robotech fic - maelström
Maelström Chapter 10
“I couldn't have survived the last months without you,” he said in a soft, vulnerable voice.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Robotech or any of it’s characters. This fic was written for entertainment purposes only. No infringement is intended.
Author’s note: This is a Roy and Lisa fanfic, you are warned. If you don’t want to read this please don’t. I wrote this because I have always think that Roy is an awesome character and that he and Lisa will make a wonderful couple if it weren't for Claudia. In order for this fic to work Roy never died in the episode “Farwell Big Brother”
Reviews: I love reviews, they are what keeps me writing and is the only way I have to know if you like it or not this fic. So please try to send one even if it just one word.
To: Carla, thanks for helping me to develop this idea and for giving me the courage to write this.To GPPR for being my beta for this chapter, thanks a lot sweetie!!! and to Feña.
Enjoy.....
Maelström
Chapter 10
“Black holes and revelations”
Roy walked towards the hangar where the test VT was kept. He walked faster than usual -he almost run, actually. All he wanted was to reach the VT, fly the last test flight and get all of this over with. He kept walking while he rubbed his temple. A headache was killing him and the fact that he kept tightening his jaw angrily wasn't helping at all.
He followed the security protocols before entering the hangar. Once he was in, a maintenance guy announced his presence by yelling the usual "officer on deck.”
“As you were,” Roy said harshly, ignoring the salutes. He wanted to do the preflight check as fast as possible and then be off to the sky. That always helped him to deal with his bad temper. Roy approached the VT and stopped cold. “What the hell is that, chief?” he asked, making the chief jump.
“Those are cameras that General Maistroff ordered for the flight,” he answered nervously.
“I don't give a damn what Maistroff said. I don't want those things on my VT!” Roy yelled and everyone froze in place. They had never heard him yell like that before. “What are you waiting for? Get those things off NOW!”
“Yes, Sir,” the chief said and immediately called another maintenance guy to help take care of the cameras.
Roy moved away from the nose of the VT towards one of its wings to check that the ammo was in perfect condition. He pressed the bridge of his nose, trying to cool off. He knew that yelling at Chief McKenan was wrong, he wasn't the person he wanted to yell at. But hey! At least he hadn't punched anyone, yet. He stretched to check something under the wing and felt an itch on his chest. The scratches Maggie gave him the previous night rubbed against his flight suit and made him even more uncomfortable, if that was possible. He definitely needed to get in the air, and soon. At least, if he was to avoid ripping someone's head off while pretending it belonged to a certain captain.
Lisa entered the bridge fast, her movements cautiously controlled, her face wearing the efficiency mask she used as a warning. It was like if she had “if it's not work related don't even dare to talk to me” written on her forehead. Vanessa, Kim and Sammie looked at her while she scanned the screens in front of her. Lisa didn't even look at them. The three girls couldn't help but shudder.
“How are the preparations for the test flight going?” Lisa asked, walking near Sammie.
“Captain Fokker is already at the airfield, the Zentraedi are ready and the targets are in position.”
“Good. The admiral and the committee will be here in just a few minutes,” Lisa said and checked some papers that were over her station. She checked the screens again.
“Is there any enemy activity?” Lisa asked, moving towards Vanessa's screen.
“Not that we can see. Intelligence says that things will be calm today.”
“Still, I want to cross check the data with Colonel Leonard as a precaution,” Lisa said and, before Vanessa could gave her an answer, she turned to Kim. “Is the SAR team standing by?”
“Yes, Lisa,” Kim was saying when the doors of the bridge opened again. Admiral Gloval entered the room.
“Good morning, admiral,” Vanessa, Kim and Sammie said.
“Good Morning girls.”
Lisa moved closer to him and saluted as well. “Good morning Admiral.”
“Hi Lisa. How's everything?” he asked cheerfully but his expression changed quickly once he noticed Lisa's serious face.
