Comments | joe_wilson: Ok, how do you women do it?

joe_wilson

Ok, how do you women do it?

Dec 07, 2006 18:09

How do you put up with strange guys hitting on you? I'm not into guys at all, but I'm not going to freak out usually if a guy tries to come on to me. My usual tactic is to be polite and to ignore the "flirting" aspect of the conversation. Last night though some guy creeped me the fuck out. I was standing by the dance floor, enjoying the music and ( Read more... )

Comments 17

yveline December 7 2006, 18:18:27 UTC

Normally if it's unsolicited and creepy, I'll begin by trying to ignore the person (walking away, saying nothing, leaving to talk to my girlfriends, etc.) If they're persistent and you still don't feel like snippiness is a good solution, ask them straight up, "Hey, look, are you hitting on me?" so they know they've made their point. If the answer is yes, either tell them you're with someone, or not interested, and would appreciate it if they could leave it be. If they're still persistent, bring on the inner-bitch!

I'd say the majority of desperate/creepy hitter-onners will leave you alone if they're not getting a good reaction, but sometimes unfortunately you do have to be an asshole. Just know that you're justified.

Sorry I didn't realize you were in a bum mood lastnight :( I went a bit over my alcohol limits and decided to retire early.

joe_wilson December 7 2006, 18:48:05 UTC

Thanks for the good advice. I guess I've been handling it about right then. I thought my tone and body language was fairly clear after he touched the beard, and when he leaned in way too close I pretty much just left. I didn't want to be an asshole, but I was in no mood to be creeped out :P

As to the mood, eh, it was just one of those things. Sometimes a series of events, each one no big deal, has a cumulative effect. Several things over the course of the day and evening kinda added up to a bum mood. No big deal, I'll live :P

yveline December 7 2006, 19:09:46 UTC

I should make you a sign or a t-shirt or something that fends people off from your beard...

KEEP OFF THE LAWN BEARD!!

SCREW THE DOG, BEWARE THE BEARD

TOUCHING THE BEARD IS PUNISHABLE BY FINE

etc.

uberdami December 7 2006, 19:15:37 UTC

cynthia your a genius!!!

Thread 9

uberdami December 7 2006, 18:36:03 UTC

usually if a moron is persistant and annoys me i just tell them, "listen, any part of you that touches me, your not getting back." that usually fixes the problem lol

joe_wilson December 7 2006, 18:52:48 UTC

Hehe, I'll keep that line handy. This guy probably wasn't over the line persistant by most people's standards, I just wasn't in the mood for it and wanted him to back off immediately. It is weird noticing someone watching you though.

gaaneden December 7 2006, 20:30:13 UTC

Well, this is a new one for me. Never been asked how to politely brush guys off by a guy. Here's my advice:

The Nice Approach:
1. "Sorry dude, strickly AC/DC for me. But thanks."
2. "Sorry, don't swing that way. But, thanks."
3. "Sorry, you don't have the right parts. But, thanks."

The Not-So-Nice Approach:
1. "Dude, don't touch me."
2. "Taken and not by you."
3. "Not interested."

The Mean Approach:
1. "Go away. You're bothering me."
2. "Since you didn't get the hint, let me make it plain - Fuck off."
3. "Back off and leave me alone."

joe_wilson December 7 2006, 20:49:29 UTC

Yeah, kind of new to me too. I've had strange guys try to buy me drinks, touch the beard, or just kinda get flirty in their conversation before and whatever, doesn't upset me. Drunk guy practically slobering in my ear, and yeah that grosses me the fuck out. No offense to anyone gay, I'm completely ok with that choice for other people, but that was too much for me.

The thing is, the club is a gay club many of the other nights of the week, so I DO want to be respectful. I'm pretty easy going in general about things, but especially if we're kind of "guests" of the club I'll try to be even more tolerant than I already am. If it came down to having to use the Mean Approach, I'd rather just leave (where in another location I'd be more likely to tell the guy to back the fuck off if he was getting out of hand).

Actually I'm surprised more guys don't get this problem now and then.

vmurther December 7 2006, 21:20:26 UTC

I get hit on by guys far more often (or at least overtly) than by women. I am generally just very polite about the whole thing, and I've never had a problem with it. I think in my case it is just the polite distance I put up; most of them get it, then. If they persist, I just amp up the 'coolly polite' meter.
For me, anyway, it's worked well enough. I haven't given my delivery a careful breakdown, so hey, who knows how it will work for you?

But rest assured, you are not alone...!

joe_wilson December 7 2006, 21:44:02 UTC

Well, I expect that men tend to be more overt, because well, we have to be. If we're not "go getters" then we lose out to guys who are more aggressive. Women are far more subtle usually in their attraction methods, and it's taken me many years to even begin to get a grasp on deciphering their wily ways (and anyone will tell you that I'm still fairly clueless). So, I'd expect that even if it SEEMS that you're getting hit on more often by men, it's probably not true.

Yeah, I expect many men get hit on by other guys, but you never hear that much about it. I don't know, maybe many other guys are embarassed to bring it up or something. That doesn't bother me because I figure that for every guy that approaches me there must be like 4 women that wanted to (or did and I didn't realize they were flirting) just because of the difference in how men and women act.

bansheesiren December 7 2006, 20:56:54 UTC

I am usually too polite to guys I don't want attention from. I think it's because I'm used to being rejected, so I tend to empathize with my hapless admirers.
The last time that someone I didn't like kept flirting with me, I ignored it. They eventually gave up when they realized that I was more interested in someone else. And when they told me point blank that they liked me, I played it off as though I had been unaware the entire time. LOL.
I know, my strategy sucks. You're probably better off following the suggestions made by the other girls.

joe_wilson December 7 2006, 21:56:26 UTC

Well, I won't presume to speak for all men, but I'll say that I (and probably many guys) prefer to know straight out if a girl isn't interested. Don't worry about hurting someone's feelings, because in the long run it hurts less to find out early before you get emotionally invested than to find out later, after months of the "does she like me?" thoughts racing around. Honesty really is the best policy, in my opinion, when it comes to this stuff.

Of course, it doesn't fall completely to you to set the guy straight. It's up to the guy to get things clarified if he's not sure what's going on (which sounds like he eventually did).