Fic: Witness Protection, part 14/??
Title: Witness Protection, part 14/?
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Characters/Ships: Ben/Leslie, Chris/Ann, Andy/April, Ben/Pawnee, ensemble
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~ 5,000
Summary: When corporate whistleblowers Ben Adams and Chris Robinson barely escape an attempt on their lives, they gladly accept the protection of the Federal Witness Protection program. What they don't count on is being sent to a city that feels more like something out of a movie or a sitcom than real life: Pawnee Indiana. An AU starting in "Master Plan."
Author's Notes: Okay, this is more of a transitional chapter, but I hope you all still like it. I'm getting to big stuff in the next installment, but I'm trying to post more often so instead of writing a novelette for this chapter I decided to post this transitional stuff now to keep you going, and finish off this stage of the story in another chapter. I hope I can get it done soon, because the next couple of chapters after this are going to be super juicy. I can't wait. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13
The first place Leslie visited after arriving at the fairgrounds Friday morning was the first-aid tent. She really needed to talk to beautiful nurse and relationship adviser Ann Perkins. Putting on her best smile she gave her friend a cheery greeting.
"Hey!" replied Ann with a strained looking smile.
Leslie knit her brows. "Hey-are you okay?"
Ann sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. I keep thinking about that Jersey Shore boy I made out with a few days ago. I mean, I don't really like him, but it felt really good to have someone want me, after-you know."
Leslie's heart sank. She knew all too well. Crap. Now she really didn't want to have to break this news to Ann.
"Anyway," Ann continued, "I guess I just miss being wanted. So I couldn't sleep and stayed up late watching movies on Lifetime. I know-it was stupid."
"Oh, Ann. I hate when you feel so blue! How about a hug?"
Ann spread her arms and gladly accepted Leslie's embrace. "Oh, hugs from you always help," said Ann.
Leslie took a deep breath and stepped."Good. Because I have something I need to tell you."
Ann's smile faded a little. "What is it?"
Time to rip the band-aid off. "Chris is going to be helping out for the last few days of the Harvest Festival."
Ann's smile vanished completely. "Oh." She stared off into space for a moment before stuttering, "So-so-things weren't good for Ben yesterday?"
Leslie opened her mouth, ready to spill all her news, but she saw the sad look in Ann's eyes and held back. No. She couldn't dump all this complicated mess on Ann right now-not when she'd just been blindsided by the prospect of working with Chris for a few days. Leslie calmed her raging Ben-thoughts and stuck to the essentials. "He's really shaken up. His mom was in a bad car accident, and it looks like she's going to be in a wheelchair for over a month. I helped him find a flight to Minneapolis and he's on his way right now to go stay with her for a few days. So Chris stepped up to help with the festival. But don't worry-he won't be around the carnival all day, and he certainly won't come hang out in the first-aid tent. So you should be okay." She practically had to bite her tongue to stop from blurting out that she and Ben slept together and what does it mean? And did I take advantage of him? And is there any way in hell I can build a relationship off of this when he's probably only going to be around for three weeks after he gets back from Minnesota? No. That really wasn't what Ann needed to hear right now.
"That's so hard!" said Ann. "If he has any questions about her injuries, or her rehab needs, he can totally call me."
Leslie perked up. "I should have him fax us her medical charts! You'll get so much more from the charts."
"I'm not sure if they'll allow that-"
"Great idea, Ann! I'll text him right away. And are you sure you'll be okay with the Chris thing?"
Ann nodded, a tight-lipped smile on her face. "I'll manage."
Leslie left Ann with a few more words of encouragement. She felt like she was bursting at the seams with all the things she wanted to talk about. But Ann was really struggling. This break-up with Chris had thrown Ann in a way Leslie had never seen before.
Damn it! Isn't there anyone else I can talk about this with?
She strode into the administration tent only to be greeted by a cheery call of: "Leslie Knope!" with Chris pointing and smiling.
Not ideal, but he'd do.
She grabbed his arm and dragged him to the back corner of the tent while speaking rapidly in a low voice. "Is Ben okay? Did he book a flight?"
"He's driving to Indianapolis, even as we speak," replied Chris.
"Oh my god-does he have any idea how much long-term parking costs? I-No." Leslie shook her head. Minutia. Why did she always let herself get fixated on minutia when she was stressed? She took a deep break. "Whatever. Not important. Never mind. Really, I just-I just want to know if he seemed all right, to you? I mean, he had a really rough day yesterday, and-" She took a deep breath. "I hope he doesn't feel like I took advantage of him. He wasn't thinking clearly and I let things happen that maybe I shouldn't have, and stressing over what happened with me is the last thing he needs right now. Is he-upset? With me?"
Chris's faced softened, and he reached out to rest a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Leslie-Ben absolutely is not upset with you."
Leslie closed her eyes for a moment and nodded in relief. "Good. Good. That's good to hear."
"I think he is a bit uncertain regarding the future of your relationship," Chris continued, "but I know he cares about you a great deal and he values your friendship immensely. None of that has changed."
That-sounded helpful. But it wasn't. Nothing Chris had said implied that Ben was ready and eager to plunge into a long-distance relationship with her. At least he wasn't upset with her. She'd been pretty certain he wasn't, but sometimes he kept his emotions so closed in that it was hard to tell.
"Okay. Great. Thanks," she said. "And thank you for helping out. I know I haven't been very kind to you lately, but I really don't hate you. It's BFF solidarity. I have to stick by my girl, you know?"
Chris's expression faltered. "I understand. Really. But I hope working together again will provide an opportunity to make amends. At least a little."