“Everything is in order sir. You can follow the progress on screen one,” Lisa said ignoring his concern and pointing at one of the screens. “The inside of the VT is on screen two and the satellite's info is on Vanessa's screen. We also have input from cameras on the ground. You can see those over there,” Lisa indicated the screens then turned to her station. She deliberately remained looking at it, pretending she was focusing on something important just to avoid the Admiral's gaze. She was not in the mood for his fatherly behavior, but she didn't want to hurt his feelings by being blunt. So she avoided him and he understood, because the next time she turned to hand him a report, he grabbed it and read it without giving her any extra attention.
Surprisingly, Lisa was glad to see Maistroff arrive on the bridge. All she wanted was to get this test flights over once and for all, end this, go home and be able to wallow in her own anger without pretense. She put all those thoughts in the back of her mind while she gave the committee the same explanation she had given the admiral. With her mask firmly on, she returned to her station and continued monitoring the preparations. She put her headphones on and sat as straight as she could. It was show time.
“This is control to Test VT 01,” Lisa said icily.
“This is Test VT 01, requesting permission to take off,” Roy answered in the same tone.
“You have permission to take off from runway 009, captain.”
“Roger that,” Roy answered and cut communications.
Lisa couldn't help gritting her teeth after Roy had cut communications with her. Who did he think he was? He was giving her the silent treatment? She couldn't help thinking he was one shameless bastard, while she shook her head both in anger and disbelief. If only looks could kill, she thought, she could kill him right now through the communication screen. Even when that would mean loosing the VT, it was a price she would be willing to pay.
“How long until Captain Fokker reaches the first target?” Admiral Goval's voice broke her out of her thoughts.
“Ten minutes, Sir,” Lisa answered and scolded herself for not paying attention to what was going on. She really needed to focus on the flight. She would have time to hate Fokker later. Now she needed to concentrate on the mission. She needed to finish this and it had to be perfect. Nothing less than perfection was acceptable to her.
Finally, the test flight was over. Every one, Maistroff included, seamed pleased with the results. The VT had fulfilled all expectations and carried out the mission successfully. She would be happy too if it wasn't for the headache that had begun to bother her halfway through the mission, probably caused by the teeth gritting that she had been doing the entire time. To her misfortune, the day was not over yet. She still had to do some reports and prepare herself for tomorrow's meeting with the committee. On the bright side, she was free to work in her own office, in peace.
She left the bridge carrying what papers she needed and pondered about stopping at the mess hall for some coffee on the way to her office. Coffee was always good and maybe she should eat something too. The moment she entered the mess hall she regretted her decision. The entire Skull squadron, minus their leader, was seated at a table on the other side of hall. They all noticed her entrance and gave Lt. Thompson a worried look. Lisa felt her guts burn.
She kept her outward calm, walked to the counter and ordered a coffee. While she waited, she could feel fearful gazes directed at her and that alone made her feel a little better. Once her coffee was ready she grabbed it and walked out of the mess hall showing the same indifference she had entered it with. She had taken just a few steps when someone stopped her.
“Ma'am? Captain Hayes. May I speak with you?” the trembling voice of Lt. Thompson reached Lisa's ears, causing her legs to lose their ability to move.
Lisa turned as slowly as she could, using all of her self-control. Wasn't she wearing her “don't get near me” face that scared even Admiral Goval? How was it that this lieutenant had dared talk to her? Was she stupid? Or just suicidal?
“Yes lieutenant?” Lisa hissed.
“I, I wanted to thank you ma'am,” she said and Lisa raised an unbelieving eyebrow. “For not calling the MP last night ma'am. I'm so ashamed. You can't imagine. I don't know what I was thinking. I never thought the bomb would have that effect. Everything was fine and suddenly the entire place started to spin as if I was taking a 7G turn...” Thompson just kept talking and talking.
Lisa stopped paying attention to what she was hearing, wishing the lieutenant would stop at some point to catch her breath. Then she would cut her off. People usually reacted like that when they talked to her; either they had trouble finding the words or they had verbal diarrhea. To Lisa's chagrin, Thompson suffered from the latter and her non-stop blabbing was worsening her headache. She was about to raise her hand to force her to shut up when two words caught her attention.
