Flight 109 - Destination: First Love [Chapter 12]
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Here I am again, keeping my promise that I won't take that long for another update :) Gimme love, gimme love! :D My fic is, as you might've realized is unbeta-ed, so if I make some mistakes, please don't hesitate to let me know :) The story is inspired by yeppie. As usual, comments, inputs and criticisms are highly appreciated. And if you haven't read the previous chapter you can always refer to the master post.
The airplane icon marks the present time. 30-31 August 2013.
The cloud icon marks the past. Around the year of 2006.
「CHAPTER 12: THE PRICE TAG」
Sakurai Sho walks out of the plane with drowsy eyes, drowning his face more under the hospital mask he is wearing as a disguise. It has been a very tiring trip. He hates early flights, but he still prefers them rather than being discovered again in a usually much more crowded flight.
Not after last night. He was tired. He was overworked. And all he wanted to do was just to have was some down time with some staff, having some drinks at a bar and enjoy some privacy when some fangirls were trailing them. They have been trailing them ever since he finished dinner earlier and followed him to the bar. They didn't approach him. They didn't take pictures, but they kept looking at him and giggling, whispering words to each other. He knows that there's nothing wrong in doing that. He knows that they don't mean anything wrong.
But it tired him whole. If only they just approached him once and get it done and over with quickly, perhaps it would be much better that way. So he just decided to take the drinks back to his hotel room and have some down time with himself.
If only the other Arashi members were with him. It is not the staff doesn't understand, they really do. But as much as they do, they still are not in the same boat as him. They know, even though they don't say it, that this is the price tag of the success that he has achieved. The price tag that he shares with the rest of his bandmates. If only the other members were with him last night, they would laugh it off together and happily continue drinking at his hotel room, making jokes about this particular price tag of becoming an idol. But because the members were not there last night, well, it's not that bad. But, it is just kinda lonely.
As Sho gets to the arrival foyer, the familiar drowsy face of Ninomiya Kazunari is the first face that he sees. Even though Nino is also drowning his own face under his baseball cap and glasses, Sho can recognize him in an instant.
"Uso!" His face brightens up in complete surprise, "What are you doing here?"
"Picking you up like a perfectly nice bandmate," Nino mutters lazily as Sho gives him a high five.
"All by yourself?"
"No," Nino grins incredelously, "That would be so gay, right?"
Sho gives him a slap on his back, returning his sly smirk. Nino beckons to a waiting bench behind him, where his companion is. Sho follows his gaze and finds Kitashiro Rei sits by herself, or is sleeping on that bench to be exact.
"She can't sleep all night long at Jun's place. We are picking up Jun anyways in a couple of hours and she needs to hear something from you first beforehand," Nino starts to explain. "Aiba and Oh-chan are still sleeping, so they are staying at Jun's place. They have schedules for this morning.. So.. It's just us three."
"Ask me what? What happened?" Sho is clearly confused.
Nino lets out a small sigh and starts to tell Sho the details.
---
"Better?" Nino asks Rei with genuine concern as she sips her black coffee.
Rei nods halfheartedly and lifts up her head to face the sharp eyes of Sakurai Sho's who has been knitting his eyebrows at her ever since she gives him a welcome hug as soon as Nino wakes her up.
Before anyone can notice their celebrity status, they find a private corner at a coffee shop by the airport. Luckily, by that time of the day, they can have as much as privacy as they need.
"Let me be straight to you, Rei-chan," Sho blurts out as soon as Rei puts down her cup. "I like you a lot as a girl, as Jun's girlfriend and I respect your relationship with him."
Rei straightens her back but tilts her head as she tries to digest whatever it is that Sho is trying to say.
"But I don't like this," he flatly spits out, not smiling.
"Sho-kun.." Nino puts a hand on his shoulder.
"I don't like being drag into your personal matters," Sho still doesn't crack a smile.
"I don't mean to do that," Rei keeps her gaze to her cup.
"I know. But you are doing that. Not just to me, but to the other members as well, if I hear Nino's story correctly."
Nino waves his hand, "No, it's not like that at all. I don't mind.."
But Sho cuts him midsentence, "He doesn't mind because he used to love you more that a friend and he still cares for you a great deal without him realizing it or not."
"Sho-kun!" Nino warns him, blushing.
"Why? Did I say something wrong?"
Rei just drowns her gaze deeper to her coffee.