"It will. I'm sure of it."
With the personal business concluded, Leslie switched back into work mode and led Chris over to the schedule board to help him sort out his duties for the day. She still had three days of the festival to run, and she couldn't spend them pining for Ben. Time to get back to work.
***
Ben checked into a comfortable hotel with good wifi, good cable tv, and an indoor pool and hot tub. So, he couldn't be with his mom who needed him. He couldn't be with the friends who cared about him. He couldn't be with the woman he-what? Wanted? Dreamed of? Longed for? But at least he could have a soft bed and entertainment at his fingertips.
Naturally, he was bored and lonely after two hours.
He played his part to a tee, calling Leslie about twenty minutes after the flight he'd pretended to take touched down in Minneapolis. He went to a coffee shop to make the call, so there would be background noise, and then pretended he couldn't chat long because he needed to get his bags and pick up his rental car. She wished him well and told him to fax her his mom's medical charts from the hospital so that Ann could review them and answer any questions he might have.
As ridiculous as the suggestion was, he found himself wishing he could actually do it. He'd really like to get opinions on his mom's condition from someone he knew and trusted.
When he hung up he felt worse than he had before the call.
***
Leslie didn't expect much from Ben while he was gone. He didn't owe her anything. And she was sure he'd be busy the whole time helping his mom and getting her house ready to accommodate her new wheelchair.
That's why it felt so good that night when he emailed her to thank her for pushing him to come. He said his mom was shocked to see him, but also happy and relieved, and they'd had a wonderful talk that evening, working through all the stupid issues that had kept them apart.
Leslie took a moment to step back from the crazy bustle of the carnival to lean against a fence and look up at the stars. With the signs of the resounding success of the festival all around her, she couldn't help but think that everything was going to be all right. She wasn't sure how, yet. But they'd figure it out.
***
"From what I can tell, she's buying it completely," said Ben, on the other end of the phone call. "It sucks. I spend half my day working out the lies I can tell her so I can keep this charade going, and when we talk and I hear her trusting me and supporting me, it just-I-I feel like the biggest asshole in the world."
Chris sighed. He could hear the misery in his friend's voice, and he could relate. Chris had tried to approach this whole witness protection experience as an adventure-a game of sorts. But the weight of the lies and secrets was wearing him down, too. And the distance between him and Ben still felt as vast as it had that morning when Ben came home to confess his indiscretions with Leslie.
Ben might have to lie to her, but at least he still had someone to lean on. Someone who cared about him, no matter what.
Who did Chris have? Who?
He looked up from his perch on a bench near the carousel, his eyes falling, as they had so often over the past two and a half days, on the first-aid tent.
"I know this is difficult," he said to Ben, "but this is what has to be done if you want to come back to Pawnee for our final weeks before heading back to Atlanta. It's either this, or confess to the marshals that you can't keep it up any longer and have them relocate us to a safe-house somewhere far from here to wait out our final weeks."
"I know. I know. That doesn't mean I have to like it," replied Ben.
Neither of them liked it.
Chris had been meditating during nearly all his free hours since Ben left for Indianapolis, but it only seemed to make his frustration and depression worse. "The festival wraps up tonight, and we should have all the take-down work and financial reports completed by Thursday at the latest. I could drive up that night, if you want to see a familiar face. We can talk strategy for our final weeks here."
"Okay. That sounds good," said Ben. "So I guess I'll just keep things going as they are for four and a half more days. And then we'll figure out what comes next."
After wrapping up the call, Chris stood and walked toward the first-aid tent. It was time to do the thing he'd been avoiding since Friday morning.
He'd chosen a good moment. When he stepped into the tent, Ann and the other first-aid volunteer sat chatting by themselves. When they noticed him the conversation froze, Ann's smile falling as she stared at him with wide eyes. She may never have meant as much to him as Kelsey, but Chris did genuinely care for her, and his heart ached knowing how he'd hurt her.
"Ann Perkins," he said gently, forcing a smile. "It's good to see you again."
"Yes. Yeah. Good to see you, too," she stammered, rising to her feet. "Do you need-can we help you?"
"I was hoping we could have a private chat-just for a few moments?"
Ann swallowed hard, but nodded. "Sure. We can just-over here." She gestured to one of the cots in the back of the tent, behind a privacy partition.
Chris followed her back and didn't complain when she took up a stance on the other side of the cot from him.
"You-look nice," he started, knowing how meaningless his words must sound to her.
Immediately she clutched at the vivid red streak now running through her hair. "I didn't do this because of you."
The ache in his chest intensified at the look on her face.
"Ann," he said, "I feel like I owe you an apology. That's why I'm here. I led you to believe that our relationship could be something more serious than I was willing to commit to, and that was very wrong of me. I allowed myself to believe that you understood how I wanted things to be, when in my heart I knew that you didn't. I was willfully blind because I enjoyed your company and didn't want to admit that you'd be better off without me. I'm sorry. You deserve much, much better than that. And I hope you know it."
"I-" Ann's mouth hung open for a moment. "I-thank you."
Chris nodded. It felt good to get this off his chest. "No need to thank me. I owed you this apology. I hurt you. I betrayed you. I know-" He felt himself choking up a little. "I know what it feels like to be betrayed. To be left alone. Utterly, and completely alone. Left to face the harsh vagaries of the world in solitude, with no one to turn to for support." Chris could feel the darkness he'd been fighting to hold back well up inside of him. "We're all alone, in the end. Sent off to our fates with nothing to cling to but our own meager, weak selves. Drifting toward our doom." His eyes fixated on a dark corner of the tent where a weed struggled to survive inside the gloom.