“Captain Fokker was just trying to help and I threw up all over his shoes and even tore up his shirt. I am so incredibly ashamed that I can't look at him and then you entered the bathroom, ma'am, and I wasn't even...”
“What did you say about Captain Fokker?” Lisa interrupted her this time.
“He was just trying to help me. He noticed that I was about to pass out on the dance floor and took me to the bathroom so I could refresh myself and then leave the place without any incident. But I was too drunk,” Thompson said and turned bright red in shame. “I barely made it to the bathroom when I threw up and then, when I was trying to stand up, I tore up his shirt. I would have probably ended up with a concussion if he hadn't grabbed me. The last thing I remember was seeing you enter the bathroom and being sure that I would wake up in the brig.”
“So Captain Fokker...” Lisa didn't finish the sentence.
“He hasn't grounded me yet, but I'm sure he will. Heck I wouldn't be surprised if he kicked me out of Skull. I wouldn't complain either. He was just looking out for me and I was just... I don't even want to think about it.” Thompson shook her head. “He must have carried me all the way back to my quarters. Kat, my roommate, told me he left me there and ordered her to look after me. He even gave her a bottle of aspirin so I would have something to take for the hang over,” Thompson finished and looked at the ground miserably.
Lisa had to blink a couple of times before Thompson's words made sense in her head. Then she felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of icy water over her head. Her heart fell to her feet as she realized the huge mistake she had made last night.
“So I just wanted to thank you ma'am, for not calling the MP on me or on Captain Fokker. I could not live with myself if he was in trouble because of me. I also wanted you to know that I really, truly regret my behavior last night. It will never happen again, and if you think that I deserve some time in the brig I'll happily throw myself in there.”
“I don't...” Lisa didn't know how to finish that sentence; she was still trying to digest things. Nevertheless, her brain was trained for this, so she forced herself to gain her composure back quickly. The lieutenant didn’t have time to notice something was wrong. “I really hope this behavior won't repeat itself, Lieutenant Thompson. After all, you are an officer, you should act like one.”
“I know, ma'am. I swear it won't happen again.”
“It better not. It's not just you the one who's shamed, you also shame your squadron and the RDF,” Lisa said harshly.
“I know ma'am.”
“Good,” Lisa said, giving Thompson a serious look that made her look to the ground. “Now if you'll excuse me, lieutenant,” Lisa said and turned her back on the other woman without waiting for a response.
“Ma'am,” Thompson said and saluted even when Lisa had already taken a few steps away.
When Lisa arrived to her office she let herself fall into her chair. Her conversation with the lieutenant had drained all her strength. She could not believe the mistake she had made. She had been so sure about what she had seen in that bathroom that not even for a minute she had considered the possibility of being wrong. She had just reacted irrationally. She hadn't stopped to ask questions. She just had exploded and now she felt so bad about it. How could she have judged him like that? So fast, without giving him the chance to explain. Why was it that every time she let her instincts run over her brains she screwed up?
She tried to focus on her job, but her mind replayed the bathroom scene over and over again. Now everything seemed so clear, if only she had let him explain as he had asked of her several times. And now what was she supposed to say to him? She was caught in that train of thought when a knock at her door distracted her.
“Come in,” she said rubbing her eyes. They felt like burning from all her thinking.
“Here's the report of the test flight,” the cold and hard voice of Roy made her jump. How long had it been since she had arrived in her office? She raised her gaze only to find him standing in front of her, holding the report to her with his arm extended.
“Oh, thanks,” was all that Lisa could articulate, while her brain worked at finding the right way to apologize.
“Is there anything else you need for the meeting tomorrow?” he asked as professionally as he could, crossing his arms on his chest while he waited for her to answer.
“No, nothing that I can think of,” she said and then added, “wait, Roy.”
