The answer is you can't start a new life without grieving about the past. But what you can do is accept the past for what it was and learn to grow... don't problematize your current situation, instead, learn from it and slowly work your way through it.
I think the first thing you have to do is move out. Because seeing the person everyday wont make it any easier for you, or him.
I know how you feel sometimes. It's like that feeling of being on a teeter-totter... one minute, this person makes you feel so high and happy, the next, you feel so low, like shit.
Babe, all I can really say is, take your time and rethink everything. If he really doesn't make you happy then... you know what to do.
babe, your teetor-totter expression correctly exemplifies my case. don't get me wrong, but i love him alot. i just can't handle the bad times. i know that at times i may be a bitch, and may cause all the drama, but i think i want more of a HUSBAND/MAN material who focuses on his FUTURE and FAMILY rather than his friends and gambling. you get what i mean??
You cannot stay in a relationship merely because you have no where else to go, especially if you don't want to be in it anymore. As hard as it may be, you'll have to confront it and start to think of branching off on your own, if you absolutely refuse to refuge at home. It's that time in your life where you decide that you're going to have to make it on your own; support yourself, and just live.
Thank you for reminding Nikki who I am... It was a pleasure seeing you again in Vancouver... wasn't expecting it! Hope you had a great time here and do come back one day :-)
I just stumbled on your blog, and if you don't mind would like to give you some advice. If you sincerely, without speaking in haste, can not enjoy the man that you share a home and a life with, then by all means, it's truly better to leave. I was in the same situation that you were a while back and it took everything in me to leave, and to move forward. I'm not going to lie and tell you it was easy, it was one of the roughest things I had ever done. It is cruelty to yourself to be in a relationship where love may not exist at the level that makes you happy. By leaving, I learned so many things about myself that seemed to be overshadowed by blinded love before. It makes you realize that sometimes you need change, and change leads to good things. It will make you stronger and allow you to see that you can do it on your own.
the teeter-totter expression correctly states the situation that i am in. one moment, i'm in heaven, the next, i'm in hell. i must say, he's not a bad boyfriend. i love him, alot. and he does make me happy. but when the bad times come, i just wished i was somewhere else because something inside of me tells me that i can do better, and that this man will never learn to grow up. maybe i expect too much?? but c'mon, at the age of 21, who wants a man that gambles all night, loves hanging out with his friends ALL the time, says he worries about the future all the time (but really, he's having the time of his life just doing nothing)...??? i know that at times i do expect too much and i begin to grow selfish, but i'm getting old and i have greater expectations. what do you think?
Love does have its ups and downs, but it is about dealing with those "teeter totter" times as a couple that makes you grow as a couple together. Perhaps you both are just in a completely different stage of your life right now and what he wants is not what you want. I'd consider perhaps going your own ways for now, allowing him to live the life he wants, and allowing you to find what you need. And, if by chance, he comes to the realization that he could want the same thing as you, you guys may be able to give it another go. Given, that is, in the meantime, you don't find a wonderful man out there who is the person you want him to be. I don't truly believe that you can change a person, they need to change themselves. In cases where he says that he does worry about the future and etc, actions speak louder than words and it is time for him to show you, instead of just insisting verbally that he cares.
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I think the first thing you have to do is move out. Because seeing the person everyday wont make it any easier for you, or him.
I know how you feel sometimes. It's like that feeling of being on a teeter-totter... one minute, this person makes you feel so high and happy, the next, you feel so low, like shit.
Babe, all I can really say is, take your time and rethink everything. If he really doesn't make you happy then... you know what to do.
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-the story of my life.
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As hard as it may be, you'll have to confront it and start to think of branching off on your own, if you absolutely refuse to refuge at home. It's that time in your life where you decide that you're going to have to make it on your own; support yourself, and just live.
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If you sincerely, without speaking in haste, can not enjoy the man that you share a home and a life with, then by all means, it's truly better to leave. I was in the same situation that you were a while back and it took everything in me to leave, and to move forward. I'm not going to lie and tell you it was easy, it was one of the roughest things I had ever done. It is cruelty to yourself to be in a relationship where love may not exist at the level that makes you happy. By leaving, I learned so many things about myself that seemed to be overshadowed by blinded love before. It makes you realize that sometimes you need change, and change leads to good things. It will make you stronger and allow you to see that you can do it on your own.
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