It reminded him of himself.
"Chris-are you okay?"
He looked up to see Ann staring at him with a puzzled expression on her face.
Damn. He'd made this conversation about him, instead of about her. That was selfish of him. He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that I inflicted that kind of pain on you, and it was horribly wrong of me. I hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me. But for now, I understand completely if you want to continue to despise me. It's nothing more than what I deserve." He punctuated his words with a nod, and turned to leave.
When he'd walked just a few steps, he heard Ann behind him. "Chris?"
He turned on his heels to look back at her.
"I-I forgive you. Really. I'll be fine." She smiled at him encouragingly and it warmed his heart.
"Ann Perkins. You really are a gem among women."
Her smile brightened. "I guess I'll be seeing you around."
He nodded, his spirit feeling momentarily lighter. "See you around."
***
That Sunday evening, the last night of the Harvest Festival, Leslie had planned something extra special. The government shutdown over the summer had led to cancelation of the annual 4th of July fireworks. So she brought the fireworks to fall, instead.
After triple and quadruple checking that the fireworks company had everything under control, and then triple checking that all the vendors were managing the lines effectively and that the crowds of families filling up Ramsett Park were settling in just fine, Leslie allowed herself to step back to the edge of the park and just breath.
It had worked. All of it.
The festival had succeeded beyond her wildest imaginings. Her town had embraced her project, and tourists had flocked in from towns from a hundred miles around. And her grand finale was about to go off without a hitch.
As the first firework exploded with a cascade of color overhead, a tear wound its way down her cheek. Two years ago she couldn't even fill in a pit. And now look what she'd done.
There was only one thing that could make it more perfect.
She walked a little further from the crowd and pulled out her phone, hitting the speed-dial that she'd been using so very often for the past month.
"I'm watching the fireworks," she said, when Ben answered.
"How do they look?" He sounded quiet and distant. Far too distant.
"They look amazing." She took a deep breath. "I wish you could be here to see them."
"Me too. But I'm where I belong."
She nodded. "I know. I didn't mean anything. I just-I miss you."
There was a long silence, filled only by the report of shells propelling toward the sky and the gasps and cheers of the crowd.
"I miss you, too. A lot."
Leslie's throat felt tight, and tears welled in her eyes again as she watched the bursts of red and white overhead. She tried to make her voice sound as normal as possible when she spoke again. "Is everything ready for the big move?"
"Almost. I need to rearrange the furniture a little more in the morning, just to make sure mom has clearance to get around in the wheelchair once she gets home. But her new bedroom on the main floor is all set up and ready to go. She's going to hate it-but it's ready."
Leslie laughed. "Well, maybe it'll give her incentive to get better faster."
"I hope so."
Leslie lapsed into silence again as a cluster of purple and blue explosions lit the sky.
Ben spoke. "You should go. We can talk tomorrow. This is your night. Enjoy it."
"It's yours as much as it is mine," she replied. "It's ours. The whole festival. I never could have done it without you."
"Thank you. Really. It means a lot."
"You're welcome. Take good care of your mom, okay?"
"Always."
"I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Talk to you then."
Leslie bit her lip as she hung up. So this was what it would be like, if she decided to pursue this relationship. Lots of phone calls and longing. Too many days of not seeing his face or touching his skin.
Could she really do this?
She stared up at the fireworks and tried not to think about it. Not tonight. She'd figure it out later.
***
Ben had never thought of himself as a good liar. Becoming an FBI informant had been like jumping into deep water headfirst without knowing how to swim. Witness protection had refined his newfound lying-skills. And his stay in Indianapolis was his finishing thesis to prove his expertise.
Over the first few days of his pretend stay in Minnesota he had, under the guise of being a writer conducting research for his latest book, spoken with nurses, doctors, home health care agencies, medical device retailers and rehabilitation specialists. In short, he'd done exactly the sort of legwork that he would have done if he'd actually been in Partridge working to help his mom.
Only, in this case, he did it all for another woman.
In all of his conversations with Leslie he tried to keep the talk focused on her-on the Harvest Festival. On her plans for the department now that she'd more than met their financial goals. On anything and everything except the elaborate lies he'd spent so much time concocting. But eventually she'd always start asking how his mom was doing today. What was next on his agenda for the house? Had he found a good physical therapist yet? And on and on.
So with every passing day his guilt grew. He fixated on wondering who might actually be doing all these tasks for his mom. Maybe his Aunt Sharon had stepped up. Or his mom's best friend Melanie. Perhaps he should write a report on everything he'd learned and see if Burdette would smuggle it through federal marshal channels to get to his mom. Then maybe he wouldn't feel so helpless.
But on a day to day basis, what hurt the most was having to lie like this to Leslie. Having to build one deception on top of another just to keep pulling the blinders over her eyes when what he really wanted to do was shout the truth and see what happened.
She was just so good. Even knowing that he'd been lying for a noble purpose, would she ever really be able to forgive him for this? He was starting to doubt.
All the stress and uncertainty set him on edge. He could hardly sleep and he'd had two panic attacks in the week since he'd left Pawnee. By the time Chris finally rolled into town Thursday night, Ben felt almost ready to explode.
He and Chris sat down across from each other on hard hotel chairs, and Ben ran his fingers through his hair, tugging hard at the roots. "I don't know if I can keep doing this. I don’t think I have it in me."
Chris tapped his fingers on the table. "So-do you want to have me tell everyone back in Pawnee that you've decided to stay with your mother until the Atlanta job? I'm certain they'd believe the story. It seems very natural."