"No.." Rei finally mumbles. "You didn't."
Nino looks away. Sho takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
"We don't get a lot of privacy as idols. I think, you, Rei-chan, as an actress can understand that completely, right?" Sho begins again. He still doesn't smile but his tone is now softer.
"So there's an unwritten rule within our group that we always try to follow. That is to respect each other's privacy. And when you ask us about a member's past, even though you are his current girlfriend right now, it is a violation to that rule," Sho continues. "It is the least we can do for each other as becoming an idol comes with a price."
Only silence answers his explanation. Sho sips his own black coffee before he continues again.
"About Hanazono Minako. If Jun hasn't told you about her up until now, then he has his own reason," Sho follows Nino's gaze to the small park outside the big glass window. "I have no idea what his reason is but, I'd like to respect that."
"I know you probably came across that past by accident. But he will be here in a couple of hours. So, I think whatever it is that you want to know, you can ask him directly," Sho now tries to smile. "I am sorry if I am being too hard on you."
Rei shakes her head, "No, Sho-kun, I'm sorry for putting you guys in a difficult position.. I think.. I think I am just.."
"Insecure?" Nino speaks out, reading her mind.
"Yeah.."
"About what?" Sho softly asks her. "Whatever happened in the past is in the past, you know?"
"I'm just scared that he wouldn't want me anymore when he lands back here. After meeting her again.." Rei softly admits in a low voice, almost in a whisper.
"Will you?" Sho asks again.
"Will I what?"
"Will you want him, love him just the same, after you know what happened years ago? After you know that maybe, this is purely hypothetically, that even though he does love you with all his might, he still keeps a place for Minako deep down inside? Will you be able to accept that?" Sho's eyes doesn't leave hers. Neither does Nino's. Anticipates for her answer.
But that is a question that neither of them can answer.
Rei takes another sip of her black coffee. Hoping the bitterness can make her feel again.
Sho has a point. Nothing can ever be the same again.
---
As Sakurai Sho looks out of the window of the taxi he is riding on his way back home to his apartment, he tries to wash away the guilt from seeing his bestfriend's girlfriend's teary eyes.
It is not that he doesn't want to tell her. Or that he is that strict. But he has been burdened with enough guilt with what he has blurted out to Minako years ago. He has swore to himself that very day that he would not put himself in that position ever again.
But it is easier said than done.
He still remembers what happened 7 years ago perfectly he can writes it into a very detailed essay.
He shuts his eyes. He has tried to forget. He never speaks about it anymore. He never admits it to Jun himself. And he still feels guilty because of it.
Because if, only if, he doesn't violate the other member's privacy rule that one time, Minako would probably never leave Jun's side. They would probably still together until this day. And maybe, just maybe, Jun's heart would never be broken.
The guy loved her that much. He still remembers his eyes that day. He never ever sees the youngest member of Arashi has that look in his eyes ever again. Not even when he is with Kitashiro Rei.
It is the harsh cold truth. And that eyes, those pair of chocolate determined eyes, it is still crystal clear in Sho's memory.
Matsumoto Jun barges out of the room with such anger Sho only ever saw in his acting as Domyouji. He doesn't realize until that day that Jun himself has that characteristic to get so angry.
"Jun!" Sho tries to call him, following him outside of Johnny Kitagawa's office when they just had the argument of the year over the flying rumors on the internet about Jun and Minako. Sho is closely followed by the other 3 members of Arashi.
Jun stops his big steps and Sho can tell from the way his shoulders are moving up and down, he is trying to control the burning rage inside him.
"I'm sorry, guys," Jun blurts out in shaky voice.
"Did you really mean it, Matsujun?" Aiba asks, hurt is in his eyes.
"You're leaving us?" Nino asks as well in disbelief.
"I don't want to!" Jun finally turns around, trying to blink back his tears. "But it can't be like this! This is not.. This is not..," He tries to find the word.
"Human?" Nino finds it for him. "We are idols, Jun. It comes with a price,"
"Oh, you are going to give me the price tag speech as well? Being an idol is not considered as a human being?"
"So you love her more that you love Arashi, then?" This time it is Ohno's calm voice, asking him a sincere direct question.
"It is not about that!"
"Then what is it about?" Aiba is still confused.
"How can you guys stand it?" Jun returns his question with another question. He looks into the eyes of the older members one by one. His voice and glare soften.