“What?” he asked with apathy, barely turning to her while his hand rested on the door.
“I... I wanted to...” she said in a lower voice but couldn’t find the words. “Nothing, never mind.”
“Is that all?” Roy asked while trying not to roll his eyes.
“Um, yes. That will be all,” Lisa said, feeling out of place.
“Good, because I have important things to do,” he said and left her office without further hesitation.
Lisa let her body relax against the chair the moment Roy closed the door. She imagined a hundred ways to say I’m sorry and yet she wasn't able to ask for his forgiveness. All she had to do was to open her mouth and say “I am sorry.” How was it that a three word sentence was so hard to say?
She sighed and closed her eyes. Despite the fact that she spent most of her day talking to people, words weren’t something that came easily to her, specially when those words involved feelings.
“Come on Lisa, just three words: I am sorry. And you better say them soon or it wont matter at all,” she told herself and grabbed a report from her desk. She had just read a few lines when she placed report back on the desk. “Just get it over with,” she said aloud and left her office.
Roy was looking at the main board in the pilot's ready room, trying to figure how to schedule the next pilot-rotation. He massaged his temple, the headache hadn't left him for the entire day. How he hated doing pilot-rotation. It was the worst part of being CAG.
“Can I talk to you?” a voice at his back said. Immediately, his whole body tensed up including the hair on the back of his neck.
“What is it that you want?” Roy said, seemingly without diverting his attention from the board. He even wrote a name in one of the free spaces.
“I want to apologize to you,” Lisa said and waited until he turned to face her. “For last night, I talked to Lt. Thompson... I made a huge mistake.”
“Okay,” Roy said after a while and turned his attention back to the board.
“Okay?” Lisa asked confused.
“Did you expected something else?” he challenged, turning to meet her gaze.
“I, no... I mean yes. I’m admitting that I made a mistake and I’m apologizing. At least you could say something different than okay.”
“Something like?” he said and crossed his arms on his chest.
“I don’t know something like... it just, it doesn’t matter. You’re unbelievable,” Lisa said, getting irritated.
“Why? Because I’m not jumping of joy because you apologized?”
“What?” Lisa asked confused.
“I heard your apology, that’s quite more than what you did for me last night,” he said, moved closer to her and leaned his torso towards her so that she could hear his venomous words clearly. “But that doesn't mean I have to accept it. And to be honest, I don't even care if you apologize or not.”
“You're so unfair...” Lisa said, gritting her teeth.
“Me? I’m not the one who goes around life throwing accusations at people. Tell me Lisa, who gave you the right to judge other people’s lives?”
“I don't do that!”
“Yes you do! You do it all the time. You go around saying what's wrong and what’s right, as if you were a huge moral authority. Well, let me tell you, Captain Lisa Hayes, you are no better that the person standing next to you.”
“I have never... I don't even know why I came here,” Lisa said between frustrated and angry. She felt her nails dig into her palms because of how tight she kept her fists.
“I don't know either,” he said with a calm, self-righteous tone that made her angrier.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have really important things to do,” he added and, with the same self-righteous air that he had talked with, he turned back to the board, leaving her standing in the middle of the room, furious.
He focused his attention back on the board and started writing another name down when he heard her walk away. He wasn't sure if he should be relieved or punch something. He knew he had gotten his payback, that alone should made him happy, yet he still felt frustrated and betrayed. He felt trapped and now all he wanted to do was to escape, to be alone.
Maybe he could ask for a transfer to the Satellite for a while, to get away from everything. He thought she was his friend and that she really knew him, but he had been mistaken. She treated him like she treated every body else, no one was perfect enough for Lisa Hayes.
Yes, he should ask for that transfer. He needed to get away, to detach himself from people. He had never needed people before. He was fine on his own, he always had been.
Roy wrote the last name on the board and stepped back to take one last look. He found himself thinking why, if he was so sure of his decision, he felt so bewildered?
“No,” he said to himself. “You made a decision and you are sticking to it.”
