I had five weeks left before we finally got to meet Landon. Five weeks that I know would drag on by. But for the past few days, I'd been getting this sharp pain in my stomach. Despite me telling Cody that I know the pain had to do with my stomach, and nothing with Landon, he made me go get checked. Sure enough, the doctor checked on Landon and they said everything was a-ok. Tonight I was feeling alright. Or as alright as I get being 8 months pregnant. My feet are swollen, my back feels like I broke it, I have a huge weight in my stomach pulling me down. But I was spending the night in bed with my amazing husband, watching my favorite movie in the whole wide world. So I was alright
( ... )
I jumped off the bed and ran around to help her up, knowing that she wouldn't be asking unless she felt she couldn't do it. I helped her up without a problem and watched as she waddled away, smiling to myself and thinking how cute she was. I laid back down on the bed and looked up at Grease, surprised that I was still willing to have to ever hear it again. I raised my eyebrow as Rizzo and that other guy tried to fuck in the back of the car but then I heard the bathroom door slam. I looked over at it, surprised. What happened? Then through the door, I heard Demi sobbing. I jumped up and ran to the door. I twisted the knob and opened the door to see Demi's naked back turned towards me. "Baby, what's wrong?" She ignored me and tried to turn on the shower. I reached out and gently grabbed her shoulder so she'd stop and look at me. "Baby, talk to me. What happened?" In a frustrated and defeated tone, she sobbed that she had peed on herself. Oh no, my poor girl. I understood why her cheeks were so red now. "Baby, it's okay. You don't ha-"
( ... )
Cody came in behind me and asked me what was wrong and I shyly told him the truth. He started to console me before it hit him that my water might have broken. "No way, he's not ready yet. There's still another month!" I shook my head, but at the same time that I was in denial I got out of the shower and went to the counter to get a menstrual pad, because I knew that must have been what it was. We left it on for a few minutes, both Cody and I quiet as a mouse, probably from our nerves, as we waited. Cody finally couldn't wait any longer and told me to check and when I did, sure enough it was. My jaw dropped, not sure what to do or say but thankfully Cody was a lot more prepared than I was and he told me what to do. I tossed aside the shirt he brought me and only put on the leggings, then headed to my closet to find a nicer shirt. I wanted to look at least semi-cute. Once I got dressed, Cody rushed into the room and picked me up but when I looked down, he was still half naked! After getting dressed, we tried this again and he carried me
( ... )
As I headed towards the hospital, Demi grabbed my hand and told me she was scared. I wasn't sure if she was scared for Landon or scared of the pain. I glanced over at her and squeezed her hand, "Everything is going to be okay, baby." Demi cursed and let go of my hand to call our parents. I could hear my mom shouting in excitement from over here. Demi told my mom that she had to call her mom now and then hung up and I chuckled at my mom's excitement. She informed her family that she was on her way to the hospital and I could feel my heart start pounding again. Demi grabbed make-up from our bag and started applying it and I bit my tongue from telling her it was useless. Between sweating and crying, it'd all go away before Landon even got here. Demi shut the flap and then asked me why her water broke. As Demi worried, I began to worry, not even considering that he'd have five less weeks than he needed. I shook my head at her, "He is ready, baby. That's why he's coming now, because he wants to meet his momma and poppa. Everything is going
( ... )
My eyes were full of tears as I walked back to be with my son. I stuck my hand into the incubator and he wrapped his little fingers around mine as I cried into my hand. All I could think about was how my family was so sick and there was nothing I could do to fix either of them. I thought Demi was on that road to recovery. I knew she'd still feel bad about herself but she seemed to finally be okay with her looks. A nurse walked up behind me and asked if everything was alright and I sniffed and wiped at my eyes. "Yeah, just having a rough day." I forced a smile then looked at Landon whose eyes were on me. "Hey buddy, mommy's not feeling well right now. She'll be back, don't you worry, baby boy." I rested my head in my hand and stared into his eyes, wondering if he could understand everything from a look. We must be terrible parents if our three day old son was stronger than us. I sighed and rubbed his little belly, "I'm so sorry about this, Landon. Mommy can't wait to get back to you." I tried to even my breathing to help myself calm
( ... )
I wanted to tell her she didn't have to stuff her face just that she had to eat meals but I sat and let her get through half of the burger before I finally sat up. "There's a difference, Demetria, between eating more small meals and eating two bites every 7 hours." I looked in my lap as I continued speaking, "There is not a difference between realizing what you're doing is wrong and doing it thinking it's okay. There's not a difference between claiming you'll only starve yourself for a few months and just doing it as long as you want." I folded my arms over my chest, hating that I was lecturing her but really having no choice. "I know damn well it was not nerves that made you pass out and you should never ever think I should be with anyone that is not you." I shouted the word ever, losing control for a moment at the thought
( ... )
My heart dropped when Cody told me that I won't be seeing Landon until I stopped what I was doing. Right along with my jaw. But the second I was able to pick them both back up, I was raging. Nobody was going to take my son away from me and I dared them to try. "You're one of them, aren't you?! They got to you?! They're trying to brainwash you? You said no one was ever going to take my little boy away from me and now you're trying to! Now you think I'm a psycho too, huh? HUH?! You think I'm too fucking crazy to take care of our son? I'm a bad mom? You think you're going to take him away from me? The fuck you are!" I threw the tray of food to the floor, since apparently showing Cody that I was going to try was fucking worthless. "Well guess what?! You were right before, no one is going to take my little boy away from me, not even you!" I threw my legs over the side of the bed and as I held onto the night stand for support to stand up, a cup of water on the table went flying to the floor. "Landon loves me! No matter how sick I am! And
