deejay spam...
This is worth your time, you know it.
So I got an especially detailed piece of spam
today check it out:
from beauty ann
to ann.beauty@xxxxxxx.xxx
date Sat, Jun 21, 2008 at 7:15 AM
subject DJ NEEDED URGENTLY..................................
Hello
my name is Madam Anita Dinwiddie ,pls i need your services to Dj at
my daughter's wedding coming up on the 19th of July 2008 in
Florida.Pls i will like to know if you would be available for the
mentioned date?if so,i will pay for the full transportation and all
other things needed by you,and finally i'l like to know your final
asking price for the event .Have a good day.
YOUR SERVICES NEEDED
125 Santa Drive
Panama city Florida 32401
This lady apparently needs a deejay, so you know
i'm of course going to follow-up:
Hello Ms. Dinwiddle,
First and foremost you need to know that my schedule is
tight, the expense will be inordinate in size. I have a residency
at Club Fondelsquirl in the Woundsecks District of Lower Hate
Assbury. For that I am paid close to 600,000 yen, two rhino
heads, a lemur pelt, and an assortment of small chocolates.
You will have to match this amount in every detail.
In lieu of a lemur, I can take the skin of a badger, but you'll have
to understand that my performance will suffer.
Secondly, there is the whiskey, I won't need it, but my children
will. They attend the Tom Waits School of Crooning and as such
demand a rigorous diet of whiskey when not barfighting and chain-
smoking. I need two casks of 200% proof Jack Daniels whiskey,
loaded into gerbil-style feeders so the boys can easily feed from
it within the confines of their cages. Don't worry about finding room
for the cages, they are loaded onto the back of flatbed railcars, and
will be watched over by hoboes for the duration of my stay.
Third-did-ly, I will only eat battery acid, this must be cultivated from
battery trees, and stored in a large vat. I will swim in it then have my
fill. Then I need to be toweled off by a Styx cover band known as Dyx.
They're local to the Miami area and are fifth in the country's top five
naked Styx cover bands. They perform this absolutely mind blowing
disco version of "Come Sail Away" that ends with them using their
man-hoses to lash at a model yacht which then catches ablaze and
explodes exposing a smaller-naked-midget Styx cover band (L'il Pryx)
who plays the song at double-speed for the finale.
Finally, I cannot be looked upon by human eyes, one gaze upon
me would turn any normal person to stone. Is that what you want
Anita? Huh? You go through all this trouble to your daughter a nice
dress made from the finest silk, you get a ringbearer that's an actual
bear, you have the blue angels fly-over to give the whole she-bang a
slightly patriotic undertone, and then after all this, your dumbass
sleaze-trough of a daughter takes a look at me and BAMF all she's
good for is a lawn ornament. Stone, granite to be exact, that's not
a risk I think you should take. So heed my advice Madam Anita,
if your are indeed a fortune-teller as your name and my misjudgement
do suggest, keep your daughter away from me or she's gonna her
rocks off....or on..something like that.
Sincerely, the man in the mirror,
Jason "Stoned off his face" Mason
So I got an especially detailed piece of spam
today check it out:
from beauty ann
to ann.beauty@xxxxxxx.xxx
date Sat, Jun 21, 2008 at 7:15 AM
subject DJ NEEDED URGENTLY..................................
Hello
my name is Madam Anita Dinwiddie ,pls i need your services to Dj at
my daughter's wedding coming up on the 19th of July 2008 in
Florida.Pls i will like to know if you would be available for the
mentioned date?if so,i will pay for the full transportation and all
other things needed by you,and finally i'l like to know your final
asking price for the event .Have a good day.
YOUR SERVICES NEEDED
125 Santa Drive
Panama city Florida 32401
This lady apparently needs a deejay, so you know
i'm of course going to follow-up:
Hello Ms. Dinwiddle,
First and foremost you need to know that my schedule is
tight, the expense will be inordinate in size. I have a residency
at Club Fondelsquirl in the Woundsecks District of Lower Hate
Assbury. For that I am paid close to 600,000 yen, two rhino
heads, a lemur pelt, and an assortment of small chocolates.
You will have to match this amount in every detail.
In lieu of a lemur, I can take the skin of a badger, but you'll have
to understand that my performance will suffer.
Secondly, there is the whiskey, I won't need it, but my children
will. They attend the Tom Waits School of Crooning and as such
demand a rigorous diet of whiskey when not barfighting and chain-
smoking. I need two casks of 200% proof Jack Daniels whiskey,
loaded into gerbil-style feeders so the boys can easily feed from
it within the confines of their cages. Don't worry about finding room
for the cages, they are loaded onto the back of flatbed railcars, and
will be watched over by hoboes for the duration of my stay.
Third-did-ly, I will only eat battery acid, this must be cultivated from
battery trees, and stored in a large vat. I will swim in it then have my
fill. Then I need to be toweled off by a Styx cover band known as Dyx.
They're local to the Miami area and are fifth in the country's top five
naked Styx cover bands. They perform this absolutely mind blowing
disco version of "Come Sail Away" that ends with them using their
man-hoses to lash at a model yacht which then catches ablaze and
explodes exposing a smaller-naked-midget Styx cover band (L'il Pryx)
who plays the song at double-speed for the finale.
Finally, I cannot be looked upon by human eyes, one gaze upon
me would turn any normal person to stone. Is that what you want
Anita? Huh? You go through all this trouble to your daughter a nice
dress made from the finest silk, you get a ringbearer that's an actual
bear, you have the blue angels fly-over to give the whole she-bang a
slightly patriotic undertone, and then after all this, your dumbass
sleaze-trough of a daughter takes a look at me and BAMF all she's
good for is a lawn ornament. Stone, granite to be exact, that's not
a risk I think you should take. So heed my advice Madam Anita,
if your are indeed a fortune-teller as your name and my misjudgement
do suggest, keep your daughter away from me or she's gonna her
rocks off....or on..something like that.
Sincerely, the man in the mirror,
Jason "Stoned off his face" Mason