Everything Will Be Alright aka Smile Part 1
A/N: i'm just trying out the LJ cut thing. lol. there might be a two-shot to this. depends. (: btw, the LJ cut thing is really cool. xD
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You once told me, smile and everything will be alright.
So I smiled as you spoke the words that broke my heart. I smiled as tears ran down my cheeks, unable to comprehend what you were trying to say to me. Sorry? Leave? Goodbye? But I still smiled as you turned around and walked away. Even when I fell to the ground, despair swallowing me in its darkness, a smile was still pasted on my face.
I reached for your warm body as I turned on my bed. All I found was a white sheet, cold from the night breeze. My hands came back empty, just like my chest empty of what used to be there. I still couldn’t understand.
You told me you were nothing without me; you told me you loved me. You told me you will always be by my side. Why say things you didn’t mean? Why make promises you couldn’t keep? What happened to all the memories we made?
Our first kiss by the beach as the sun set where you looked up from scribbling on the sand and said, “You know, this sunset will go to waste if we don’t have something to remember it by.” My thoughts were on what to use to engrave our name on the nearby coconut tree when you pulled me up and planted your lips on mine. I remember the sound of the waves rushing in but it couldn’t have been louder than the beating of my heart. I remember the wind blowing and how I could taste the sea on your lips. That sunset definitely did not go to waste.
Our 100th day anniversary that fell on Valentine’s Day where you stood me up leaving me waiting like a fool outside the cinema watching every other couple holding hands and whispering into each other’s ears as they enjoyed their Valentine’s Day together. I swore I could have killed you if you hadn’t appeared when the movie had finished with the biggest bouquet of yellow roses I have ever seen and the big white teddy bear I’ve been wanting since I first saw it on our first date.
I hid the smile that was beginning to spread across my face and when you thought I was angry, you gave this long never-ending explanation on how there was a car accident on the road and the whole place was jammed but if you had bought the bear earlier, the shop wouldn’t have ran out of stock and you wouldn’t have to go to another place across town to buy it just to find out they don’t have the size you want because you remember me telling you that if I were to have a teddy bear, I want a real big one that I could hug to sleep every night which had you going to another shop to get it and because you were moving here and there, the flowers you bought earlier were starting to wilt so you had to go buy another bouquet, thank God the second shop you went to had them or else I would still be standing here waiting for you. You ended every sentence with an “I’m sorry.” You were so flustered and so scared that I was going to throw a fit and proclaim to never see you again in another million years that I just had to run to you and give you the biggest hug of your life, whispering into your ear, “That’s why I love you, my perfectionist Kwon Ji Yong.”
On my 18th birthday, you took me to 18 different shopping malls over 18 days to buy me a different item each day. First, it was a pair of socks. The next day, it was a pair of shades. Then, it was the most expensive and gorgeous kicks I have ever seen which you had in the same design but in a different color. Over the 18 days, you bought me a dress, earrings, makeup even and everything else that made a beautiful outfit and that was exactly what it was meant to be.
“I wanted you to look beautiful on your 18th birthday,” you said when I asked why you wanted me to wear everything you bought me over the past 2 weeks. As soon as I finished putting on everything you bought me, I realized that every material and accessory you picked matched with each other, the dress you picked put complimented my figure, the lipgloss and eye-makeup you taught me how to apply accentuated my eyes and hid my chapped lips. You brought me to the beach where we had our first kiss and when it started to rain, I could see how you were disappointed things weren’t going as planned so I took your hand and we danced in the rain and caught a terrible cold the day after.
These memories meant the world to me. Were there just wasted time and meaningless memories to you? When you told me to forget them as if they never happened, when you told me it was all a mistake, that I was a mistake, your words tore my heart into unrecognizable pieces, never meant to fit together again.
As I thought of all that you were to me, the long conversations we had on the phone in the middle of the night and the dreams we shared, a smile crept onto my face but when I saw my reflection on the mirror with that small smile against a tear-stained face, I remembered and I start crying all over again.
You once told me, smile and everything will be alright because I will be by your side.
But you are not by my side now, are you?