"How can you stand giving up you heart like this? I never understand it when you guys did it and I refuse to ever do that! This isn't only about her. This is a principle that I've decided upon myself.."
"Jun.." Sho finally speaks up, "I understand."
Jun looks up to him and Sho gives him a smile. But a moment of comfort doesn't last as long as Jun would like it to be.
"It was hard. It was the hardest thing I've ever done," Nino answers Jun's question coldly, "But it was worth it. Arashi is worth it."
"Is it?" Jun questions again in disbelief. "Does it feel like it is when you said that? You can't fool me, Nino.. I never understand how you can stand yourself after you left her for stardom."
That does it. If it is any other person but Nino, Jun will surely gets a hard hit.
But Nino just stands there. Takes a deep breath and being the first one to leave the scene.
Jun regrets his own harsh words, "Neen, sorry, I didn't mean that."
"Sure, you did," Nino doesn't turn around and keep walking, "You'll understand in time, Jun-kun. As she'll leave you if she knows what you are giving up. Trust me on that one."
As soon as Nino is out of the room, both Aiba and Oh-chan follow the younger member's steps. Sho is the last one to leave.
He gives Jun a soft pat on his shoulder before he finally leaves, "Ganbatte."
With that, Sho leaves the youngest member all by himself, only with the determination burning his eyes.
It is the last time the five Arashi members seen together for a while. As Matsumoto Jun is missing after that particular happening.
Nobody can reach him for a whole two weeks. All shooting schedules for their variety shows are in disarray because of that.
Sho tries to reason to the others that it is a price tag for seeing one of their brothers to actually have a taste of happiness.
---
Being a group with one member is missing in action means that the other members have their much needed day-offs for a while. Sho happily receives the unplanned vacation with his family, taking them for a short trip to Okinawa, even though there's still a burden in his heart.
Jun could have called, could he? At least telling them that he is fine. Where in the world could he be right now?
But the moment Sho enters a small bar to have some drinks before going back to the hotel that night, he finds his answer right at the corner of that particular bar.
Right there, right then, Hanazono Minako sits by herself with a bottle of sake in front of her. Bawling her eyes out.
Sho can't believe what he sees. He doesn't know the girl well enough, but he believes, from his short yet memorable first time meeting with her, she is not the type that shows anyone her helpless side like this.
Sho walks over to her, even though he is still uncertain in what to say, what to do.
He clears his throat as he gets closer. But Minako doesn't hear it.
He clears his throat again, two times this time. Minako still drowns in her own cries.
Sho sighs and decides to just have a seat in front of her. He orders his drinks at the bar and brings over his drinks to the table. Minako still doesn't realize his presence. So he just waits whilst he drinks. Watching her as he crosses his arms in front of his chest, sitting right across the table. He can't help but wonder whether even Jun himself has ever seen her this vulnerable before.
After a good 15 minutes of bawling, Minako finally calms herself down and starts to wipe her floods of tears as she lifts up her face. Only to find Sakurai Sho in the same position 15 minutes ago, watching her closely with his arms crossed in front of his chest, that is.
"Uso!" Minako jumps out of her seat in complete surprise, "Sakurai-san, what are you doing here?"
Sho is also surprised by her sudden reaction, he jumps out of his own seat and bows deeply, "Gomenasai! I don't mean to disturb your privacy!"
They exclaim at exactly the same time. And for a good one minute, they just stare at each other, before they finally burst out laughing.
Sho can't help but understand what Jun sees in her. She has this natural vibe in affecting people. Like this time, even though her eyes are puffy and teary, her smile brightens up the room.
They sit again to their original position, "I must have surprised you."
"Please, Sakurai-san," She wipes away traces of her tears from her face with a napkin as if they are just crumbs of breads she were eating, the sad aura has left her completely. "Don't ever do that to a girl."
He chuckles at that, "Actually I have been trying to catch your attention for the last 15 minutes. But you are too deep in your, well, in what you are doing."
"Crying is not such a bad word that you must avoid, Sakurai-san," Minako is obviously amused by his choice of words, "On the contrary, it is a very natural thing for mammals to do."
"Humans, you mean? What does it have anything to do with mammals?"
"Whales can cry as well, right?"
"Whales?"
"Yeah. Free Willy cries, right?"
Sho bursts out laughing again.