Leave it to Chris to propose the one plan that made perfect sense, yet hurt him to his core.
Ben tried to imagine a world in which he didn't go back. One where his only good-byes to Leslie and his other friends happened over the phone. And-if the trial went badly-one in which he'd never see her again.
The thoughts were enough to stir up nausea in his gut and anxious jitters in the rest of his body. He shook his head. "No. I have to go back. I need-I need a chance to say good-bye in person."
Chris nodded slowly. "All right. I understand. So, how do you want to orchestrate your return?"
Ben jiggled his knee with nervous energy. "I'm ready to head back tonight. I can't deal with this isolation anymore."
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea. What will you say when people ask why you didn't stay with you mother through the weekend?"
Crap. Ben rubbed his face. Once again, Chris was the one thinking clearly. "Fine. Fine. I'll stay through Sunday. But I'm heading back to Pawnee Sunday night. I can't take it any longer than that." The prospect of three more days in this deception-filled quarantine made him want to throw something, but staying through Sunday would certainly work better with his cover.
"That sounds ideal. You can come back to work on Monday, and we can spend our last three weeks in Pawnee generating some final financial guidelines for the next fiscal year, to keep all the departments on track for reasonable spending. It'll be good to finish what we started."
Ben nodded, staring at the bland hotel art hanging across from him. Chris's idea of finishing what they'd started clearly differed from his.
"Huh," Ben said, something suddenly occurring to him.
"What?" Chris raised his eyebrows.
"I just realized that Sunday is Halloween." Ben shrugged. "It just seems fitting. I'll be putting my disguise back on right in time for the holiday."
Chris tapped his fingers on his knees and gave Ben a serious look. "You will just be coming back to Pawnee to say good-bye, won't you? You won't be pursuing any further relationship with Leslie?"
This was the very question Ben had been struggling with all week. Every time he talked to her he felt utterly comfortable and welcome. She was the person he wanted to share his day with, and the last person he wanted to say good-night to at the end of the day. But every time he got off the phone, he felt like the biggest asshole in the world for building that relationship on a web of deceit. She knew parts of him, but never the whole man. Never the full truth. And far too many lies.
He owed it to her to break it off now, before things got any deeper. She deserved the freedom to find someone who could be honest with her and who could be there for her. Not someone who was about to disappear for who knows how many months.
Yet, every night when he closed his eyes, he could see her face. At the worst possible moments his mind would drift back to the way her neck curved down into her shoulders, or the shadowy curve of her breasts in the moonlight. The way she gasped when he touched her just so. The sound of her laugh. The way she'd held his hand and rubbed his back while he was having a panic attack at the fairgrounds. The sparkle of her blue eyes in the sunshine. The way she never, ever, ever gave up, no matter what the odds.
"Ben-you know you can't lead her to believe that you can be in a long-distance relationship. That would cross the line. You do know that. Don't you?" Chris looked at him earnestly.
Ben's heart ached in his chest. Chris was right. That would be one lie too many.
Ben nodded. "I know."
***
With the end of the festival, Leslie suddenly found a large chunk of her mind freed up to think about other things.
Right now, that wasn't such a good thing. Inevitably, her mind would drift to Ben. He still texted several times a day, and they'd talked every day of his absence. He was still easier to talk to than anyone in her life except Ann, and their phone conversations were almost enough to make her believe that a long-distance relationship could work. Almost.
There was still the unfortunate matter of physical distance. Now, with all her extra mental space, she found herself growing increasingly physically anxious. Sure, she'd only been with Ben one night. But it had been a pretty emotionally intense encounter and it had definitely left her wanting more.
It was one thing to feel that kind of need when she was single. A good romantic movie and her battery operated friend could take care of that. But what about when her need was directed at one specific person and that person was hundreds of miles away? She didn't know all the details of his financial situation, but she was pretty certain he couldn't exactly afford weekly trips back to Indiana-especially with all the help he was giving his mom. And regular trips to Atlanta would put a significant strain on her own finances. She'd probably have to dip into her emergency fund to manage it, and she wasn't sure if she felt comfortable classifying long distance booty-calls as "emergencies."
It didn't seem fair. Every time she met someone that she thought she could be happy with, they moved away. What had she done to deserve this?
Receiving her public commendation from Paul on Friday afternoon was a nice distraction.
"How's your heart doing?" she asked Paul at the reception after the press conference.
Paul sighed. "Not as good as my doctor would like. The medication and dietary changes are helping, but he's worried it might be too little too late. He's suggested the possibility of preventative surgery."
Leslie widened her eyes. "Oh god-I didn't know it was that bad."
Paul nodded glumly. "But it could've been worse. I actually owe you one for putting on that 5K. If I hadn't nearly collapsed after the run, I never would have visited a cardiologist in the first place. I wouldn't have known anything was wrong until I had a heart attack."
They chatted for a few more minutes about his course of treatments before parting ways. Leslie knew it wasn't very charitable, but it really did help her feel good to see that other people's problems were so much worse than her own.
She really needed some girl time to unwind. Ann had been working extra shifts all week to make up for the time she took off to volunteer at the Harvest Festival, and Leslie missed her like crazy. In the middle of all the busy festival stuff and then Ann's full work schedule they hadn't had time for a good talk in almost two weeks.
Fortunately, Ann had managed to get Halloween night off, and they were planning on spending it together. Just two girlfriends kicking back. Relaxing. Eating candy. Oh-and spying on that little punk Greg Pikitis.
It would be the perfect Halloween.
