so many ways to dissapear

[johanna409]

When I hear Amanda's voice on the phone these days, manic, hyper, rambling nonsensically about everything but her dying mother, raving about how she can't feel her hands, and mushrooms she didn't eat and on the verge of tears about ants taking over her apartment, I think: I know that place

Comments

[jox]

I remember it too well, the crazed anxiety about everything and nothing, not sure whether you want people to even know how horrible it is, so you compromise and give them the emotion but not the reason, and hope they understand, and hope they don't because no one should have to understand this, yourself included.

Well put. I know the feeling. I'm trying not to freak out about all the school work I have to do, because it's pretty much the only thing I can control in my life right now, and if I don't have my school work together, then I don't have anything together, and in the end I won't really have anything to reward my hard work at the end of the semester. I won't have anything to show for all the shit I put in to my classes.

I love you. Do what you can, but don't be a martyr.

[johanna409]

You are another person in my heart that I wish better things for. I send your family and you the best of my love. I wish our group's members all happier endings.

[rosary_beads]

I think I know how well you know this place... it's why I don't want to bring you back in to it, at all, ever.

I don't want to say I love you because it doesn't seem like enough

what is there to convey...

[jox]

Amanda,

I know we don't know each other, but...I read your journals and see what my life with my dad is going to be like sooner than I want to admit to myself. I'm sending good vibes your way.

[johanna409]

You can't bring me back to that place, that place is my past and it is my greatest hope that it will never be yours. I have only the memory of it, and a much better present that will always lack something.

From you it is always enough and more.

Whatever's in your heart Amanda.

[anonymous]

i remember the pain you were able to share.
i remember the pain you were not able to share.
...and all i could do was rock you...
i love you dear child of my heart.

[johanna409]

i love you too Iris, and I will always remember you doing that for me.