"Why, thank you. I am glad if I am approved to be such a funny woman by my ichiban from Arashi," Minako smiles wide.
"Uso! I can't still be your ichiban after what happened.."
"You mean after you almost broke my grandma's wheelchair?" Minako catches Sho's gaze, "I am the one who still feels guilty about that day.."
"Well, I broke your grandma's wheelchair. So shall we call it a truce?" Sho lifts up his glass to her.
She happily does the same and clinks their glasses, "Kanpai!"
"Kanpai!"
None of the two said anything even after the third sip of their drinks. Sho has been itching to ask something but still trying to fight his uncertainty when Minako finally breaks the silence.
"Jun-kun is at the condo. The condo we rented. We've been staying there for a few days now," It is as if Minako can read Sho's mind.
Sho nods a couple of times.
"We didn't fight, in case you are wondering," Minako offers him that bit of information to cure his curiousity.
"So why did you, um, cry?"
"Good. It is not such a bad word, is it?" Minako smiles to him. "I was crying because of happiness that I don't expect I could have."
"Eh?"
"You sure you want to hear this?"
"Is it okay for you to tell?"
Minako just shrugs, "I guess. Happiness should be shared amongst friends, right? Jun and you are practically brothers."
Sho smiles at the irony of her words, "We sure are."
"Even though he left Arashi, you guys are not mad at him?"
"He told you?"
"After World War Ten between us, he finally did."
Sho chuckles at her expression. He can really imagine how Jun would try to hide it from her at first and how she will sense that something is wrong..
"The other members are sort of mad. But they'll get over it soon."
"How about you?"
"Well.." Sho decides to be brutally honest with her, "I just wish he just didn't go missing like this. I mean, I believe it can be sorted out without him leaving Arashi."
"How so?"
"Those are not written rules. There must be a way.."
"But not without a price, right?"
"Everything has its price.."
Minako sadly laughs at that. "You know, funny that you said it. This evening, when he finally told me that he can give up everything in his life right now just to be with me.. Including being an idol, being Arashi.. Boy, which girl isn't happy to hear that from the man she truly loves? I am bursting out of happiness. I can't really describe how I feel, you know? I am truly thankful for his love and determination to be with me. But then I have to get out, you know? Then the next thing I know I can't stop myself from crying. Because.. Because I realize, this great love that we have, it also comes with a price.."
"Which is.."
"The price tag says that I have to stay away.. I have to leave him, right?"
At that moment, Minako looks straight into Sho's eyes. Sho feels he has seen that kind of determination in someone's eyes before, not such a long time before that. It is the same determination he has seen in Jun's eyes.
"But, Minako.."
"But, I can't, Sakurai-san. I just realize that I can't.. I can't breathe even just to imagine of living without him. It hurts. So much."
Sho blinks once, then twice. He is not sure how to react, how to respond. And if he does, would anything that he says matter?
"I understand.."
"No, Sakurai-san, you don't.."
"Eh?"
"But I love that I can talk to you this way, you know. It has always been my dream to discuss about random things with you. Talk about how whales cry, and how love works.. How love needs sacrifices.." She sighs dreamily.
"And the things that people do for love.." Sho gives her a small smile. "How the world crumbles around you and all that matters is the person you are in love with."
Minako smiles back, "I take it back. I was wrong. You do understand.."
Her words are simple. Yet, her eyes speak differently. It is as if they find something new. Something they just realize. It speaks a million of other unspoken less simple words.
That look in her eyes, it scares him. It is as if Sho has said something he shouldn't have said. That it will be the source of his guilt even until 7 years later.
But that time, Sho can only shakes his head and laughs heartily, "I don't get you."
"Don't fret about it. Neither does Jun."
It sounds and seems like a meaningless light conversation. But when Matsumoto Jun comes back to Tokyo with a broken heart a week later, Sho always wonders silently until this very day.
Whether he has said something that encourage Minako to leave Jun. Or whether he could have said something to change her mind about leaving Jun. Whether he has an unnecessary part in breaking his dear friend's heart.
After some years, Sho has learnt to accept, that Minako's dream to have a friendly talk with his favorite idol has its own price tag.
And that is a 7 years old uncertain guilt for the idol. So who ever says that life is fair?
Sho decides to just accept that fact. Along with the other price tags that naturally comes with life.