TBC
Part 15 here
Fandom: Parks and Recreation
Characters/Ships: Ben/Leslie, Chris/Ann, Andy/April, Ben/Pawnee, ensemble
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: ~ 5,000
Summary: When corporate whistleblowers Ben Adams and Chris Robinson barely escape an attempt on their lives, they gladly accept the protection of the Federal Witness Protection program. What they don't count on is being sent to a city that feels more like something out of a movie or a sitcom than real life: Pawnee Indiana. An AU starting in "Master Plan."
Author's Notes: Okay, this is more of a transitional chapter, but I hope you all still like it. I'm getting to big stuff in the next installment, but I'm trying to post more often so instead of writing a novelette for this chapter I decided to post this transitional stuff now to keep you going, and finish off this stage of the story in another chapter. I hope I can get it done soon, because the next couple of chapters after this are going to be super juicy. I can't wait. Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13
The first place Leslie visited after arriving at the fairgrounds Friday morning was the first-aid tent. She really needed to talk to beautiful nurse and relationship adviser Ann Perkins. Putting on her best smile she gave her friend a cheery greeting.
"Hey!" replied Ann with a strained looking smile.
Leslie knit her brows. "Hey-are you okay?"
Ann sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. I keep thinking about that Jersey Shore boy I made out with a few days ago. I mean, I don't really like him, but it felt really good to have someone want me, after-you know."
Leslie's heart sank. She knew all too well. Crap. Now she really didn't want to have to break this news to Ann.
"Anyway," Ann continued, "I guess I just miss being wanted. So I couldn't sleep and stayed up late watching movies on Lifetime. I know-it was stupid."
"Oh, Ann. I hate when you feel so blue! How about a hug?"
Ann spread her arms and gladly accepted Leslie's embrace. "Oh, hugs from you always help," said Ann.
Leslie took a deep breath and stepped."Good. Because I have something I need to tell you."
Ann's smile faded a little. "What is it?"
Time to rip the band-aid off. "Chris is going to be helping out for the last few days of the Harvest Festival."
Ann's smile vanished completely. "Oh." She stared off into space for a moment before stuttering, "So-so-things weren't good for Ben yesterday?"
Leslie opened her mouth, ready to spill all her news, but she saw the sad look in Ann's eyes and held back. No. She couldn't dump all this complicated mess on Ann right now-not when she'd just been blindsided by the prospect of working with Chris for a few days. Leslie calmed her raging Ben-thoughts and stuck to the essentials. "He's really shaken up. His mom was in a bad car accident, and it looks like she's going to be in a wheelchair for over a month. I helped him find a flight to Minneapolis and he's on his way right now to go stay with her for a few days. So Chris stepped up to help with the festival. But don't worry-he won't be around the carnival all day, and he certainly won't come hang out in the first-aid tent. So you should be okay." She practically had to bite her tongue to stop from blurting out that she and Ben slept together and what does it mean? And did I take advantage of him? And is there any way in hell I can build a relationship off of this when he's probably only going to be around for three weeks after he gets back from Minnesota? No. That really wasn't what Ann needed to hear right now.
"That's so hard!" said Ann. "If he has any questions about her injuries, or her rehab needs, he can totally call me."
Leslie perked up. "I should have him fax us her medical charts! You'll get so much more from the charts."
"I'm not sure if they'll allow that-"
"Great idea, Ann! I'll text him right away. And are you sure you'll be okay with the Chris thing?"
Ann nodded, a tight-lipped smile on her face. "I'll manage."
Leslie left Ann with a few more words of encouragement. She felt like she was bursting at the seams with all the things she wanted to talk about. But Ann was really struggling. This break-up with Chris had thrown Ann in a way Leslie had never seen before.
Damn it! Isn't there anyone else I can talk about this with?
She strode into the administration tent only to be greeted by a cheery call of: "Leslie Knope!" with Chris pointing and smiling.
Not ideal, but he'd do.
She grabbed his arm and dragged him to the back corner of the tent while speaking rapidly in a low voice. "Is Ben okay? Did he book a flight?"
"He's driving to Indianapolis, even as we speak," replied Chris.
"Oh my god-does he have any idea how much long-term parking costs? I-No." Leslie shook her head. Minutia. Why did she always let herself get fixated on minutia when she was stressed? She took a deep break. "Whatever. Not important. Never mind. Really, I just-I just want to know if he seemed all right, to you? I mean, he had a really rough day yesterday, and-" She took a deep breath. "I hope he doesn't feel like I took advantage of him. He wasn't thinking clearly and I let things happen that maybe I shouldn't have, and stressing over what happened with me is the last thing he needs right now. Is he-upset? With me?"
Chris's faced softened, and he reached out to rest a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Leslie-Ben absolutely is not upset with you."
Leslie closed her eyes for a moment and nodded in relief. "Good. Good. That's good to hear."
"I think he is a bit uncertain regarding the future of your relationship," Chris continued, "but I know he cares about you a great deal and he values your friendship immensely. None of that has changed."
That-sounded helpful. But it wasn't. Nothing Chris had said implied that Ben was ready and eager to plunge into a long-distance relationship with her. At least he wasn't upset with her. She'd been pretty certain he wasn't, but sometimes he kept his emotions so closed in that it was hard to tell.
"Okay. Great. Thanks," she said. "And thank you for helping out. I know I haven't been very kind to you lately, but I really don't hate you. It's BFF solidarity. I have to stick by my girl, you know?"
Chris's expression faltered. "I understand. Really. But I hope working together again will provide an opportunity to make amends. At least a little."
