Original Story: In the Grass
"In the Grass" is rated R for discussion of sexual issues and bad puns. It is a response to musemuggers' prompt #450, option #1.
"If nothing in the system changes," Rob told her, "then the energy output has to stay the same. It's the law of constant return."
"What does that have to do," she asked, "with the two of us having sex on the grass in front of a slab of granite?"
"We change the system," he said. "Actually we should be doing it on the granite, but my former girlfriend got rock burns."
"Was that, perhaps, how she became your former girlfriend?"
"Oh, no," he told her. "I caught her faking it."
"Faking...?"
"Sex magic doesn't work unless it's real. Served her right. Her wisdom tooth abscessed after that."
"How old are you?" she asked in a tone that said the question was not just a request for information.
"Fifty-six," he said. "I've been doing this for forty years. It works. But it's okay if you don't want to."
"Really?"
"On the altar, I mean. Well, actually it's okay if you don't want to do... you know what I'm saying. The two things are separate issues."
"And what will you do if I decide not to... participate?"
"Something else. Drumming, probably, or candles, but you can't build as much power that way."
"You're going to sit in your back yard in front of a stone altar and beat a drum where all your neighbors can see?"
"Well, I'd rather...."
"I don't want to know," she said quickly. "You do realize that your next door neighbor's son goes to high school with my granddaughter?"
"They can't see," he said. "The hedges are high enough, and even if they were to hear us, they'd just think we're...."
"And is that supposed to be better?"
"You never did it outdoors? How old are you, then?"
"And what is this supposed to accomplish?"
"Give some cars back to a sailor."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Dunno. It's a verbal puzzle. Everyone in our circle is doing one."
"Help a sailor with a lost car? Is the fleet in, or what?"
"The way they actually said it was 'Return a naut off-toweds.'"
"And for this you want to get naked in the grass and...?"
"Yeah. Unless, you know, you can think of a better reason to get naked in the grass?"
"You're making this up," she said.
"Not all of it," he said.
"And what part are you serious about?"
His eyes lit up, and his voice dropped into a deep rumble.
"Wanting you in the grass," he said, and sank to his knees and pulled her down into his arms.
"If nothing in the system changes," Rob told her, "then the energy output has to stay the same. It's the law of constant return."
"What does that have to do," she asked, "with the two of us having sex on the grass in front of a slab of granite?"
"We change the system," he said. "Actually we should be doing it on the granite, but my former girlfriend got rock burns."
"Was that, perhaps, how she became your former girlfriend?"
"Oh, no," he told her. "I caught her faking it."
"Faking...?"
"Sex magic doesn't work unless it's real. Served her right. Her wisdom tooth abscessed after that."
"How old are you?" she asked in a tone that said the question was not just a request for information.
"Fifty-six," he said. "I've been doing this for forty years. It works. But it's okay if you don't want to."
"Really?"
"On the altar, I mean. Well, actually it's okay if you don't want to do... you know what I'm saying. The two things are separate issues."
"And what will you do if I decide not to... participate?"
"Something else. Drumming, probably, or candles, but you can't build as much power that way."
"You're going to sit in your back yard in front of a stone altar and beat a drum where all your neighbors can see?"
"Well, I'd rather...."
"I don't want to know," she said quickly. "You do realize that your next door neighbor's son goes to high school with my granddaughter?"
"They can't see," he said. "The hedges are high enough, and even if they were to hear us, they'd just think we're...."
"And is that supposed to be better?"
"You never did it outdoors? How old are you, then?"
"And what is this supposed to accomplish?"
"Give some cars back to a sailor."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Dunno. It's a verbal puzzle. Everyone in our circle is doing one."
"Help a sailor with a lost car? Is the fleet in, or what?"
"The way they actually said it was 'Return a naut off-toweds.'"
"And for this you want to get naked in the grass and...?"
"Yeah. Unless, you know, you can think of a better reason to get naked in the grass?"
"You're making this up," she said.
"Not all of it," he said.
"And what part are you serious about?"
His eyes lit up, and his voice dropped into a deep rumble.
"Wanting you in the grass," he said, and sank to his knees and pulled her down into his arms.