But, in concerts, performances, variety shows, or during random stuff that the five Arashi members find themselves do together between working hours - Sho sometimes take a glance towards the monitor screen, or mirror, to enjoy the view he is seeing of the five of them, together, laughing themselves silly over the most random things.
He decides that it is worth it.
Continue to Chapter 13
The airplane icon marks the present time. 30-31 August 2013.
The cloud icon marks the past. Around the year of 2006.
「CHAPTER 12: THE PRICE TAG」
Sakurai Sho walks out of the plane with drowsy eyes, drowning his face more under the hospital mask he is wearing as a disguise. It has been a very tiring trip. He hates early flights, but he still prefers them rather than being discovered again in a usually much more crowded flight.
Not after last night. He was tired. He was overworked. And all he wanted to do was just to have was some down time with some staff, having some drinks at a bar and enjoy some privacy when some fangirls were trailing them. They have been trailing them ever since he finished dinner earlier and followed him to the bar. They didn't approach him. They didn't take pictures, but they kept looking at him and giggling, whispering words to each other. He knows that there's nothing wrong in doing that. He knows that they don't mean anything wrong.
But it tired him whole. If only they just approached him once and get it done and over with quickly, perhaps it would be much better that way. So he just decided to take the drinks back to his hotel room and have some down time with himself.
If only the other Arashi members were with him. It is not the staff doesn't understand, they really do. But as much as they do, they still are not in the same boat as him. They know, even though they don't say it, that this is the price tag of the success that he has achieved. The price tag that he shares with the rest of his bandmates. If only the other members were with him last night, they would laugh it off together and happily continue drinking at his hotel room, making jokes about this particular price tag of becoming an idol. But because the members were not there last night, well, it's not that bad. But, it is just kinda lonely.
As Sho gets to the arrival foyer, the familiar drowsy face of Ninomiya Kazunari is the first face that he sees. Even though Nino is also drowning his own face under his baseball cap and glasses, Sho can recognize him in an instant.
"Uso!" His face brightens up in complete surprise, "What are you doing here?"
"Picking you up like a perfectly nice bandmate," Nino mutters lazily as Sho gives him a high five.
"All by yourself?"
"No," Nino grins incredelously, "That would be so gay, right?"
Sho gives him a slap on his back, returning his sly smirk. Nino beckons to a waiting bench behind him, where his companion is. Sho follows his gaze and finds Kitashiro Rei sits by herself, or is sleeping on that bench to be exact.
"She can't sleep all night long at Jun's place. We are picking up Jun anyways in a couple of hours and she needs to hear something from you first beforehand," Nino starts to explain. "Aiba and Oh-chan are still sleeping, so they are staying at Jun's place. They have schedules for this morning.. So.. It's just us three."
"Ask me what? What happened?" Sho is clearly confused.
Nino lets out a small sigh and starts to tell Sho the details.
---
"Better?" Nino asks Rei with genuine concern as she sips her black coffee.
Rei nods halfheartedly and lifts up her head to face the sharp eyes of Sakurai Sho's who has been knitting his eyebrows at her ever since she gives him a welcome hug as soon as Nino wakes her up.
Before anyone can notice their celebrity status, they find a private corner at a coffee shop by the airport. Luckily, by that time of the day, they can have as much as privacy as they need.
"Let me be straight to you, Rei-chan," Sho blurts out as soon as Rei puts down her cup. "I like you a lot as a girl, as Jun's girlfriend and I respect your relationship with him."
Rei straightens her back but tilts her head as she tries to digest whatever it is that Sho is trying to say.
"But I don't like this," he flatly spits out, not smiling.
"Sho-kun.." Nino puts a hand on his shoulder.
"I don't like being drag into your personal matters," Sho still doesn't crack a smile.
"I don't mean to do that," Rei keeps her gaze to her cup.
"I know. But you are doing that. Not just to me, but to the other members as well, if I hear Nino's story correctly."
Nino waves his hand, "No, it's not like that at all. I don't mind.."
But Sho cuts him midsentence, "He doesn't mind because he used to love you more that a friend and he still cares for you a great deal without him realizing it or not."
"Sho-kun!" Nino warns him, blushing.
"Why? Did I say something wrong?"
Rei just drowns her gaze deeper to her coffee.
"No.." Rei finally mumbles. "You didn't."
Nino looks away. Sho takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
"We don't get a lot of privacy as idols. I think, you, Rei-chan, as an actress can understand that completely, right?" Sho begins again. He still doesn't smile but his tone is now softer.