"It will. I'm sure of it."
With the personal business concluded, Leslie switched back into work mode and led Chris over to the schedule board to help him sort out his duties for the day. She still had three days of the festival to run, and she couldn't spend them pining for Ben. Time to get back to work.
***
Ben checked into a comfortable hotel with good wifi, good cable tv, and an indoor pool and hot tub. So, he couldn't be with his mom who needed him. He couldn't be with the friends who cared about him. He couldn't be with the woman he-what? Wanted? Dreamed of? Longed for? But at least he could have a soft bed and entertainment at his fingertips.
Naturally, he was bored and lonely after two hours.
He played his part to a tee, calling Leslie about twenty minutes after the flight he'd pretended to take touched down in Minneapolis. He went to a coffee shop to make the call, so there would be background noise, and then pretended he couldn't chat long because he needed to get his bags and pick up his rental car. She wished him well and told him to fax her his mom's medical charts from the hospital so that Ann could review them and answer any questions he might have.
As ridiculous as the suggestion was, he found himself wishing he could actually do it. He'd really like to get opinions on his mom's condition from someone he knew and trusted.
When he hung up he felt worse than he had before the call.
***
Leslie didn't expect much from Ben while he was gone. He didn't owe her anything. And she was sure he'd be busy the whole time helping his mom and getting her house ready to accommodate her new wheelchair.
That's why it felt so good that night when he emailed her to thank her for pushing him to come. He said his mom was shocked to see him, but also happy and relieved, and they'd had a wonderful talk that evening, working through all the stupid issues that had kept them apart.
Leslie took a moment to step back from the crazy bustle of the carnival to lean against a fence and look up at the stars. With the signs of the resounding success of the festival all around her, she couldn't help but think that everything was going to be all right. She wasn't sure how, yet. But they'd figure it out.
***
"From what I can tell, she's buying it completely," said Ben, on the other end of the phone call. "It sucks. I spend half my day working out the lies I can tell her so I can keep this charade going, and when we talk and I hear her trusting me and supporting me, it just-I-I feel like the biggest asshole in the world."
Chris sighed. He could hear the misery in his friend's voice, and he could relate. Chris had tried to approach this whole witness protection experience as an adventure-a game of sorts. But the weight of the lies and secrets was wearing him down, too. And the distance between him and Ben still felt as vast as it had that morning when Ben came home to confess his indiscretions with Leslie.
Ben might have to lie to her, but at least he still had someone to lean on. Someone who cared about him, no matter what.
Who did Chris have? Who?
He looked up from his perch on a bench near the carousel, his eyes falling, as they had so often over the past two and a half days, on the first-aid tent.
"I know this is difficult," he said to Ben, "but this is what has to be done if you want to come back to Pawnee for our final weeks before heading back to Atlanta. It's either this, or confess to the marshals that you can't keep it up any longer and have them relocate us to a safe-house somewhere far from here to wait out our final weeks."
"I know. I know. That doesn't mean I have to like it," replied Ben.
Neither of them liked it.
Chris had been meditating during nearly all his free hours since Ben left for Indianapolis, but it only seemed to make his frustration and depression worse. "The festival wraps up tonight, and we should have all the take-down work and financial reports completed by Thursday at the latest. I could drive up that night, if you want to see a familiar face. We can talk strategy for our final weeks here."
"Okay. That sounds good," said Ben. "So I guess I'll just keep things going as they are for four and a half more days. And then we'll figure out what comes next."
After wrapping up the call, Chris stood and walked toward the first-aid tent. It was time to do the thing he'd been avoiding since Friday morning.
He'd chosen a good moment. When he stepped into the tent, Ann and the other first-aid volunteer sat chatting by themselves. When they noticed him the conversation froze, Ann's smile falling as she stared at him with wide eyes. She may never have meant as much to him as Kelsey, but Chris did genuinely care for her, and his heart ached knowing how he'd hurt her.
"Ann Perkins," he said gently, forcing a smile. "It's good to see you again."
"Yes. Yeah. Good to see you, too," she stammered, rising to her feet. "Do you need-can we help you?"
"I was hoping we could have a private chat-just for a few moments?"
Ann swallowed hard, but nodded. "Sure. We can just-over here." She gestured to one of the cots in the back of the tent, behind a privacy partition.
Chris followed her back and didn't complain when she took up a stance on the other side of the cot from him.
"You-look nice," he started, knowing how meaningless his words must sound to her.
Immediately she clutched at the vivid red streak now running through her hair. "I didn't do this because of you."
The ache in his chest intensified at the look on her face.
"Ann," he said, "I feel like I owe you an apology. That's why I'm here. I led you to believe that our relationship could be something more serious than I was willing to commit to, and that was very wrong of me. I allowed myself to believe that you understood how I wanted things to be, when in my heart I knew that you didn't. I was willfully blind because I enjoyed your company and didn't want to admit that you'd be better off without me. I'm sorry. You deserve much, much better than that. And I hope you know it."
"I-" Ann's mouth hung open for a moment. "I-thank you."
Chris nodded. It felt good to get this off his chest. "No need to thank me. I owed you this apology. I hurt you. I betrayed you. I know-" He felt himself choking up a little. "I know what it feels like to be betrayed. To be left alone. Utterly, and completely alone. Left to face the harsh vagaries of the world in solitude, with no one to turn to for support." Chris could feel the darkness he'd been fighting to hold back well up inside of him. "We're all alone, in the end. Sent off to our fates with nothing to cling to but our own meager, weak selves. Drifting toward our doom." His eyes fixated on a dark corner of the tent where a weed struggled to survive inside the gloom.
