(no subject)
My mom called me this morning to tell me that my Grandma passed away last night in her sleep. I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about this. My Grandma and I weren't very close, and the last time I saw her was at my Grandpa's funeral about 2 1/2 years ago. She has been in assisted living for about 10 years and just hadn't been herself for a long time. I feel horribly for my mom, and when she called this morning I just kept offering my mom sympathy. It felt weird because I think I'm supposed to feel something, but I don't. My Grandma was in a lot of pain, she was lonely, she couldn't communicate very well, she had gained a lot of weight due to inactivity, and she got diabetes as a result. I just think that maybe this was for the best. Her last meal was ice cream and cookies, and she died in her sleep. Wouldn't we all be lucky if that was how we went? I just think she's better off this way. I hope that doesn't make me cruel. My mom had been emailing me all week about my grandma's failing health. I told her I would pray for her, but my prayers were to take away her pain. Reading back on these words it makes me sound like a horrible, selfish person, but if it were me in that position, I would probably want to go too. I just keep thinking about how lonely she must have been. Those assisted living places seem like a prison with worse food. My hope is that I die before I end up in one of those places. I suppose I should be careful what I wish for, but I know that my grandma is in a better place with her husband - hopefully eating all the cookies and ice cream she wants.