"So there's an unwritten rule within our group that we always try to follow. That is to respect each other's privacy. And when you ask us about a member's past, even though you are his current girlfriend right now, it is a violation to that rule," Sho continues. "It is the least we can do for each other as becoming an idol comes with a price."
Only silence answers his explanation. Sho sips his own black coffee before he continues again.
"About Hanazono Minako. If Jun hasn't told you about her up until now, then he has his own reason," Sho follows Nino's gaze to the small park outside the big glass window. "I have no idea what his reason is but, I'd like to respect that."
"I know you probably came across that past by accident. But he will be here in a couple of hours. So, I think whatever it is that you want to know, you can ask him directly," Sho now tries to smile. "I am sorry if I am being too hard on you."
Rei shakes her head, "No, Sho-kun, I'm sorry for putting you guys in a difficult position.. I think.. I think I am just.."
"Insecure?" Nino speaks out, reading her mind.
"Yeah.."
"About what?" Sho softly asks her. "Whatever happened in the past is in the past, you know?"
"I'm just scared that he wouldn't want me anymore when he lands back here. After meeting her again.." Rei softly admits in a low voice, almost in a whisper.
"Will you?" Sho asks again.
"Will I what?"
"Will you want him, love him just the same, after you know what happened years ago? After you know that maybe, this is purely hypothetically, that even though he does love you with all his might, he still keeps a place for Minako deep down inside? Will you be able to accept that?" Sho's eyes doesn't leave hers. Neither does Nino's. Anticipates for her answer.
But that is a question that neither of them can answer.
Rei takes another sip of her black coffee. Hoping the bitterness can make her feel again.
Sho has a point. Nothing can ever be the same again.
---
As Sakurai Sho looks out of the window of the taxi he is riding on his way back home to his apartment, he tries to wash away the guilt from seeing his bestfriend's girlfriend's teary eyes.
It is not that he doesn't want to tell her. Or that he is that strict. But he has been burdened with enough guilt with what he has blurted out to Minako years ago. He has swore to himself that very day that he would not put himself in that position ever again.
But it is easier said than done.
He still remembers what happened 7 years ago perfectly he can writes it into a very detailed essay.
He shuts his eyes. He has tried to forget. He never speaks about it anymore. He never admits it to Jun himself. And he still feels guilty because of it.
Because if, only if, he doesn't violate the other member's privacy rule that one time, Minako would probably never leave Jun's side. They would probably still together until this day. And maybe, just maybe, Jun's heart would never be broken.
The guy loved her that much. He still remembers his eyes that day. He never ever sees the youngest member of Arashi has that look in his eyes ever again. Not even when he is with Kitashiro Rei.
It is the harsh cold truth. And that eyes, those pair of chocolate determined eyes, it is still crystal clear in Sho's memory.
Matsumoto Jun barges out of the room with such anger Sho only ever saw in his acting as Domyouji. He doesn't realize until that day that Jun himself has that characteristic to get so angry.
"Jun!" Sho tries to call him, following him outside of Johnny Kitagawa's office when they just had the argument of the year over the flying rumors on the internet about Jun and Minako. Sho is closely followed by the other 3 members of Arashi.
Jun stops his big steps and Sho can tell from the way his shoulders are moving up and down, he is trying to control the burning rage inside him.
"I'm sorry, guys," Jun blurts out in shaky voice.
"Did you really mean it, Matsujun?" Aiba asks, hurt is in his eyes.
"You're leaving us?" Nino asks as well in disbelief.
"I don't want to!" Jun finally turns around, trying to blink back his tears. "But it can't be like this! This is not.. This is not..," He tries to find the word.
"Human?" Nino finds it for him. "We are idols, Jun. It comes with a price,"
"Oh, you are going to give me the price tag speech as well? Being an idol is not considered as a human being?"
"So you love her more that you love Arashi, then?" This time it is Ohno's calm voice, asking him a sincere direct question.
"It is not about that!"
"Then what is it about?" Aiba is still confused.
"How can you guys stand it?" Jun returns his question with another question. He looks into the eyes of the older members one by one. His voice and glare soften.
"How can you stand giving up you heart like this? I never understand it when you guys did it and I refuse to ever do that! This isn't only about her. This is a principle that I've decided upon myself.."
"Jun.." Sho finally speaks up, "I understand."