It reminded him of himself.
"Chris-are you okay?"
He looked up to see Ann staring at him with a puzzled expression on her face.
Damn. He'd made this conversation about him, instead of about her. That was selfish of him. He shook his head. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that I inflicted that kind of pain on you, and it was horribly wrong of me. I hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me. But for now, I understand completely if you want to continue to despise me. It's nothing more than what I deserve." He punctuated his words with a nod, and turned to leave.
When he'd walked just a few steps, he heard Ann behind him. "Chris?"
He turned on his heels to look back at her.
"I-I forgive you. Really. I'll be fine." She smiled at him encouragingly and it warmed his heart.
"Ann Perkins. You really are a gem among women."
Her smile brightened. "I guess I'll be seeing you around."
He nodded, his spirit feeling momentarily lighter. "See you around."
***
That Sunday evening, the last night of the Harvest Festival, Leslie had planned something extra special. The government shutdown over the summer had led to cancelation of the annual 4th of July fireworks. So she brought the fireworks to fall, instead.
After triple and quadruple checking that the fireworks company had everything under control, and then triple checking that all the vendors were managing the lines effectively and that the crowds of families filling up Ramsett Park were settling in just fine, Leslie allowed herself to step back to the edge of the park and just breath.
It had worked. All of it.
The festival had succeeded beyond her wildest imaginings. Her town had embraced her project, and tourists had flocked in from towns from a hundred miles around. And her grand finale was about to go off without a hitch.
As the first firework exploded with a cascade of color overhead, a tear wound its way down her cheek. Two years ago she couldn't even fill in a pit. And now look what she'd done.
There was only one thing that could make it more perfect.
She walked a little further from the crowd and pulled out her phone, hitting the speed-dial that she'd been using so very often for the past month.
"I'm watching the fireworks," she said, when Ben answered.
"How do they look?" He sounded quiet and distant. Far too distant.
"They look amazing." She took a deep breath. "I wish you could be here to see them."
"Me too. But I'm where I belong."
She nodded. "I know. I didn't mean anything. I just-I miss you."
There was a long silence, filled only by the report of shells propelling toward the sky and the gasps and cheers of the crowd.
"I miss you, too. A lot."
Leslie's throat felt tight, and tears welled in her eyes again as she watched the bursts of red and white overhead. She tried to make her voice sound as normal as possible when she spoke again. "Is everything ready for the big move?"
"Almost. I need to rearrange the furniture a little more in the morning, just to make sure mom has clearance to get around in the wheelchair once she gets home. But her new bedroom on the main floor is all set up and ready to go. She's going to hate it-but it's ready."
Leslie laughed. "Well, maybe it'll give her incentive to get better faster."
"I hope so."
Leslie lapsed into silence again as a cluster of purple and blue explosions lit the sky.
Ben spoke. "You should go. We can talk tomorrow. This is your night. Enjoy it."
"It's yours as much as it is mine," she replied. "It's ours. The whole festival. I never could have done it without you."
"Thank you. Really. It means a lot."
"You're welcome. Take good care of your mom, okay?"
"Always."
"I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Talk to you then."
Leslie bit her lip as she hung up. So this was what it would be like, if she decided to pursue this relationship. Lots of phone calls and longing. Too many days of not seeing his face or touching his skin.
Could she really do this?
She stared up at the fireworks and tried not to think about it. Not tonight. She'd figure it out later.
***
Ben had never thought of himself as a good liar. Becoming an FBI informant had been like jumping into deep water headfirst without knowing how to swim. Witness protection had refined his newfound lying-skills. And his stay in Indianapolis was his finishing thesis to prove his expertise.
Over the first few days of his pretend stay in Minnesota he had, under the guise of being a writer conducting research for his latest book, spoken with nurses, doctors, home health care agencies, medical device retailers and rehabilitation specialists. In short, he'd done exactly the sort of legwork that he would have done if he'd actually been in Partridge working to help his mom.
Only, in this case, he did it all for another woman.
In all of his conversations with Leslie he tried to keep the talk focused on her-on the Harvest Festival. On her plans for the department now that she'd more than met their financial goals. On anything and everything except the elaborate lies he'd spent so much time concocting. But eventually she'd always start asking how his mom was doing today. What was next on his agenda for the house? Had he found a good physical therapist yet? And on and on.
So with every passing day his guilt grew. He fixated on wondering who might actually be doing all these tasks for his mom. Maybe his Aunt Sharon had stepped up. Or his mom's best friend Melanie. Perhaps he should write a report on everything he'd learned and see if Burdette would smuggle it through federal marshal channels to get to his mom. Then maybe he wouldn't feel so helpless.
But on a day to day basis, what hurt the most was having to lie like this to Leslie. Having to build one deception on top of another just to keep pulling the blinders over her eyes when what he really wanted to do was shout the truth and see what happened.
She was just so good. Even knowing that he'd been lying for a noble purpose, would she ever really be able to forgive him for this? He was starting to doubt.
All the stress and uncertainty set him on edge. He could hardly sleep and he'd had two panic attacks in the week since he'd left Pawnee. By the time Chris finally rolled into town Thursday night, Ben felt almost ready to explode.
He and Chris sat down across from each other on hard hotel chairs, and Ben ran his fingers through his hair, tugging hard at the roots. "I don't know if I can keep doing this. I don’t think I have it in me."
Chris tapped his fingers on the table. "So-do you want to have me tell everyone back in Pawnee that you've decided to stay with your mother until the Atlanta job? I'm certain they'd believe the story. It seems very natural."
