When in Doubt You go Back to Your Roots
i have not been my best lately. no happy go lucky jen here. i try to be. and most of the time i am. but there are some things that just can not roll off of my shoulder any longer. like my family fights. or my lack of control over friendships. relationships. life. i want it back. not the past. the present. i have lost it. i am not a woman who is almost twenty. i am a girl who is frightened. frightened with who she has become. i am supposed to be the one who made it to college. first in my family to get a four year degree. (no joke, well a few aunts and uncles on my mom's side, but the complete first on my dads for all the generations that i know of) make a name for myself. what if i don't. then what do i do. i have had one main dream. and nothing to fall on. i know what the comments will be. you are amazing. you will make it. and ya know what. i prly will. but there is so much more. it sounds like something from a musical. (bc it is) how do i keep my dreams. my little quirks. and still be taken seriously. go from care bear to gay rights. (just a random example going with recent events) that's me. that's who i am. deal with it. it's a harsh combination. i know. to have someone cling to childhood. and that same someone be so politically charged. it adds to the confusion. confusion of who i am. who am i. but i think my biggest deal is i will understand myself when people start to understand me. it's a backwards way of thinking. it just might work.
love everyone. it's easier that having to pick and choose
going back to your roots. yesterday was bad. got out of hand. couldn't handle it. yelling. screaming. it could be worse. it could be better. who knows. but one thing calmed me down. a cd. a cd i know like the back of my hand. even better than that. Rent. Rent. sang at the top of my lungs. something i am good at. words i am passionate about. something i have not done in a long time. go back to your roots.
will i lose my dignity?
will someone care?
will i wake tmrw from this nightmare?
TAKEISHA HOLLAWAY-PATRICK CALLED ME YESTERDAY. now about 99% of you have no idea who i am talking about. growing up my family was a part of what is call the fresh air fund. kids from NYC get bused up here to experience a different way of life. from the time we were 8 till we were 15 we spent our summer together. grew up together. sisters. got people so confused. even mad. we refused to be told we weren't sisters. me pale as porcelain. her dark as night. didn't matter. i talked to her for two hours yesterday. it was amazing. i miss her so much. and she might visit. hell yea.
Tonto, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it...
Kemosabi, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it...
Custer, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it...
Apache, jump on it, jump on it
i got a B in Span 102. go me. so happy. now i have a question. how do i get that to Geneseo. only one more spanish class to go. maybe i will take a theatre class somewhere before the summer is over. any suggestions what or where.
Tu hables espanol?
and now stealing this from John:
Post a memory of me as a comment in this entry. It can be anything you want. You can post as many memories as you want. Then, of course, post this to your journal and see what people remember of you.
love everyone. it's easier that having to pick and choose
going back to your roots. yesterday was bad. got out of hand. couldn't handle it. yelling. screaming. it could be worse. it could be better. who knows. but one thing calmed me down. a cd. a cd i know like the back of my hand. even better than that. Rent. Rent. sang at the top of my lungs. something i am good at. words i am passionate about. something i have not done in a long time. go back to your roots.
will i lose my dignity?
will someone care?
will i wake tmrw from this nightmare?
TAKEISHA HOLLAWAY-PATRICK CALLED ME YESTERDAY. now about 99% of you have no idea who i am talking about. growing up my family was a part of what is call the fresh air fund. kids from NYC get bused up here to experience a different way of life. from the time we were 8 till we were 15 we spent our summer together. grew up together. sisters. got people so confused. even mad. we refused to be told we weren't sisters. me pale as porcelain. her dark as night. didn't matter. i talked to her for two hours yesterday. it was amazing. i miss her so much. and she might visit. hell yea.
Tonto, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it...
Kemosabi, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it...
Custer, jump on it, jump on it, jump on it...
Apache, jump on it, jump on it
i got a B in Span 102. go me. so happy. now i have a question. how do i get that to Geneseo. only one more spanish class to go. maybe i will take a theatre class somewhere before the summer is over. any suggestions what or where.
Tu hables espanol?
and now stealing this from John:
Post a memory of me as a comment in this entry. It can be anything you want. You can post as many memories as you want. Then, of course, post this to your journal and see what people remember of you.