Jun looks up to him and Sho gives him a smile. But a moment of comfort doesn't last as long as Jun would like it to be.
"It was hard. It was the hardest thing I've ever done," Nino answers Jun's question coldly, "But it was worth it. Arashi is worth it."
"Is it?" Jun questions again in disbelief. "Does it feel like it is when you said that? You can't fool me, Nino.. I never understand how you can stand yourself after you left her for stardom."
That does it. If it is any other person but Nino, Jun will surely gets a hard hit.
But Nino just stands there. Takes a deep breath and being the first one to leave the scene.
Jun regrets his own harsh words, "Neen, sorry, I didn't mean that."
"Sure, you did," Nino doesn't turn around and keep walking, "You'll understand in time, Jun-kun. As she'll leave you if she knows what you are giving up. Trust me on that one."
As soon as Nino is out of the room, both Aiba and Oh-chan follow the younger member's steps. Sho is the last one to leave.
He gives Jun a soft pat on his shoulder before he finally leaves, "Ganbatte."
With that, Sho leaves the youngest member all by himself, only with the determination burning his eyes.
It is the last time the five Arashi members seen together for a while. As Matsumoto Jun is missing after that particular happening.
Nobody can reach him for a whole two weeks. All shooting schedules for their variety shows are in disarray because of that.
Sho tries to reason to the others that it is a price tag for seeing one of their brothers to actually have a taste of happiness.
---
Being a group with one member is missing in action means that the other members have their much needed day-offs for a while. Sho happily receives the unplanned vacation with his family, taking them for a short trip to Okinawa, even though there's still a burden in his heart.
Jun could have called, could he? At least telling them that he is fine. Where in the world could he be right now?
But the moment Sho enters a small bar to have some drinks before going back to the hotel that night, he finds his answer right at the corner of that particular bar.
Right there, right then, Hanazono Minako sits by herself with a bottle of sake in front of her. Bawling her eyes out.
Sho can't believe what he sees. He doesn't know the girl well enough, but he believes, from his short yet memorable first time meeting with her, she is not the type that shows anyone her helpless side like this.
Sho walks over to her, even though he is still uncertain in what to say, what to do.
He clears his throat as he gets closer. But Minako doesn't hear it.
He clears his throat again, two times this time. Minako still drowns in her own cries.
Sho sighs and decides to just have a seat in front of her. He orders his drinks at the bar and brings over his drinks to the table. Minako still doesn't realize his presence. So he just waits whilst he drinks. Watching her as he crosses his arms in front of his chest, sitting right across the table. He can't help but wonder whether even Jun himself has ever seen her this vulnerable before.
After a good 15 minutes of bawling, Minako finally calms herself down and starts to wipe her floods of tears as she lifts up her face. Only to find Sakurai Sho in the same position 15 minutes ago, watching her closely with his arms crossed in front of his chest, that is.
"Uso!" Minako jumps out of her seat in complete surprise, "Sakurai-san, what are you doing here?"
Sho is also surprised by her sudden reaction, he jumps out of his own seat and bows deeply, "Gomenasai! I don't mean to disturb your privacy!"
They exclaim at exactly the same time. And for a good one minute, they just stare at each other, before they finally burst out laughing.
Sho can't help but understand what Jun sees in her. She has this natural vibe in affecting people. Like this time, even though her eyes are puffy and teary, her smile brightens up the room.
They sit again to their original position, "I must have surprised you."
"Please, Sakurai-san," She wipes away traces of her tears from her face with a napkin as if they are just crumbs of breads she were eating, the sad aura has left her completely. "Don't ever do that to a girl."
He chuckles at that, "Actually I have been trying to catch your attention for the last 15 minutes. But you are too deep in your, well, in what you are doing."
"Crying is not such a bad word that you must avoid, Sakurai-san," Minako is obviously amused by his choice of words, "On the contrary, it is a very natural thing for mammals to do."
"Humans, you mean? What does it have anything to do with mammals?"
"Whales can cry as well, right?"
"Whales?"
"Yeah. Free Willy cries, right?"
Sho bursts out laughing again.
"Why, thank you. I am glad if I am approved to be such a funny woman by my ichiban from Arashi," Minako smiles wide.
"Uso! I can't still be your ichiban after what happened.."
"You mean after you almost broke my grandma's wheelchair?" Minako catches Sho's gaze, "I am the one who still feels guilty about that day.."