Leave it to Chris to propose the one plan that made perfect sense, yet hurt him to his core.
Ben tried to imagine a world in which he didn't go back. One where his only good-byes to Leslie and his other friends happened over the phone. And-if the trial went badly-one in which he'd never see her again.
The thoughts were enough to stir up nausea in his gut and anxious jitters in the rest of his body. He shook his head. "No. I have to go back. I need-I need a chance to say good-bye in person."
Chris nodded slowly. "All right. I understand. So, how do you want to orchestrate your return?"
Ben jiggled his knee with nervous energy. "I'm ready to head back tonight. I can't deal with this isolation anymore."
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea. What will you say when people ask why you didn't stay with you mother through the weekend?"
Crap. Ben rubbed his face. Once again, Chris was the one thinking clearly. "Fine. Fine. I'll stay through Sunday. But I'm heading back to Pawnee Sunday night. I can't take it any longer than that." The prospect of three more days in this deception-filled quarantine made him want to throw something, but staying through Sunday would certainly work better with his cover.
"That sounds ideal. You can come back to work on Monday, and we can spend our last three weeks in Pawnee generating some final financial guidelines for the next fiscal year, to keep all the departments on track for reasonable spending. It'll be good to finish what we started."
Ben nodded, staring at the bland hotel art hanging across from him. Chris's idea of finishing what they'd started clearly differed from his.
"Huh," Ben said, something suddenly occurring to him.
"What?" Chris raised his eyebrows.
"I just realized that Sunday is Halloween." Ben shrugged. "It just seems fitting. I'll be putting my disguise back on right in time for the holiday."
Chris tapped his fingers on his knees and gave Ben a serious look. "You will just be coming back to Pawnee to say good-bye, won't you? You won't be pursuing any further relationship with Leslie?"
This was the very question Ben had been struggling with all week. Every time he talked to her he felt utterly comfortable and welcome. She was the person he wanted to share his day with, and the last person he wanted to say good-night to at the end of the day. But every time he got off the phone, he felt like the biggest asshole in the world for building that relationship on a web of deceit. She knew parts of him, but never the whole man. Never the full truth. And far too many lies.
He owed it to her to break it off now, before things got any deeper. She deserved the freedom to find someone who could be honest with her and who could be there for her. Not someone who was about to disappear for who knows how many months.
Yet, every night when he closed his eyes, he could see her face. At the worst possible moments his mind would drift back to the way her neck curved down into her shoulders, or the shadowy curve of her breasts in the moonlight. The way she gasped when he touched her just so. The sound of her laugh. The way she'd held his hand and rubbed his back while he was having a panic attack at the fairgrounds. The sparkle of her blue eyes in the sunshine. The way she never, ever, ever gave up, no matter what the odds.
"Ben-you know you can't lead her to believe that you can be in a long-distance relationship. That would cross the line. You do know that. Don't you?" Chris looked at him earnestly.
Ben's heart ached in his chest. Chris was right. That would be one lie too many.
Ben nodded. "I know."
***
With the end of the festival, Leslie suddenly found a large chunk of her mind freed up to think about other things.
Right now, that wasn't such a good thing. Inevitably, her mind would drift to Ben. He still texted several times a day, and they'd talked every day of his absence. He was still easier to talk to than anyone in her life except Ann, and their phone conversations were almost enough to make her believe that a long-distance relationship could work. Almost.
There was still the unfortunate matter of physical distance. Now, with all her extra mental space, she found herself growing increasingly physically anxious. Sure, she'd only been with Ben one night. But it had been a pretty emotionally intense encounter and it had definitely left her wanting more.
It was one thing to feel that kind of need when she was single. A good romantic movie and her battery operated friend could take care of that. But what about when her need was directed at one specific person and that person was hundreds of miles away? She didn't know all the details of his financial situation, but she was pretty certain he couldn't exactly afford weekly trips back to Indiana-especially with all the help he was giving his mom. And regular trips to Atlanta would put a significant strain on her own finances. She'd probably have to dip into her emergency fund to manage it, and she wasn't sure if she felt comfortable classifying long distance booty-calls as "emergencies."
It didn't seem fair. Every time she met someone that she thought she could be happy with, they moved away. What had she done to deserve this?
Receiving her public commendation from Paul on Friday afternoon was a nice distraction.
"How's your heart doing?" she asked Paul at the reception after the press conference.
Paul sighed. "Not as good as my doctor would like. The medication and dietary changes are helping, but he's worried it might be too little too late. He's suggested the possibility of preventative surgery."
Leslie widened her eyes. "Oh god-I didn't know it was that bad."
Paul nodded glumly. "But it could've been worse. I actually owe you one for putting on that 5K. If I hadn't nearly collapsed after the run, I never would have visited a cardiologist in the first place. I wouldn't have known anything was wrong until I had a heart attack."
They chatted for a few more minutes about his course of treatments before parting ways. Leslie knew it wasn't very charitable, but it really did help her feel good to see that other people's problems were so much worse than her own.
She really needed some girl time to unwind. Ann had been working extra shifts all week to make up for the time she took off to volunteer at the Harvest Festival, and Leslie missed her like crazy. In the middle of all the busy festival stuff and then Ann's full work schedule they hadn't had time for a good talk in almost two weeks.
Fortunately, Ann had managed to get Halloween night off, and they were planning on spending it together. Just two girlfriends kicking back. Relaxing. Eating candy. Oh-and spying on that little punk Greg Pikitis.
It would be the perfect Halloween.
TBC
Part 15 here