(no subject)
“Brian Blessed Loves To Shop”
A furniture shop. It is not very busy. The staff look pretty bored.
The doors burst open (despite them being the sort that open sideways automatically, not outwards - they are now broken) and who stands in the doorway in a haze of dramatic smoke and a small laser light show but BRIAN BLESSED.
Shop Assistant: Brian Blessed!
Brian Blessed: Hello! Yes, it’s me - Brian Blessed! I’m here to purchase a new sofa!
He sits on one sofa - he checks it for softness. He notices the scared expressions on the peoples’ faces.
Brian Blessed: Please, go about your business as if I - Brian Blessed - were just any normal shopper! Now tell me, young man, what is it about this particular sofa -
And with that, a knight on a horse with a jousting stick comes rushing through the doors and levels Brian Blessed.
Brian Blessed gets up, rips off his suit and reveals underneath it, a suit of armour. He takes after the horse on foot.
The horse moves onto the dual carriageway. It is moving at about 60MPH. Brian Blessed is running just alongside it. He attempts to pull the rider off, to no avail. So Brian Blessed climbs on top of a van that is in the fast lane. He waits for the van to line up to the horse and Brian Blessed jumps on. He begins to strangle the knight from behind. The knight jumps to his feet, as does Brian Blessed. Both standing atop a galloping horse, they begin to fight very intricately, occasionally jumping from horse to car and back again. Brian Blessed tackles the knight as they are going over a bridge and they land atop a truck. They fall through the roof of the truck and the writing on the side of the truck is revealed: “Medieval Weaponry Removal Service”.
Cut to inside the lorry - Brian Blessed and the man have broadswords and are duelling. Brian Blessed tackles the man and they fall under a truck. They grab on to the axels and begin to punch each other. Brian Blessed then digs his heels into the tarmac. The truck flips and the knight is thrown a hundred feet into the air, maybe more. Brian Blessed then shoots him with his laser vision. He explodes into a million pieces. Brian Blessed looks smugly satisfied, and then flies away.
Fin.
I've started writing again. Have it.