My work here is done.
It occurs to me that the Big Twelve just isn't the cesspool of evil that it was when I agreed to come here three years ago.
Check this out:
Iowa State 2006: Most of team recruited by noted cad Larry Eustachy.
Iowa State 2009: The best the UDK can come up with is "Cyclones suck".
Nebraska 2006: Nebraska plays basketball? Next you'll want me to believe Virginia has a team...
Nebraska 2009: Nebraska plays sports? Next you'll want me to believe Virginia has teams...
Colorado 2006: Maybe those rape-orgy recruiting parties were confined to the football program.
Colorado 2009: New coach stolen from Air Force, which has never had any sex scandals...
Kansas State 2006: Employs Bob Huggins.
Kansas State 2009: Stuck with Huggins's leftovers.
Missouri 2006: Quin Snyder is way too sexy for his own good. Then they fire him mid-season.
Missouri 2009: Takes inordinate pride in 150-year-old terrorist history.
Kansas 2006: Serious Roy-related inferiority complex.
Kansas 2009: Defending national champions.
Oklahoma State 2006: Employs Eddie Sutton.
Oklahoma State 2009: Employs me. (Modulo the vanishingly small chance of a better offer from elsewhere.)
Oklahoma 2006: Getting rid of Kelvin Sampson one ahead of the posse.
Oklahoma 2009: I don't think even UNC fans can complain about Jeff Capel.
Texas Tech 2006: Employs Bob Knight.
Texas Tech 2009: Allows Pat Knight to humiliate his father twice weekly.
Baylor 2006: The players actually _kill_ each other.
Baylor 2009: Everyone seems to have forgotten the murder scandal. Still fundamentalist Baptists, though.
Texas A&M 2006: Nobody knows it yet, but Billy Gillespie is a thug.
Texas A&M 2009: Without Acie Law IV, they are nothing.
Texas 2006: Forces me to root for Rick Barnes upwards of three times a year.
Texas 2009: Not any more.
<\lj-cut>
See! Much better.
Check this out:
Iowa State 2006: Most of team recruited by noted cad Larry Eustachy.
Iowa State 2009: The best the UDK can come up with is "Cyclones suck".
Nebraska 2006: Nebraska plays basketball? Next you'll want me to believe Virginia has a team...
Nebraska 2009: Nebraska plays sports? Next you'll want me to believe Virginia has teams...
Colorado 2006: Maybe those rape-orgy recruiting parties were confined to the football program.
Colorado 2009: New coach stolen from Air Force, which has never had any sex scandals...
Kansas State 2006: Employs Bob Huggins.
Kansas State 2009: Stuck with Huggins's leftovers.
Missouri 2006: Quin Snyder is way too sexy for his own good. Then they fire him mid-season.
Missouri 2009: Takes inordinate pride in 150-year-old terrorist history.
Kansas 2006: Serious Roy-related inferiority complex.
Kansas 2009: Defending national champions.
Oklahoma State 2006: Employs Eddie Sutton.
Oklahoma State 2009: Employs me. (Modulo the vanishingly small chance of a better offer from elsewhere.)
Oklahoma 2006: Getting rid of Kelvin Sampson one ahead of the posse.
Oklahoma 2009: I don't think even UNC fans can complain about Jeff Capel.
Texas Tech 2006: Employs Bob Knight.
Texas Tech 2009: Allows Pat Knight to humiliate his father twice weekly.
Baylor 2006: The players actually _kill_ each other.
Baylor 2009: Everyone seems to have forgotten the murder scandal. Still fundamentalist Baptists, though.
Texas A&M 2006: Nobody knows it yet, but Billy Gillespie is a thug.
Texas A&M 2009: Without Acie Law IV, they are nothing.
Texas 2006: Forces me to root for Rick Barnes upwards of three times a year.
Texas 2009: Not any more.
<\lj-cut>
See! Much better.