The next day was pretty much a blur to Lisa. She sat at the committee meeting but her mind was miles and miles away from it. She was too busy thinking about Roy's words, fearing that he was right. Was she really that opinionated? Did she always judge people like that? And what gave her the right to do so? She wished she could have just turned her brain off, but she couldn't. Finally she resigned herself to the fact that she would only catch bits and pieces of what was being said at the meeting. She did hear Maistroff saying that the project was a go and then Doctor Lang talking about the reflex engines for the VT and their efficiency. The next thing she knew was that everyone was shaking hands, congratulating her and seeing Roy moving to the side of the group with Admiral Gloval. She heard them saying something about permanent pilot supervision at the satellite. She walked out of the room, not in the mood for celebrations. She headed to the bridge and spend all day focused on her job as an air controller, knowing that if she let her brain start to wander again it could cost a pilot his or her life.
When her shift was over, she knew she didn't want to go home but couldn't find a good excuse to stay at the base. Suddenly, she found herself standing at the door of the secure hangar where the new VT was stored. She took a step and put her hand in front a small scanner, then her face.
“Captain Lisa Hayes, serial 318742,” only three seconds passed between she spoke the words and the door opened. She calmly stepped inside the hangar.
“Who's there?” Someone said and stepped away from the VT.
“It's me, Captain Hayes, chief,” Lisa said, without stopping.
“Oh Ma'am, I didn't know you were coming,” the mechanic said and cleaned his hands in an attempt to salute her.
“As you were, chief,” Lisa said with a little smile and finally stopped in front the mecha. “I just came to take one last look to the VT before it is taken back to the satellite.”
The Chief looked at her with confusion on his face. “I need to get some pieces from the maintenance room, I...”
“Sure go. I'll probably be gone by the time you return,” Lisa said reassuringly. The chief saluted and took his leave.
Lisa started to walk around the VT. Occasionally, when she was close enough she let the tip of her fingers run against its cold surface. She felt proud and even held a little a maternal instinct towards the VT. It had been her project. She had seen it go from a sketch on paper to this impressive machine. She looked at it again as her fingers rested on its nose.
But she hadn't done it alone and her heart ached because she couldn't share this happiness with Roy. They had worked so hard together and he didn’t even shake her hand when everyone was celebrating the project’s success. He should be celebrating, here, with her. This was as much his triumph as it was hers. They would have never made it without him. She rested her face against the VT’s nose and closed her eyes, trying to make the emptiness that she felt go away. After hearing his last words, she should be furious with him and yet, she felt sad. She could not believe that this was how he saw her.
“Hey chief! I got the grease you wanted for...” a voice said as soon as the doors of the hangar opened. “What are you doing here?” the voiced added, changing immediately from a colloquial tone to a defensive one.
“Roy,” Lisa said jumping away from the VT. “I didn't know you'd come here.”
“I came to do the last check on the VT.” Roy said coldly and passed her. He left something near the VT and cleaned his hands on the orange maintenance suit he was wearing. He opened a compartment on the VT’s side, grabbed some tools and started working on it. He didn’t even bother looking at Lisa.
“So what was that you were doing here?” he said.
“I wanted to see the VT one last time,” Lisa said shyly and waited in silence for his reply. He didn't say a word, just kept working on the VT. “I thought the chief was doing the last checks,” Lisa added uncomfortably.
“He was, but since I'm the one who is taking it to the satellite, I prefer to take a look at it myself,” Roy said and for the first time since he got into the hangar he looked at Lisa. She looked confused and sad and that made Roy purse his lips in discomfort. “I'm leaving for the satellite tomorrow, for a couple of weeks,” he explained.
“Oh,” Lisa said involuntarily, feeling a pull in her chest when she heard him say he would be gone. So that was what he was talking about with the admiral, she realized. A weird sensation of loss flooded her, making her feel uneasy. “Then I better let you work in peace,” she finally said in a low voice. “Take care, Roy,” she added with a sad smile and turned away from him.