( ... )
Demi went ballistic and I was frozen. She started chucking shit and I stood up from the bed, thankful my body was working even though my brain wasn't. "Demi, no, that's not what's happening." She was screaming that Landon loved her as she started grabbing at the IV. "Calm down, Demi! That's not it at all!" I ran around the bed, ready to stop her even as she chucked her phone. "Demi, I never said he didn't love you!" I grabbed her hand to stop her as my eyes filled with tears. She whispered her apology to Landon and I felt a sob rise up in my throat as I held onto her to make her stay still. She stepped away from me and I'd never seen her look at me the way she was right now. My heart was shattering. I kept my mouth shut as I tried to tell her to calm down. We were going to get fucking kicked out of this hospital. Demi laid in the bed in defeat as she pulled the covers over her head. Her sobs ripped through my chest and I couldn't remember us ever being so volatile except that awful November two years ago. I held my fist to my mouth as
( ... )
Cody picked me up, my head still covered with the bed sheets and it looked like he was trying to kidnap or something! I shouted for him to put me down and I kicked at him softly, not having any strength to properly fight back. When Cody set me down on a chair, the covers fell off of my face and I realized I was in NICU. I looked around a bit jaded as Cody told me he isn't taking Landon from me and apologized before leaving NICU. I had no idea where he went but right now the nurse gave me a bottle and told me I got here just in time for Landon's feeding. I put a bottle to his mouth before I leaned down to press my cheek against the top of his forehead as I let out a sigh of relief. I told you no one was going to take you away from me, baby boy. You're my little dinosaur. I watched as his cheeks sucked in and out while he drank from his bottle. I was completely doe-eyed as I observed the smallest things about him, never wanting to leave his side again. I knew that the only way to keep people from taking him from me was to always have
( ... )
I woke groggily to the soft cries from Landon in the incubator. I gently pulled my arm out from under Demi and got up to go check what was up. I grabbed my glasses as I walked over and saw that it was nearly 8 in the morning. He'd woken us up a couple hours ago because he had a dirty diaper and I couldn't imagine that was why he was crying now, maybe it was breakfast time. I opened up his diaper and checked there and sure enough it was dry so I walked over to where a bottle of milk was already waiting. Demi began to stir while I was walking over to get him. I gently picked him up and sat in the rocking chair to feed him. The nurse had been giving us a lot more freedom lately, letting us change his diaper without her telling us that's what was up or that it was feeding but she liked to leave subtle hints as well. "G'morning, Landon." I smiled sleepily at him but he was cranky without his food so I placed the nipple of the bottle at his lips and he immediately started sucking down his milk. I'd heard about babies that it takes a while
( ... )
There was nothing I loved more than waking up to my son AND my husband, looking adorable as ever having some daddy/son time. What made this morning even better was when the nurse walked in on the three of us cuddling and talking to inform us that today would be Landon's weigh-in. If he passed the 6 pound mark and, of course, all his other tests, he would be released today. I planned on stuffing his diaper with quarters so that he could make the weigh-in. Not really, but I sure as hell had thought of it. "He sure as heck feels heavier," I leaned my head back so that Cody had more access to my neck, encouraging him to continue kissing at it. I had felt so unsexy this past week that I had been in the hospital. A hospital gown, a bloody vagina, no makeup and picked up hair can do that to you. But Cody's kisses and love always made me feel better. "I can use Landon is my free weights when you start training me," I joked. When he finally pulled away from kissing at my neck, I told him that he should go pull out Landon's going home outfit,
( ... )
After being pricked, Landon started to cry and big fat tears rolled down his cheeks. I frowned and picked him up, rocking him to calm him down. Landon started to calm down a little, but tears were still in the corners of his eyes and occasionally rolled down. "Big tough boy, aren't you? They're almost done poking and prodding you." The nurse waited until he was calm and even fell asleep before asking me to place him on the scale. I laid him down on the cold scale, wishing they had someone that wasn't metal! I watched as the number slowly climbed out. I jumped up and shouted in excitement the second it hit 6 lbs. Demi started celebrating with me and I pulled her into a big hug. I let her out of the hug and leaned down and gave him a kiss on his forehead even though he was sleeping through the celebration. The nurse told us we could go ahead and start packing our stuff and readying the car to take him home while we waited for the blood work. I nodded and Demi picked Landon up and led the way to our room. Half way to our room, Demi
( ... )
I waited in the car, just staring silently at my beautiful son. I seemed to be doing that a lot these past few days. I just didn't have the confidence to be outgoing or talkative lately. Except when it came to my husband and son because I knew that both of their loves for me were unconditional and that they would never judge me or shun me based on my appearance. But I pulled away from staring at my sleeping son when I heard Cody's footsteps approaching. I undid his buckle in the carseat and carried him onto my shoulder, patting his back softly so that he remained asleep. Cody led the way upstairs and to Landon's room before I placed him inside his crib, the crib he probably won't be using too often in the upcoming weeks because I don't think I can part from him. Cody grabbed my hand and pulled me excitedly to go see the kids. The second he opened the door, it was as if Venice had smelled me from miles away. He charged at me and got on his two hind legs, jumping up and licking and clawing me while doing so. I tried leaning down to hug
( ... )
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