.
“John," she says, in that voice that seems to know him too well already. "What is it?”
“We’re alone."
“Yes,” Delenn replies, waiting, and John realizes that she thinks he is making certain they are alone before saying anything more.
“We’re alone,” he says again. “That’s all. I just realized...” He trails off, and the realization reaches her eyes.
“We have been alone before,” she says. If he didn't know better, he'd think she was being coy. She pats his arm, and just as she pulls away he catches her hand in his and holds it, very gently, looking first at her fingers in his and then into her eyes.
“Doesn't it make a difference that we’re alone?” John asks, and runs his thumb over the back of her hand.
Delenn’s mouth forms a delightful shape as she appears to be savoring her words. “Perhaps,” she says, and twists her fingers in his. “Perhaps the smallest things make a difference.” She enunciates the last words, as though they belong to John and she likes the way they feel.
2. Mediation
John is trying to meditate. Delenn watches him, unable to concentrate on her own mediation, unless she considers watching John to be a form of meditation in and of itself.
John keeps sighing. He breathes in, holds his breath too long, and lets it out all in a rush, over and over, and Delenn watches him and tries to listen to the voice of the universe, but what she hears instead is her own voice, which is whispering to her John’s name.
“Meditation will help your stress," she says, but even she is beginning to doubt its usefulness to John at this moment. "It will help you relax.”
John sighs once more, and it's more frustration than exhalation and so Delenn reaches out and puts her hand over his. His eyes fly open and he looks at her, down at her hand, and then back at her.
He laughs then. “I’m not very good at this. And I’m distracting you."
Both things are true, but admitting either means admitting that John is a welcome distraction. The voice of the universe that she couldn't hear a moment ago now whispers quite clearly to her that John's hand under hers is becoming reassuringly familiar. Delenn says only, “Now close your eyes and breathe,” and she tries to follow her own command.