He looked at her while she walked away. He was still angry, but there was something in the sound of her voice today, in the way she had behaved at the committee meeting, in the way her eyes seamed sad and empty that made him want nothing more but to protect her. It was something completely irrational, as he knew she could protect herself just fine. How could he push her out of his life when he needed to be there to protect her?
“You hurt me,” he found himself saying just when she was about to reach the door. She stopped in her tracks. Those weren't the words she had expected him to say, not after their last quarrel. She wasn't sure if she should turn around, she didn't want to confront him again, but even before she made the conscious decision, she found herself looking at him in the eye.
“Of all people, I never thought you would judge me like that,” he said and his eyes turned harder. “Not after what we have gone trough,” he waited so his words would sink-in. “I know I'm not perfect, I never pretended to be. I also know that I have made mistakes, but after all the time we spend together? I though you knew me -me, not Captain Fokker. I guess I was mistaken,” he said and frowned in an attempt to hide the emotions that by now were too clear in his voice.
Lisa was looking at the ground now, fighting her emotions as well. She felt so ashamed, that she wasn't able to look at him. He was right. She had judged him, not giving him the benefit of the doubt. And she knew that, after all they had gone through, it was the least she owed him.
“I... I'm so sorry Roy. I really am...” Lisa said with a weak voice.
“I didn't deserve that. You just assumed I was shagging her, just like any stranger would, but you are my friend. You should have, at least, let me explain.”
“I know,” she said, still avoiding his gaze. “It's just that I have gotten used to the fact that people fail. People promise things only to break those promises later. I thought you were the same.”
“I'm not.”
“No you are not. But I felt betrayed and fooled and I'm not good at dealing with those feelings. I just explode,” Lisa said wishing there were better words to explain her behavior, but there weren’t. She searched for his eyes to show him she was truly sorry for what she had done. She quickly turned away, his hard expression was painful. “I'm sorry, more than you can imagine. After all the hell that the last months have been, becoming your friend was the only thing... and I don’t want to lose...” she forced herself to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat and pushed back the tears. “I'm just really sorry, Roy.”
He could feel honesty behind her words also her sorrow and pain. He was forcing himself to look unaffected, to make this difficult for her, but he couldn’t, not anymore. So he moved closer to her, so close that he could rest his forehead against hers.
“I couldn't have survived the last months without you,” he said in a soft, vulnerable voice.
Lisa noticed incredibly softness in his eyes. It was such a radical change from the cold eyes Roy had shown her so far that she felt her heart warm up. The change was so sudden that she failed to control her emotions and, without warning, tears run down her face.
“Hey,” he said with concern, “that wasn't meant to make you cry.” He moved his fingers intent on wiping her tears, but he stopped, remembering the grease on them. The light mishap broke the tension, making little smiles escape both of them.
“I'm sorry, it's just...” she said at last, drying her eyes, “you caught me off guard.”
“I noticed,” he said and gave her a sweet smile. “You did the same thing to me.”
“Me?” she asked after a moment, when she was sure her voice wouldn't waver.
“I don’t change my mind easily, yet you made me. I was determined to push you out of my life, but I just can’t,” he said.
“I won’t let you either, not that easily,” she said determined.
“I bet you wont,” he said with a smile.
“Friends again?” she asked looking up to him.
“Friends again,” he said, and closed the little gap between them with an unexpected but strong embrace.
Lisa wasn't expecting his actions and it took her a while to react. She moved her hands across his back to his shoulders and tightened the embrace, letting her face rest against his chest without caring abour the grease on his dirty maintainance suit that would probably stain her flawless uniform. She just held onto him and a smile spread across her face.
For the first time in the whole day, she was truly aware of what was going on around her. She experienced many things at the same time, but what struck her the most was how safe she felt while in Roy's arms. The thought of pulling away was hurtful. But he didn't seam to want to pull away anytime soon, so she just remained there, letting her breath match the movements of his chest, feeling how his breath played with the strands of her hair.
To be continued....