"Well, I broke your grandma's wheelchair. So shall we call it a truce?" Sho lifts up his glass to her.
She happily does the same and clinks their glasses, "Kanpai!"
"Kanpai!"
None of the two said anything even after the third sip of their drinks. Sho has been itching to ask something but still trying to fight his uncertainty when Minako finally breaks the silence.
"Jun-kun is at the condo. The condo we rented. We've been staying there for a few days now," It is as if Minako can read Sho's mind.
Sho nods a couple of times.
"We didn't fight, in case you are wondering," Minako offers him that bit of information to cure his curiousity.
"So why did you, um, cry?"
"Good. It is not such a bad word, is it?" Minako smiles to him. "I was crying because of happiness that I don't expect I could have."
"Eh?"
"You sure you want to hear this?"
"Is it okay for you to tell?"
Minako just shrugs, "I guess. Happiness should be shared amongst friends, right? Jun and you are practically brothers."
Sho smiles at the irony of her words, "We sure are."
"Even though he left Arashi, you guys are not mad at him?"
"He told you?"
"After World War Ten between us, he finally did."
Sho chuckles at her expression. He can really imagine how Jun would try to hide it from her at first and how she will sense that something is wrong..
"The other members are sort of mad. But they'll get over it soon."
"How about you?"
"Well.." Sho decides to be brutally honest with her, "I just wish he just didn't go missing like this. I mean, I believe it can be sorted out without him leaving Arashi."
"How so?"
"Those are not written rules. There must be a way.."
"But not without a price, right?"
"Everything has its price.."
Minako sadly laughs at that. "You know, funny that you said it. This evening, when he finally told me that he can give up everything in his life right now just to be with me.. Including being an idol, being Arashi.. Boy, which girl isn't happy to hear that from the man she truly loves? I am bursting out of happiness. I can't really describe how I feel, you know? I am truly thankful for his love and determination to be with me. But then I have to get out, you know? Then the next thing I know I can't stop myself from crying. Because.. Because I realize, this great love that we have, it also comes with a price.."
"Which is.."
"The price tag says that I have to stay away.. I have to leave him, right?"
At that moment, Minako looks straight into Sho's eyes. Sho feels he has seen that kind of determination in someone's eyes before, not such a long time before that. It is the same determination he has seen in Jun's eyes.
"But, Minako.."
"But, I can't, Sakurai-san. I just realize that I can't.. I can't breathe even just to imagine of living without him. It hurts. So much."
Sho blinks once, then twice. He is not sure how to react, how to respond. And if he does, would anything that he says matter?
"I understand.."
"No, Sakurai-san, you don't.."
"Eh?"
"But I love that I can talk to you this way, you know. It has always been my dream to discuss about random things with you. Talk about how whales cry, and how love works.. How love needs sacrifices.." She sighs dreamily.
"And the things that people do for love.." Sho gives her a small smile. "How the world crumbles around you and all that matters is the person you are in love with."
Minako smiles back, "I take it back. I was wrong. You do understand.."
Her words are simple. Yet, her eyes speak differently. It is as if they find something new. Something they just realize. It speaks a million of other unspoken less simple words.
That look in her eyes, it scares him. It is as if Sho has said something he shouldn't have said. That it will be the source of his guilt even until 7 years later.
But that time, Sho can only shakes his head and laughs heartily, "I don't get you."
"Don't fret about it. Neither does Jun."
It sounds and seems like a meaningless light conversation. But when Matsumoto Jun comes back to Tokyo with a broken heart a week later, Sho always wonders silently until this very day.
Whether he has said something that encourage Minako to leave Jun. Or whether he could have said something to change her mind about leaving Jun. Whether he has an unnecessary part in breaking his dear friend's heart.
After some years, Sho has learnt to accept, that Minako's dream to have a friendly talk with his favorite idol has its own price tag.
And that is a 7 years old uncertain guilt for the idol. So who ever says that life is fair?
Sho decides to just accept that fact. Along with the other price tags that naturally comes with life.
But, in concerts, performances, variety shows, or during random stuff that the five Arashi members find themselves do together between working hours - Sho sometimes take a glance towards the monitor screen, or mirror, to enjoy the view he is seeing of the five of them, together, laughing themselves silly over the most random things.
He decides that it is worth it.
Continue to Chapter 13