(no subject)
I don't really see my life going in any direction right now. It's really depressing. I'm sitting here applying for more jobs and it just hit me.
I'm unhappy with my life.
I mean, everyone reaches this point sometime in their life, right? I mean, when you just really hate life. I don't mean like a holycrapI'mgoingtofailthisclassFML. NO. I mean a legitimate Iamreallyunhappywithmylife.
I've got a job at Target. However, it's not enough. I don't want to seem like I'm ungrateful because I am, but IT'S NOT ENOUGH MONEY. Not enough to live on anyway. My mom has to keep paying for things for me. I hate it.
That means I'm still dependent. I don't want to be this way.
I need another job, but no luck there.
Plus, I have the channel 8 broadcasting thing tomorrow. THAT, more than anything, is what I dread right now. I really do hate broadcasting meteorology. It's no fun. It feels like a chore. If I wanted to do ANYTHING with journalism, it'd be print. I'd rather people read my words than listen to them. Alright the exception there would be if I made movies. But since I have a SUCKY camera (and not enough money to buy a decent camcorder), that's not happening any time soon.
I'm 21 years old. I live with my parents. I drive my COUSIN's car and my mom still has to pay for stuff for me.
I should be living on my own. The number of jobs I have applied to have to be in the 300s or 400s. It's ridiculous. You'd think more people would contact me, but no.
What's worse is that Weatherbug took their "Project Manager - Operations" description down, which usually means that they have found someone for the job. Additionally, they have not contacted me yet and it's been down for a couple of days now (I checked almost every day).
They also said they'd contact me after three weeks. It's been around six.
My patience is wearing thin. I'm tired of going to channel 8 because it's an opportunity. I want to go because I WANT to be there, NOT because it's an opportunity. It's like I'm stuck at having one little job (Target) instead of two jobs OR stuck at being broadcasting meteorologist even though I absolutely HATE IT.
I'm a friggin dependent. I don't want to be this person anymore. I can't even make the most of it because I'm being kept "on watch" and my mother is nuts.
I'm trying to be responsible, but every time I try that my family immediately takes me four steps backwards, back to being a teenager and a bit less responsible and even more dependent.
wonderful. what else am I to do...